She said nothing, but rubbed her hand down his cheek.
Jax drew me away to give them a moment. “He lost a lot of blood and I’m pretty sure he has internal bleeding. I can heal small wounds, but nothing on this scale.”
I squeezed my eyes shut hard, blocking everything out. We failed. Jackson nudged me, forcing me to open my eyes and accept reality.
Jeremy was gesturing for me. I knelt down beside him. “I’m so sorry. We shouldn’t have taken you with us.”
“You couldn’t have stopped me and you know it. You did exactly what you said you’d do. If I had trusted that, I wouldn’t be laying here. I wouldn’t be leaving my daughter alone in the world.”
“Is there anywhere you want us to take her? A neighbor who’d take her in or even family that might still be alive?”
“No. It’s just the two of us. And no one here can or will take her, they have their own worries and families. I know it’s a lot. But please, take her with you. Of anyone, the three of you can keep her safe.”
“You know what we do. What we seek out. You’ve now seen it firsthand. It’s no life for a child.”
“It’s better than her staying here alone, slowly starving or freezing to death if she doesn’t lose her mind first. She almost died last night, and this is one of the few safe places left. But you and your friends. You could protect her. And she trusts and knows you. You don’t realize how amazing it is that she lets you touch her. Ever since her mom died, she’s had a hard time connecting. She saw it happen, you see. And now she’s watching this, and she needs someone she knows. Someone she trusts. Believe me, I wouldn’t ask you if there was a better option. You’re more than welcome to stay here, but I know you won’t. I know you’re after the sorceress. I’ll tell you where you should go if you give me your word you’ll care for Adele.”
I’d promise anything, no matter how stupid or insane if it meant a lead on the Tashia’s location. As much as I did not want to do this, I nodded. “I swear I will care for her as well as I can. I will protect her.”
He closed his eyes, his body slumping in relief. “You should try Tybee Island. It’s right near Savannah. It’s just a rumor and a rather old one at that, but if she isn’t there, you should be able to find out more.” He coughed and winced, his voice barely audible. “I hope you find what you’re looking for.”
So did I.
I rose and stepped away, my body protesting in pain like I was decades older than nineteen. Adele returned to his side, not returning his smiles, but accepted the hug. I escaped outside to the backyard where Liv and Jax chatted.
I puffed out my cheeks, searching for the right way to explain the responsibility I’d just accepted on behalf of all of us. “So.” I drew the word out. “We have a slight change of plans.”
Their suspicious frowns didn’t inspire much confidence. I clutched my hands behind my back, pacing in the small space between our bikes. And words vomited from my mouth in a rush as I tried to explain my promise and the reasons for it and the reasons it was the only option.
They let me spew it out before they reacted.
Olivia shook her head. “This is no life for a child. The things she’ll see and the danger she’ll always be in. I’m all for helping her, but this isn’t helping.”
Jax, for once, was silent. At Liv’s pressing he shrugged. “The two of you can keep her safer than anyone else I’ve met. The child has no one else and if the dad wants her with us, I guess she’s going.” He paused and his mouth twisted. “Besides, Monet’s already given her word to a dying man, so really what is there to talk about?”
My eyes iced over with a glare. “I don’t care for the bitterness in your tone. You haven’t known us for much more than a week, so your opinion matters little. Unless you plan to offer to set up house here with Adele and take care of her?” I didn’t bother to keep the hope from my voice.
“You should have at least talked to me first,” Liv said.
My eyes softened when I turned them back to Liv. “I know...But he put me on the spot and dangled the lead of the sorceress. And we can’t leave her here. She has no one else. You wouldn’t let me leave Jackson behind, I really didn’t think you’d protest over this.”
She groaned. “Of course we’re taking her, but it’s still a horrible option.”
“I know.”
“Were you going to agree before he tempted you with the possible location of the witch who killed your parents?” Jackson asked.
My body froze at his question, everything going completely and dangerously still as I tried not to wrap each of my fingers around his throat and squeeze the life from him. Slowly.
I ignored the voice in my head reminding me I had still been arguing with Jeremy until he offered that info up.
He slumped. “I’m sorry. That was uncalled for. But you’re so focused on this one monster and doing it all alone when you could find the Uprising and have help.”
“Yes? And where are these people? Are they trustworthy? Will they feel the sorceress I want dead more than I want to dance again is a high priority? If the answers are yes to those questions and you know where they are, we’ll leave straight for them. Otherwise, if you don’t like it, you are welcome to go search for the Uprising yourself or stay here or just disappear into the sunset for all I care. If you want to stay with us, I suggest you fall in line.”
With a humility I didn’t have, he held his hands out in supplication. “I’m sorry. I have no excuse, I’m just sorry. I still think you should look for the Uprising, but I understand completely why you have other plans. And if you’ll still have me, I’d love to help you and continue traveling with you.”
And with that speech, I was left with no words, the wind completely taken from my sails, my fighting stance useless against his humble apology.
Before I could figure out a way to respond, a wailing sob echoed from inside.
Jeremy was getting a funeral.
Something we couldn’t do for our families.
I grabbed the e-tool I’d brought from home out of my mom’s old Army stuff and started a hole under a pretty grove of trees in the backyard. It seemed like a nice place to be laid to rest.
The physical pain in my arms and lungs healed a small piece of me. I concentrated on the strain and the repetitive motions of digging and blanked my mind. With each scoop of dirt thrown over my shoulder, a slight weight lifted, landing in the growing pile behind me.
A hand on my back startled me and I looked up at Jax with a shovel from the shed in his hands. Not wanting to share in this, I almost objected, but the look in his eyes changed my mind. He needed it too. A release. Somewhere to aim it. With a sad nod, I moved over so he could join me. We worked in silence, the scrapes of the shovels against rocks and dirt the only noise between us. Sweat dripped down my back and between my breasts, even with the early winter winds sweeping around us.
My body shook with weary pain, the battles and digging wearing hard on my body, but I refused to stop. I let the ache wash over me. It meant I was still alive, it meant I was still fighting.
Unable to dig anymore, we climbed out of the grave, gasping, leaning against each other to keep ourselves upright. A few neighbors trickled over to us, bearing more shovels instead of casseroles.
Letting them handle the rest, I went inside to check on Adele. She’d passed out after sobbing for over an hour, a terrifying silent cry where barely any actual tears escaped, most of them falling on the inside. The worst sort of tears. I sat on her lime-green covers, brushing sweaty hair back from her head. She snuggled closer to me and moaned, but didn’t wake up.
I hated to yank her from slumber, but we had to get moving before we lost another day. “Adele, baby you need to wake up.”
Her eyes popped open at my still unfamiliar voice, the wildness and fear burning in them melted away once she saw me. I forced a smile and lifted her from the bed.
“Come on, sweetheart. It’s time to say goodbye to your daddy.”
Mo
re neighbors had arrived when we came outside and the grave was filled. I was glad Adele wouldn’t have to see her father cold and lifeless and blue. We stood around the grave with bowed heads and somber silence, Adele refusing to let up her death grip on my hand.
One of the neighbors, a middle-aged woman, stepped forward and began to sing Amazing Grace. One by one the rest of us joined in, and we raised our voices in prayers and hopes and grief for everyone we’d lost. I sang it to my parents and my brother, in the hope they could hear me wherever they were and maybe, my love would reach them.
We finished the song and the echoes of our voices flew off, the neighbors trickling away like they’d trickled in. They patted Adele on the head, smiled at her, a few hugged her.
But no one asked what was going to happen to her. No one offered to bring her home. They disappeared back to their own homes and problems, wrapped up in fear and selfishness.
The end of the world had really brought out humanity’s true colors.
Maybe we deserved to be wiped out.
The four of us remained, staring down at the grave. It seemed a shame not to mark it somehow or at least lay some flowers down, but the harsh cold had withered everything left alive through the fall. Jax was the first to move, but instead of towards the house, he moved deeper into the trees, returning with two stout twigs. He pulled a piece of twine from his seemingly bottomless pockets and fashioned a crude cross, stabbing it into the turned earth.
“Do not stand at my grave and weep,
I am not there... I do not sleep.
I am the thousand winds that blow...
I am the diamond glints on snow...
I am the sunlight on ripened grain...
I am the gentle autumn rain.
When you waken in the morning’s hush,
I am the swift uplifting rush
Of gentle birds in circling flight...
I am the soft star that shines at night.
Do not stand at my grave and cry—
I am not there... I did not die...
Goodbye.”
There was nothing left to say, nothing to add. We returned to the house to finish preparations. I rushed into the bathroom, calling first shower, chuckling at the grumbles trailing after me.
Standing under the lukewarm water was heavenly, the sludge running down my body rinsing the day away. If only the water could reach down and wash away the muck inside me. The shadows and black of despair. This new world had warped me, the world a haunting dance of smoke and ashes I’m forced to perform in. Gone was the dancing girl of the pink and orange dawn, bathed in morning light.
I was as gray and faded as the dirt swirling down the drain.
No one would know and I would never tell if a few tears mixed in with the spray.
I turned the water off, not ready to get out, but I didn’t want to use the rest of warmish water left or keep the others waiting. After ringing out my hair, I wrapped myself in a towel, scowling at the filthy clothes in a pile on the floor. I was running low on clean clothes, but I refused to put those nasty rags back on.
I slipped out the door, yelping when I ran into a hard body in the dark hall. Hands gripped my bare arms and I grasped the top of the towel to keep it from falling to the floor.
Jax released me and stepped back. “Sorry.”
“No problem. Shower’s free if you want to get in there before Liv does.”
A grin curled on his lips. “What’s wrong?”
“What? Nothing?” My brow furrowed, not liking the wicked gleam in his eyes.
“You’re quite red and I know it isn’t from a hot shower.”
My skin warmed even more. “It’s from the fright you just gave me.”
He nodded with great dramatics. “Ah. I didn’t think it was from the awkwardness of the state of your undress.”
“I’m in a towel, not naked.”
“Exactly. No need for any embarrassment.”
I scowled. “This conversation is getting ridiculous and I’m getting cold, so can we continue this later?” Once my armor was back on.
He performed an extravagant bow and stepped from my path. “Of course. I look forward to it.” He had such an old-fashioned way about him, it was hard to keep from falling into the same speech patterns when we talked.
Not wanting to admit to any amusement, I bit back a laugh and hurried to one of the bedrooms and dressed in my last pair of clean jeans. After everyone had bathed, I’d clean my clothes in the tub. No telling when we’d have another chance. Clean clothes on a clean body is one of life’s true pleasures and I would never again take it for granted. The only improvement would be sliding into a bed made with sheets fresh from the dryer or line.
Wanting to check on Adele, I slipped back into the hallway, and slammed into a hard body. Again. My hands slid down the chiseled panes of his chest slick and warm from his shower. He smelled of lavender and vanilla.
“You used my body wash.”
He grinned down at me and ruffed his hair, droplets of water spraying over me. I wiped them away with a single finger, face completely blank, eyes stuck on his face, definitely not on the golden skin rippling with muscles. I didn’t think real guys actually looked like that. I’d thought it was all Hollywood and bodice ripping novel covers.
“I couldn’t resist. It smells just like summer fields. I only took the slightest bit, upon my word.”
I cut my eyes at him. “Never again, you understand?”
“I would not dare.” He was always laughing at me. What did I keep doing that’s so funny?
I was unable to stop my eyes from flicking downward where the small towel dipped dangerously low. My cheeks lit on fire, flames licked across my face.
He reached for the knot in the towel. “I’m going to get dressed. Would you let Olivia know the shower’s free?”
I was already scrambling down the hall, glimpsing a flash of shapely buttocks over my shoulder when I said, “Sure.”
His laughter followed me. The jackass.
With freshly washed clothes hanging over the shower rod, I made a huge pile of pillows and blankets in the den and called everyone in. “We’re gonna have a Star Wars slumber party. There is no way I’m taking this kid off without introducing her to Chewie and Artoo.”
Liv and Jax smiled in delight and claimed spots on the plush pile. Adele sat between Jax and I, smooshing herself into my side as I pressed play. My heart squeezed as the familiar song and words ran up the screen.
I started to read the words to Adele, but she stopped me with an expression of utter disgust at my assumption she needed my help. I hid a smile and shut up.
Losing myself in the familiar world, I snuggled down into the blankets, shoving a couple pillows under my head. I banished Alcott from my mind and my mother. They’d adored these movies; we’d watched them so much we had to buy new copies. Dad had turned his nose up at us, always yelling about Star Trek being the best.
I bit my lip to funnel the pain somewhere else. A hand stroked my back, and I jerked my head up to sympathetic forest eyes with golden flecks of dawn watching me. Instead of tensing and pulling away, I melted into his touch, and I accepted the comfort, pretending he was Han Solo instead of the strange guy I couldn’t get rid of.
And I wasn’t so certain I still wanted to.
His fingers traveled up my back, softly tickling the sensitive skin at the base of my neck, making me shiver in response. I almost purred as he fingered the strands of my hair and rubbed my scalp. Adele had scooted closer to the TV, so she didn’t notice.
For a little while, I was warm and safe and pliant under his magic fingers.
For a little while, I forgot the mad world outside.
For a little while, I forgot the grief always scratching and tearing at my soul.
The Ewoks appearing on screen distracted each of us—Liv and I laughed and bounced in our seats, Adele gasped in delight, Jax’s hands fell away from me to clap.
We cheered and cursed and giggled and cr
ied throughout the rest of the movie, collapsing into sleep as soon as the credits rolled, tangled and piled together like a litter of puppies.
The last thing I remembered was Jax’s hand wrapped around one of mine.
With Jax and Adele on the back of our freshly loaded bikes, we flew across back roads, aimed at Georgia. It couldn’t be comfortable for them, our packs growing steadily larger as we added more people to the party. It was supposed to only be Liv and I. If we added any more we would need a minivan.
The gallons and gallons of gas we’d found in Jeremy’s shed had been a delightful surprise. We’d topped off our tanks and filled a few water bottles in case we couldn’t find a good place to siphon more. I prayed it was enough to get us to Georgia.
The morning was cold and even though I’d bundled Adele up in so many layers she could barely move, she still shivered against my back. We’d have to stop more often for her to warm up and keep her from falling asleep and pitching off the bike. Regrets and second thoughts swirled through my head faster than the wind whipping past us. There had to have been another option. But then I remembered the averted eyes and hurried steps as the neighbors left the funeral.
But in reality, it couldn’t be a forever thing. Maybe we’d come across a decent family in a relatively safe place who’d be willing to care for her.
Her arms gripped tighter around my waist, her tiny body snuggled into mine for warmth and comfort. My heart squeezed in response. There was something about the child which had burrowed inside me in a way I hadn’t allowed in a long time.
Throwing away thoughts and worries and fears, I focused on the ride, the road. The motorcycle vibrated beneath me and made me fierce and powerful, the roar of the engine raged in time with my heart, the wind grasped at my clothes trying to pluck them off. The barren trees arched over the road, reaching for each other with gnarled arms and twisted bodies, creating a ghostly cathedral.
I tilted my head to raise a brow at Liv riding next to me. Her nod was all I needed. Yelling at Adele to hold on tight, my hands twisted the handlebars, grinning at the quick response of Artoo. We surged ahead, my laughter trickling behind us. We did figure eights around each other, drawing infinity signs along the road, twisting and turning, a single moment of fun. Our whoops rose above the engines sent birds racing away, filling the sky with dots of black.
Dance of Ashes and Smoke (Age of Monsters Book 1) Page 8
