by Becky Monson
After we are lined up in front of the judges, the cameras roll and my stomach starts doing twists and turns.
“Bakers,” begins Franky, with a very serious expression. “You were asked to make an original cupcake using astronaut freeze-dried food. Some of you skyrocketed to the task, and some of you were left sitting on the launchpad.”
Make. It. Stop.
The room is quiet. You could cut the tension with a knife. Literally. Okay, not literally, but it feels literal.
“Just Cupcakes,” Franky says, and we all turn to the Tallies. “I’m afraid your shuttle will not be taking off. You are off of Cupcake Battles.”
As if planned, in unison the Tallies hang their head in disappointment. Seriously, did they practice that? Was that something we should have practiced? I never practiced a losing face, or a winning face for that matter. I was just practicing my get-me-through-this face.
The Tallies are off. I’ve made it to the next round. Holy crap, I’ve made it to the next round! I realize right now would be a really bad time to dance around and celebrate that I made it, so I give my best “I’m sorry” look to the bakers that were just kicked off, while internally celebrating.
I’ve made it to round two. I’ve hit my goal. The rest is just gravy. Except now that I’ve made it this far . . . What if?
“Bakers, congratulations, you’ve made it to Round Two of Cupcake Battles,” Franky croons coolly after the Tallies are escorted off the set.
“Are you ready for your next challenge?”
“Cool Cakes!” The Somethings say in unison. The rest of us try to hide our disdain, some of us more poorly than the other (ahem, Patti). Brady Something beams with pride at his wife, and for a split second, I can see the love between the two of them, and it makes me miss Jared. It would have been so great if he were here to cheer me on.
“Okay, let’s get started on Round Two,” Franky says, bringing the attention back to him. “For Round Two, you will be judged on appearance first and taste second. You will make three different flavored cupcakes where the décor will bring in the theme of today’s show—the 55th Celebration of NASA. You have seventy-five minutes. And it starts” — pause for dramatic effect — “now!”
The big clock on the wall immediately starts counting down from seventy-five minutes. We have no time to lose. Patti and I go back to our kitchen and try to regroup and decide on flavors for our cupcakes.
“I think we should ditch the Neapolitan one,” Patti says and I agree. Previous contestants on the show have sometimes included their original cupcake in the second round if it went over well with the judges. I think it would be too risky with Ginger, even if we had a thicker chocolate layer. Plus, if we make it past this round we have to make one thousand cupcakes, and I’m not sure we could make 333 Neapolitan cupcakes fast enough. So, like the Tallies, the Neapolitan cupcake’s spaceship has left the launchpad. Oh, the puns.
It’s not hard to come up with flavors for this part because we’ve practiced this. I already know the cupcakes we are going to do, and even though it’s risky, I’m bringing in my coconut-almond frosting. The coconut is subtle. I’ll just have to pray that Ginger likes it.
“Watcha wanna do for décor?” Patti asks, her vacant face telling me she has no ideas.
“I don’t know.” I rub my temples. How the hell do you represent NASA with cupcakes? I don’t want to go with the obvious décor—shuttles, launchpads, etc.
“My Tiny Unicorn!” I yell out after we stand there contemplating for a minute or so. Patti regards me like I belong at that wacko conference back at the hotel.
“What do those fruit loops have to do with this?” she says, eying me dubiously.
“Not the people. The characters. The cupcakes we are doing are original flavors that hopefully the judges haven’t had, or haven’t had too much experience with, right?”
“Sure.” She gestures that she understands, but I can tell she’s still not following.
“Let’s do an ‘Out of this World’ theme, and the décor can be inspired by the My Tiny Unicorns!” I say excitedly. Hal, the cameraman, better be getting this uncharacteristically enthusiastic moment I’m having. If he asks me to say it all again, so help me . . .
“I’m not sure I can make a bunch of little unicorns, and I’m not sure what the heck they have to do with NASA.” She folds her arms, cocking her hip to the side.
“Not the unicorns, the décor. The My Tiny Unicorns are supposed to be from another planet. On their planet, there are rainbows with shooting stars everywhere. Think bright colors and sparkles.” I do jazz hands with spirit fingers when I say sparkles because it feels right to do it, but then I remember I just did that on camera. Crap. Well, I can’t take it back now.
Patti starts nodding her head faster, and I can practically see her mind moving as she starts to come up with ideas. “I like it,” she finally declares.
“Good, let’s get started.”
We start grabbing the supplies we need, not paying attention to any of the other kitchens. There’s not enough time to snoop and see what they are doing, so there’s no point.
I start working on the cupcakes, while Patti works on the décor. For the first cupcake, I make one that was a favorite at the bakery, chocolate lime jalapeño. It sounds weird, but they are incredibly tasty and won’t be that typical flavor the judges will expect. We decide to put a rainbow with a shooting star on this one. Patti makes the star sparkle with edible glitter. Totally adorbz. That’s the next word I plan on adding to my list of words to annoy Brown with. Adorbz.
The second cupcake we make is a bananas Foster cupcake with a banana cupcake base, caramel filling, and a banana buttercream frosting with a dash of rum. We drizzle some caramel over the top to complete it. For this one, Patti makes a planet out of marzipan that even has a single ring around it, like Jupiter. Or one of those planets with a ring. (I was never good at astronomy.) They look perfect.
The third cupcake we make is a snickerdoodle cupcake with the coconut-almond buttercream. The cupcake itself is more along the lines of safe, but the frosting will be what makes this cupcake shine. Or at least I hope it does. Patti makes large stars with the numbers 55 on them, for the 55th NASA anniversary. She does them in different colors, so it makes the color pallet very bright and almost cartoonish.
The time flies, and Franky yells that there are five minutes left before I know it. It creeps up on me so fast that I have to check the clock just to make sure he didn’t make a mistake.
We plate the cupcakes quickly, all three flavors on a plate for each judge. I’m loving this out-of-this-world theme.
“Time’s up!” Franky yells, and I stop fidgeting with the décor on one of the cupcakes.
On the taped version of the show, it always seems as if it’s down to the wire, like all the competitors have five minutes left and the cupcakes still need to be frosted. We must have had luck on our side because we were able to get it all done with time to spare. I wonder how the other contestants did. I guess it’s time to find out, since Franky just called for all of us to come over to the judges table.
Here we go.
Straight out of the gate, the Sisters did fair with their cupcakes and décor. Ginger said the décor was lacking (rockets and NASA logos abounded) and felt like they could have been a little more daring with their flavors. Josef wasn’t dancing, but he didn’t hate it, either. Kenneth thought the décor was perfect for the celebration, which made my stomach turn a little since we went a different direction.
Next up is us. My stomach starts to twist and turn even more. I’m regretting doing the coconut-almond frosting. Why would I think I could change Ginger’s mind? So many contestants make this same mistake with Josef and the red velvet cupcake. Who do I think I am?
I give the judges quick descriptions of my cupcakes, again naming them after former astronauts. The Neil Armstrong (chocolate lime jalapeño), The John Glenn (bananas Foster), and The Sally Ride (snickerdoodle), respectively.
“Julia, I’m impressed by your décor. It’s fun. It’s eye-catching. It’s not what you would expect to see, and I like it.” Okay, we are off to a good start. “As far as your flavors go,” she points to her plate, “I think the chocolate lime jalapeño might be one of the best cupcakes I’ve had on this show.”
Shut. Up. Did she just say that? I could be done with this competition right now and be happy. Actually, I could die right now and be happy. Best. Compliment. Ever.
“One quick question.” Ginger looks at me. “Was there a hint of coconut in the frosting for the snickerdoodle cupcake?”
“Um, yes,” I say somewhat sheepishly.
“Not bad.” She gives me a small dip of her chin, as if to say “hats off to me.” By my side, Patti taps me with the back of her hand.
Holy crap, she liked it. She liked it all. Well, she didn’t say anything about the bananas Foster one, but that means she didn’t hate it. She would have said something if she did.
“Josef, what ya got for us?” Franky interrupts my internal celebration.
“This is odd for me. For once, I agree with Ginger.” He gives a sly smile to Ginger, and she whacks him lightly on his arm. “I think that chocolate jalapeño thing might be one of the better cupcakes I’ve had on the show. In fact, it makes me want to dance.”
Oh, hell yes, he can dance as much as he wants if it has to do with my baking skills.
Wait, could this mean . . . could I have made it to round three? I’m going to push that out of my mind right now. I just got a huge compliment on this show. I should just bask in that. No need to get ahead of myself.
“Kenneth? What do you think of Julia’s creations?” Franky bobs his head in my direction.
“You know, when I first saw your decor, I wasn’t sure I liked it. It was a little too fantasy for me. But after tasting the cupcakes, I think it all goes very well together and would be a great feature for the celebration.” He gives me a closed-mouth smile of approval.
We are three for three. Now butterflies start multiplying in my stomach. I could make it to the next round. And then what? I couldn’t actually win, could I? Oh, now I’m really getting ahead of myself.
The Something’s are up next and I’m so caught up in thoughts of the possibility of making it to the next round that I don’t pay much attention. Overall, I gather that the vibe from the judges was that their flavors and décor were well received.
Back in the greenroom, the tension is even worse this time. I feel fidgety and wish I could have my phone right now to text Jared. I probably could go get it, but I’m next up for my interview with the producers and I don’t want to get caught, so I’ll just wait. Maybe there will be time after my interview.
The interview goes by quickly and in the blink of an eye (it honestly felt that fast), we are back in front of the judges.
I’m excitedly sick, that’s the only way to explain it. It’s quiet in the studio, and I’m feeling this crazy need to yell out something like a “whoop” or a “yippee” or even a “Cool Cakes.” This must be killing the Somethings.
Franky jumps right in. “Bakers, we asked you to come up with three original cupcakes with décor that will represent the 55th anniversary of NASA. You were judged on taste as well as décor. This was a tough decision for the judges. You moon rocketed them with your creations. The first round was also taken into account when this decision was made. Unfortunately, only two of you can continue on.”
Patti and I look at each other. My stomach is a bunch of butterflies twisting and turning. I didn’t know the first round would be included in this. I barely skated through with that one. That does not bode well for me.
“Cool Cakes,” he says and the cameras all move toward The Somethings. Both of their faces are pasty white. All of the color has drained out.
No way, they are getting kicked off? I did not see that coming. I honestly saw myself getting kicked off. Wait, so that means . . . Holy. Crap.
“Cool Cakes, congratulations. You’ve made it to the final round and have a chance to win the title of Cupcake Battles champion!”
Well, that makes a lot more sense. Suddenly the world is righted again, in an unfortunate way.
The Somethings start jumping up and down and chanting “Cool Cakes” repeatedly. It actually gets so over the top that they have to shut down production for a second to get them to calm down. I wonder if they are regretting their decision to put them through.
So it’s between us and the Sisters. I know my cupcakes were better than theirs, at least in the second round. But will it be enough to get us into the third?
Franky stares at us, looking back and forth between me and Patti and the Sisters. Patti gives my hand a couple of reassuring squeezes.
“Two Sister’s Sweets,” he pauses for dramatic effect. I hold my breath because this could go either way. “I’m afraid you will not be shuttling off today. You’re off Cupcake Battles.”
The sisters hug each other and I think one of them has started to cry.
“That means, Julia’s Bakery, you have made it to the final round.”
Wait, what? I was so focused on the Sisters that I totally forgot what that all means. It means I’ve made it. I can’t even believe it! I’ve made it to the next round of Cupcake Battles!
Patti gives me a hug and then we realize at the same time that our celebrating is too soon since the Sisters are still hugging each other, but in a sad way. So we go back to standing and waiting for them to be escorted off before we resume celebrating. This is crazy. I did not expect to make it to this round.
I wish I could tell Jared, but according to my contract, I’m supposed to keep everything quiet until the show airs. I doubt I’ll be able to do that when I see him tomorrow night, but I should at least stay within the guidelines of my contract during the time that we are filming the show. That just seems like the logical thing to do.
“We did it!” Patti says as soon as the Sisters have walked off the set.
“We did it!” I echo back, and I give her a tight hug.
We look over at the Somethings and I give them a head nod. They both gape at me with slightly menacing expressions that seem to say “Oh, it’s on.”
Seriously, did they practice that? I apparently need to work on a game face. So far, I think I’ve only given my dumbfounded face, my excited face, and my puking face, all of which will probably not make for good television. Well, the puking one probably will.
The producers direct our attention back to Franky and the judges. They had taken a few minutes to rearrange us after the Sisters left.
“Julia’s Bakery and Cool Cakes.” Franky stares us down with a serious expression. “You’ve made it to the third and final round of Cupcake Battles. Congratulations. For this round, you will need to make one thousand cupcakes and an original display designed by you. We’ll provide you each with a carpenter to make the design and a team of helpers to assist you in this round.” He motions over to our left and there are two teams of six waiting in the wings to help us.
I see the team dressed in hot pink T-shirts, our helpers, and I notice Jordan. Wait, the interns are the assistants? Really? I had read a couple of former contestants blogs that said they were surprised at how not helpful the assistants were. Now I see why. I guess I never paid attention to the assistants when I’ve watched previous shows. If I had, I might have recognized Jordan from the beginning.
“You have two and a half hours on the clock. And your time, starts,” — pause for dramatic effect — “now!” Franky says.
We run over to our team, now stationed in our kitchen. We don’t even have time to get their names. We just start throwing out tasks. Since I’m nervous, they won’t be that much help, so I have them do the very basic stuff. They will be making the cupcake batter, under my supervision of course, and the frosting. Patti will take two of them with her and focus solely
on the décor.
This is what we had practiced back at home, albeit mediocrely, since neither of us expected to get this far.
The carpenters enter the room. We get Ryan, the hot one. I try desperately not to flush when he starts asking me how I want my design, but it’s a lost cause. Hopefully, I just appear red from all of the stress and work we’ve had to do.
“Tell me what you’re thinking,” Ryan says and I blush even further. Why now? Why am I such a circus freak? And Jared is going to see me blush over Ryan on television. Oh, he’s going to love that.
I lick my lips and try to pull myself together. I tell him my design idea, drawing a rough (extremely rough, I’m no artist) picture of what I want. Since Patti and I had no time to prep for this part, I’m pretty much pulling it out of nowhere. I just hope it works out.
My quick on-the-fly design is a basic shape of a shuttle with wings and stabilizers. I ask Ryan to put shelves inside the shuttle to stack the cupcakes on. Afraid that Cool Cakes will make something similar, I add some lighting to make it stand out.
Once Ryan is squared away and off to make our stand, I get to work with the interns and Patti. Our kitchen is a hodgepodge of disarray, with everyone running around trying to get everything done in time. Patti is barking out orders and throwing out a random Southern expression every now and then. “Y’all are slower than cream risin’ on buttermilk!”
I’m about a second too late to stop Jordan from putting flour in a KitchenAid running at full speed. Flour goes everywhere.
If we survive this round, it will be an act of God.
CHAPTER 12
We aren’t going to make it. We aren’t going to make it. We aren’t going to make it.
I realize this is not the chant I should be doing right now, but I can’t help myself. I seriously don’t think we are going to make it. The countdown clock says thirty minutes left and we haven’t even started frosting.
We aren’t going to make it.
“Would ya stop with the face?” Patti says as she starts slopping large amounts of frosting into piping bags. This is going to have to be a full team effort, so we’ll need lots of piping bags full of frosting.
