Beth heard him approach after a while and turned to make sure. His dark hair turned black with dampness brought out the steel blue of his eyes.
He spread his shirt out over a nearby sagebrush. “Smells good.”
She dished him up a plate of meat. “Try this and see if you think it’s finished. The rice is still cooking. It’s too chewy.”
“I’m hungry enough to not care.” He settled in beside her and took a bite, nodding. “Very good. We should keep a herd of antelope with us always for just this reason.”
“Thank you.” She ate a bite, her breath catching when she glanced at him. Nicholas stared at her, desire in his eyes. Beth’s face heated and she stirred their food as if doing so would make the rice cook any faster. She shared his need but focused on their dinner as she heard him move closer to her. Seeing him without his shirt distracted her from everything.
He moved behind her and leaned in against her back, putting a hand on Beth’s shoulder. Nicholas caressed down to where her hand led the spoon. “I think this will do fine on its own.” Moving the pan a little away from the fire, he added, “Now, where was I? Ah, yes.” His lips pressed against her neck, under Beth’s earlobe.
She leaned into his kiss. “I don’t know if we should.”
“I do, and I’m tired of waiting.” He wrapped his arms around her, holding her tight.
Her skin tingled through the thin undergarment, feeling his bare chest warming her back like the flames warmed her front. “We’re so close to everyone.”
“I’m trying to care about them, I am.” He moved to her side, pulling her onto him and away from the fire. “But right now, I want to kiss you so much, I can’t think of anything else.”
She braced herself against him, hands resting on the ground above his shoulders. How odd to think passersby might suppose she had him trapped. Beth felt how ready he was for her and shivered. “I’ve tried to remember what I must do as well. This might not be wise.” He felt so inviting, her slip and his pants the only fabric between them. “Just a kiss or two couldn’t hurt,” she whispered.
Nicholas held her head with both hands, kissing her so her toes curled. Oh Lord, she thought, what had she just allowed? Just their lips meeting felt so good, it had to be wrong. She struggled to stay coherent by remembering Nicholas’s prediction. Tomorrow, they’d reach Daggart and the others. She’d retrieve her belongings, maybe have enough to reach Oregon by herself. Maybe once there she’d find a widower willing to marry her. A sharp sound of fabric ripping caught her attention.
“Beth! I’m so sorry!” Nicholas’s hand rested on her upper arm, her undergarment torn at her cleavage where he’d tried to ease down the material. “I just wanted…I’m sorry, sweetheart.”
She sat upright, smiling at his remorseful expression. Beth loved him so very much and this might be the last night for them to be truly alone. “I can fix this.” A quick glance around reassured her no one else lurked close by. Satisfied of their privacy, she lifted the back of the shift, bringing it over her head and forward. She slipped her arms out and held the garment in front of her. “This might be better for you and my clothing.”
He also sat up, letting her legs continue to straddle his hips. “I agree, but....” Nicholas caressed her bared upper arms and shoulders. “It’s still pretty light out here, I don’t know….”
His lips forming words tempted her so much, she kissed him with a feather light touch. “We can cover with a blanket. I don’t care. I need you.”
He nuzzled her neck while blindly reaching for the other blankets to create one bed. Nicholas used his foot to get the far end beside them as well before leaning back, pulling her with him. He held her secure, rolling over to where she lay on the bottom. Beth laughed at his actions. He asked, “Is this all right with you?”
“Very, thank you.”
Nicholas covered them both with her blanket, letting it settle around his shoulders and slide down to his middle back. He sheltered her chest with his, hiding her from even his own gaze. He nestled closer and kissed her neck, behind her ear, and moved to her mouth.
Her body ached for him. She spread her knees a little to allow him nearer, sharing his sentiment when hearing his pained groan. She opened her eyes, ending their kiss. When he looked at her, Beth asked, “How about I help you out of those constricting trousers?”
“Please do.” He lifted his hips from hers. “Does this help?”
She smiled at him in answer, undoing the belt and buttons, sliding down his pants until his hardness caught the waistband. Beth felt shy touching him there and knew how silly she was. She’d touched him much more intimately than this. She reached in and held him. He felt like an iron bar wrapped in the silkiest material. Surprised at how something so hard could be so soft, she looked up into his eyes. He frowned as if in pain. “Does that hurt?”
He rested his forehead against her shoulder, gasping, “No. Feels too good to be true.”
She smiled, enjoying the power her touch held over him. “I might have to help you inside me.”
“Please.”
“Kiss me?” she asked and he answered with a harsh meeting of their lips, as if he intended to mark her as his forever. He pulled back, pressing the tip of his tongue against her lips, parting them as he pressed his hardness into her. Both projections overwhelmed Beth with the sensation. She groaned, the pleasure unexpected and too much. Remembering their last time together, she wrapped one leg, then the other, around his waist. The action allowed him deeper access into her.
Nicholas pulled his mouth from hers to say, “Damn it woman, you don’t make this easy.” He lifted from elbows to hands. He resumed his easy thrusts into her. Cupping a breast, he said, “How did I resist you all this time? I can’t imagine leaving you alone ever again.” He lowered to rest on his left elbow, his right hand still holding her so intimately, and his thumb caressing her nipple.
Beth held onto his shoulders, sliding her hands down to his upper arms. One bicep hard, holding his weight, the other soft as he caressed her, sending ripples of gratification throughout her body. Each movement of his pushed her closer to the release. As he eased to rest on both elbows, his lips reaching hers, she stifled a gasp. Beth wanted him to move lower, kissing where his thumb had touched her nipple. The thought of him doing so thrilled her more. She wrapped her arms around him, lost in the lovemaking.
His breathing became faster, each exhale almost a moan in her ear. “I can’t keep going like this.” His lips pressed against her skin, Nicholas said, “Slide your hands and feet lower on my body.”
The request intrigued her. Was this his attempt to make their union better, and if so, how could such a thing be possible? Yet, Beth complied, her level of tension kept constant by his relentless thrusting. She didn’t notice her feet reaching his calves so much as when her hands touched his lower back. Beth stopped, feeling his hips under her fingers.
“Yes!” Nicholas gasped before adding, “No, no. Just…lower.”
She complied by lifting her shoulders a little to reach further down his body. Upon feeling his muscles providing the momentum, the string holding her passion at bay snapped. Her fingernails dug into his flesh before she could help herself. “Nicholas! More! Harder! Love me, please love me!”
He gave a strangled cry and she felt his own pleasure adding to hers. The summit they reached seemed unbearable with the rapture between them. Beth clung to him as much as he did her, their bodies rigid with the mutual release.
Several minutes passed before their heartbeats slowed. He relaxed a little, letting his body rest against hers. “Do you want more?”
Beth felt the desire in him filling her and replied, “I don’t know. There can’t be more.”
“There is.” He scooped up her leg so the back of her knee rested in the crook of his arm. “I can’t last for long this time,” he said as he began moving inside her.
“We could do this again?” she asked, seeing him frown as if in pain. His expression and her
leg being pulled so wide for his entry felt amazing. Unable to reach his lower back again, Beth settled for burying her fingers in his hair. She pulled his face closer, kissing him. Beth moaned as his tongue raked her teeth. In a move she considered bold, she touched his tongue with her own. He shivered and she suppressed a smile at his pleasure. Beth wondered how much control Nicholas had over his own release. She wanted to tease him and lifted her hips repeatedly to meet his every thrust. His words always brought on her satisfaction. Maybe hers could hasten his as well. She broke the kiss to whisper in his ear. “I didn’t know a man could be so, so much, before you.” A hard pant escaped her at his sudden thrust. “I’d only ever seen stallions so large.”
He cried out, “No!” and pressed his lips against her forehead. Muffled, he stopped moving while his body tensed. “Damn, Elizabeth! I can’t.”
His agony delighted her more than she’d thought. “I don’t want to hurt you. Just please you.”
“That’s the problem. I’m too pleased.”
She ran her palms up and down his body. “You feel just right to me.”
He let go of her leg and rose to his elbows to look down at her. “So beautiful, loving me like this.” He closed his eyes, letting his head drop. “I can’t see you like this without losing control. You’re my fever and only this will cure me.” He lifted his chin, staring into her eyes. “I can think of a future remedy I’d like to try.”
The idea of another episode like this thrilled Beth. “A future remedy?”
“One where I kiss every inch of your body.” He withdrew and pressed into her a little harder than before. “Even here.”
The very idea of a touch so unimagined shocked her. His kiss, there? Nicholas resumed his movements as a rush of pleasure cascaded through Beth. Each pulse through her body was more intense than the one before it. This time, she was unable to say anything, so she just held him tight and panted wordlessly with his every stroke.
“That’s my girl. That’s what I want.” He wrapped his arms under her. “You want me to kiss you everywhere, don’t you?”
“Yes!” Recovered a little, she added, “I want to do the same. Kiss you everywhere.”
“Do you…?”
“Everywhere, every inch,” she said and smiled when he responded with a shudder. Beth felt an impending release building in his every muscle. She wanted to shove him over the edge like he had her. “Please let me kiss you there.”
He gave a strangled cry, body tensed. “So good.” His every movement made as if under duress, at last he melted against her. After catching his breath a little, he said, “Every time we’re done, I think nothing can ever be as good. And the next time we’re together, you prove me wrong.”
She kissed his neck. “Likewise, sir.”
Raising so his weight rested on his hands, he asked, “Are you hungry?”
“Starving and not for you this time.” She grinned at his chuckle. “I can warm up our food while you settle in Buck for the night.”
“I might get dressed first.”
Beth laughed at the thought of him running around with pants around his ankles. As he fastened his trousers, she said, “At least you weren’t too naked.”
He reached over to retrieve and hand Beth her slip. “Between my clothes and your shoes, we’re almost fully clothed.”
She looked at her feet, still wearing her boots. Had they really been together and she’d been fully shod? Her face heated to an unbearable degree. “I wasn’t aware…”
Kneeling in front of her, he said, “I’m glad. It shows me our passion is mutual.” Nicholas stood. “Caring for our animal is first, dinner second.”
Beth nodded at his retreating form. She shook herself from a sleepy daze and pulled on her slip before poking at the fire. A few flames flared, and she pushed the cooling food back in to warm. She shivered, her body still tingling from their act.
Being together this way hadn’t been ideal. She loved him more each time they were intimate. Living without him had been difficult to imagine in the beginning, unbearable now, and would be impossible if they continued. She busied herself with the food, not wanting to think about tomorrow. She dished out their remaining dinner as he strolled up, sitting beside her.
He held up the canteen. “I’ve brought fresh water. It’s the finest wine this country has to offer.”
She took a drink and replied, “This is very good, but could be any sort of wine and I couldn’t guess at the quality.”
He took a bite and swallowed. “You’ve never had wine?”
“No.” Beth gave him back the canteen. “Not unless you include overripe fruit sometimes.”
“I’ll have to introduce you to the taste when we get home.”
“Oh?” His assumptions and cheerful expression hurt. She looked away, unhappy he continued to ignore her decision.
“It’s a treat when we indulge, especially at Christmas and New Years.”
Her food lost its taste. “The holidays seem very far from now,” she managed to say before forcing herself to eat one last bite.
“Now they do, but before you know it, we’ll be knee deep in snow.” He looked from the fire to her and caressed her face. “I’m already looking forward to winter nights with you.” She choked at his words, and he asked, “Are you alright?”
After gulping down water, she answered him, “Yes, I’m fine. I just don’t know what will happen in the future.”
Patting her back, he reassured her, “No one does, but I’m certain we’ll be married soon after reaching the others.”
Beth shook her head, regaining her voice with a final cough. “We won’t be married at all.”
Nicholas laughed. “You sound as if you’re certain and you can’t be. We’ll most likely be married by this time tomorrow.”
“No, we won’t.” The effort to say the words aloud hurt her as if she had a physical pain. She pressed on, hoping to make him understand. “I will not marry you, not now, not ever.”
“Good Lord.” He stood. “I think you’re serious.”
She gathered the plates and also stood.“I am very serious.” Beth glanced away when seeing the hurt in his face. She refused to let her feelings and sympathy sway her decision. “I won’t marry you, so please don’t ask again.”
“Is it just me in particular, or marriage in general?”
The upset in his voice pierced her heart. She wanted to hold him and agree to anything he suggested no matter how much it harmed her later. “I don’t think I should answer.”
“So it is me, then.” He looked west at the horizon. “Have I done something wrong?”
“No.” Beth put the dishes near the fire, unhappy at having to wash them tomorrow. “You’ve done nothing wrong.”
“No? This is illogical.” He took her by the shoulders, far more gently than Daggart ever did. “Every time we make love convinces me that we belong together. I can’t imagine anyone else I’d rather have in my life than you.”
“Yes, you can.” She paused before staring into his eyes. “You can imagine Sally.”
He released Beth, running a hand through his hair in frustration. “She’s not here.”
Any weakness she might have had vanished with his answer. His words confirmed in her mind what she already thought. “And you love me only because I am?”
He laughed without humor. “You being here is a large part of it, yes. Otherwise, I’d find it very difficult to love you.”
She shook her head. Nicholas loved Sally despite the circumstances, while his feelings for Beth were circumstantial. She seemed doomed to always fill the shoes of a deceased wife. “I absolutely will not marry you, Nicholas. Not now, not ever. I plan on marrying someone else when we arrive, saying you were the perfect gentleman. I’ll tell them you believed I was married to someone else and respected me.”
“You are not married to Bartlett and you will not marry anyone else but me.” He ground out between gritted teeth, “Not now, not ever.”
His order
angered her and Beth put her hands on her hips, close to raising her voice. “Again, I will marry someone else, anyone else suitable for me.” She searched her memory for someone they knew to be a widower. “Mr. Calhoon, maybe. He’s still grieving but might need help with the children.”
“Calhoon?” Nicholas squinted, each word enunciated from fury. “Have you even spoken to him? Touched him like you have me?”
His suggestion shocked and repulsed Beth. “Goodness no! I’ve chatted with him in passing, but never…not like with you, no.”
He crossed his arms, a smug expression on his face. “And yet you prefer him to me?”
No, she preferred no one in this world to him. Unlike how he preferred her because Sally was dead. “Yes, I do want him, and will marry him if he’ll have me.”
Letting his arms fall to his side as if in defeat, he stated, “Tell me why and I’ll abide by your decision.”
The sadness displayed in Nicholas’s expression upset her too. Beth tried to think of how best to tell him her plan. “Mr. Calhoon is a fine man who needs a woman to help his family. With being a replacement wife to first Daggart and then you, I’d prefer to go on and be a replacement wife to him.”
“A replacement wife is what you’d call yourself?”
“Yes.” She waited for him to say more. When he remained silent, Beth continued. “Mr. Calhoon is my second choice for a husband, which, from what I’ve learned, is what I need. That way, we’re both a consolation prize in our marriage.”
“This is assuming Calhoon is interested in a second wife. And assuming I’ll let you marry him at all, which won’t happen.”
She smiled a little, knowing he wasn’t as much the boss of her as he thought. “You don’t have a choice.”
“I’m beginning to believe you.” He straightened out their rumpled bedrolls. “What I don’t understand is how you love me, yet are willing to marry anyone else.”
Beth shook her head and had to argue with him, “Not just anyone else.”
His eyes narrowed. “But not me.”
“No, Nicholas, not you. I refuse to marry you because you’re my first love and I’m not yours. I’ve been down this path and refuse to live a life in love with a man who’s using me as a bookmark in his life.”
Undeniable - Book One: The Oregon Trail Series Page 32
