by Hotcheri
“Oh, Luke,” Hope whispered, stroking his cheek as she put Faith down. I wiped away tears, staring down at my boyfriend and fighting back a rising wave of despair.
Faith looked up at me, her forehead creased. “Why you crying?” she whispered, tugging at my sleeve.
“Because Luke's sick,” I told her, sniffing.
“He’ll be okay,” Faith said reassuringly, squeezing past her mother. She patted Luke's hand, smiling adoringly at him. “Right Luke? And you’ll teach me how to ride my bike like you promised.” She looked serenely up at me, beaming all over her chubby face as she spoke with such assurance that I was moved to tears. Again. Like that’s anything new. I felt like waterworks. “Luke says people should never break promises.” She reached into the pocket of her little bathrobe and pulled out a hanky, which she solemnly handed to me. Stunned by the five year olds maturity level, I took it from her as she said, “Don’t cry, he’ll be okay. I know he will. He’s my big brother. Who else is going to play ‘tea party’ with me?”
CHAPTER 32
ordinary miracle.
A long, stressful week passed and Luke was still comatose. Since Aunt Kelly decided that I wouldn’t go back to school until the bruises on my battered face faded, I visited him every day, trying not to let my feelings of despair get the best of me. But it was harder than I thought. Every time I saw Luke lying in the hospital bed, the shallow rise and fall of his chest the only indication that he was alive, memories of our last conversation flooded my mind, filling me with guilt.
Luke's condition was definitely taking its toll on the Astor's as well. For instance, Hope couldn’t take being in Luke's room for longer than five minutes. Her excuse was that she couldn’t handle seeing Luke so pale and still. Every time she did force herself to enter Luke's room, her eyes filled with tears and she wouldn’t look at him. She spent most of her time at the hospital outside Luke's temporary home in the Neuroscience Intensive Care Unit, curled up on the comfy armchair in the family waiting room, skimming through the magazines that the hospital provided.
Vanessa, on the other hand, spent every second she could by her son’s side. It seemed that she was making up for lost time, which was so bittersweet, in my opinion. She hadn’t been able to be with Luke for years, had missed out on crucial parts of his life, and now she was here and he had no idea. My heart constricted with sadness whenever I peered into the curtains shielding Luke's bed from public view and saw Vanessa gently stroking Luke's hair, or telling him a story about his childhood. She always had an optimistic air around her, which is why I was crushed by what happened when I accompanied her to the bathroom after a long, uneventful day. Standing at the sink and washing her hands as she stared into the mirror, her face crumpled all of a sudden and she burst into tears.
“It’s not fair,” she sobbed as I hugged her, my cheeks wet from tears of my own. “I’m trying to stay strong for everyone’s sake, but it’s not fair!”
Mr. Astor was always at the hospital, walking through the hallways talking earnestly to Dr. Khan, snapping at somebody on his cellphone or just sitting, slumped, in a chair in the waiting room, waiting for news. He still insisted on arguing with the many doctors who were caring for Luke, but Vanessa's calmness seemed to have had a positive effect on him. He no longer bullied Dr. Khan, at any rate.
Poor little Faith couldn’t understand why her brother wasn’t waking up. After being so sure that Luke would get better in record time, she seemed to be giving up hope, slowly but surely. She was quieter and more introspective, crying constantly and asking Hope why Luke was still asleep.
“I miss him,” she whispered to me once, her little hand reaching out to find mine as she blinked back tears.
So I decided to ask Hope’s permission to take Faith down to the daycare. God knows I needed some time away from Luke's sick bed. Tempers were starting to fray, most noticeably Mr. Astor's and Faith was starting to jump whenever she heard her father yell.
“Daycare?” Hope asked, a doubtful look on her pretty face as she glanced at Faith, who was solemnly engrossed in a jigsaw puzzle that she had done countless times before. “I don’t know. Do you think it’s a good idea?”
I nodded, hugging my knees as I leaned forward in the chair I was sitting in. “I think it would do Faith good to be around kids her age for a while,” I said delicately. Although she was five, Faith didn’t go to daycare. Okay, she was so rich she had a nanny and pretty much didn’t need daycare, but there was no substitute for being around people your own age, people who understood you. I wondered if Faith ever came into contact with anyone other than her direct family and family friends and felt a pang of sorrow for her. Poor thing leads a closed off life.
Continuing, I added, “She’s been spending so much time in here that she’s probably going stir crazy.”
Hope let out a sigh of agreement. “This is so hard for her, the whole Luke situation,” she whispered, her voice breaking as she said ‘Luke’. I knew exactly how she felt. Every time someone said his name, my heart skipped a beat. Please, find your way back, Luke. We miss you so much.
I swallowed hard past the sudden lump that formed in my throat. That was another reason I had to leave the NICU, even if it was just for a short while. Whenever I was here, all I could think about was Luke. His presence was everywhere I went, and it was all I could do to not break down into tears, begging God to bring him back to us. At least if I was amongst the kids, my mind would be focused on something else- namely, keeping Miss Campbell sane long enough for the kids to make it through the day in one piece. Not going to lie, when Miss Campbell turned red and started muttering under her breath, it scared the salad out of me. Sure they would ask me what happened to my face a couple hundred times (kids and their short term memories) but I could handle that.
“Yeah. I think she would enjoy herself.”
Shaking herself, Hope nodded. “You’re right. You don’t mind looking after her, though?”
“Of course not,” I declared, shaking my head. Faith was probably going to be the most well-behaved child at the daycare. Just don’t let William get to her...
“Faith, sweetie?” Hope said, standing up and walking towards Faith, who was dismantling her puzzle for the umpteenth time. “How would you like to go somewhere with Celsi?”
Snapping her head up at the sound of her name, Faith stared at her mother with wide, brown eyes. “Where?” she asked softly, glancing at me. I smiled at her and as rewarded by a small, hesitant smile back. My heart went out to her.
“A daycare, sweetie. You get to play with lots of toys and kids your own age.”
I gave an encouraging nod as Hope looked at me for backup. The watchful expression on Faith’s face meant that I had some selling to do. “It’s a lot of fun, Faith. I go there to take care of the kids. You get story time, a snack and you get to play loads of cool games.”
Ah, crap.
I was doing a really bad job of selling the daycare idea to Faith. Judging from the look on her chubby face, she didn’t want to go anywhere, but she didn’t want to be rude or make a scene, which was refreshing. Usually kids used any excuse they could to throw a tantrum. But Faith just nodded reluctantly and stood up.
“Okay,” she said dully, bowing her head and scrutinizing her feet. I walked over to her and took her hand in mine.
Bending down till I was almost level with her, I stared into her sad eyes. “We’ll have fun, Faith. Don’t worry.”
A flicker of a smile touched her lips as she looked at me. “Okay,” she repeated, not sounding enthusiastic at all. Behind her, Hope shrugged, her face etched with despair.
This better work, Celsi.
I hoped that my plan to integrate Faith with other children would be enough to wipe the sad expression off of her face.
Hand in hand, we walked to the elevator, past Mr. Astor, who stopped talking on his phone long enough to ask us where we were going. He lowered his voice as he asked and glanced conscientiously at his daughter, who was stari
ng fixedly ahead.
“I’m taking her to the daycare I volunteer at,” I explained, my heart thudding in my chest, even though I knew that he wouldn’t yell at me because Faith was here. Still, I couldn’t help feeling wary. Mr. Astor scared me! “Hope said it would be okay. I think that being in a different environment might help cheer Faith up.”
Evidently realising that Faith definitely needed cheering up, Mr. Astor let us go on our way without further questions. I scuttled into the elevator, Faith right behind me, and pushed the down button before he could change his mind.
Once we were in the elevator, Faith turned to me, an unsure look in her eyes. “Do you think daddy made Luke get sick, Celsi?” she asked me gravely.
“What?” I asked in shock, crouching down till I was looking into Faith’s pained eyes. “No, sweetie, of course not!”
“He yelled at him and Luke fainted. I saw it, Celsi!” Her face was troubled as she went on. “I told him not to yell before Luke was in hospital because he was being sick in the bathroom, but daddy didn’t listen to me.” Hanging her head, she wiped at a tear running down her cheek as I listened, aghast. “He’s always yelling. It’s scary.”
Faith’s shoulders shook with silent sobs as I wrapped my arms around the fragile little girl. She’s in so much pain...
She had obviously witnessed more than a child should ever have to, even before Luke collapsed in front of her. I felt a hot spurt of anger towards Mr. Astor. Did he have any idea at all how much his anger had affected Faith? Every time he raised his voice, Faith would be reminded of Luke's illness. It wasn’t right.
“Sweetie, Luke isn’t sick because your dad yelled at him,” I tried to assure her, wanting to let her know more than anything that Luke was going to be okay and there was nobody to blame. But how could I reassure somebody when I barely had confidence anymore?
Luckily, Faith didn’t realize that behind my convincing tone lay a turmoil of fear and what if’s. She sniffled, wiping at her cheeks. “Are you sure?” she asked in a hushed whisper.
I tried to shake off my doubts and my fears, trying to be strong. But it’s so hard!
“Yes,” I nodded, squeezing Faith’s shoulders gently. “I’m sure.”
The daycare was rowdy as usual. Faith stood as close to me as possible, her eyes wide as she stared around the room. I explained her presence to Miss Campbell, who looked more frazzled than usual. Her blonde hair wisped out of her bun and her eyes were reddened with either stress or anger. I’m not sure which.
Miss Campbell was so glad to see me that she didn’t even bother listening to my explanation. “Yes, alright, then, she can stay,” she exclaimed, flapping her hands in the direction of the playing children. “Just- go and make William stop climbing things!”
Yeah, Miss Campbell probably took one look at Faith and realized that she was probably poised to be the best-behaved kid in the room, and if there’s one thing our daycare is short of, it’s well-behaved kids. Not that I truly minded, though. I just loved how sweet and accepting most children could be.
The kids were running rampant around the room, William as the ringleader (obviously) and most destructive of them all.
I took Faith’s hand. “Come on, Faith, let’s go have some fun,” I told her.
She needs it.
As the children circled me, my body filled with glee, a feeling that I was finally back where I belonged.
I missed these crazy kids.
William was the first to reach me, closely followed by Jerome. He wrapped his arms around my legs in a clumsy hug, almost making me lose my balance as he grinned widely up at me.
“Celsi! You’re here!”
Helen beamed all over her little face. “Yay!” she exclaimed, clapping her hands together.
“And I’ve brought a little friend for you guys,” I said, gently coaxing Faith to stand in front of me. “Now, you guys play nicely with Faith, you hear? She’s kind of shy.”
“Come on, Faith; let’s go play with my Lego!” William bellowed, the sound of his voice making Miss Campbell clap her hands over her ears.
“It’s my Lego too,” Jerome panted, running to the toy box.
Faith followed William nervously. “Okay,” she said, glancing at me over her shoulder.
“Have fun,” I smiled.
Should I be worried that the first person to welcome Faith into the fold was William?
Giggling to myself, I followed the kids, picking up discarded toys as I went. Ahead, I saw Faith giggling as Jerome’s hastily built ‘Lego house’ fell to the floor. Yup, this was going to be an interesting afternoon.
“That was so much fun, you were right, Celsi!” Faith squealed at the end of the day as, tired out, we walked to the elevator. I smiled down at her, loving the bright spark in her eyes and the happiness that shined on her face. This was the little girl I’d first met, back when Luke was tickling her mercilessly. Luke. My heart dropped as I realized that I hadn’t thought about him the entire afternoon. Guilt churned my stomach but I pushed it away. I’d been so busy making sure that the kids didn’t tear up the daycare that I didn’t have time to think about him. Hand gripping mine with intensity, Faith pleaded, “Can I go back tomorrow?”
I knew it was a good idea!
“Let’s see what your mom says first,” I said diplomatically, pressing the up button in the deserted elevator.
“I hope she lets me go,” Faith said wistfully. “Will said he’ll bring his train set tomorrow!”
Once we got upstairs, both Hope and Vanessa thanked me for taking Faith and I went home, my good deed for the day done.
***
Home was another story. As soon as I walked in the building, the irrational fear that Nate was waiting in a dark corner, about to leap out and get me couldn’t be shaken.
Calm down, Celsi.
I scurried up the stairs, my heart pounding in my chest as I looked over my shoulder every couple of steps I took. Even knowing that Nate was locked up where he couldn’t possibly get at me did nothing to dissuade my morbid thoughts. The memories of the last molly-whooping I had given me were still fresh in my mind. I was thankful that Officer Rodriguez had suggested me getting a restraining order against Nate. At least I could sleep at night knowing that I finally had nothing to worry about.
As I walked up the stairs, my thoughts turned to Aunt Kelly. While she had assured me that she was going to call Enrique, I still didn’t know if she had. Unconsciously, my hand went up to my still bandaged cheek. If she did call him, she would have to tell him about what I did to me. I didn’t know Enrique well enough to gauge his reaction to that kind of news. What did one say after finding out that their only daughter got the crap beaten out of her by her own cousin? I didn’t know what to think of the whole situation, hadn’t given myself time to think about it, what with the Luke drama. Did I push Nate too far? Was it my fault for not knowing my place and getting out of line?
Aunt Kelly said it wasn’t, assured me that it wasn’t my fault and that Nate had some serious issues he needed to work through. Even though deep in my heart I knew she was right, it didn’t stop me from thinking that I might have driven him over the edge.
Do I want her to tell Enrique what happened?
There was a strong possibility he might take me away from Aunt Kelly, something I didn’t even want to consider. Aunt Kelly was the only family I had ever known. She had been there for me through everything! I didn’t know what I would do if I was taken to live somewhere else, even with my own father.
Negative thoughts were whirling around my head as I let myself in the chilly apartment. The usual bolt of fear ran through me as I paused in in the entryway, half expecting Nate to appear in the hallway, his top lip curled into a snarl, to ask me where the hell I’d been all day.
Not anymore, Celsi.
Shaking myself and my dark thoughts off, I walked into the living room, shucking my jacket as I went. I knew Aunt Kelly was home, the light in the living room was on.
�
��I’m home,” I announced, fully intending to just say hi to Aunt I before I got started on my homework. I was the best, always keeping me up to date with my schoolwork while Mrs. Williams emailed my homework to me.
The word ‘home’ died in my throat as my eyes fell on the man who was sitting on the couch.
It can’t be... Enrique?
He jumped to his feet, hazel eyes widening as he stepped closer to me, taking in my clearly beaten face. A look of horror swept over his face. I hung my head, my eyes suddenly brimming with tears at the look he gave me. That was the reason I hadn’t been to school all week, for fear that my peers would look at me like that. Only Robyn and Shazia had seen me in my bruised state and their faces had worn looks similar to the one on Enrique’s face.
“Oh, my God, Celsi,” he breathed, reaching down to cup my cheek in one hand. His voice strained. “He did this to you?”
The floodgates opened at the concern laced into his voice and the tears rolled down my cheeks, splashing onto the worn linoleum floor. Quick as a flash, Enrique pulled me into a hug, murmuring into my hair.
From the corner of my eye, I saw Aunt Kelly wipe tears from her face, standing up. “I’m sorry, Enrique. I should have realized-.” Her voice broke and she wrung her hands, a distraught look on her weary face. “I should have stopped him from hurting her.”
“It’s not your fault, Kelly,” Enrique said adamantly, patting the back of my head soothingly. “I just wish- I wish I could have saved you from all this pain, Celsi.”
Although my tears stopped, I clung to Enrique as we sat down. He explained that Aunt I called him last night and he caught the first plane he could as soon as he got off work today. He interrogated me, asking me how often Nate had hit me. When I told the story about Rhea, he squeezed my shoulders, muttering to himself.
