by Cynthia Gail
“Beth deserves someone who can be a partner and not a liability. All I’ve been to her is one conflict after another. She deserves some peace in her life after everything I’ve put her through.”
“You didn’t cause the situation. Remember that. And she’s a strong woman. Stronger than you’re giving her credit for right now.”
“I leave for Pennsylvania in the morning.” Nick rose and started toward the door. “I’ll be home in time Friday evening to go to Midnight Mass with you. If you still want to go.”
“Before you leave, indulge me for another moment.”
He didn’t want to hear anything else, but his grandfather deserved his respect.
“What is the purpose in surviving the struggles, heartache, and tragedy that come into our lives if we don’t have the one we love at our side? A partner doesn’t walk away when trouble comes. They stay and give comfort and share our joy when we make it through the trial.”
Nick stood in the doorway and thought about his grandfather’s words. He was right and that was exactly why he couldn’t simply stroll back into Beth’s life again. He had walked away. Not by choice, but the reason didn’t matter. The result was the same. He didn’t deserve to have her back.
His grandfather escorted him to the door. “At least give Beth the opportunity to choose for herself.”
Beth headed toward her parents’ home as soon as the salon closed on Christmas Eve. She had two cakes and three pies she’d made the night before and her mother needed help with last minute gift-wrapping. Most of her family had already arrived at the Opryland Hotel and would be joining them for sandwiches and finger foods later in the evening.
She should be happy to see her family. In truth, she was, but her heart refused to cooperate. In spite of the snow-covered ground and holiday music that played on every radio station she turned to, Christmas just didn’t feel right this year.
Jenny had called her on Wednesday and told her about Lauren’s doctor visit. News had traveled fast. Despite the bundle of nerves and anxiety, she’d hoped to hear from Nick. Two days had passed with no word.
The knot in her stomach tightened as she turned into her parents’ drive. Hopefully they’d be too busy, or have enough sympathy, not to ask any questions.
“Merry Christmas.” Her mother was already down the front steps by the time Beth turned off the car and got out. She gave her a hug and opened the backseat door.
“I only had three dessert carriers. I hope nothing spilled.” Beth reached into the back seat and retrieved two pies.
“They’re perfect. Thank you for all the help.”
Leaning back in, she quickly stacked the three cake boxes and grabbed her purse.
“Are you still going to Midnight Mass tonight?”
Beth bumped her head. So much for not asking questions. After closing the door, she quickly headed toward the house. “I hadn’t planned to.”
“I just spoke to Jonathon this morning. He’s hoping you’re still going to join him.”
She didn’t look back at what she knew would be disapproval on her mother’s face. Entering the house, she focused on the kitchen ahead. “I’m sure he understands why I’m not coming.”
“The decision is yours. I just thought I’d mention how much Jonathon wants you to come so you could think about it.”
As if she hadn’t been thinking about it for over a week already?
“I appreciate your concern, Mom. I don’t think going is a good idea. I’d love to join Jonathon, but if Nick wanted me to be there, he would have called by now.” She laid down the three cakes, hoping the discussion was over—somehow knowing there would be more.
“He may not know how you feel. He may be thinking that if you wanted to see him, you would be the one calling.”
True. She was the one that had pushed him away. She needed to apologize. But could he forgive her for not being there when he needed her? She hadn’t forgiven herself yet.
Jenny’s words had haunted her for days. When you love someone, you have to accept them with all of their flaws and baggage.
“I think everyone’s holiday will be better if we just let things go for now,” Beth finally said.
Her mother took her hands and squeezed. “Holidays are meant to be shared with the ones we love. I know you’re hurting, so I won’t push any more. Just think about Mass. What can it hurt?”
The cliché made her think. Could she actually hurt more than she did right now? Maybe that was why she hadn’t called Nick. Waiting left the tiniest bit of hope that he would eventually call her. If she made the first move and he didn’t forgive her . . . the rejection would be even more devastating.
CHAPTER 14
Beth entered St. Stephen’s church at 11:55 p.m. She’d gone home from dinner with her family and put on pajamas, fixed a pot of hot chocolate, and pulled out her favorite holiday movies. Her tradition was to watch It’s a Wonderful Life on Christmas Eve, except she’d plugged in The Holiday, instead.
She admired Amanda and Iris. They’d both walked away from love-failed lives and started over. Of course, nobody did that in real life. Who could leave their family, their home, their job, and simply move to another country? What she truly admired was their strength. In the end, they weren’t afraid to fight for what they wanted. To stand up and claim a piece of happiness that only one person could give them.
Where had her strength gone?
Panic swelled when she realized how late it had gotten. Eleven-fifteen didn’t give her much time to get dressed and drive all the way to St. Stephens. But here she was. Next to the back pew, looking for Nick and his grandfather.
She had no idea what to say. She’d tried to come up with something during the drive over, only to arrive empty handed. She would have to improvise after seeing his reaction.
Her gaze swept across the full congregation, not finding Nick. With his height, he should be easy to locate. She made her way up the center aisle and eyed an empty seat.
Her heart stopped. Jonathon was smiling at her.
“Is this seat taken?” She slipped into the pew as the organ began the final song that would lead to the opening prayers.
“I hoped you would still come.”
“I hadn’t planned to. Something came over me at the last minute and I felt I had to.” She wasn’t sure how to explain her conviction. The warmth in his smile told her he already knew.
“Nick didn’t come?” Beth tried to keep the disappointment from her voice.
“The weather in Pennsylvania delayed his flight.”
“So you came alone?”
“I had faith that I wouldn’t be.”
As the final crescendo began, Beth leaned into Jonathon and gave him a firm hug. He held her for a long moment before letting go. “Delta should have him home by two or three in the morning. Would you like to join us for Christmas breakfast?”
She hesitated. Christmas morning was not the time to make a surprise visit. Until she knew how Nick felt, she couldn’t risk a confrontation on Christmas day.
“I wouldn’t want to intrude.” She paused. “I haven’t heard from him.”
“He thinks you deserve better. I think he’s afraid you can’t forgive him.”
Forgive him? She couldn’t imagine what for. Lauren had created this mess. Nick had simply tried to do the right thing.
The music stopped and they kneeled to pray.
She didn’t give a final answer to his invitation. Just let his words and the serenity of the Christmas service flow through her, fueling the hope she’d come with into something more.
There was something special about Midnight Mass. Hearing the message made her view life as a whole, instead of the tiny specs she tried to analyze so deeply. Christmas came alive in her heart and gave peace to her struggling emotions. She prayed for Nick’s safe return, then filed out of the church in a silent benediction.
Nick jerked his carry-on down from the overhead compartment and followed the other weary passengers off the plane
. When they stepped off the boarding bridge, they emerged at the end of the longest terminal.
He wasn’t the only one who noticed. Several others, with more energy than he had, began to grumble. At three in the morning, the tower could have directed them to a closer gate. Like it mattered. He had nowhere to go except home and to bed.
Merry Christmas. The way he felt right now, he preferred to sleep the entire day away.
He’d never been in an empty airport before. Shops were closed. Cleaning crews were gone. Even the lone ATF agent at the final security pass was on the verge of falling asleep.
As he stepped onto the down escalator toward baggage, he laughed to himself. The only thing that could make this week any worse would be lost luggage. God help him if—
Nick had to blink. He hadn’t slept in what felt like days and he’d never hallucinated before. He almost stopped breathing. Willed the escalator to move faster. If there weren’t twenty people in front of him, he would jump the remaining steps to get to the bottom.
He knew the moment Beth saw him, too. Her smile lit up his heart with a fire that scorched every doubt he’d been carrying. Their eyes locked until he finally reached the bottom. Only two steps away now.
He dropped his bag and hauled her into his arms, dying to feel her body against his. Needing to know she was real. She had no idea.
Or maybe she did. He could feel her tears soaking through the front of his shirt. His own catching in his collar as they rolled down his neck. They stood there, locked in each other’s arms for the longest time. Forever wouldn’t satisfy the need he had to be with her.
He felt Beth struggling against his hold. He loosened and when she looked up, she was laughing. “I can’t breathe.”
“I’m sorry.” He chuckled. “I don’t want to let go.”
“Then don’t.”
The front door had barely closed when Beth reached for him. She felt the quiver of restrained power as his arms slid around her waist and brought her close.
“I was afraid I’d never have you in my arms again.” Nick’s eyes bore into hers as his hold on her waist tightened.
“I’m sorry about everything, Nick. I shouldn’t have pushed you away.”
“I’m the one who owes you an apology. All I’ve done is brought problem after problem into your life.”
Beth stopped his response, tugged his head down, and took his mouth in a scorching possession. Their tongues met with mirrored urgency. She let go of her fears and insecurities until she felt her knees begin to weaken.
She began unbuttoning his shirt. The moment she was finished he lifted her sweater over her head. They left a trail all the way to his bedroom.
Beth lifted onto her toes, sliding her body against his. She’d wanted their reunion to be gentle and slow, but the feel of his skin lit a fire in her veins that she couldn’t deny.
They fell onto the bed in a tangle of need. His arms holding her tightly against him as his mouth began a sensuous path down her neck. His body slid downward, his hands cupping her breasts, teasing her nipples until they ached.
Then his mouth was finally there. She felt his tongue circling the taught bud and then his teeth grazed the tip right before a soft breath chilled the moistened skin.
“Nick. Please.” She took his free hand and guided him to her center. That was all it took. The moment he entered her, stroking her deeply as he pressed against her peak, she exploded.
Arching into him, she lost herself in the ecstasy of his touch. Her fingers dug into his skin as he continued drawing out every last wave of pleasure, gasping as each new spasm coursed through her.
She took in a ragged breath, closed her eyes, and let her head fall back against the pillows. Her body tingled, every nerve ending sensitive to the feel of his body as he lay down next to her.
His hand began a lazy stroke down the center of her chest, across her stomach and back up again. He circled both of her breasts and then trailed up the side of her neck, cupping her face in the palm of his hand.
When she opened her eyes, his face mere inches from hers, she saw a mixture of devotion and hope.
“I love you,” he said. “And if you can forgive me for all of the pain that I’ve brought into your life these past few weeks, I promise to spend the rest of my life making you happy.”
Her vision blurred as the tears overflowed. She turned her face into his palm and kissed it before turning back to him. “I love you, too,” she whispered. “I was so afraid.”
Nick lowered his head and touched her lips in a sweet caress that made the tears fall faster. But she didn’t care. She was in his arms. She was whole, just knowing he still loved her.
His fingers began to move down her front again, making her body come alive instantly. As the kiss deepened, she ran her own fingers down his chest, past his naval and then took him in her hand.
His mouth left hers with a groan as he buried his face in her neck. She continued stroking until he rolled on top of her and settled between her parted thighs. Guiding him to her center, she welcomed him into her body and wrapped her legs firmly around his waist. The sensation of him filling her so deeply took her breath.
His body was rigid with control as he slowly withdrew and then filled her again. He kissed his way back up her neck and took her mouth, demanding as his body began a steady rhythm.
She couldn’t help the sounds that escaped her throat as he pressed into her core with every thrust. Over and over until she felt herself fracture into a thousand pieces. Her orgasm shook every muscle in her body, becoming stronger with every forceful drive Nick made until he suddenly went still.
His release set off an explosion of pleasure that flowed through her once more, leaving her intoxicated and weak.
Beth lay silent for several moments as her heartbeat returned to normal. When she was finally able to move, she loosened her legs and let him roll away. She grabbed the covers and brought them with her as he pulled her against his chest and wrapped his arms around her in a tight cocoon.
“This is the most wonderful Christmas I could ever ask for,” he said.
“Thank you,” was all she could say before a tear slid free. She didn’t know how to tell him how much he meant to her. That she would never again take him for granted.
He was her Christmas gift.
As if he understood, Nick tightened his hold and kissed the top of her head.
Beth!
Nick woke with a panic. Reaching out in his sleep, he’d suddenly realized Beth was gone. Last night was too real to have been a dream, yet his chest tightened at the possibility, even as his brain began to register the smell of coffee filtering in from the hallway.
He jumped out of bed and put on his jeans. The closer he got to the kitchen, the stronger the aroma became and he found Beth sitting next to the fire. She was wearing his black silk robe and had a blanket wrapped around her legs. He spotted the cell phone in her hand.
“I’m not sure what time we’ll be there, but I promise we’ll make it for dinner tonight.”
Her smile lit up the room when she spoke. His heart went still. She was the most beautiful woman he’d ever seen.
“You’re awake.” Beth set down her coffee and the phone, and started to get up.
“Don’t move,” he said. “You look comfortable. Let me get a cup and I’ll join you by the fire.”
He quickly poured his coffee and returned to the living room. Settling in next to her, he put the mug down and leaned in for a long kiss. He didn’t want to go anywhere today. He’d just gotten Beth back and didn’t like the idea of sharing her with anyone. Even if today was Christmas. Staying here alone, in his bed, would be just perfect in his mind.
Beth leaned back before he could completely seduce her to his thoughts. “I’ve already talked to your grandfather. He’s expecting us at two. I told him not to worry about feeding us. We can eat something here and we’ll have a full meal later at my parents’.”
Eyeing the clock, he realized it was already n
oon. So much for returning to bed. He frowned.
“Don’t give me that look.” She laughed.
“I kind of had other plans.” He wanted to slip the robe off her shoulders and let the silk fall to her waist.
“We have tomorrow all to ourselves. I promise.”
“You may have to call in sick on Monday.” One day was not going to be enough. Almost losing her made him realize just how vital she was to his happiness. He couldn’t live without her.
“I can probably arrange that.” She gave him a quick consolation kiss.
“You should check your stocking. I believe Santa Claus came by early this morning.” He had the satisfaction of seeing the most delightfully surprised expression cross her face.
“Really?”
“You told me that some of your best presents have come from your stockings. I hope you still feel that way.”
Beth touched his hand. “I didn’t get you anything.”
She had no idea how much she’d given him already. Just saying she loved him had been the greatest gift of all.
“You weren’t supposed to.” Nick left her side just long enough to retrieve her stocking from the mantle. He sat back down, lifted her onto his lap, and handed her the stocking.
Beth reached all the way to the end of the toe and retrieved an old velvet box. She didn’t open it right away. Instead, she peered up at him with a silent question in her eyes.
“Open it.” He tried to relax, but a small piece of anxiety rattled his chest, making it harder to breathe the longer she took.
Finally, Beth lifted the lid and stared at its contents.
“Will you marry me, Beth?”
When she lifted her head, tears were already beginning to fall down her cheeks. He thought they were the good kind, given the smile on her face.
“Oh, Nick.” Her voice broke as she tried to speak. “There’s nothing I want more than to spend every Christmas for the rest of my life with you.”
