Zander was naked from the waist down. His cock pointed almost shyly in Terry’s direction. As though to display the different options, Zander rotated to the side, his hands against the wall and his ass popped into the air. The alcohol in Terry’s blood encouraged him to claim that ass, even though his heart wasn’t in it. Terry’s fingertips traced the contents of his pockets, two condoms and another packet of lube. He thought of Kyle, who was turned on by Terry’s preparedness, who had spread himself as best he could in the seat of Terry’s car because he couldn’t wait to feel Terry’s length inside him. The dichotomy of the bittersweet longing and his current desires almost prevented him from getting hard. Almost.
“Just like that,” Terry said with the dominating tone he yearned for. “Hands on the wall and spread your legs.”
“Yes, sir,” Zander said with a sultry smile. Clearly he was also into guys who knew how to ask for what they wanted. It was a pity he wasn’t one himself.
Terry undid his pants and let them slide down around his knees. The glow of a nearby streetlight reflected in Zander’s widened eyes, accentuating an expression as though he had won the lottery. As he suited up, Terry said, “Yeah, guys like you can’t wait to get this dick inside them. Guys like you come to bars like this hoping someone like me will come along. How long were you waiting for me?”
Zander bit his lip. “Long enough. I don’t want to wait anymore.” He pressed his forearms to the wall and stuck his ass out pleadingly.
The point of no return had come and gone. His own dirty talk had gotten Terry back into the mood. He ignored the bit of him that still pined for Kyle and grabbed Zander’s hips. “Ready?”
“Ohhh, so fucking ready,” Zander said, the muscles of his arms flexing and relaxing impatiently.
Terry found Zander’s hole and eased his way in. Whether he liked Zander or not, there was no denying the satisfaction of initial penetration. He savored the tight fit. Zander moaned for more. Terry obliged, but only so he could get himself off as quickly as possible then go back inside. Zander’s ass slapped against his hips, firm with a bit of bounce to it. Zander continued to beg and compliment Terry as though his constant commentary would make things more erotic.
To drown out the distraction, Terry pictured Federico and their brief encounter. At least, he tried, but Federico’s face morphed into Kyle’s. No matter how tightly Terry shut his eyes and concentrated, it wouldn’t change back. The agitation was making him go soft, but Zander was still blathering away like he was commentating a sporting event. Terry rolled his eyes and decided to go with it. There was one photo in particular Kyle had sent him that Terry had jerked off to twice that day. Somehow Kyle had managed to capture the moment he came, his strong fingers still wrapped around his erect cock as a thick stream of cum erupted from the tip. The message he sent with it was, Thinking of you fondly, my Adonis.
Not thinking of me so fondly now, prick. Or was he? Terry didn’t know and Kyle clearly wasn’t going to tell him any time soon. Despite Kyle’s coldness, Terry desperately wanted an answer, to find out if this attitude would only last while Terry was his student or if there was absolutely no chance of going back to that initial carnal passion.
Zander’s voice was trailing off into mumbles. Terry realized he was essentially slamming his semi-flaccid dick against Zander’s asshole at this point, having gotten so lost in thought that he had fucked on autopilot for the past few minutes.
“I’m…I’m gonna go,” Terry muttered, discarding his condom in the direction of a dumpster and pulling up his pants.
“What? You’re just gonna blue ball me?”
“Sorry, it’s the…y’know, the beer and the…yeah. Sorry.” Feeling bad about littering, Terry went to properly dispose of the condom. However, there were two others at the base of the dumpster, and Terry couldn’t remember which was his. He did have the wrapper and the empty lube packet in his pocket that he intended to properly dispose of, so at least he wasn’t littering as much as he could have. That left him to feel guilty about bailing in the middle of fucking a random guy in an alley behind a bar. Terry was too tired to think if he had had a lower moment than this. For simplicity’s sake he assumed this was it and took his walk of shame back inside.
Paul curled his lip sympathetically when Terry sat down next to him. “Since you didn’t come back in with him, you either boned him so hard he’s waiting for an ambulance, or…”
“Yeah. Or.” Terry covered his face with his hands. “I’m just having an off night, I guess.”
“Do you want to go home or do you want to drink until there’s a chance you won’t remember this?”
“The second one.”
For the rest of their night out, Paul stuck to alcohol-free beverages, which meant Terry was free to drink until he was sure his liver was sobbing. Zander stormed back into the bar with a sour look on his face a few minutes after Terry had come in. When he spotted Terry he glowered hard enough for Terry to feel physically uncomfortable. It was Kyle all over again, except this time Terry knew what he had done to piss off Zander. Still, the last thing he needed was a trail of angry one-night-stands scowling at him from his past as he moved on to the next one.
Terry went to the bar and asked for the strongest drink they had available. The bartender gave an understanding nod, and once he had finished serving the people who had been there first, he whipped up a Long Island Iced Tea with two wedges of lime and lemon garnishing the rim. Terry sat back down next to Paul and bitterly nursed the drink through its straw.
“Good thing you don’t have class tomorrow,” Paul remarked, sipping his own sparkling cider. “I’m gonna text Olivia and let her know to keep the volume down in the morning until your hangover subsides.”
“Thanks,” Terry muttered around the straw. He was well aware that self-destructive drinking wasn’t going to solve his problems. The good news was that this was one damn fine Long Island Iced Tea. He wasn’t going to order a second one, but the blend hit him hard where he needed it, and soon the twisting sensation in his chest relaxed to a manageable mild nausea.
Another mojito later, Paul declared it time to go home. Terry wanted one more for the road, but considering that he tripped over his own feet on his way back to the bar and his only response was, “This wall is cold,” Paul paid their tab and dragged him out before Terry could do something stupid.
Fortunately, Terry saved his impulsive statements and actions for the car. As Paul was reaching for the ignition, Terry flopped out a hand to stop him.
“D…do you think guys can smell that you’re a lawyer?”
Paul narrowed his eyes in thought. “How do you mean?”
“I mean like, is there something about you that makes it so guys can sense you’ve got your shit together better than I do? Is that why nobody likes me?”
“I like you.”
“Yeah, but you’ve known me for, like, a third of my life. You’re kinda stuck with me. Can hot guys sense a failure?”
Paul tilted his head with an incredulous look. “First of all, you’d know, because you’re hot. Second, you’re not a failure, you just took a path that requires more than a few years at school to achieve. Third, if this is about Professor Sexy again, you can walk home.”
Terry jutted out his lips in an exaggerated pout. “You wouldn’t abandon me here. Geh…you would, but you’d feel bad about it and come back for me.”
“True.” Paul turned on the car. “But seriously, if you start whining, I’m gonna turn up the radio on the most obnoxious station I can find.”
“Issok, I probably shouldn’t have my mouth open much.”
“Are you gonna barf?”
“No. Maybe.”
Paul wrinkled his nose. “Yeah, mouth shut then. Take a nap or something.”
“Mkay.” Terry rolled down the window for fresh air. It was a warm September night, perhaps one of the last ones before the autumn chill set in, if climate change didn’t dick over the weather again. Terry lolled his head against his seatbelt and clo
sed his eyes.
His brain felt like a blender in slow motion. Chunks of insecurity and regret tumbled around in a sea of self-doubt. Maybe he should have tried to have more sex on his travels. Not only would he have had more stories to tell, he wouldn’t feel like such a loser. The remaining sensible part of his alcohol-logged brain reminded him that self-worth was not derived from how sexually desirable he was, but Terry wasn’t in the mood for sensibility. The only thing preventing him from pestering Paul with more questions about why men flirted with him nine times out of ten was the ongoing sensation that he would barf if the contents of his stomach discovered a way out.
In silence, he moped over the similarity between the scowl on Zander’s face when he came back into the bar and the cold expression Kyle had given him the first day of class. With Zander the source of resentment was obvious. Kyle, on the other hand, was being petty for reasons Terry wished he knew. There was no wedding ring on Kyle’s finger, nothing to indicate he was in a relationship or even straight, yet when Terry had sent him a text reminding him they wouldn’t be student and teacher forever, Kyle had said nothing.
Terry rearranged himself to be more comfortable in his seat. Part of that entailed spreading his legs for support. He thought about how he had never gotten a turn to be fucked in his car that night with Kyle. Despite the sour situation in his stomach, Terry parted his lips in a groaning sigh.
“We’ll be home in twenty minutes,” Paul told him. “Then you’re gonna drink water and go to bed.”
Terry grunted in appreciation for Paul’s concern. Would Kyle have been so considerate? He had teasingly scolded Terry for staying up too late once when they were sexting after midnight.
Someday you’ll regret all the hours you didn’t get to rest, Kyle had said. You need your energy for…better things. ;)
I’ve got plenty of energy, Terry had replied. I wish I were there so I could show you. You’ll be the one who needs rest when I’m done with you. If I’m ever done with you. ;P
Terry willed himself back in time to when they sent those texts and included the simple question of “So what subject do you teach?” in their conversations. Kyle said he taught Argumentation and Exposition at the community college. Terry informed Kyle that he had registered for that class. Kyle explained why their fun had to be put on hold until the end of the semester, and Terry understood. Then in class Terry kept his decorum but secretly counted down the days until he got his final grades for the class and could celebrate them with Kyle, a bottle of wine, and a box of condoms.
“Terry? Terry, are you…crying?”
The dream shattered. Terry returned to his own reality, where he did, in fact, have small tear streaks on his face. He sniffled and realized his nose was running as well. “I’ss not fair,” he mumbled.
“What is…n’t?”
Terry remembered Paul had forbade whining, so he merely shook his head and said, “It’s just not.”
Paul nodded. “Yeah, well, life’s not fair. Do you know how many loopholes the American legal system has? Do you know what people can get away with? Damn right it’s not fair. But that’s why I went to law school; I want to help make things more fair. If you don’t think…someone is treating you fairly, then you have to change that.”
“…Y’re a good friend.”
“I know. We’re almost home.”
Paul helped Terry get out of the car and up the stairs to their apartment. Terry prepared himself for bed more from muscle memory than actual force of will. The whole time he ran over the night in his head. He had had a guy ready, willing, and able to scratch his sexual itch, but it hadn’t been enough. Stupid Kyle had to put a halt to Terry’s fun once again without even trying. If all of Terry’s sexcapades from here on out were going to be spoiled by the blow Kyle had made to Terry’s ego, then Terry simply wouldn’t look for another partner for now. He would focus on his studies and his friendships and otherwise be content as a bachelor.
Terry fell asleep with tears on his pillow.
Chapter 5
The worst part of all this was that Kyle was perfectly friendly and helpful to every other student in his class. Terry maintained his good grades in an attempt to be the perfect student, and as such didn’t need to ask questions during lectures, but that didn’t stop a stab of jealousy from piercing his chest whenever Kyle walked over to a student’s desk during in-class writing assignments to give them one-on-one advice.
The class adored Professor Weiman. He was a fair grader, never made anyone feel stupid for not understanding the material at first, and he had a great sense of humor. When they finished the chapter on logos, ethos, and pathos, he assigned them a paper in which they had to present an argument for why their parents should let them have a bizarre pet of their choice using all three methods. The example he gave was he should be allowed to have a pet raccoon because raccoons wash their hands before meals, he would train it not to go in other people’s trashcans and it could teach the other raccoons to be equally polite, and it would make him the happiest fifty-three-year old kid in the world. Everyone got a laugh out of that, including Terry.
Damn it, why does he have to be charming all the time except for when he’s avoiding me? He’s not flaunting his charisma to tease me on purpose, but…damn it anyway.
Midterms descended out of nowhere at the start of October. Terry had papers to write for each of his courses, and for once he had questions to ask Kyle as a professor. For their midterm, they were supposed to present arguments for and against any controversial topic, from abortion to turning away refugees to replacing capitalism with socialism in America. Several students had questions about which websites were viable sources, but no one asked the question Terry put up his hand for. As usual, Kyle’s eyes swept past him as though Terry were a wall fixture.
Terry didn’t want to have to e-mail Kyle or stop by his office, since it was so easy for him to be ignored and there was a chance the answer would benefit other students who wanted to use similar sources. For the first time since his return to college, Terry spoke up and interrupted Kyle trying to call on someone else.
“How old is too old for a book source?” Terry asked. “Does it depend on the topic or should we simply not use anything published before a certain year?”
Kyle grudgingly looked at Terry to reply. Though his eyes were emotionless, Terry felt his heart clench. “It would depend on the topic, but in general I’d advise against using anything published before nineteen-eighty unless you’re comparing new and old studies to show how new evidence has changed the facts. And while that is a good question, please wait until you are called upon next time you have one.” With that, Terry went back to being invisible.
Terry wasn’t the only one surprised by how curt Kyle’s response had been. The guy sitting next to him leaned over and said, “Damn, did you run over his dog or something?” Terry shrugged and wrote a note in the margin of his rubric as an excuse not to say anything.
After class, Terry wanted to get out as soon as possible. He was at the door before half the class had finished packing. Even so, one of his female classmates squeezed through the door with him. “Some class, huh?”
Terry was trying not to look sulky. “Please wait until you are called upon.” When is that going to be? You never fucking call on me, asshole. As if being ignored was bad enough. The first time Kyle had spoken directly to him since the one time they had phone sex, and it was to treat him like an unruly kindergartener. The girl was still talking at his side, but he was barely listening. He grunted to show he wasn’t completely ignoring her.
“You don’t really speak up in class much,” she said.
Grunt.
“That was a good question, though. I don’t get why he sounded so…terse.”
Another grunt. She said the word as though she had recently memorized it for another course. Terry told himself not to be bitter at undeserving bystanders.
“If you’re not doing something, we could, I dunno, go to the library togethe
r, get a head start on our papers.”
It was then that Terry realized why this random classmate was so intent on conversation. “Oh. Can’t. Uh, my boyfriend is cooking dinner tonight, and…he wanted me to grab some things on the way home.”
Her bright and affable demeanor broke like a phone screen hitting concrete. “Oh. Okay. That’s cute. Um, have fun with that.” She scurried off with her head down, leaving Terry with a lump of guilt in his stomach. The second time in a week that someone had actually shown interest in him, yet they were getting further and further from his type.
If the next person to hit on me is like, a ten-year old girl who never showers, I’m officially joining a monastery. Maybe one of those monasteries where guy-on-guy affection is encouraged so long as it doesn’t get “impure.” I could live with that.
Terry remembered what he had been sulking about in the first place, and his mood worsened yet again. That is the last goddamned straw. I don’t care how I have to do it, but I am getting that massive-cocked bastard to listen to me if I have to handcuff him to his desk. Aside from the fact that Terry didn’t own handcuffs, the office was too public of a space for that kind of interrogation. If only he knew when and where Kyle would be alone, somewhere they wouldn’t be interrupted, but that would involve stalking him to a certain degree…
The pool. Kyle had accused Terry of following him there, of stalking him for…whatever reason. Terry hadn’t spoken to Kyle at the pool since that first day, not that Kyle wanted to talk to him anyway, but if the locker room were empty when they were both there, there was a chance Terry could make Kyle stop and listen for once.
Desperate times…
* * * *
Terry’s heartrate was faster than usual as he did his laps around the pool, waiting for Kyle to show up. He wasn’t sure how long Kyle stayed, but he couldn’t imagine it being longer than half an hour. Kyle was a busy man, like Terry, and since he hadn’t changed his schedule to avoid Terry it was a reasonable guess that this was also the only time he had to swim. Sure enough, Kyle stepped out of the locker room ten minutes after Terry started his laps and took his usual place as far from Terry as possible.
Top in the Class Page 4
