Blessed Fate (Blessed Tragedy)

by HB Heinzer

  "I think you need to go." She wouldn't look at me. I knew I wasn't going to get anywhere with her while she was in this mood, but I hoped she would think about what I said. I called for Jared and then walked away from Rain for the second time in twenty-four hours. It didn't hurt any less this time around.

  I tried calling Rain later that night, repeatedly the next day and every day after that but never got through. If not for the fact that my calls didn't go directly to voice mail but were most definitely ignored, I would have been even more concerned about her. As it was, the only reason I didn't lose my mind or allow myself to be completely convinced she was using again was because her brother, Mark, kept in touch with me almost daily.

  He called about a week after her arrest to tell me that he and his partner were taking Rain home with them for a much-needed vacation. The tabloids had been using their over-active imaginations, and she was about ready to snap.

  "Have you thought about talking to her?" I asked Mark, still thinking rehab would be a good place for her. If nothing else, she would have mandatory therapy, something everyone in her life agreed she needed since she refused to talk about anything that bothered her, and she would be in a place where they restricted her access to the media.

  "I tried a couple times, but it caused huge fights." Mark let out a long, low sigh. "She says she's clean so there's no reason to go."

  "And what do you think?" I prodded. If I could get him on my side, maybe we could get her some help for whatever was going on.

  "I don't think she's on drugs, if that's what you're asking," Mark said cautiously. It was obvious he was trying to maintain a balance between open communication and allegiance to his sister. I couldn't blame him, knowing how screwed up their family was.

  "But do you think it'd help her?" I asked tentatively. There was a time in my life when I felt confident about what I thought and felt. That had started slipping away from me the day Rain walked through the door and seemed to be nothing more than a distant memory now.

  Mark sighed again. I was starting to understand the non-verbal cues he gave and knew he didn't want to answer the question. Most likely, because he knew it wasn't the answer his sister would agree with. "Yeah, I do. But I worry that if we push her to that, she's going to pull away from me and Dale, and right now she feels like we're all she has."

  I understood that feeling all too well. After all, I had pushed her and was now relying on information from her brother to know what was going on. "Okay, well you guys do what you have to do," I sighed. "And Mark... take care of her for me."

  It was a request I didn't need to make, but I made it anyway. I needed to know that he knew I still cared.

  Later that week, Jon tried calling Rain when we took a quick break from recording. Everything we did would be half-finished until she came back and that wasn't sitting well with him. He wanted her to grow up, get help and get healthy. I'm not sure who was more shocked when she answered, him or me.

  Their conversation was short. From what I gathered, she told him she was doing as well as could be expected. It was a civil call at first, him telling her about some of the new tracks and her telling him about life in a town even smaller than where she grew up. When he brought up her talking to someone, even if it was outpatient therapy, Rain could be heard screeching through the phone from across the room. And that was the end of their call.

  The next day, I decided to try my luck. I didn't bring up anything about the charges against her or anything else; we simply talked about whatever came to mind. I told her I missed having my road-trip buddy, and she admitted she missed me, too. I thought we were making a bit of progress. Maybe going to Odell was a good thing for her.

  The day before her court date, the four of us guys were hanging out in Jon's basement deciding what tracks we were going to do for some shows we had signed on for. It wasn't an official tour or anything, but our new manager, AJ, said it was necessary for us to get back out there as soon as possible to show the world that we weren't has-beens before we even had a chance to make it.

  When there was a soft knock on the door, Jon called out for the person to come in, assuming it was Rain finally back in town and ready to talk. As much as I wanted to see her, to know that she was okay, I was dreading seeing her face to face. Just a few days earlier, we'd had a huge blow-up because I tried to convince her to get help. She didn't appreciate that I wasn't saying she was using drugs. I was worried about her fragile emotional state after everything.

  My skin crawled when I saw Tanya walk through the office door. While they hadn't found any evidence to pin the break-in on her, I still had no doubt she was responsible for that part of Rain's problems. She was a vindictive bitch who couldn't stand Rain. As I listened to her talking to Jon, trying to get her job back, I started to think more about that night.

  The fact was, there was nothing missing from the apartment but it was destroyed. Why? The smirk on Tanya's face told me she was up to something, and I wanted to know what it was. She tossed a folder of papers at Jon, and I leaned in to see what was going on.

  "What does this prove?" Jon asked, throwing the folder back at her. "We already know all of this, and I'd be really interested to know how you got your hands on it."

  I grabbed the folder, opening it to see all of Rain's records from when she was in rehab the first time. Records that should have been confidential. I glared at Travis, the only person who knew anyone inside the facility. "You know anything about this?" I tossed him the folder.

  He flipped through the papers, and it was obvious he had never seen them either. Strangely, it was Travis who was the most upset by her attempted revelation. He shot out of his chair, wrapping his hands around her skinny arms. "Where did you get this?" He shouted. Travis was far too mellow most of the time to raise his voice, so it took everyone by surprise.

  "That's not the point," Tanya hissed.

  Jon slammed his palms on his desk and leaned over so he was right in Tanya's face. "That's the only point right about now. Her problems in the past aren't a secret to us. Hell, her problems, and the fact that she got help for them, are what led her to us. So I highly suggest you forget about this little vendetta you have, turn around and walk out before I call Cal and have him begin legal proceedings against you. There were stipulations to your severance package, and you may want to remember those."

  Tanya looked like a fish out of water the way her mouth kept gaping open as she grasped for words. "So... you just... you really think someone like her can just turn everything around? That's preposterous," she shrieked. Travis and Jon had a handle on the situation, and I was far too personally involved with both women, so I sat back and kept my mouth shut. If anything, my confronting Tanya would make things worse.

  "Yes, Tanya. Believe it or not, there are some issues people can overcome in life," Travis stated bluntly. "Unfortunately for you, being a bitch is forever."

  "So, she's still trying to deny she's a little coke-head?" I balled my fists against the leather cushions on the couch. Listening to Tanya slander Rain was eating away at any self-control I had. Not only that, this line of attack convinced me our suspicions were dead-on; Tanya had something to do with the break-in and the drugs. No way would she be this desperate if she wasn't involved.

  "I'm not so sure she is. Granted, I have no clue where the cocaine came from, but I think we would have known if she was using again." My head turned to Jon, shocked to hear him so vehemently defending Rain. Up until that moment, I felt like he thought she had been using again.

  "Oh please, she's managed to completely fool all of you. Having nice tits around every day blinded you to who she really is. A strung out little whore." I felt every muscle in my body tense as I lost control. There was no way in hell I was going to sit and listen to another word, and I was dangerously close to breaking my lifelong vow never to hit a woman.

  My vision clouded as I lunged off the couch until I was standing toe to toe with the vile creature delusional enough to think I ever would
have fallen for her. "That's enough! It's no secret to any of us that you had problems with Rain. But I'm not going to sit here and listen to this shit anymore." Why is she even here? "Jon, if you bring her back on-board, I'm out."

  "Shut up, Colton. You know that's not going to happen," Jon scolded me. I'm not sure why I thought that would have been an option, but I needed it out in the open that I wanted nothing to do with this woman ever again.

  "Jon, you know you'd be nowhere if it wasn't for me," Tanya cooed condescendingly. "I made your little group, and I did what I needed to do to keep you from falling back to being nothing because of the little slut."

  "Enough," Jon yelled. "Tanya, you did a good job for a long time, but there were plenty of problems at the end. Most of them had to do with you not being able to accept that Colton didn't want you. But thanks to your little stunt with the pictures and the way you treated Rain, you've done the exact opposite of keeping us on our way up. We're nothing right now. Unless we hear something from Rain soon, we don't have a band."

  "This will all blow over. You just need someone who can spin it the right way. You need me, Jon. Now that the world sees her for what she is, it's time to get back on track. You'll thank me someday." I slammed my fist against the doorjamb. I couldn't believe we were even talking to this bitch, much less letting her spout off about Rain.

  "What in the hell are you talking about?" Before Tanya could answer my question, Rain came barreling into the room, an envelope in her hands.

  "I'll tell you what she's talking about," she shouted at no one in particular before turning to look directly at Tanya. "You're a worthless piece of shit, you know that? The fucked up thing is you almost got away with it. Good thing for me, you didn't realize I'm surrounded by nosy neighbors."

  "Rain, what in the hell are you doing here?" Jon asked, more shocked than angry with her. As much as I loved her, and yes, I was still completely in love with Rain Maxwell, she was the queen of shitty timing. If there was a wrong time to walk into a situation, she would be sure to find it.

  Without turning her attention away from Tanya, she threw the envelope on the table. "Just dropping off some paperwork. But now that we're all here, I figured I'll take care of some business, too." Rain cocked her head to one side and then the other, putting me on guard to break up a fight between the women. "You couldn't handle the fact that I had everything you wanted. The talent. The fans." She glared at me for a moment, first in anger, but then it morphed into something else. Regret, maybe? "And when Colton and I got together, you really couldn't stand it. So you broke into my apartment and planted that shit, didn't you?"

  "I..." Tanya looked to Jon for help. He lifted his hands in surrender as he reached for the envelope. "You're psychotic, you know that?"

  "Admit it, that's what you meant about them thanking you for getting me out of the way, isn't it?" Rain's fists clenched at her sides, the rage boiling over within her.

  "Fuck you, you can't prove anything. Who's going to take the word of a senile old bitch? You probably made her say she saw me." The four of us men whipped to look at Tanya at her little slip-up. Rain hadn't mentioned anything about who had seen Tanya, meaning there was only one way she could have known...

  Rain landed one solid punch to Tanya's stomach before I could reach her. I really wanted to let her go, see what kind of damage she would do to the sniveling bitch on a mission, but I knew Tanya would not only press charges, but she would also sue the shit out of Rain for her injuries. "You fucking bitch. You're fucking stupid; you know that? I never said it was an old woman. And now the cops will get to talk to Colt and Jon too, once I tell my lawyer what you just said. Thanks."

  I looked at Jon, wondering how either of us was going to do anything given the fact that there were rabid women in our arms. "You think I can let this one go long enough to grab my phone?" I asked, looking down at Rain. I honestly didn't want to let her go. Having her in my arms, even if it was to keep her from tearing off someone's head, felt amazing.

  "Rain, you good?" She nodded at Jon's question, and I reluctantly released her. "So, I'm guessing I can throw this in the shredder now that everything's settled?" I looked at the two of them, confused as to what was in the envelope. I had a hunch, and I hoped like hell that I was wrong.

  "No, that stands." Her face was expressionless, and I knew she was leaving. She wore that face when she wanted to hide the fact that she was hurting inside. I needed to call Cal, but then, I needed to find a way to make her stay.

  I walked into the great room, giving myself time to calm down before saying anything I would regret. I could hear Jon pleading with Rain to reconsider. She walked out of the basement while I was on the phone, her head hung, not making eye contact with me, and I knew she wasn't as sure of her decision as she tried to make us believe.

  "Hey Mark, it's Colton. I need to talk to Maddie. Call me." I was sure Mark knew what she was up to and part of me wanted to kick his ass for not telling me, but his loyalty would always fall with his sister, as it should. To say I couldn't believe she was quitting would be a lie. We had been assholes to her, we hadn't been there for her the way she needed and she felt abandoned, her biggest fear in life.

  I wanted to get on the bike and ride to clear my head. Figured a ride to Sacramento and back should do it. Unfortunately, I wouldn't hear my phone ringing if I did that, so I decided to walk around Springwater Trail while I waited. It was one of the best places to go in Portland when you needed to get away from it all, even if it was busy from time to time.

  It was long past dark by the time Mark called me back. "Hey man, sorry to bother you," I said in greeting. There was no point in beating around the bush. I was about to ask him for information he was bound to not want to give me.

  "No problem, what's going on?"

  "I need to talk to her. Did you know she was quitting the band?" I tried to come across as concerned more than accusatory, but probably failed.

  "Yeah, Dale told me. We tried to talk her out of it, Colton," he said, sounding frustrated by the situation.

  I hoped that if he didn't agree with her decision, he might be willing to help me talk her out of it. If there was any hope of doing just that, it was going to take a huge effort; Rain has never been the type of person to change her mind.

  "Where is she? I need to talk to her," I said, knowing I sounded like a pussy and not really caring. "She can't just leave like this."

  "I agree, but you know Maddie. She's a stubborn little shit. Always has been," Mark laughed. I didn't feel like laughing, even if it was true. He gave me the address for their hotel and said he would keep Dale out of the room for a while. In a move that surprised me, he said he would run back to the hotel and leave a key for me at the desk in case she didn't want to answer the door. I guess Mark really didn't agree with her quitting the band.

  After a quick stop to get the room key, I made my way to the seventh floor, to the last door on the right. I tried knocking lightly several times, not wanting her to think I was pissed off, even though I was beyond pissed at her. She'd been throwing her tantrum, not listening to what any of us were actually saying for a month. It was time to grow up.

  When she didn't answer, I started pounding harder. Yes, I had the key, but I didn't want to use it unless I had to. "I know you're in there, Rain. Don't make me bribe a key out of the desk clerk. You know I'll do it." She didn't need to know that I already had the key in hand. If she knew that, she was smart enough that she would figure out that Mark was in on this little plan. I didn't need her pissed at the only person she was talking to.

  "What?" Her narrowed eyes and icy tone told me this wasn't going to be anything resembling easy. The door was barely cracked open, and I could see her bracing the door from opening further using her foot. I did the one thing I knew would get her to open the door; I reached to give her a hug. When she flinched, I pushed my way through, unwilling to listen to her turning me away again.

  "Gee, come on in," she said sarcastically as I walked past h
er. "I don't think there's really anything to say."

  "That's where you're wrong. There's so fucking much to talk about, we could be here all night." I pointed to the sitting area in the suite.

  "No, there's not. You know I'm not a druggie. I know you guys have zero faith in me. End of story." I could see the sadness in her eyes. There was a pit growing in my stomach, knowing we had done this to her.

  "Bullshit. And you're going to listen to me. Sit." Rather than sitting on the comfortable couches, she went to the dining table. We sat across from one another, neither of us talking for what seemed like hours.

  "Fine. Talk." She crossed her arms so tightly against her chest that I was expecting one of her breasts to pop out of the front of her loosely tied terrycloth robe. I tried to push that vision out of my head, knowing this was no time to start thinking with my dick.

  "You can't quit." It was that simple in my mind, and I needed to see what her argument was before I said anything else.

  "Um, I can. I did." Well, that was pretty to the point. I had to think on my feet to have a comeback for a non-argument.

  "Well, we're not accepting it, not until you sit down and talk with all of us. I warned you at the beginning of the summer; Tanya was desperate to get you out. Now, regardless of the fact that she's not with us anymore, you're going to give her what she wants? That's not the Rain I know. The Rain I know doesn't go down without a fight." I leaned forward, my eyes never leaving hers as I waited for her response. Being that close to her and staying in business mode sucked. I knew it was pointless to bring up how sorry I was on a personal level since her priority had always been the band.

  "It's not about her anymore," Her voice fell flat except when it began to crack as she held back tears. Part of me wanted the tears, to know she still cared. "You guys shredded me when you believed that I was using again. You did that. The night we got back when you thought those baggies were mine, Colt, you put that nail in the coffin. When Jon told me I had to get my shit straight and go to rehab, he put another nail in the coffin. When Travis, the person who knows everything I went through more than anyone else does, told me to get help, he added another. About the only person who hasn't done anything is Jared, and that's only because he's too damn new and scared to rock the boat."