“Who you insulted two months ago, but yes.”
Hitomi shrugged her sweater-laden shoulders. “Please send her my apologies. By the way, she’s really cute. Are you serious with her?”
The iced tea felt strangely warm by now. “I suppose so.” Aiko would balk to hear it said so questionably. But Reina had never been in such a serious relationship before, even when she had past girlfriends of a non-casual nature. Aiko was her first to not only last this long but her first in feeling so important in her life.
“What’s her name?”
Reina paused. “Aiko.”
“Aw. A girl of love.”
What in the world... Reina didn’t know what Aiko’s name had to do with anything.
Thankfully, Hitomi didn’t put her through much more torture. After they finished their drinks in silence, the American rock music blaring above them, Hitomi suggested they leave. Reina was more than willing to step out into an empty alley to have a smoke.
“Oh, do you want one?” She held out a cigarette to Hitomi, since the girl was still standing near her. For some reason Reina thought her companion would leave. “I didn’t think you smoke though...”
Hitomi shook her head. “No, I don’t smoke. Thanks though.”
The cigarette was the warmest thing in the alley, bringing heat to Reina’s mouth every time she took a drag. Smoke blew back into her face with every tiny breeze passing through the alley. And yet Hitomi continued to stand there, staring at Reina as if she were a specimen in a cage. “What?”
“Betsu ni...”
“Doesn’t seem like nothing to me.” Reina turned to finish her cigarette in peace. As soon as this farce was over she was going home.
The moment she crushed the cigarette beneath her feet, however, Hitomi slammed into her in the most unexpected way.
Plenty of women had thrown themselves at Reina before. Hell, at one point in her life it was a common occurrence on weekends. But Hitomi? The homophobic trend chaser with a boyfriend? Sure, Reina had found herself pinned against a wall with such women bruising her lips and fighting to touch any part of her body. Like a whirlwind Hitomi was all around her, consuming her in the sort of clumsy way an overeager virgin would. She ain’t no virgin. Reina didn’t doubt Hitomi did premarital sinning with her boyfriend. Women, though... the way Hitomi kissed her, desirous but awkward, was nothing short of baby’s first lesbian.
“Yamerou!” Reina shoved her off, back of her hand pressing against her lips. Hitomi gaped at her, frozen like a fish in a winter pond. She had the dead expression for it. “I have a girlfriend!” Aiko would not be pleased.
Hitomi frowned before lunging at her again.
What did she expect? To have sex in the fucking alley? Wouldn’t be my first time. Reina pushed her away again, exceptionally annoyed this time. “Knock it off.”
A hand crashed upon her cheek.
“You damn dyke!” Tears were flowing down Hitomi’s cheeks, make-up starting to run from her eyes. “Keep your filth to yourself!” She shoved away from Reina and took off down the alley with her purse bouncing at her side and her hand in front of her face.
Reina remained in the alley for a few more minutes, wondering what the hell had happened. She kissed me... and somehow that’s my fault? After waiting for the footsteps to die down, Reina wandered off in the opposite direction toward the train station. It would be a long ride home with that much confusion swimming in her head.
“What in the hell is this?”
Aiko heard her mother’s voice as she came down the hallway toward her bedroom. What’s she doing in there? It must be laundry day. But what Aiko saw as she peered into her room could have given the healthiest person in the universe a coronary.
Junko sat before her daughter’s open dresser, the naughty magazine in her hands. “Ai-chan! Why do you have this filth in your things?”
Horror. Panic. The realization that she had been caught in an inexplicable situation. Aiko remained in the hallway, her brain running a kilometer a second as it tried to come up with a reason – any reason – she had nudie magazines hidden in her drawer.
“I... I don’t know what that is...” She felt like her sister the day she was caught with a pack of cigarettes in her sweater. That ended with a nearly grown girl getting a swat and dish duty for a week. This, though? Aiko wished it was cigarettes instead! “Honestly, I don’t... why would I have something like that?”
Junko shook the magazine, pages flipping open to reveal augmented breasts popping off foreign women like balloons. “That’s what I’m asking! How could this trash be in with your underwear?”
More quick thinking. “It must have come from my brother’s old room. He had a stack of magazines he said I could have... English ones, to practice... so I took them all and put them in there. I haven’t even seen that one yet!”
Her mother squinted at her, as if she searched her daughter’s figure for the lie. She must have known it was a lie. A mother’s instinct could sniff such faulty things out fast. But this was where Aiko had at least one thing on her side – Junko would never make the connection that her daughter wanted to look at that magazine. The dissonance of Aiko being in possession of a magazine full of tits and genitals was probably short-circuiting Junko’s wires at that moment. “Mou, Aiko...” Junko slammed the wrinkled magazine into her empty laundry basket. “You should really be careful! What if you looked at this and started comparing yourself to these women? Poor child. And your brother better be feeling lucky he’s grown and out of my house. If I had caught him with this...” She wandered out of the room, mumbling punishments to herself.
So much for that magazine. Aiko stole into her room and shut the door behind her, a heavy breath escaping her chest. Too close. Only thing that could’ve been worse was Junko walking in on Aiko doing it with her girlfriend. Or finding Aiko’s dildo she kept at the bottom of her closet. Not something she wanted to explain either.
Aiko went through her things to make sure everything was properly hidden before rejoining her mother downstairs. Junko was in the living room, folding towels on top of the table.
“So, now that things have started up at school again,” Aiko said, sitting beside her mother. “I was wondering when you need me at Auntie Kanoko’s house. I have Tuesday and Thursday afternoons off this semester, but my Wednesdays are totally booked with thesis.” She still had yet to decide what to write her senior thesis on.
Junko patted her stack of towels. “Didn’t I tell you? Auntie Kanoko moved in with my sister. We don’t have to go to the house anymore.”
“What?”
“That’s right. It was too dangerous for her to be by herself all night. So she moved in with your aunt.”
“Who’s taking care of the house?”
“Don’t know yet. Maybe me once a week. Maybe someone else. Your auntie updated her will one last time before her mind completely went. She’s really not doing well.” A sigh. “She’s quite old, but it’s still disturbing how quickly she went downhill like this. She was so vibrant when I was growing up...”
Aiko looked into her hands. “I see... I guess I won’t worry about it then.” She got up and walked toward the kitchen to get a drink of water.
“Oh, Ai-chan.”
She turned around. “Yes?”
Towel after towel folded in Junko’s dexterous hands. “You’re prettier than any of those foreign girls.”
Rolling her eyes, Aiko disappeared into the kitchen.
Some days Reina had the privilege to say what she wanted, do as she felt, and not give a single damn that some people thought her beneath them.
Today was not one of those days.
“Let us bow our heads and pray for the Holy Spirit to guide us on the path to academic enlightenment.” Miko, a pious girl with long hair, plain sweaters, and a cross around her neck the size of Reina’s face put her hands together. The other girls around her followed suit, and Reina was left at the end of the t
able wondering what to do. If I fake praying, will I catch fire for being a heathen? Her girlfriends always told her she was hot.
“Amen,” came a chorus of female voices. The six girls at the table, sans Reina, opened their kanji books and began doling out coursework to study.
Reina and another girl were asked to come up with easy mnemonics for remembering their assigned kanji. This girl, wearing all black and no make-up, insisted that the first kanji looked like an angel speaking to “the Lord.” Reina somehow thought the symbol for “pack animal” wasn’t supposed to look like that.
Obviously this was not her idea of a fantastic study group. But since starting the new school year, Reina was faced with a class that was beyond her means to tackle by herself, and the other study group led by Hitomi’s ilk was not welcoming anymore. Not since Hitomi kissed Reina and then blamed her for the sinful feelings swelling up inside her. Typical. Reina didn’t dwell on it much, having been the subject of many kisses from straight girls, but the brat still chided her in class and sent her running long before she could talk to the instructor.
That was how Reina came to join this other study group comprised of the six most pious girls on campus. Reina had no idea that any of the Japanese girls affiliated with St. Francis were actually Christian, but apparently some were. Girls like Miko, whose father was a minister for one of Tokyo’s largest congregations.
But Reina was determined, perhaps against her better judgment, to pass this crucial class, and if the only way she was going to accomplish that was by sitting through prayers for guidance and listening to whispered conversations about Easters and Lents, well... so be it. She survived three years of Catholic school, she could survive this bullshit three afternoons a week. At least the girls never bothered her, outside of inviting her to some of their Christian events. She politely turned them down and went on with her life. The girls never brought it up again, but also did not deny her admittance to their group.
They were not the only ones Reina had to deal with recently, as she was reminded of when she bumped into Sister Angela outside of the study room door.
“You? In that study group?” The nun made the sign of the cross. “Come with me to my office right now.”
It just so happened that was down the hall. Reina knew she didn’t have to go, but she entertained her old headmistress and followed Sister Angela into her stark office. “Am I in some sort of trouble?” Reina asked cheekily. Even if she were being called in for the same shit she got in trouble for in high school – overt lesbianism, talking back to authority, too much make-up, dirty uniform, breathing – there was nothing Sister Angela could do about it in a post-secondary environment. Having that bit of power gave Reina something to look forward to during her long days at school.
Sister Angela sat in her chair, beady brown eyes never leaving Reina’s visage. Her pale, rubbery skin reminded Reina of a prune painted white. Foreigners.
“The trouble you’re in is between you and Jesus.” Sister Angela tossed her hand into the air. “Bless my sanity when I saw you in that room with those sweet girls. What do you think you are doing? I swear upon my oaths that if you’re up to something with those girls...”
“What? Ew.”
“You mean you aren’t?” Sister Angela cocked her head in worry. “Don’t tell me you’ve finally atoned for your sins.”
Reina rubbed her forehead in dismay. What a waste of her time. “I’ve got better things to do than hit on girls like that. Besides, I’ve got a girlfriend. You may think it sick, and I don’t really care, but I’m in that group because I need help studying. They don’t give me any trouble. They’re annoying as hell, but it’s better than the alternative.”
Some of Reina’s words made the nun bristle. “And what is that alternative?”
Treating me like crap. “Let’s just say my joshoku, as you put it, got in the way of another study group I was in.”
“At least you have learned your lesson. I told you a year ago that this campus is not a hunting ground for such sinful things.”
“Unless it’s heterosexual, right? Because I guarantee you people be having sex out there. And they’re not married.” Such scandal!
“Yes, I am well aware of that. Some cultural things cannot be changed.” Sister Angela leaned back in her seat.
“Look, I’ve got a girlfriend. I like flirting, but I don’t want to flirt with anyone here. I’ve got other places to do that. I’m here to get my degree and move on with my life.”
The nun suppressed a smile, making her look like a sad cow chewing cud. “Is that a serious statement, Yamada-san?”
“I ain’t got nothing to lie about here.”
Slowly, Sister Angela opened a drawer in her desk and pulled out a small booklet. Great. Tracts. Reina got one once a month back in high school. Pamphlets about scouring homosexuality from the body, fliers about incorporating swear jars into one’s life in order to stop saying fun words, and those damn tracts full of Bible stories Reina would sometimes read when she was bored enough. Not enough women. Never enough women.
The booklet landed in front of Reina. “Take this,” the nun said. “If you’re not lying, you’ll be serious about it.”
Reina picked it up, expecting to see stock photography of people praying and quotes from the Bible. Instead she saw names, phone numbers, and addresses of random companies around the metro area. “What’s this?” she asked.
“These are a list of companies partnered with our school. Every year they have a quota they fill with St. Francis students looking for a job. As you are, you will probably have some difficulties getting a job after you graduate. You will need all the help you can get.”
Reina looked up at the nun’s frown. “Why are you helping me like this?” She could remember the frothing mouth, the screams of terror, and the ruler always slapping on the desk in front of her. Reina never received kindness or charity from this woman.
Yet Sister Angela did not seem so mean now, even though her sour face could scare the beard off Jesus’ chin. “You’re a misguided girl. Always have been. Sometimes I would stay awake trying to figure out how to help you. Get you on a better track. Clean up your act. I care about every girl to cross my path. St. Francis was founded on the principles of helping the girls here have a better life. Way back when... oh, the 1920s or so. Back then most girls still weren’t getting an education unless they came from wealthy families. We believed then as we believe now that a good education will give girls more power in their lives, even if that power is as a wife and mother. Things change. Girls become women in business as well as wives. This changing landscape constantly challenges me. The Lord has sent me here to help girls. Girls like you. The Devil misguides you, but.... but you have a good heart.”
Reina looked over her shoulder, as if Sister Angela were talking about someone else.
“I’m serious. You did and do things that disgust me, but you were always loyal to the people you loved. Always helped others when they needed it. If you didn’t have such a foul mouth and fouler habits, you would be a model Christian. Maybe this is how I can help you. Your disease may always be with you, but that doesn’t mean you should lose your heart and passion. Your joshoku lures you with temptations, but all sins are the same in the eyes of God. Some people have more.... unique sins. The Lord knows I am not without my own. You are not beyond help if you can have love and empathy. This is the path I steer you on now. From here on out, I can do no more. God sent you back to me so I may give you this final direction. If you embrace nothing else from me, then embrace this. It’s a mercy upon your destiny.”
There was no response Reina could muster without twisting her tongue in knots. The thought of Sister Angela giving her any assistance was laughable, but as long as it was actually helpful... why should Reina reject it? So she took the booklet and went on her way, thinking of sin and guidance. I don’t believe in sin. Or if I do, then I don’t believe it’s bad. She could never give up the sin of lovi
ng and lusting after women. As for guidance... well, there were a few people who needed that more than her. Like a young woman hurting others because she could not embrace her sinful nature.
Grease clogged the air of the office as Aiko’s adviser cleaned up five tins of bento boxes and dumped a heap of wooden chopsticks into the trash. Clearing her throat, the adviser slumped into her rolling chair behind her desk and leaned forward to read Aiko’s thesis proposal. “Homosexuality In Western Literature.” The chair creaked as the adviser leaned back, glasses slipping down her nose. “I can’t tell if I’m more concerned about the broadness of the topic or about the subject matter itself.”
Aiko shifted in her seat on the other side of the desk. “I know the topic is rather broad. I was hoping you could give me some guidance on narrowing it down a bit. Perhaps in a time period. Or I thought about writing about lesbianism by itself...”
Her adviser glared at her through two dark eyes. Is she thinking about the rumors? Aiko didn’t know what professors heard about their students. But she couldn’t deny that rumors about her sexuality had made the rounds yet again that year. Freshmen didn’t even want to talk to her. Or maybe that was Reina’s paranoia rubbing off on her after nearly three years.
The room was spared more awkward silence when a knock came at the door and in walked a young man barely Aiko’s age. “Here are those files you wanted, straight from Houjima University, Professor.”
The adviser took the files and briefly looked them over. “Thanks, Matsumoto-san. I’m with a student right now so I’ll read through them later.” She gestured to Aiko.
“Oh, excuse me.” The young man, who couldn’t have been more than fresh from high school, was an odd sight at an all women’s college.
“Don’t worry about it.”
“Matsumoto-san is an English prodigy at Houjima.” The adviser sat back in her seat. “Spent last year in America studying at Berkeley. Takeuchi-san here wants to write her thesis about gay people in Western literature. Got any recommendations for her, Matsumoto-san?”
Joshoku Page 10
