She decided on Chicken Caesar and Diet Coke. He chose the Grill sea bass and a glass of white wine. Then they were alone again. She knew she should say something, but she wasn’t sure how to address him. Did she call him Andrew? Surely it wouldn’t be appropriate to call him Master Andrew or Sir in public. She hesitated, not wanted to give offence.
“I, uh, Andrew. Can I call you Andrew? Or should I call you Sir or maybe…” She couldn’t say Master, not in public.
“Andrew is fine. One, we’re in public. And two, we don’t have a contract. I’m not your Dom and you aren’t my submissive.”
“Contract? I signed one when I booked the training. And I filled out a checklist with my interests and what I wanted to try. I may not be experienced, but I want to try it all.”
“Yes, I could see that. The contract set out the terms and conditions for membership in Club Hades, not your relationship with your Dom, but we’ll come back to that. I’d love to talk about your limit list for a moment. You pretty much marked the whole thing as wanting to try. Did you even read it? Or did you not understand some of the terms? You indicated you were interested in trying puppy play, exhibitionism and TPE or total power exchange? How important are these to you or are you just curious?”
Andrew watched as Lexi blushed. He studied her face trying to decide if the blush meant that she hadn’t really read the list or that she had and was embarrassed to articulate her interest in these things. He’d clearly thrown her for a loop he realized as she struggled to form an answer. It was what he had intended. He wanted to get to know the real her and not some façade she intended to use as her cover. He’d get to know the real Alexandra Johansson, even if she was presenting herself as Lexi Jones.
“Do you even know what some of those things mean?” he continued, “Total power exchange would mean you were consenting to be my slave. You would do nothing without your Master’s permission. You wouldn’t eat or pick out clothes or even have an orgasm without his permission. Is that something you really want? TPE isn’t something you enter into casually. Do you really want to see what it is like to give someone else all of your power? Let someone order you to crawl, if that’s what they desire? Make you kneel and kiss their feet before waiting for their next directive?”
He could see her trying to form words, her eyes slightly glazed as she took in his words, her cheeks flushed, eyes glittering. He realized two things. One was that he was pretty she wasn’t pretending to be interested in the lifestyle even if she hadn’t admitted it to herself yet, and two, he was far too interested in her reply. He waited for a dawning look of horror, of rejection, as she took in his words, but instead, he only saw interest and arousal. Something stirred inside him. He had to get it under control. Either she was one hell of an actress or she really and truly did want to explore her submissive side. He had to remind himself that even if the latter was true, she had still lied on her application and was going to write a story about their club. He couldn’t let himself forget that.
He looked over at her sternly.
“Clearly you haven’t really thought about what you want. Are you sure that you are ready for this? Maybe you ought to take some time to think about it. There’s a regular training class scheduled in a couple of months. Maybe that would suit you better?”
“What? No. No, I’m ready. I am. I just… I just…” She paused and then the words came out in a rush. “I don’t know what I don’t know. I’ve never even been spanked… but I…”
Andrew sighed. “Don’t tell me. You read Fifty Shades of Grey and had a revelation. You yearn to be tied up and spanked. You think it’s romantic or something.”
“No, that’s not it at all!” she protested.
“Really?” He looked at her and it felt like he was looking deep into her soul.
“Fine, I read the books. I also read Cherise Sinclair, Candace Blevins and Diane Leyne and so much more. They opened my eyes to something that… I don’t know how to describe it, but it made me realize what had been missing in relationships I’ve had before, why I’ve always felt something was missing from my life. I want to know what it’s like to experience that kind of loving control. I want to be tied up and spanked and controlled, dammit. I want a man who cares enough to give me orgasms, who cares about my pleasure and what I want. I just don’t know what that is.”
She took a deep breath and then continued. “I hate the idea of pain, but erotic pain... I want to feel it, find out if I’m just romanticizing or if it really is something I need. Bondage. Submission. And, yes, total power exchange, I want to experience them all. And maybe I’ll find it was all a book-induced fantasy, but I need to know. Please Andrew, I need to know. I need to learn about myself and my needs. If you don’t think you can do that, then I’ll find someone who can!”
Lexi paused, half shocked with the words that had poured out. They hadn’t been planned. And they were true. Dammit, they were true. They were true.
She sat back in her chair suddenly feeling drained and embarrassed. She looked down at her plate. If he laughed or criticized or just about anything, she would get up and leave. Or cry. Or maybe both.
“The sea bass is great. How’s your salad?”
That wasn’t what she’d been expecting. She looked up at him. “It’s very good.”
He nodded and they ate for a while in silence. Then he asked her how long she’d lived in Chicago and about her family. He told her about his sisters and his love of long distance running. They talked about the weather, their favorite vacations and televised sports. She figured he was trying to help her relax, but it wasn’t working. She managed to speak calmly and project a composed demeanor, but inside, she was anything but.
She looked at him as he chewed. He looked like this was just another lunch for him. Maybe it was. Maybe he took prospective trainees out all the time while he decided whether they met his criteria and he’d be willing to tie them up and beat their asses and teach them the finer points of submission. What if he was so calm because he’d already decided she wasn’t worth training? What if he was already planning on going back to Gabriel and tell him that he wasn’t interested in Lexi?
Damn him for eating so calmly. She wanted to reach across the table and demand that he tell her whether or not he was going to accept her as a trainee. But she didn’t. She tried to mimic his demeanor while her insides churned with despair.
* * * *
The meal passed pleasantly as they chatted about innocuous things. Andrew wondered how long it would take her to become frustrated and turn the conversation back to BDSM. She actually held out longer than he’d expected and they were having coffee when she decided to take charge of the direction of their conversation.
“So, Andrew. You’ve obviously read my file and know far more about me than I do about you. Can you tell me a little about yourself?”
“Like what?” His tone was amused.
“Well, how long have you been a Dom? Have you always known you were a Dom? What do you do when you aren’t training a submissive? What do you do for a living?”
He chuckled. “It almost sounds like you are trying to interview me.”
She looked shocked but quickly covered it. “I am. I mean, if you are going to be my training Dom, I want to know something about you. It’s a big step for me to hand over that kind of control to a complete stranger. As you’ve already mentioned, I’m not experienced. I’m curious… no, that’s not right. That sounds like I don’t know what I want. I may not know how to fill in the picture, but I am confident of the outline.
“I truly believe that the BDSM lifestyle would give me peace and satisfaction, but I don’t know enough yet to know what I need. I’ve read enough to know that there’s a ton of flavors of BDSM. I need help to find which one is mine. And I need to know more about you to feel confident that you are the right man, the right Dom to help me!”
“You mean you don’t trust Master Gabriel’s judgement?”
“When it comes to my life and my body, I only trust myself, a
nd if that violates some sort of sub code, I’m sorry, but I’m not going to must meekly obey either you or him unless I choose to. I make my own decision.”
She wasn’t a doormat. That was good. A sub that knew her mind and chose freely to give her Dom power was the best kind. Andrew looked approvingly at Lexi even as a horrified look crossed her face. He wanted to laugh, but her expression made him try to hold it back.
“Oh, Andrew, um Sir. I am so sorry. That wasn’t very submissive of me! Please don’t reject me. I can do better!”
He couldn’t hold back anymore and he started laughing. She really was priceless. And she really had no idea about what was expected from a submissive, at least by an ethical Dom.
Once he started laughing, he couldn’t seem to stop and Lexi’s expression changed from dismay to confusion to outrage.
“I don’t understand what is so funny! I’ve come to you for help, not to have you laugh at me!” She stood so abruptly she bumped the table with her leg and Andrew had to react quickly to save his wine from tipping over.
Lexi looked down at Andrew. He took a sip of wine and then placed the glass back on the table. Then he just looked at her calmly, no longer laughing. Now he just looked concerned. He was probably wondering how such an unsubmissive woman had managed to fool his boss into believing that she was suitable for training. He’d report back to Gabriel and then Gabriel would get the word out to all the other legitimate clubs and she’d have only two options. She’d either have to seek out one of the less reputable clubs or drop her story and lose her job.
Fuck it. She had to get out of there and regroup. Maybe it wasn’t too late. Maybe she could go to Gabriel and ask for another trainer?
“Sit down.” His voice was so quiet that his words didn’t really register.
She reached down to pick up her purse.
“Sit. Down.” He voice was louder now. “Sit. Down. Now.”
His tone was different too. Lexi found herself sitting so abruptly she almost fell of the end of the chair.
“Did I give you permission to leave?” he asked softly.
“No… but… after what I said. I tried to give you orders. I’m supposed to be training as a submissive and I… please give me another chance. I won’t fail again!”
“What makes you failed this time?”
“Because I…”
“Because you set limits? Because you made it clear that you wanted to understand what was expected of you and you had to agree to the boundaries.”
“Well, yes.”
“In those books you read, didn’t any of the Doms and subs negotiate boundaries? Limits?”
“Well, yes. But that seemed a little far-fetched. I’ve never been in a relationship where we talked out the limits beforehand. We just sort of felt our way through what worked and what didn’t.”
“It’s not like that in BDSM. Some people love to be beaten with a cane. Others think a spanking is more than enough. If you don’t talk things over beforehand, how do you know if your needs are compatible. Also, there’s something called consent. That’s lesson one. You don’t ever let someone do something to you that isn’t within your pre-agreed upon limits. Not ever. Understand me?”
“But if you are the Dom?”
“Lesson two. The submissive sets the limits. If you have a no caning limit, then I don’t ever get to cane you. Period. However, if you say spanking is okay, then I can spank you whenever I choose.”
“And I can’t say no.”
“If that’s your safeword, but most people prefer something more unique such as pineapple or orchid. Sometimes no can be part of playing. Same with stop. Sometimes they are used reflexively and the person doesn’t really mean it. Using a safeword is deliberate and must be honored.”
“What if I use my safeword but I didn’t really mean it. Maybe I just needed you to go slower or maybe I need to talk about things.”
“If you’ve done any reading at all, you know that isn’t right. Once a scene stops, it stops. A Dom never pushes a submissive beyond her limits. And never, ever ignores a safeword. That would be ignoring consent and if a Dom does that, it turns consensual play into assault. If a Dom does that at a place like Club Hades, they get thrown out and blackballed across the whole BDSM scene. We take safewords and consent very seriously.
“Some people use the stop light system and I think it’s advisable for a newcomer because they are easy to remember. If we are in a scene and I ask you how you are doing you say green, yellow or red. Simple as that.”
“So I say red to stop a scene and yellow, you stop doing what you are doing and move on to something else?” She brightened. That would work. He nodded.
“Exactly. If you just need me to slow down or moderate what I am doing, then you use yellow. Red stops a scene. It should only be used if I am violating your limits, you’re feeling pain such as a cramp that I haven’t intended to give you or you are feeling overwhelmed by the scene and need me to stop completely. However, if a Dom realizes that a sub is using those words to control the scene, topping from the bottom so to speak, he will likely stop playing with her or maybe punish her for being a brat.”
“Punish? Brat?”
“Yes. And I won’t make you ask. I’d punish a brat in any number of creative ways based on what they liked and didn’t like. For example, spanking a painslut doesn’t really accomplish anything because they look at it as a reward not a punishment. My favorite punishment for them is to withhold orgasms.”
“Withhold orgasms?” Her voice was raspy. She cleared her throat and took a sip of water.
He leaned forward, lowering his voice. Lexi had to lean forward to hear his words. “Yes, I would tie my sub down and tease and taunt her and stimulate her to the edge of orgasm and pull back before she went over the edge. I’d to that over and over again until she was begging me to let her come.”
Lexi sat back abruptly and picked up her fork and took her time chewing a mouthful of salad and chicken as she pondered his words. She swallowed and then took a sip of water.
“And that’s why you were so focused on the list I gave Master Gabriel. You needed to know what I was really interested in so I didn’t keep stopping the scene. Got it. I guess I need to back over the list.”
Andrew nodded. “Why don’t you break things up into wanting to try if it is something you actually think you might enjoy and willing to try for something you aren’t necessarily eager to try but isn’t on your hard limits list yet. That way I will have a better idea of how to structure your training. We’ll also go over your limits list together once every couple of weeks. As you experience more, you will likely want to adjust your limits. You might be surprised what you end up enjoying.”
“If you say so.”
“I do!” He grinned. “Now, that wasn’t too hard, was it? Agreeing with your Dom.”
“Does that mean you are going to train me?”
“Did you think I wouldn’t?”
“After my outburst, well, yeah!”
His eyes narrowed and she felt a shiver go down her back. “We’ll have to work on that tone. A submissive has to show her Dom respect. But as for that so called outburst, I’m glad that you have a backbone. Submission is not something that is coerced or ordered. The submissive has to trust their Dom enough to hand over their power. But they don’t abdicate it completely. They retain their safeword. I, hell, no good Dom would ever want you to go against your better judgement or be forced or pressured into agreeing to something you didn’t feel comfortable with. Got it? That’s lesson number three. If a Dom tries to force you into agreeing to something, don’t walk away, run. You got that?”
“Yes, I think I do.” Lexi felt a wave of something, was it peace… acceptance… washing over her. For the first time since she’d overheard that conversation in the bathroom stall and had the idea of pitching the story, she knew she had made the right decision, not just for the articles, but for her.
She smiled with relief. She believed him. Over the yea
rs and any number of undercover assignments, she’d become extremely proficient at detecting lies. Andrew read as truthful. He believed what he was saying and it also aligned with what Gabriel had told her about the club. He had also warned her, as Andrew was, that not everyone was as ethical. She’d do more research on this. It would be a powerful part of the story, but only part of it. The center piece would still be her own journey.
“So, what happens next?”
“Does that mean that you’ve accepted me as your training Dom, Lexi?”
“I do!” The words popped out before Lexi had a chance to think about them. She was committed now.
“Excellent. Are you ready for your first scene?”
“First scene? Ready?”
“You know what a scene is, right?” She nodded. “Well, then, you need to have your first one sometime. No time like tonight at eight. I have a full dungeon set up at my house, but I think you’d feel more comfortable at a club where there are other people around. Don’t you agree?”
Dungeon at his house? Lexi didn’t register the rest of his words as she couldn’t get past the idea that he had his own dungeon.
“Lexi, are you listening to me? Ignoring your Dom isn’t a great way to start thing off.”
She looked at him but he didn’t seem angry. Amused, maybe but not angry.
“Sorry, Andrew. You were saying?”
He laughed and repeated his question. She started to nod and then stopped. “I agree in theory, but just how around will these people be. Will they be watching? Will they see you… me… um… ”
“Will they see me strip you naked and start to get to know your body and your needs? Is that what you are asking?”
She nodded vigorously.
“Next lesson. You always answer verbally unless you are gagged. Do you understand?”
She started to nod and caught herself. “Yes.”
“And you will always address me by title when we are in a scene. Here in a public place, you may use my first name without the honorific. Do you understand? If you do, say yes, Andrew.”
Kinky Book Club Trilogy: Written Submission, unSubmissive and Undercover Submissive Page 23
