by L. A. Casey
“I don’t know,” I answered. “They did this to me when I was out cold.”
“Fucking pussies.”
“We can’t leave them for long,” I said to Dominic. “Bronagh has a concussion, and Lana hasn’t woken up since one of those pricks knocked her out.”
He cracked his knuckles. “Trust me, bro, this won’t take long.”
“Promise me something.”
“What?”
“He killed Nala, he killed my child, and he planned to rape Alannah,” I said, my voice a growl. “Leave Trent to me.”
My brothers nodded their heads. They knew taking care of the evil that was Trent Miles was what I needed to do. He had ruined my life for the past three years, and he took someone I loved away from me and stole my first child from me. I was going to kill him, and this time, I’d make sure of it.
CHAPTER FIVE
Twenty-one years old ...
“What’s popping, little brother?”
I smiled, just as I always did when one of my brothers called me. I relaxed on my couch, looked around my embarrassment of an apartment, and said, “Nothing much. What’s new with you guys?”
“Other than me going to the Bahamas as escort for Branna’s best friend’s friend, nothing much.”
I shot upright. “Hold the fuck on.”
Alec laughed.
“Repeat that for me, slowly.”
“It’s as crazy as it sounds, Dame,” Alec said. “Branna’s best friend, Aideen, has this other friend, Keela, who is smoking hot. Little brother, I mean the devil crawled out of hell and sat his ass crack on Earth kind of hot. She has red hair, legs for days, and her mouth ... Jesus.”
I laughed. “I get it, Alec, she’s hot. Now, why are you her escort?”
“Right.” He cleared his throat. “So, she was fucking this dude a while who was actually dating her cousin, and he slept with Keela in a revenge plot against her cousin, but the twist is, him and the cousin made up, and now they’re getting fucking married, and Keela has to go to the wedding because her mom is Satan and will make her life hell otherwise. She asked me to escort her, to be her fake boyfriend, so she can get through the wedding in one piece.”
I sat back. “Holy fuck.”
“Tell me about it,” Alec snorted. “It’s fucked up, but bro, it’s in the Bahamas, and my fake girlfriend is hot. I’m deadass happy.”
I shook my head. “Good luck, I guess.”
Alec chuckled. “Why do you sound bored?”
“Because I am bored,” I said. “There nothing to do here.”
“Damien, you live Queens. There is plenty to do.”
“Nothing I wanna do,” I explained. “Besides, someone shot up my block an hour ago. Cops are everywhere, so I’m not leaving this place for nothin.”
“You’re an idiot,” Alec clipped. “You’re happy to live in the hood, but not here in Dublin with us?”
“I don’t wanna argue with you about this again, Alec.” I sighed. “I’m here because I need to be.”
I was bad luck. Everything or everyone that I touched was followed by something bad. I shot Trent, which led to Marco on upping my brothers and roping them into a life of hell. I got close to Alannah when I shouldn’t have, and she was nearly raped and killed because of her involvement with me. I was a sorry excuse for a person, and I knew it. I left Dublin three years ago because it was what was best for everyone.
The first thing I did when I got to New York was remove the false tombstone on the grave of Nala and our baby, then I had a new one erected for them. It wasn’t much, but it was the best I could do for them both. Since then, I got a shitty apartment in Queens, and a job in a butcher shop and just existed. I missed my brothers, I missed Bronagh, Branna, and I missed Alannah. I missed her a lot. I thought about her all the time, so much that I knew it wasn’t good for my mental health.
“Damien,” my brother said. “Why did you run away?”
I leaned my head back against the chair.
“I break everything, Alec,” I answered. “I wanted to leave everyone because I believe you’re all better off without me. The problem is, I’m not better off without you guys.”
“You’re a dumbass,” my brother snapped. “You break nothing! Every shitty thing that has happened to our family, happened to me, was never your fault, and if you stopped feeling sorry for yourself for two seconds, you would see that!”
I didn’t understand how he could defend me when every problem he and my other brothers faced was because of me. If I didn’t shoot Trent, Marco would have never faked his death and took up my brothers on their offer to work off my life debt.
“Are you listening to me?”
“Yes.”
“We miss you.”
“I miss you guys too,” I said. “I won’t stay away forever. I’m not good on my own for long, but I just need this time to try to figure shit out in my head, Alec. I always rely on your and the others, I need to do this by myself.”
He sighed, but said, “I understand.”
Thank God.
“I saw Alannah today.”
My pulse spiked. “Is she dating anyone?”
“No,” Alec answered. “But if she starts to, I’ll drive him away. I’ll get super weird and make him uncomfortable. Or we’ll just have Kane stare at him until he runs away.”
I snorted. “You’re a dumbass.”
“Says the guy on the other side of the planet asking about the woman he’s been trippin’ after since he was a kid. Who’s really the dumbass?”
I grunted. “Point taken, asshole.”
Alec chuckled. “She’s doing her thing, Dame. Working hard in her fancy art college and keeping to herself. She’s with us all the time when she’s not in class and has shown no interest in dating anyone. The girls try to encourage her, but she isn’t biting the bait.”
The relief that flowed through my veins was almost embarrassing.
I closed my eyes. “How does she look?”
“Same as she always does.”
“Beautiful?”
“Yup.”
I sighed. “I drive myself crazy thinking about her.”
“Then come home and claim her.”
“Claim her?” I repeated. “Who do you think you are, Tarzan?”
“Bro, the ladies love a bit of dominance. They rub up on me when I get bossy.”
“Shut up.”
“You wouldn’t complain if Alannah rubbed up on you, I bet.”
I closed my eyes and thought of her body rubbing slowly against mine, and my jeans suddenly became too tight.
“Don’t mention rubbing and Alannah in the same sentence, please.”
Alec laughed. “Little Damien suffers, huh?”
“Big Damien,” I corrected.
My brother cackled, and it made me smile.
“I have to go,” Alec said. “I’m moving in with Keela until we leave for the Bahamas. I told her it was because I wanted to make it authentic when we appeared as boyfriend and girlfriend, and that she needed to get used to me, but I really just want to wear her down. She wants me; she’s just dead set against it because she thinks I’m a player.”
“You are a player.”
“Even the best of players have to hang it up at some point. This chick ticks all my boxes, so if I have to be a one-woman man, then so be it. Dominic and Ryder have corrupted me by having steady girlfriends who they love. It almost makes no strings attached sex ... meaningless.”
I laughed. “Are you telling me you want this Keela chick to be your Bronagh or Branna?”
“Ask me after this trip, and I’ll let you know.”
He hung up on me because I was laughing. I shook my head and tossed my phone on the cushion next to me. I always felt a little better after I spoke to my brothers, but then my loneliness would scream at me until I dragged myself into my bedroom where I would lie in the darkness until sleep claimed me. It was a miserable way to live, I knew that, but this was what I had to do until I deci
ded it was time for me to go home.
I just wished that I knew when that time would be.
CHAPTER SIX
Twenty-four years old ...
“Damien?”
I looked from playing with Jax to Kane when he stepped into the room.
“Yeah, man?”
“I went down to speak to Alannah.”
I froze. “What? Why?”
“Because you’re making yourself sick by being apart from her, and I’m not standing by and watching it.”
I opened my mouth to speak, but Kane held up his hand. “I don’t wanna hear it. What I do wanna see, though, is you getting your ass down to her apartment because she wants to speak to you.”
I stared at my brother. “What?”
“Alannah wants to talk to you ... right now.”
I looked from Kane to the others in the room, then without a word, I kissed Jax, got to my feet, and all but sprinted from the room with everyone’s laughter and cheers following me.
“Dame!”
I stopped when Alec called me.
“What, Alec? I have to go to Alannah before she changes her mind.”
“I know, just listen,” he said, lowering his voice. “That day when Carter made her doubt us, she looked at me with fear, and I still think about it. I love Alannah, and I don’t want her to think I’m evil, so I want you to share part of my past with her that only you know.”
I was shock he was willing to trust Alannah with something not even Keela knew.
“Are you sure?” I pressed. “Think about this.”
“I have,” Alec said. “I want her to know that I do trust her, and she is part of our family. Share what happened that night to her, and she will know we value her.”
“Okay,” I said. “I will.”
“Good luck.” Alec smiled. “Go get your girl.”
I turned and ran until I reached the stairway, and I didn’t stop until I got to Alannah’s floor. I stopped yards away from her doorway and took a few deep breaths. My heart was racing, and my mind was scrambled. I had been waiting weeks for her to give me the chance to explain myself, endless days and nights longing to hold her. I missed her more than I had ever missed another person, and I needed things to be okay with her.
I loved her.
I knocked her open apartment door. “Alannah?”
“I’m in the sittin’ room.”
I entered the apartment and walked into the living room. When I saw her sitting on her couch, my instinct was to go to her, to touch her, to kiss her, to hold her and never let her go, but I knew we had to have a long talk before that could become a possibility.
“Sit down.”
I sat on the couch facing her.
“Thank you for agreeing to talk to me,” I said, clasping my shaking hands together as I rested my elbows on my knees. “I know how hard it is for you.”
“Talkin’ to you isn’t hard,” Alannah said. “It’s one of the easiest things to do. The hardest is hearin’ what you have to say.”
“I know, baby.”
Her face softened for a moment before she threw her wall back up and lifted her chin.
“I’m goin’ to listen to whatever ye’ have to say with an open mind, so don’t dilute anythin’.”
“I won’t,” I answered. “I told you when you were ready that I’d tell you everything, and I’m going to do that.”
She nodded and waited. My heart thrummed in my chest.
“My parents were murdered by a man named Marco Miles,” I began, my eyes locked on hers. “My dad was Marco’s best friend and had been since they were kids. They started their empire from scratch and grew it from the ground up. They had links to most likely every mafia family in and out of the States, every drug cartel known to man, and others that were unknown, and they had the law in their back pocket for decades.”
Alannah didn’t say a word, but she looked like she was holding her breath.
“My brothers and I grew up in a lifestyle that was nothing like yours. We were treated like princes and got whatever our hearts desired because of who our dad was. Escorts were servicing me and Dominic from the time we were thirteen; the first time was actually a birthday gift from our brothers. Our lives were a blur up until my mom and dad got killed just after Dominic’s and my fifteenth birthday.”
My leg bobbed up and down as I spoke.
“My dad crossed Marco, looking to get some extra money on a drug deal, so Marco had my dad and mom killed. They were best friends, had known each other their whole lives, but my dad’s greed for money and power changed him, made him hollow ... evil. My mom was no better; the only thing she loved was money and materialistic things. I didn’t lie to you about that; she and my dad were cold to me and my brothers.”
Sympathy filled Alannah’s eyes.
“I’m sorry,” she said. “I’m sorry you were raised by loveless parents. I hurt for you knowin’ that.”
I cleared my throat. “Thank you.”
She leaned back in the chair and waited for me to continue.
“For a long time after my parents died”—I sighed—”I convinced myself that I didn’t love my brothers.”
Alannah’s lips parted in shock.
“I have always been the affectionate brother,” I continued. “I was always the one who craved my parents’ love and attention, and when they didn’t give it to me, I’d do crazy things to get it. After they were murdered, I was so lost in grief that I was terrified of losing any of my brothers, so I pretended I didn’t love them. That way if I did lose them, it wouldn’t hurt. I told myself I tolerated them because they were my flesh and blood. It made me a nasty son of a bitch to be around at times. Because of that, I never let anyone close. I had sex with a lot of different women because it was the only connection that I could control. I was hollow inside ... until I met you, Lana.”
She swallowed.
“Back on the compound, we grew up with Marco’s nephews, Trent and Carter. Carter was around us a lot, but he was the opposite of Trent. He was a loner and never seemed into anything that happened in the compound. Dominic, Trent, and I were practically best friends at one point. The only difference between us was he enjoyed when people were beat up and tortured. When our dad and his uncle made us participate in punishing someone, he loved it and said it helped build character.”
Alannah curled her lip in disgust.
“We hated it too,” I said, noticing her reaction. “We didn’t want the life our dad had provided for us if it came along with the things we hated. The day our parents were murdered, Dominic and I were going to tell them we wanted to leave, but after they died, I refused to leave. I felt connected to the place since I no longer had them.”
Alannah nodded, seemingly understanding my decision at the time.
“Trent was bad for me to be around when I was in the state of mind of wanting to feel some pain, the only person who balanced me out was Nala.”
She exhaled a breath. “Nala?”
“My girlfriend at the time,” I said, then quickly added, “I don’t want to hurt you by talking about her, but you need to hear about her to understand everything. To understand me.”
“I told ye’, don’t dilute anythin’.”
I hesitated. “I met Nala when we were ten. She had just moved into the compound with her dad, and we hit it off right away. She followed me and Dominic everywhere, and I never minded because I had a crush her. I asked her to date me when we were thirteen, she said yes, and we were together up until she was murdered.”
Alannah’s hand flung over her mouth.
“Oh, Da-Damien,” she stammered. “I’m so sorry.”
I clasped my hands tighter together.
“Before that happened, we were pretty inseparable, but after my parents died, I began to pull away from her, too. I loved her, or at least as much as a thirteen-year-old could love someone. She took my pulling away from her hard, and Trent was there with his shoulder for her to lean on. Two weeks after my pare
nts died, I was having a really bad day, and Trent made the mistake of kissing Nala. I attacked him and beat the shit out of him. He became hostile and brought my parents into the fight, saying they deserved to be dead for what they had done. He wished I was dead along with them, and that caused Dominic to snap. It was the first time I saw him fight, and it scared me how hard and fast he could hit another person.”
Alannah’s eyes widened slightly.
“I was annoyed with Dominic for stepping in to defend me when I could do it myself, so I got him off Trent and intended to whoop him on my own, but he pulled a gun. If Nala hadn’t jumped on Trent’s back to distract him, he would have shot me. I saw it in his eyes, and he was going to do it. I got the gun from him, thanks to Nala.”
I clenched my teeth together.
“When I think about that night, I can still hear Dominic plead and cry with me to throw the gun away because we weren’t our dad, and I wished I had listened to him. Because what I did ruined my brothers’ lives. I shot Trent, and when he hit the ground, he stopped moving. Blood was everywhere, and shit passed by in a blur after that.”
Alannah lifted her hand to her mouth and began to chew on her nails.
“I knew what I had done would mean I would have to die. That’s just how it works—a life for a life. At the time, I was prepared to accept that. I felt so torn up over my parents, over the fact I had turned out just like my dad, that I was willing to die just to escape everything. Ryder met with Marco, and I wasn’t dumb as to what it was about. If Marco killed me, he knew my brothers would retaliate, so they both discussed it until they reached a decision.”
“The life debt,” Alannah concluded. “Morgan said your brothers started to work for Marco to pay off your life death.”
“Yes,” I answered. “They cut me out of the deal to protect me.”
She raised her eyebrows. “You’re disappointed that ye’ didn’t have a dangerous job?”
“No,” I answered. “I was disappointed that my brothers put their lives on the line to protect me and didn’t give me a chance to pay off the debt I brought on us myself. That was the day I stopped being a brother.”
