Chapter 15
Nick breathed in deeply, enjoying the smell of early morning mixed with the scent of Beth’s hair. She lay in his arms, head resting on his now numb shoulder. He grinned, wondering how to get started on the day. She’d been such a heavy sleeper so far. He might get away without waking her. The guilt of two nights ago didn’t haunt him anymore. Not after he’d told Beth how conflicted he’d been. He leaned forward a bit and kissed her. Admitting he still loved Sally hurt to say, and yet Beth seemed to understand. Nick felt her heart beat under his hand. He’d never wanted to move on from Sally’s death, but the woman he held gave his heart no choice.
Thinking of how passionate she’d been with him last night, his body awakened against her. He stifled a chuckle and eased his arm out from under Beth. While he’d like to wake her with kisses and more, they needed to reach the wagon train soon. He’d bought as much as they could carry back, and yet it might not be enough. He didn’t want to take the chance on having to let her go hungry. They’d either need to find some game animals, or he’d need to give her his rations. Nick shrugged at his thoughts. There’d been plenty of days he’d been too distracted by sorrow to eat. He didn’t want that for Beth though.
By the time he’d walked Buck to water and let him graze at the sparse grass, she had woken up. Beth held the cook pot and a cup. “Good morning. I’ll get water for the coffee and breakfast if you’ll build the fire. I’d also like to wash up for the day.”
She walked by him as he said, “All right.” He watched after her, puzzled by her expression. She didn’t seem as happy on the outside as he felt on the inside. He turned, going back to their small camp. She’d probably just had a bad dream, he figured.
He secured Buck, stoked the fire, and rolled up their bedding. After setting them aside, he dug out the foodstuffs for the meal. Nick looked at his personal saddlebag. He’d brought his Bible and retrieved the little book. Opening it in the middle, he found his drawing of Sally. He heard a sound at his side. Beth stood beside him, looking at the sketch. “This is my Sally. We’d not been married long, so I just wanted to have some sort of portrait of her. I tried to capture the laughter in her eyes.” He took the paper and held it up for Beth to see.
She took the depiction, saying, “Oh, Nicholas, this is beautiful, she’s beautiful.” Tears welled in her eyes. “You drew this yourself, then?” He nodded and she continued, “I had no idea you were such an artist.”
Her praise embarrassed him a little. Nick held out his hand to replace the picture in the Bible. “I’m not sure drawing anatomy in medical school made me an artist.”
“Yes,” she gave him the picture. “Yes, it did. You have an amazing talent.” She sniffed, wiping the tears with a sleeve. “I’m sorry to be so emotional. This took me by surprise, how lovely she was and how much of her personality you’ve shown.”
“Do you think so?” He enjoyed her praise. Nick liked hearing his opinion of Sally echoed by someone else.
“Absolutely. I think it’s amazing how a few lines in charcoal can say so much with no words.” She picked up the cook pot, checking the coffee. “I wish you’d met Lizzy. I should think Daggart would like a drawing of her as well. At least, I would like one.” Beth poured their drinks.
He took the cup she offered. “I’m not inclined to do anything for him, especially now. And yet, if Lizzy still lived, I might never have met you.”
“Maybe.” She took a drink. “I might have found my own husband by now, instead of being a spinster. My father might still be alive, and I might have my own farm with my husband or stay at the family place.” Beth shrugged. “A lot of mights that never happened, I suppose.”
Nick also drank his coffee, thinking of how close they’d been to never meeting. He didn’t like the idea of her married to anyone else now that Daggart had been dealt with. “Spinster, hmm? Did you ever have a husband in mind?”
“A few. Henry at the general store seemed nice, but wanting him was selfish on my part.”
He’d met the man and remembered very little about him. Other than the obvious as a successful business owner, Nick didn’t think Henry had much to offer Beth. Not as much as he himself did. “How were you selfish?”
“I wanted him for all that fabric and wool he’d order for me.”
Nick laughed, relieved she’d not lost her heart to the man. “You know at some point you’d have too much to ever use.”
“Nevertheless, I’d have liked to try having too much.” Standing and smoothing her skirt, she added, “But he’d never live on the farm, and I wasn’t resigned to living in town.”
“I suppose my family’s place being at the edge of both is in my favor?” he blurted before realizing how much like a proposal his words could sound to her. Self-conscious, he walked a few feet away to dump out the coffee grounds.
“Very much in your favor.” Beth helped him pack the cups and bedding. “Or at least for me it would be if I were in the market for a farm. The best of both worlds.”
He smiled, nodding, “I think so, too.” A little glimpse of sadness on her face puzzled him. “I don’t suppose any other man appealed, or you’d have refused the request your father and Daggart made.”
“Some suitors did seem like good husbands, most did not.” She followed him to where Buck stood. “When I did see a man I rather liked, I couldn’t speak to him.”
He reflected back, wondering if she’d ever been shy with him. “So maybe being married at first helped you talk with me? Assuming you rather liked me and all.”
“It’s pretty clear I do like you. I was so angry at Daggart when you and I met.” Beth hopped up onto the horse, sitting behind Nick. “I forgot my shyness and later, speaking with you stayed easy.”
“I’m glad, hope it always does.” He settled in, ready to ride for at least ten miles before noon. The way he figured it, they had a good five days of riding before reaching the others. Maybe fewer if illness, death, or weather delayed the train. Nick reviewed the supplies they had on hand. Beth might be a marvel with catching fish, but he’d been in too much of a hurry to pack a hook. “If I see a deer, I’m taking the shot.”
“Venison sounds good right now.” She patted his shoulder. “I’ll help watch.”
“We should be finding more as we go.” He looked back at her and saw Beth nod. Facing forward, he breathed in, the cool air feeling good in his lungs. Nick enjoyed how mountains hugged the horizon, some distant and blue, others closer and brighter colored. Buck’s hooves sounded a steady beat as they continued covering the dry, rocky land. Whenever the animal nudged sagebrush, the spicy scent surrounded them.
Nick had time to consider two choices in how they reached the group. One way they skirted the Platte for an extra couple of days. Most travelers took that route in the trail’s first few years. With the detailed guidebooks published since, folks began cutting across some hostile country in an effort to save time.
They crossed a murky creek. He could smell the stagnant water from horseback. “Next time we stop, let’s make sure to drink our fill. This might be fine, but as long as the canteen is full and we’re this close to the Platte, I’d rather wait.” He turned to her, adding, “We can always cut across to the river, if you’d prefer.”
Beth bit her lip. “Which would add a few days to our travel time.”
“Exactly.” He liked how she’d drawn the same conclusion, and loved how she looked when pondering a problem.
“I can wait until later too. We’ll make what we have last.”
He faced front and nudged Buck to a faster walk. “Very well.” He loved the sound of her voice, but didn’t want to chatter. Yet, Nick wanted to learn more about her. Had she given any thought to life after Bartlett, he wondered. Curiosity chewed at him, so he asked, “No suitors, none serious, so you can go anywhere you choose. I suppose, even Independence is a possibility.”
“I suppose so.”
He stifled a sigh, now knowing how she must have felt yesterday with h
is short answers. After waiting to see if she said anything more, Nick added, “Or, there’s Oregon Territory. Men outnumber women, still.”
“I can imagine. It’s probably why so many men marry Indian women there.”
“Hm. I suppose that’s true for some.” Nick felt her hands on his shoulders.
“You’d mentioned both a wife and a child, and losing them.”
He searched his memories with her for such a statement, asking, “I did?”
“Yes, after the accident where….”
“I remember now.” He’d forgotten, upset from the man’s injuries and the sight of so much blood in one place again. Nick tried to find the words to tell Beth what happened to his family.
She interrupted his thoughts, saying, “I suppose not telling anyone you’re a doctor is beneficial. People wouldn’t be asking for cures night and day.”
Smiling at her concern for him, he replied, “It’s not that, so much. Although, that’s a good reason to stay quiet.” Nick shook his head. “It’s more serious than inconvenience.” He breathed in deep for the nerve to tell her what happened without becoming maudlin. “I worked hard to save my wife and child. When Sally bled to death, I tried a cesarean but not in time to save our son.” He sighed, still disgusted at his incompetence. “So, I cut her open for no reason. The two patients I’d give my life to save and I lost both in the same hour.”
“Oh no. I’m sorry, Nicholas, truly I am. Is that why you’d looked so unkempt back in Independence?”
He squeezed her hand. “Pretty much. I didn’t care anymore. I’d been at my cabin, alone, when Sam pulled me with him to Independence. Out of spite, I didn’t shave and bathed only when I couldn’t stand myself anymore.”
“I could tell.”
Nick laughed at her sardonic tone. “I did my best to get him to leave me alone, hoping he’d tell me to turn tail and leave already.”
“Was it just you and him?”
“No, all our hands were there too. We’d met up with them after helping you and Bartlett. They threatened me with a dunking, and I’m still sure Lawrence could have thrown me in himself.”
“Would he have?”
“I’d like to think they were joking.”
“Not as bad as you smelled.”
“What was that?” Nick laughed before she could reply. “You thought so too?”
“I’m so sorry, but yes,” she laughed. “You smelled horrible. Your horse smelled better except where you’d touched him.”
“You hid your disgust really well. Thank you for that.”
“Thank you for bathing at last.” She wrapped her arms around him, leaning against him. “I’m glad Mr. Granville insisted you accompany him. I like having you as a friend.”
The action comforted Nick, and her soft admission made him feel like mashed potatoes inside. Eloquent speeches escaped him, and all he could say was, “I feel the same.”
He enjoyed the feeling of contentment within him, having done without it for far too long. They rode on with her arms around him for the rest of the morning and into the afternoon. Around midday, he asked, “Do we need to stop?”
“I’d like to stretch my legs and maybe have some privacy,” Beth said as if just awakened.
“We can do that.” He directed Buck closer to some scrub brush, pulled the reins to stop, and held out his hand for her. When both of them were on the ground he added, “If you need to, I’ll keep my back turned.”
“Thank you,” she murmured. “We could have the biscuits and maybe a drink of water?”
“I’ll have them ready by the time you’ve returned.” He watched as she nodded and laughed when she made a turnaround gesture to him. He obliged and found their luncheon, even breaking out the preserves in case she’d ask. Beth returned and they ate without talking. After a final drink, they both returned to the trail. He rather wished she’d put her arms around him again. Nick also wanted to hear more of her life on the farm. A few abortive attempts to start a conversation later, he decided to wait until her mood improved. Her sweet, quiet, but short answers let him know her feelings.
The sun inched ever closer to the horizon. When the light dipped behind the mountains, he had to admit they’d not find water this evening. “I hate to say this, but tomorrow is our best bet for refilling the canteen.”
“I was wondering if we’d ever reach a spring of some sort.” She patted his shoulder. “There’s still water left and if we reach a creek by tomorrow noon, we should be fine, right?”
“We should. We’ll rejoin the Platte River tomorrow.” He looked back at her, stopping the horse at a dry gulch. “Would you mind sharing with Buck? Not much, but some?”
“Of course we’ll share.” She took his offered hand and dismounted. “There’s not a lot of anything for him to eat either, so he’ll need the moisture.”
Nick smiled at her consideration for his animal. “I’m sure he’d appreciate that.” He began the now familiar ritual of bunking down for the night and she helped. With nothing liquid to spare, he didn’t bother with a fire. “How about you and I share what’s left of the bread, and tomorrow, when we stop for noon we’ll have a big meal.”
Beth shrugged, hands on her hips. “I don’t see how we have much of a choice.”
He didn’t want her feeling trapped. “There’s always a choice. We could cut across to the Platte. It would take an extra few days….”
“No, I can make do until tomorrow, certainly.” She took the jam and biscuit he offered. She ate in a hurry and took a quick drink before holding the water out to him. “Too bad you didn’t bring whisky.”
The idea amused him and he retorted, “A big enough bottle and as thirsty as we are, who knows where we’d be?” Her grin felt like a reward to him. He accepted the canteen from her and drank. A quarter remained, and while he loathed using all of it right now, Buck needed water as well. He let the horse drink straight from his palm so little was wasted.
“I’m rather tired,” said Beth. “May we just sleep after I have a little privacy, first?”
“Sure,” he stopped himself short of calling her sweetheart. “It’s late, we’re tired and hungry. I don’t mind getting a head start toward tomorrow.” He watched for a moment as she walked up the ravine. Wanting to respect her wishes, he focused on getting ready for the night. Nick unsaddled Buck and staked him out to a tall sagebrush. He got into bed, struggling to stay awake until Beth returned. Only after she settled in could he sleep.
The next day began cold. Neither wanted to wake, or at least Nick didn’t, but the lure of food and water motivated him. He shook Beth, saying, “Rise and shine, dearest. We get to gallop for our supper today.”
“Ummm,” she groaned, turning to face away from him. “I’m tired.”
“I know, and probably hungry too. The sooner we get started the sooner we’re finished.” He patted her on the arm, resisting the urge to kiss her awake. “There’s some critter out there needing to wear our cook pot for lunch.” He heard her stomach growl and chuckled.
Beth sat up, giving him a sleepy smile. “I suppose there’s no denying that.”
“Can you be ready in a few minutes?” Seeing her nod, he continued, “All right, I’ll get Buck saddled up and we’ll get going.”
She nodded again before packing their beds. They kept to the new routine, except without refreshment, and continued on for sixteen miles or so. Tired and hungry, neither said much. He kept an eye out for anything to hunt, seeing eagles at times, but not much else. As they drew closer to water, he’d hoped to see something substantial for maybe lunch and dinner. The green haze of vegetation in the distance gave him hope.
He felt Beth lean against his back, falling asleep. Nick smiled at her touch. After an hour or so, he spotted a herd of pronghorn grazing. He waited until the last possible moment to rouse her, not wanting to scare her with shooting an animal. “Beth, sweetheart? It’s time to wake.”
“Hm?” She lifted her head. “Oh! I drifted off. Please
excuse me. I didn’t mean to use you as a pillow.”
“I didn’t mind at all.” He looked back at her. “I might get a chance to hunt and didn’t want to scare you.”
She stared past him at the foothills. “Are those deer?”
“Of a sort. More like pronghorn antelope. See the antlers?” He faced the front. “Smaller than deer.”
“How do they taste?”
“Good. Not as good as bison but better than deer, I think.”
“Should I be ready for a gunshot the closer we get?”
“Yes, and so should Buck. He knows what to expect when I pull my rifle. Nick stayed quiet as they approached the herd. Some of the animals started, looking at them. The more wary eased away while others went back to grazing. Nick kept an eye out for a healthy male. He slid the rife into position against his right shoulder. A perfect animal stood off at a slight distance, unconcerned about being a meal. The pronghorn foraged as Nick raised his weapon and aimed.
Buck snorted, a quiet sound but enough to catch the prey’s attention. Nick tapped the horse with his right toe, warning him of the impending noise. Holding his breath, he brought the sight up in line. The animal remained still as if a lack of motion rendered him invisible. Once the small male continued eating, Nick held the aim and pulled the trigger. He felt Beth start at the noise as the animal fell to his knees.
“You got him,” she said.
He grinned back at her, “You’re acting as if wanting a feast.”
“I do! Shall we get started?”
Nick nudged his horse forward. “Let’s do. Just over that next rise is the Platte.”
Both dismounted when they reached the animal’s side. Nick took out a hand cloth and knife to butcher the pronghorn. “I’m not happy at having to waste so much. The bobcats and coyotes will eat well with no effort. If I’d paid more attention to what my wife did with our kills, we’d use every bit.” He laid out the cloth beside the dead animal, using the knife to cut into the legs.
At first, Beth remained quiet while he stripped away the meatier parts. “Your wife hunted too?”
He laid out the slabs of antelope on the cloth. “Not often, but when she did, she was an excellent shot.”
“Hm,” Beth replied, lips pursed.
He glanced up at her, seeing her face and the sour expression she wore. Nick didn’t want to take Beth’s silent reaction as a criticism of Sally and said, “I know, it’s not what a lady does, but I’m glad she had the skill.”
“Of course. I’m sure her abilities were a great asset.”
Her voice had an even tone now. So maybe, Nick thought, she’d just been reacting to him slicing the kill. “I agree. Hunting is something we did together and I miss it.” He sat back on his heels. He’d cut almost too much for them, and yet, so much remained. He wrapped up the meat, holding it away from him as he climbed onto Buck. She followed him up to ride a quick half mile to the Platte River.
As they neared the water, the scent of damp and fish grew stronger. Their horse kept trying to trot the rest of the way there. Holding back on the reins, Nick said to Beth, “If you’ll start this cooking, I can get Buck staked out. The sooner we all eat something, the better.”
She slid off, taking the saddlebags and meat he handed her. Beth gave him their cooking pot from one of the bags. “Could you bring this back half full of water, please?”
“Sure.” He took the offered pan and allowed Buck to gallop the short distance to the riverbank. Nick did as requested only after the animal finished drinking. He left him tethered to a sage brush, grazing, and went back to camp.
Beth still struggled to cut the meat. A bead of sweat dripped from her nose and he saw how she’d not started the fire. He both didn’t want to wait to eat and didn’t want to see her use so much effort. In his sternest voice, he said, “Why don’t you get a drink and freshen up? I can finish this and start cooking.” She nodded, standing with difficulty, he noticed, and went to the water.
Years of practice helped, and soon their food cooked over the open flame. Stretching, he went to find Beth. Nick walked down to the bank, looking both ways up and downstream. When he spotted her, Nick halted, knowing she’d not seen him approach. Beth stood beside the water, bent over, looking at the river’s bed. He smiled, supposing she watched the minnows dart or maybe a crayfish scurrying across the bottom, but couldn’t be sure at this distance.
The bun she kept her hair in had loosened and a French curl of a sort fell down against her shoulder. He wanted her hair to wrap around his forearm and to his elbow. The lock resembled a rich wood sanded to a silky texture. He shook his head. The woman didn’t know he found her beautiful inside and out. Had he ever told her? Nick couldn’t remember and resolved to fix this at the best time. A breeze carried the aroma of food and his stomach growled in response.
Not wanting to be sneaky, he took a few scuffling steps forward, intending to cause a ruckus. The water birds cried a warning, causing Beth to look up at him. She smiled a greeting at first, which faded. Something bothered her, Nick suspected, but he didn’t quite know how to ask what it was. He instead decided to keep the topics safe and see if she told him on her own. “See anything down there bigger than a frog?”
“No, not really.” She let her hem fall. “I like how the water is so clear.”
“Figured you might.” Nick watched as she stepped back.
“I suppose you have our dinner started?”
He held out his hand for her. “You figure correctly.”
“I’m sorry I couldn’t do more.” She accepted his help up the riverbank.
“Don’t be. I’m sorry I didn’t send you for a drink first.” Nick saw the sadness in her eyes. He needed to brighten her mood. “You’ve been a good traveling companion through all this and I’m grateful.”
“You are?” She smiled at him as they neared their camp. “I’m the one who’s been rescued. You could have gone on and left me to my own devices.”
“Ha! No, I couldn’t have.” He sat, glancing over at Buck while Beth dished up the meals. The horse still grazed, not as intense now. Taking the plate she handed him, “Thank you. I hope it’s as good as it smells.”
“You’re welcome.” She took a bite, chewing. “Very good, but then, hunger makes a good sauce.”
He laughed, “I’ve heard it does.” They continued to eat until nothing remained. By facing the east, they didn’t see the rainclouds. Not until showers began did Nick notice the approaching thunderstorms. “Hope you’re in the mood for a washing.”
She held out a hand to catch the drops. “I don’t mind. The rain is warmer than the Platte.” They cleaned the dishes in the river while the storm drenched them. When the drizzle eased, Beth said, “The water is still rather clear. But I’m not sure I want to wash so soon.”
“I understand,” he replied. “I’ll take the chance to get cleaned up instead.” He went to the saddlebags and retrieved his soap, razor, and washcloth. While walking back to the river, he saw her lead the horse to a fresh patch of grass. She must be tired, he thought, thinking he saw her eyes water. He was too, and wanted to get settled in, despite the sun still being so far above the horizon.
At the river, he stripped down to his pants. The water wasn’t high enough for him to feel comfortable being nude. At least not yet. Nick would feel more secure with a lookout posted. He shaved the stubble from his face and considered what to do once reaching the group. A lot depended on what the Beth wanted. But then, he admitted, he had wants of his own. He knelt to sit in the water and paused when catching movement out of the corner of his eyes. Beth approached, gaze lowered for his modesty, he supposed. “Hello, care for a swim?”
“I should. Is it safe?”
“It is with me here.” She kicked off her boots and sat to remove her socks. He watched her walk as if on a tightrope. She made her way through the brambles to the water. He almost stood to help, but she reached the riverbed before Nick could do anything. As she neared him, he said
, “You could have gotten closer to the water like you did before.”
Beth shook her head. “Flash floods. I don’t want to lose my boots, just in case.”
He watched her as she stood on the bank and scanned the horizon. He loved everything about her. Her moss green eyes drew him in like nothing else, and he loved burying his nose in her beautiful hair at the nape of her neck. “You’re beautiful, did you know?”
Startled, she stared down at him. “Oh! No, I didn’t know because I’m not, but appreciate you thinking such a thing.” She smiled, her chin trembling, “You’re quite handsome too.”
“Thank you, I’m glad you think so.” He got to his feet and held out the soap. “Your turn?”
“Very well.” She took the bar, just holding it.
“What is bothering you?” he asked after a moment of watching her remain motionless. “Don’t tell me it’s nothing because I won’t believe you.”
“If you want me to be honest…” At his nod, she continued, “I don’t know what will happen when I see Daggart next. I’m afraid he’ll think I’ve betrayed him.” Before he could protest, she added, “He will. He’ll think I’ve betrayed him and now can’t go back to being Lizzy. I don’t know what he’ll do when I tell him we won’t continue.”
His heart broke when seeing her eyes fill with tears. “Whatever he does, I’ll be there to help you. He will never hurt you again, not while I’m alive.”
“I appreciate that.” She sniffled, eyes still downcast. “I also ask for time to think about how I want to tell him to go on to California without me. I don’t want to be a burden to anyone. If he’ll let me take only what’s mine, maybe I could travel with another family to Oregon Territory.”
Nick saw the glow of late afternoon reflected onto her sweet face. Another family, he thought. Like pulling the hammer back on a pistol, something clicked in him. His family. He wanted her as his own, and needed to belong to her as well. He went over and stepped up onto the bank. “Whatever you need, I’m here for you.”
She smiled and sobbed at the same time. “Thank you.” As he wrapped his arms around her, she continued to cry, saying, “You’re such a good friend. I don’t know how…”
“I don’t want to be a friend, Elizabeth.” Nick said the words as he felt them in his soul, “I want to be your husband.”
Undeniable - Book One: The Oregon Trail Series Page 15
