by Hotcheri
“And next time, don’t listen in on other peoples conversations,” Jake chimed in snootily. “Didn’t your mother teach you any manners?”
Ahmed laughed. “No.” He pointed at CiCi, who was staring at me, a mixture of hurt and fury on her pretty face. “Her mom abandoned her years ago.” I stared at Ahmed. What? CiCi’s mom abandoned her? “I don’t know what Robyn’s excuse is, though.”
A tear rolled down CiCi’s cheek as she finally spoke, her voice shaking. “Don’t you ever talk about my mom again,” she hissed, her jaw working as she turned to look me in the eye. “And don’t you ever talk to me again, you bastard. After everything I’ve done for you!”
I stood up, reaching for her involuntarily.
“Celsi….” My voice trailed off as I remembered that my friends were watching eagerly and I couldn’t say what I wanted to say, which was a huge sorry.
I didn’t want her to continue talking and spill my secret, even though she was well within her rights to do so. I had completely messed up just to save my own skin. But I really had no idea that she would overhear me talking about her. The old me wouldn’t have cared, but the new me that knew CiCi as a friend- I knew I had hurt her badly. And I couldn’t retract anything, not here, in front of my friends. I still had to save face. So I just gave her a cocky eating grin, spread my hands and said, “You had to find out that I was just using you eventually,” in classic jerk mode. Then I sat down and waited for the shit to hit the fan.
But CiCi didn’t continue talking. She just gave me a disgusted look which chilled me, largely due to the tears running down her face, and turned away.
“Let’s go, Robyn,” she said, walking away with her back straight. Wendy and Denise’s mean laughter echoed in the quad as I watched CiCi go, feeling like the biggest lowlife to ever walk the Earth.
CHAPTER 19
colors of the wind.
Celsi's Point of View.
Wendy and Denise’s laughter still rang shrill in my ears as a livid Robyn followed me away from the quad. I felt stupid, small, and pathetic. But above all, I felt used. All this time, stupid little me had assumed that I’d found common ground with Luke, but he’d obviously been laughing at me behind my back. He seemed like he cared when you told him about Rhea…. Because you were a pawn in his stupid scheme, that’s why. He had to act like he cared. It was painful for me to admit it but I made myself face the fact- Luke had had an ulterior motive from the get go.
We found Shazia in the library and as Robyn (almost foaming from the mouth, she was so pissed) told her what had gone down, I valiantly played the part of the victim, right down to the tears. I didn’t want to cry over Luke and his jerky treatment of me, but I couldn’t help it. I’d lost someone I valued as a friend, and it hurt. All I wanted was to go home, curl up on the sofa and wonder how I had misjudged Luke so badly. Am I too trusting? Maybe I was naïve, always thinking the best of people and assuming they wouldn’t hurt me. Most people in my life tried to hurt me, why did I think Luke Astor would be different?
When I finally got home, the hurt was slowly being replaced with anger and I had to admit, it felt good. Nate wasn’t home, which meant that I didn’t have to tiptoe around the apartment while he slept off his latest hangover.
Another rarity was the fact that Aunt Kelly had the evening off, giving her the chance to unwind. She needed it. I sank down into the loveseat next to the couch she was sitting on, resting my head on the armrest. My heart tightened when I saw her wince as she stretched her legs out on the worn couch, premature lines of age etched around her mouth. She’s working too hard.
And for what? Just so I could be another ‘girl with promise’ who falls through the cracks and becomes another statistic? That was going to be my life, I could see it. Hardly anyone made it out of our neighborhood intact, why did I think I would? Just because I went to a private school, had rich friends and wanted to do something with my life didn’t make me better than the people in my hood. I was fortunate, but in the end, I didn’t think it would matter. You have to make it matter.
Aunt Kelly’s voice cut into my negative introspective thoughts, making me jump slightly.
“What’s wrong, sweetie?” she asked, her warm hand covering mine and squeezing. The simple, loving gesture made my eye’s brim and I blinked away the tears. I didn’t want to tell her. She doesn’t need to know about a stupid teen story like this. But I opened my mouth and found myself spilling out the whole story, starting from the homework incident up to what happened today.
“He’s the one who approached me, it’s not like I forced him to hang with me like he told his friends,” I said, my voice cracking with rage.
It was a long time before Aunt Kelly replied. “I wish I could give you some amazing advice that you could use to get over this situation,” she said softly. “But all I can tell you is to steer clear of him. People like that- they’re more harm than good.”
I stared down at my lap, knowing that everything Aunt Kelly was saying was the truth. Being around Luke had already been more trouble than it was worth. He’d already gotten me into trouble with Nate and now that I knew that he’d just been using me, it was time to cut him loose. That didn’t stop me from feeling torn about the whole situation. How could he have done this to me?
“I was just supposed to help him with his list,” I mumbled. “I didn’t expect that it would blow up into so much drama.”
“He made his own drama,” Aunt Kelly said adamantly as I looked at her. “Luke knew exactly what he was doing when he asked for your support. He knew you wouldn’t be able to resist helping him with his list because- you’re Celsi. You see the good in everyone. And having him use you like that then turning his back on you is just cruel.”
I brushed away a tear as the front door opened and a drunkenly singing Nate crashed into the apartment. Back to my reality.
Two days later, Dalton School canteen.
“You know, I’m actually surprised that Luke hasn’t apologized yet,” Shazia mused, dunking a cookie into her milk carton while Robyn looked on in amusement.
“Calories,” she mouthed across the table to me when Shazia wasn’t looking. Dammit. Just the mention of that name made me lose my appetite. And hadn’t we already had this conversation, back when Luke had called me a slut? You should have just left it at that. Why the hell did you have to agree to help him with his list, girl?
I shook my fork in Shazia's direction. “Can we please just not talk about that guy?”
“You’re gonna have to talk about him sometime,” Robyn said breezily as I stared at her, one eyebrow raised skeptically. “Let your anger out.”
“What anger?” I asked, stabbing my jalapeno popper savagely with my fork. What, me angry? I wasn’t angry. Nothing to be angry at. Stab, stab, stab.
“You’re killing the poor popper. And don’t act like you don’t glare every time someone says Luke. Because you do. And you grip whatever’s in your hand so tightly that your knuckles whiten,” Shazia pointed out.
Immediately, Robyn, Shazia and my eyes looked down at my hands, which were respectively gripping my knife and fork so tightly that my knuckles were almost white. Not an easy accomplishment.
I let out a breath. “Whatever. He hasn’t apologized coz there’s nothing for him to apologize for.”
“Uh, I can think of several things he needs to apologize for. That ugly ass t-shirt he’s wearing today, for example,” Robyn said around a mouthful of lettuce, pointing shamelessly in Luke’s direction as he and his posse walked into the canteen. He was laughing, joking and no doubt acting the fool as usual as Ahmed, Wendy and Denise milled around him. And meanwhile I was just sitting here, feeling sorry for myself. Why am I giving him the satisfaction?
Shazia slapped Robyn’s arm down and turned to me, wiping away her milk moustache. “That’s Ahmed’s t-shirt,” she giggled.
“Why is Luke wearing Ahmed’s ugly ass t-shirt?” Robyn asked curiously.
Shazia wiped her hands on a napki
n. “He stayed over last night. Something about him having a fight with his dad.”
That was news to me.
“And I’m sure you played video games all night and bonded,” I said bitterly, frowning down at my milk carton. Why hadn’t Shazia told me that Luke was staying at her place? Why did I care so much?
“Actually, I didn’t say a word to him, even when he said hi to me,” Shazia replied calmly, patting my hand. “I’m on your side.”
I gave her a grateful smile and she smiled back. “Sorry,” I muttered. Great. Now I was overreacting.
“So am I,” Robyn chimed in. “Even though he is gorgeous. But that doesn’t excuse him from being a douchebag.”
Shazia nodded in agreement. “If he doesn’t apologize then he’s a fool,” she said heatedly.
Shrugging, I stared down at my brutalized jalapeno. “Why should he apologize? He was just saying what was on his mind. Anyway, I don’t want to hear anything from him.”
“That’s going to be kinda difficult.” I shot Shazia a confused look and she jerked her head to the left.
Luke and his party had taken up camp a table away from us, being as loud and obnoxious as usual. I rolled my eyes to the ceiling.
“I can handle this. I just won’t look in that direction,” I murmured, almost to myself, as I took a sip of my chocolate milk, almost feeling his eyes boring holes in my back. I’m just imagining that. I had to be. Luke wouldn’t be looking at me, not after what he had said. He was probably glad to be rid of me after ‘sticking to him like glue’.
“That kid is totally undressing you with his eyes,” Robyn said in her blunt manner, awe in her voice as she stared in Luke’s direction. I swallowed hard. Why was he staring at me? I wasn’t going crazy or imagining things, Robyn had noticed it too!
Shazia peered in Luke’s direction. “Oh, yeah, he’s totally staring at you.”
“I don’t care,” I mumbled. Do-not-look.
And I didn’t. I just wanted to eat my lunch then get out of the canteen and away from Luke’s presence. Is it just me or can I smell Irish Spring? It’s just you.
Unfortunately, ever the loudmouth, Robyn had something to say about it.
“Hey, Luke!” she yelled, her piercing voice cutting into my ear.
I cringed, my eyes fixed onto the boring lunch table in a strident attempt not to look anywhere in Luke’s direction. Please don’t let him talk… Because if he did talk, if I heard that freaking insufferable (but still really sexy) voice, I would snap and Shazia and Robyn would have to hold me back. I knew that some people at Dalton talked about me and I really didn’t care. But Luke… I thought I had meant something to him. It’s not your fault.
“What?” the jerk drawled lazily, his hands no doubt jammed into the pockets of his jeans. I breathed deeply, in through my nose, out through my mouth. Hearing his voice for the first time since the incident was hurting. It just brought back memories of what he had said about me.
“You lose something on Celsi?” Robyn continued.
Beside me, Shazia muttered, “Wow,” as she watched the show. I wanted to turn and look too but I knew I would immediately be assailed by the smartass grin on Luke’s face and I didn’t want to deal with it.
Always wanting to put her two cents in, Wendy snorted snidely. “Oh please. Luke doesn’t stare at clinging groupies.”
I gripped my fork so hard that it started to bend.
“Don’t rise to the bait,” Shazia whispered across the table.
I shook my ponytail back. “I won’t. I’m going to be the bigger man and let kids be kids,” I said haughtily.
“Don’t you mean ‘bigger woman’?” Shazia asked. I glared threateningly at her and she raised her hands in submission. “Your way works too!”
“It would be interesting if he did apologize. Then you could take a dump on him.” Robyn focused her scatterbrained attention back on us, and then wrinkled her nose. “Not a real dump, of course. But- you know what I mean.”
“I told you I don’t want him to apologize,” I said, wishing they would drop the Luke subject already. I didn’t want to hear his name again, but somehow I knew that wasn’t in the cards. “That’s why I’ve been avoiding him ever since that day.”
Oooh. Wrong thing to say.
Robyn’s eyes brightened immediately. “You didn’t tell us you were avoiding- that’s probably why he’s staring at you! He probably wants to say sorry but you haven’t given him the chance!”
“And I won’t give him the chance,” I said wearily, gathering up my stuff. I just needed to be alone for a while. Ever since my crying fit, Shazia and Robyn had been mollycoddling me to the extreme. It was sweet of them to care so much but I needed to gather my thoughts in peace and quiet. I couldn’t even relax at home, not since Nate kept getting drunk and picking fights with me whenever he saw me.
“Where are you going?” Shazia asked, looking up as I stood.
“I just wanna be alone for a bit, guys. Just to clear my head.”
Shazia nodded, the look on her face telling me she understood, even as Robyn shot me a puzzled glance.
“Hello, we’re having lunch,” she said, waving to her plate, which had an unappetizing looking salad just sitting there.
Shazia placed a hand on Robyn’s shoulder. “Let her go, Rob,” she said softly. “She just wants some time alone.”
I smiled and gave them both clumsy hugs while they were still sitting down. Then I walked out of the canteen without looking back and went to the one place where I knew I would find peace- the music lab.
The Music Lab
Or should I say the one place where I thought I would find peace.
Pretty much the instant I sat down at the piano, running my fingertips over the worn keys and getting ready to lose myself in the bliss that only piano playing could give me, a rush of cold air washed over me as the door opened. Instinctively, I swiveled in my seat, my eyes narrowing as I faced Luke, who was pushing the door shut with his back, a smile on his face. Who does he think he is?
“You’re really hard to get alone.” He stepped forward, a self-confident grin on his face as I slowly got to my feet, my eyebrows raised in pure and utter disbelief. Evidently, he couldn’t see from my face that my pulse was jumping in my throat with anger, but even he wasn’t blind enough not to see my hands balled into fists by my sides.
In a soft, dangerous voice, I said, “Excuse me?”
The idiot was still grinning at me like everything was fine and dandy. He took a couple of steps towards me and I was positive that he knew I was mad, but was choosing to ignore it. If you don’t get the hell away from me, we’re going to have a situation on our hands.
“Hey, you.” He casually leaned against the piano, hiding a yawn with the back of his hand. I stared.
What the hell is he on? Was this some attempt to get back on my good side to humiliate me further? Were Ahmed and Wendy giggling just outside the door, ready to come in and yell ‘in your face’ at any unprecedented moment? Was I just going loco? Why was Luke acting like everything was fine between us when nothing was?
I blinked rapidly. “What are you doing here?”
The question begged to be asked. Luke being here didn’t make any damn sense at all to me. And he continued to not make sense as he opened his mouth to reply, shrugging.
“Well, excuse me for wanting to hang out with you.”
My lips tightened. “Get out.”
“What?”
I jerked my head in the direction of the door. “You heard me. I don’t want to be in the same room as you and I’m not leaving, so get out.”
The smug, ‘I know you’re just playing so I won’t budge’ look on his face made my insides boil. “Wow, someone got up on the wrong side of the bed,” he drawled huskily, smirking as he took another step closer to me. I took two steps back. If he touches me I’ll scream.
“Are you stupid? Do the words ‘I never want to talk to you again’ mean nothing to you?”
Luke shrugged again. “I thought that was just the heat of the moment,” he joked, his dimples popping into view.
I gave him serious stink eye. This was actually funny to him, wasn’t it? Gag.
“It wasn’t.” Scowling, I put my hands on my hips. “Get out of my sight. Leave me alone forever.”
I thought I made it clear enough, but...
He raised his hands, palm up. “Okay, I can see that you’re still mad at me,” he started, striving for a calm and reasonable voice even though I could see a smile tugging up his lip.
“Oh really?” Quick as a cat, I grabbed up the music sheet book off of the top of the piano and gripped it in both hands. Pick your weapon. I was just doing it largely for show; I didn’t really want to hit Luke over the head with it. Well, okay, I do. But I wasn’t going to. Yet. “What gave you that idea?”
Luke started laughing as I glowered at him, wishing I could shoot sparks of fire out of my eyes that would burn that horrible t-shirt he was wearing in the process. “Put the book down before you hit me with it.”
“Leave and I won’t. Stay and I will.” I cocked my head to the side. “Your choice.”
Biting on his lip, Luke sighed. “CiCi, I know you’re mad. And I know I’m acting dumb right now. But I thought you knew that I didn’t mean what I said.”
Now he assumed that I was a psychic. Dumbass.
“Oh, is this the part where I’m supposed to say no worries and forget it never happened?" My voice dripped with sarcasm. “You humiliate me like that in front of your friends, make me feel like dirt and you think I’ll forgive you just as soon as you say you didn’t mean it?”
Luke scratched the back of his neck, hunching his shoulders. “I’m sorry,” he sighed.
All signs of playfulness had flown out of the window and I was glad. There’s nothing worse than being angry with someone who’s treating everything like a joke. Well, except for having over 13 mistresses and having your business aired in every tabloid across America.
