by Hotcheri
What I had meant to say in response to Luke’s apology (if it had been an apology at all. Because wasn’t that a smug gleam in Luke’s green eyes? You’re imagining things, Celsi. Okay then) was a standard ‘It’s okay.’ But apparently it wasn’t okay; otherwise I would never have opened my mouth and posed that awkward question. Luke had kissed me. And I guess my subconscious wanted to find out why. When it comes to stating the obvious, Celsi, you’re a natural.
Because Luke was standing directly under a light, I could totally tell he was blushing as he opened his mouth then closed it again, looking suitably flustered. He definitely hadn’t expected that. Neither had I, but it was a valid point. He had kissed me unprovoked. I hadn’t batted my eyelashes at him or given him any ‘come hither’ looks. The question I should have asked him was ‘why’.
In a soft voice, he said, “I know. I’m-.” I sent a hard glare his way and he paused. I really didn’t feel like hearing the word ‘sorry’ coming out of his mouth right now. “I didn’t mean it.”
“How could you not mean it?” I took a step away from the wall now that my legs were steadier. When would the night’s surprises end? “Either you kiss or you don’t,” I argued, choosing the wrong time to be perverse.
Looking slightly mulish and all the sexier for it, Luke protested, “I was aiming for your cheek!”
“So how did you end up at my lips?”
That might have been the wrong question to ask, because as soon as I mentioned the word ‘lips’, Luke’s eyes dropped to my mouth and he stared for the longest minute before dragging his eyes back up to meet mine. Not the best way to defend yourself. Still, I was nonplussed. Why was he staring at my lips like he wanted to kiss me again? Was I reading way too much into this?
You’re trippin’, Celsi. Definitely wishful thinking.
And why was I pushing this? Why couldn’t I just be glad that Luke Astor had deigned to kiss me? Take it as a win, a once in a lifetime opportunity come to fruition? Why couldn’t I be like the normal girls and just squee myself off into the sunset? Because you can’t seem to keep your mouth shut. But I felt that I had to know. Part of me was insisting that Luke had kissed me because he liked me in that way, but I knew it couldn’t be true. Yet I couldn’t debunk that theory till I heard from him that he hadn’t kissed me because he liked me in that way. Can you imagine the daydreams I would have if I didn’t know for real what the deal was? I didn’t want to get hurt by Luke or anyone else. What can I say; I’m just complex like that.
For some odd reason, Ahmed’s words floated unbidden into my mind.
‘He's smooth. I guess I could say- he's been around the block a few times. He knows how to play the game.’
Could this have been what he meant? Was I just a pawn in a Luke Astor game?
Before I could think more about this, Luke spoke and I almost jumped. I’d been so wrapped up in my head that I almost forgot he was there.
“I told you that my head hurts. You- you don’t understand how bad it actually is.” He gave a humourless laugh, shaking his head slightly. “So when I leaned in to kiss your cheek, my vision doubled and I...” His voice trailed off and he licked his lips again, his eyes not leaving mine. “I shouldn’t have done it, though.”
No kidding.
I laughed nervously, clutching my purse. The sincerity in his voice was impossible to miss, which had to mean he was telling the truth and the kiss had just been a mistake. Are you happy now, Celsi?
“You really surprised me,” I said, tittering as I twisted the strap of the bag in between my fingers.
Luke didn’t crack a smile, if anything, he looked even more serious. “It was a total dick move. I shouldn’t be touching you like- like we’re best friends, not until we’re used to each other.” My mouth gaped open with surprise as he continued, sounding angry with himself. “But I just forget because you’re so nice and so easy to talk to.” The corner of his mouth turned up in a cute, lopsided smile as he looked at me. “I feel like we’ve been friends for years and- now I messed up.”
Involuntarily, my head shook from left to right as I tried to cut in, to tell him that that’s exactly how I felt about him, too. “Luke-,” I started, but he was on a roll and he just talked over me.
“I don’t want this to mess up our friendship,” he concluded, hanging his head as he stared down at his sneakers. “I’m sorry.”
Stepping closer to him, I put a hand on his arm, feeling his muscles tense then relax as I touched him. Is this how awkward it’s going to be between us from now on?
“Our friendship means a lot to me too,” I said quietly. I really didn’t want it ruined by this either and an idea popped into my head. “We can just- agree to push this under the rug.”
So to speak.
I didn’t want to lose Luke, now that I’d found him. When I was with him, I forgot about the real world and my problems at home. Luke had problems too and I felt that he understood what I was going through with Nate, even if it was just a little bit. He also had a bullying, domineering man in his life. Being friends with Shazia and Robyn was different. Sure, they were sympathetic, but their problems consisted of bad hair days and zits. Not ultra-violent cousins who would sometimes beat the crap out of you just because they could.
Luke’s eyes widened. “You’re cool with that?” he asked, twisting away from my hand so that he was facing me.
I nodded. “Yeah.”
“Just forget this ever happened?”
“Forget what ever happened?” I asked with my best guileless look on my face.
He chuckled. “You’re just awesome, CiCi. But I’m really-,” he started.
I waved a finger in his face. “Uh uh,” I said, noting the apologetic expression playing on his handsome features. “Say sorry again and I swear, I’ll scream.”
Déjà vu was kicking in. This was almost the same conversation we were having right before he kissed me. Gulp.
Luckily, before anything else could pop off, Robyn barrelled down the hallway towards us.
“There you are! I’ve been looking all over for you!” she exclaimed, totally oblivious to the awkward vibe that Luke and I were giving off. I didn’t know whether to yell at her or laugh. She doesn’t notice anything!
“Why? What’s up?” I asked. Maybe she had spotted our abrupt exit from the ballroom. Sure took her long enough to get here.
Robyn tapped her wrist, pointing to her watch. “I don’t know about you, but I want to get out of here. Do you know how embarrassing it is to have pervy old men pinch your ass right in front of your boyfriend?”
Luke turned a snort of laughter into an ill-disguised cough as Robyn turned to glower in his direction.
“Sorry, I got something stuck in my throat,” he spluttered, wiping tears of laughter from his eyes. Obviously, he didn’t believe that Robyn and Todd would last for long. Then again, it had been almost three weeks already, and that was practically a record where Robyn was concerned.
“So you want to leave?” I asked her. She nodded, her blonde hair bouncing.
“If you’re ready.”
Boy, was I ever. But in order to leave, I had to say bye to Luke’s dad (common courtesy) and the last thing I felt like doing was seeing that man again.
I nodded at an impatiently fidgeting Robyn, who was tapping her shoe on the tiled floor, and turned to Luke, who still seemed to be holding back laughter.
“I guess I should go say bye to your dad-,” I started half-heartedly. He shook his head immediately, moving closer to me so that nosy Robyn wouldn’t hear.
“You really don’t have to. Like he deserves it. I’ll tell him you said bye.” He shrugged. “I know he’s unpleasant to deal with.”
Understatement of the year.
I smiled gratefully at him and was rewarded by a gorgeous smile back. Damn, those eyes...
“Thanks, Luke,” I said.
He wrapped his arms around me tightly, hugging me against him. “Are you kidding me? Thank you. I swear, I’m
gonna make this up to you,” he whispered in my ear, brushing my hair out of my face.
Behind us, Robyn cleared her throat loudly and deliberately. “I hate to break this up, but are we done here?”
***
I stopped right outside the closed Science class door, swung the strap of my bag over my shoulder and drew in a deep, bracing breath. Time for a pep talk, Celsi. Leaning against the wall next to the class, I ignored the weird looks people pushing past me were shooting me, focusing instead on looking and acting normal when I walked into class. Be cool. You might be wondering why I was trying to calm myself down when all I felt like doing was backtracking in the opposite direction. Well, this was the first time I would be in the same room as Luke since the gala, so you can imagine I had a right to be nervous.
Try nauseated.
To make matters worse, after I had told them what went down at the gala, Shazia and Robyn had done their best to blow things way out of proportion. Things like ‘whipped’, ‘he loooves you’, ‘somebody’s in denial’ and ‘you’re so into the guy’ had been said, leading me to threaten to stop talking to them if they even mentioned anything about the kiss to Luke. I wasn’t worried that Shazia would say anything to him, mostly because she’s the most sensible person I knew. But Robyn- she was another, looser lipped story. Plus which, something that Robyn had said to me offhandedly had stuck and was currently making my head whirl.
‘A kiss isn’t something you can put behind you that easily.’
Damn her for being astute enough to figure out the real thing that was troubling me with this situation about Luke.
Did I handle everything okay?
Because let’s face it, the gala night was the first time something like that had happened to me. As in the first time a guy had just randomly decided to kiss me. Did I over-react when I backed away? What were you supposed to do, kiss him back? In the hotel hallway? Mental head shake. I don’t think so, Celsi Sawyer. You handled it just fine. I rubbed my nose, sighing. Maybe I did. I just hoped that things between Luke and I wouldn’t be different due to the kiss debacle. It was all his fault! But I had read enough books to know that one single, accidental kiss had the potential to cause a whole lot of problems. Yes, I am aware that I read far too much. Unfortunately, poor little unworldly me had absolutely no personal experience with things like- romance. At all.
Unfortunately, the untimely arrival of our gruff Science teacher meant that I had to cut my internal musings short and I followed her into class, my heart beating irrationally fast. Just chill, Celsi. Don’t even look at him.
Well, that was going to be pretty difficult, since Luke was lounging right in the back of the class, his woolly beanie pulled low over his dark, shaggy hair, chewing gum as he laughed at something with the cute Filipina girl next to him. And he was sitting a couple of rows behind me, which was unnerving, to say the least. As I slowly walked to my seat, focusing on my feet so that I didn’t have to look in front of me (and ultimately at Luke) I was sure that I could feel his eyes on me.
You’re reading too much into this, stupid.
He probably hadn’t even noticed I had walked in the room.
I got to my seat without doing anything stupid (like falling over my feet, dropping my bag, bumping into tables) and sat down, still breathing deep. Why was I still so shook up over this? I’m pretty sure that Luke had forgotten about it, so why couldn’t I? It happened three days ago; shouldn’t I be over it by now? Were Robyn and Shazia right? Was I (gasp) sprung?
No. Definitely not. I shook my head briskly, settling more comfortably in my chair and staring right ahead at the board. All I needed was concentration to get through this class.
Concentration? Yeah right.
A few minutes later, as Miss Swanson droned on about formulae’s, (a mind-numbing subject if there ever was one) someone tapped me on my shoulder. I gave a small smile, reaching back with my hand as Rick slipped something into it. Note passing time. Bored students passing notes were an everyday occurrence in Miss Swanson’s class. The fact that I was the one usually used to pass them didn’t really annoy me, even though I never got any notes myself. And I had gotten really good at passing and receiving notes unobtrusively. That’s a skill you can use later in life. Or not.
I slipped the note under my desk and looked at it for a name. The front and back was blank. Great, note writing genius. How the hell was I supposed to know who this was for?
Waiting for Miss Swanson to turn to the board, I turned to look at Rick, who had his customary ‘too cool for school’ expression on his face.
“Who’s this for?” I whispered out of the corner of my mouth.
Without saying a word (I’ve known Rick for 4 years and I don’t think I’ve ever heard him talk to anyone) he pointed his pencil at me.
A note for me? Bewildering.
“Who’s it from?” I asked, not really expecting an answer. Rick pointed his pencil (a trusty aid in conversation) behind him, right at-
Luke?
As I gazed at him, he turned from Jasmine, grinned at me and mouthed, “Open it.”
Like I needed any more persuasion after that.
Turning to face the front of the class again, I quickly unfolded the note. Yes, I was super excited. Note passing in class was something I hadn’t done since 5rd grade, when my teacher caught me with a note and made me read it out to the whole class. Can you say embarrassing? I felt like crawling under a rock for the rest of the day.
The note was written in Luke’s small, neat writing.
‘You look super bored. Wanna chat? :-). Luke’.
My heart leaped to my throat. How sweet! He was concerned that I was bored! He- chill out, girl! Have a little self-respect!
So I waited a full minute before I replied, so as not to appear desperate, you know?
‘How can you see that I look bored? You can’t see my face- can you? Celsi.’
I passed the note back to Rick, who gave a long suffering sigh but handed it back to Luke regardless.
His reply came back almost immediately and the note writing marathon began.
‘I wish. I can tell from your shoulders. You have really expressive shoulders. I bet your eyes are as glazed over from boredom as mine are. Luke.’
He had no idea.
‘Expressive shoulders, huh? That’s a first! I’m gonna have to do something about that. Celsi.’
‘Don’t! I like your shoulders the way they are. So, how are you? Luke.’
Even when Luke was writing notes, he still managed to change the subject rapidly.
‘I’m great. How about you? Celsi.’
‘Eh, could be better, could be worse. Do you realize we could text each other instead of passing notes? Wouldn’t it be hilarious if we got caught? Luke.’
Uh, no!
‘Yeah, I think texting would be safer. Celsi.’
“But not as fun. I haven’t passed notes in years! It’s worth the risk, right? Luke.’
I had to smile at Luke’s enthusiasm.
‘If we get caught I’m so putting the blame on you. Celsi.’
‘I’ll say I couldn’t help it. You drove me to it, CiCi. So, I was thinking… Luke.’
‘Wanna let me in on what u were thinking or is it gonna be a surprise? Celsi.’
‘U got jokes, huh? Are you busy after school today? Luke.’
‘No, how come? Celsi.’
‘Do you wanna come to the hospital with me? Luke.’
‘How come? You got a checkup? Celsi.’
‘No. I wanna go give blood but I’m scared of needles. Can you come hold my hand? Please? Luke.’
‘You’re such a baby! Celsi.’
‘I know, I’m pathetic, right? Say yes, please, say yes! I’ll love you forever if you say yes :-) Luke.’
I rolled my eyes. Ahmed was right. Luke was smooth. And even though I knew I would end up going with him, just to hang out, I decided to play hard to get.
‘So this is what you call making up for it? Celsi.�
�
I heard him laugh from behind me. A few seconds later, his reply was in my hands.
‘Trust me, when I make up for the gala, you’ll know. So… is that a yes? Luke.’
And he was persistent.
‘Okay, I’ll come hold your hand. It’s about time we started getting serious with your list anyway. You need to prove to your dad you can take it all the way. Celsi.’
‘I’d rather prove it to myself. And to you. I don’t wanna let you down. Luke.’
I smiled at that, a warm feeling in the pit of my stomach.
‘You’re not going to, I can feel it. Celsi.’
‘You’re a really awesome girl, CiCi. Like really. Luke.’
I flushed. No one had said that to me in recent history. It felt- awesome.
‘Thanks :-). Celsi.’
‘No problem. So, I’ll meet you at Mt Sinai at around 4? Luke.’
‘Sure. I’ll be there. I might even join you and give blood too. Celsi.’
‘I hope I don’t faint. I’m really scared of needles. It’s almost crippling. Luke.’
‘Well, this is a great chance to face your fear. Celsi.’
‘Hmm. That’s a good one. I’m gonna put it on the list! Luke.’
“Okay, Lucas, Celsi, Sharon and Blake, do you want to leave the class and pass your notes outside or you think you can hang on a little bit longer?” Miss Swanson suddenly asked sarcastically, just as I was in the middle of jotting down a reply to Luke. Blake’s pen clattered to the floor as he sat up straighter in his seat, staring red-faced at the front of the class. Several people giggled and I saw Joanna stare from Luke to me, a confused look on her face.
Crap.
Making a mental note to make tracks as soon as class was over, I settled back into my seat to listen to Miss Swanson drone on and on for the rest of the class.
Luke’s Point of View
I was totally screwed.
You know that saying, out of sight, out of mind? It’s a false statement. I hadn’t seen CiCi since the gala and yet all I could think about was that freaking kiss. And then she walked into Science class and it was all I could do not to stare.
