by Anne Mercier
"Maybe you should be the one he gets on top of," I suggest to Shea.
She looks over at me, her eyes wide, then she bursts out laughing. "Are you kidding me? He's not my type."
"Well, who is your type? We need to get you hooked up."
"My type?" she questions. "Julie Franklin. Julie Franklin is my type."
I lift a brow. "Only girls now?"
"No. There are just no guys I want right now."
"You'd so do Carter."
"Any girl in her right mind would do Carter, but he needs to get through the grieving process which will include a whole lot of rebounds. I'm nobody's rebound girl," she states.
I nod. "Nor should you settle for that. But maybe in a month or two…"
"Why are you trying to set me up with Carter?"
I shrug. "You're both smart and funny, kind and genuine, and you're both my best friends. I can't imagine a better match for either of you."
Shea shrugs. "Maybe one day."
I smirk. "Yeah. One day." That's going to be the day I set them up. I know she's had a crush on him for a while—almost every girl in school does. He's that perfect. And he's made no secret of his admiration for Shea—so, why not? In a couple months it won't be as painful for either Carter or me. Then I'll put my matchmaking abilities to work and see if I can't make my best friends as happy together as Xander and I are going to be.
I didn't let things change too much too quickly. I wanted it to be a gradual transition. I think jumping in with both feet would be a mistake. I think Xan's thankful for that too. Can you imagine the pressure we'd both be under if we started sleeping together right away? We've been apart for quite awhile, so getting to know one another again on that level we had before is priority.
"You're taking her to prom?" Jesse questions Xander. I'm standing in the kitchen while they're out in the garage. I can't help it if I can hear them talking. They're the ones who left the door open.
I quietly pour my glass of iced tea then hop up on the counter. Mrs. M gives me a knowing look and winks.
"I think I should," Xander answers.
"Yeah. She deserves prom," Jesse tells him.
"Hell yeah," Ethan agrees. "You should do the limo. The whole nine yards."
"Chicks love that shit," Kennedy tells them. I can hear him strumming his guitar. It's so easy to tell him apart from the rest. Plus, he's always strumming his guitar. It's like an extension of him.
"Yeah? You think she'd like that? I should get her a really nice corsage, too. Calla lilies. They're her favorite." There's silence for a few minutes. "Wait. Wait, wait, wait. If we do prom, I have to wear a tux?" Xan asks.
"It is a formal event, man," Linc chuckles.
"Fuck. Trussed up like a penguin."
Mrs. M snickers and I do too.
"More like a turkey," Ethan teases.
"Funny. Ha ha ha," Xander replies.
"I like it," Ben says. "Dude, you know you want to go with her. You know you want to put on that tux, buy her flowers, and get a limo. You want to romance her."
Xander grunts.
"Hell, man. If I had a girl I was in love with, I'd romance the shit out of her," Jesse admits.
"You don't do love or relationships," Linc reminds him.
"Yeah, that's true. But Xan does and that's cool. Go to prom and do it up right," Jesse says.
"Go, hurry," Mrs. M tells me and I run back into the living area where I'd been doing my homework. I quickly get situated, turning on my iPod, putting my earbuds in. I squeal on the inside. Prom!
I wasn't even hoping for it. I'd planned on going with Carter, but since we broke up I figured it wasn't an option. Oh my. If Xan takes me… that tells me everything. He'll be giving up his comfort to take me.
He doesn't show up, so I get into the music and my homework. Finally, I'm done. Chemistry. Ugh. I am so not good at science. I close my eyes and relax, listening to the music, grooving in my chair.
I know he's there, watching me. I can feel it. I can smell him.
I open my eyes and he's sitting on the ottoman in front of my chair. I'd started rocking the chair to the music or my feet would've been there. He smirks. I smirk back and turn the music off, taking out my earbuds as well.
"Hey," he says by way of greeting.
"Hey, yourself."
He leans in and presses his lips to mine. My heart flutters in my chest. Will I ever get used to this? I hope not.
Xander sits back and meets my gaze. He looks nervous—really nervous. Is he serious right now? Does he think I'll say no? Silly boy.
"T, I…"
Maybe I was wrong. Maybe it's not prom but something else entirely—something bad. "What's going on, Xan? Is something wrong?"
His eyes widen. "No, no. Nothing bad." He rubs the back of his neck. "I, uh… I was just wondering if maybe you wanted to, uh, gotopromwithme?"
He is nervous over prom. Incredible. I would never have expected that from him. He's always so confident. Hmm. Maybe he's not as confident as I think he is.
"Really?" I ask with a grin.
He nods and swallows hard.
I narrow my gaze. I'm not going to force him to do something he doesn't want to and he looks really uncomfortable right now. "Are you sure you want to go, Xander? If you don't, that's totally fine with me."
He pauses and looks at me blankly. "No. I do. Do you not want to go with me?" he asks, his voice squeaking. He clears his throat.
I hear chuckles coming from the other room and roll my eyes.
"Ignore them. They're dumb," I say. "Yeah, I want to go to prom with you, but I don't want you to go if you're going to be miserable there."
"I want to take you, Tera. Will you go? With me? To prom?" he stutters out. He's so adorable in this moment. I wish I could put this moment in a memory box and play it back whenever I want.
"I will. I absolutely will," I answer with a big smile.
He smiles back. "Yeah?"
I nod. "Yep."
"Awesome. We'll go to dinner. I'll get a limo. We'll do prom right," he tells me.
"Sounds great. Let's totally do prom Xander style."
At that he puffs up his chest—his confidence is back. "Hell yeah. Xander style. I like that." He leans in and kisses me again, then pulls me in for a hug. "Thank you for going with me, T," he whispers in my ear.
I nod against his neck, then kiss it. "Thanks for asking me."
Linc groans from behind Xander. "Ugh. You two are sickening."
"Fuck off, dude," Xander admonishes with a grin.
"Xander Mackenzie!" Mrs. M scolds. "You know how I feel about that word."
"Sorry, Mrs. M!" He blushes. "She has the ears of an elephant."
"I think that's a memory," Kennedy corrects.
"That too!" Xan exclaims.
"So true," Ethan agrees.
"You know she's gonna tell your pops, right?" Ben asks with a smirk.
"Dick. You just had to remind me. I was enjoying this moment with my girl," he scoffs, then lifts me up, sits in my chair, and puts me on his lap. They all seem to do that, but with Xander it's special. It's something we haven't done in nearly four years.
Wait. Did he say my girl? He totally did. I grin big and my brother rolls his eyes. I just keep grinning and he can't help himself. Linc grins too.
"Man," Jesse starts, "I hope I never get hung up on a chick like that."
"One day, Jesse Kingston, there's going to be a girl that steals your heart with just one look and you're not going to stand a chance. I, for one, can't wait to see that day," I tell him.
Jesse chuckles. "Never gonna happen."
"Dude, never say never," Xander warns. "You know what happens when you do."
Ben laughs. "You're so screwed. I'm going to enjoy that."
"Fu—screw you," Jesse sneers. "Not happening. I'm not a relationship kinda guy."
"We'll see," I tease and he gives me the look. Yeah, Jesse can silence anyone with just that look. It's one that says, "Keep pushing me and
see what happens."
I'm not afraid so I burst out laughing. Then he shakes his head.
"Are any of you going to prom?" I ask the guys.
"We are now," Ethan bites out. "Xander's making us."
I snort. "Really. And you're doing what he says? Since when does that happen?"
"Since they're doing it for you and not me," Xander informs me.
"They don't have to go to prom for me. I'm happy with just me and you." I rub the back of his neck and he swallows hard again. I can feel him getting hard.
"That's why he got the hotel room," Ben whispers.
I look at Xan and he has the decency to blush. "You did, did you? What if I don't want to spend the night in a hotel room with you, Xander Mackenzie?"
He looks at me. "Then we won't. We can do whatever you want to do. This night will be about you. Whatever makes you happy."
I sigh dreamily. "You make me happy."
"Gag," Linc says, and the guys snicker. Xander and I don't, though. We just look into one another's eyes and I see so much in his gaze. I see the fear, the excitement, the love, the lust, the tenderness, but most of all I see the sincerity. He isn't playing games with me.
Thank goodness. I don't know what I'd have done if he wasn't serious about us. Looking into those icy blue eyes swirling with affection, I have no more doubts.
Chapter Five
Xander
The way she looks at me makes my heart beat so fast. Just that look fills me with so much warmth and love—love? Yeah, it's love. I've loved her from the minute I met her and I'm going to love her forever. I don't think forever is going to be enough time to love her in all the ways I want and need to. I don't just mean fucking. I mean all the ways. Happy, sad, and everywhere in between. She's it for me.
I wasted so much time. We missed out on sharing our firsts. I want to kick my own ass for that. Life is full of regrets. We can't change the past. All we can do is learn from it. And what I've learned is I can't live without her. I can't, I won't, and I don't have to.
She's mine.
She tells me everything I need to know with that smile, the sparkle in her eyes, and the love that radiates from her into me. I didn't know it was possible to find your soulmate at the age of eight, but I did. Tera's my forever.
"Tera," I say softly.
She grins. "Xander."
The guys all groan and leave the room. They could've stayed. I don't care if they see or hear this. I'm not ashamed of how I feel. It's time I man up and own it.
"I love you," I tell her.
Her eyes go wide, then tears fill them. "Xander," she whispers. "I love you, too."
I feel so much right now, and I'm not holding anything back. I let that tear fall that's been threatening for a few minutes now. She's giving me all of her and I want her to have all of me.
She kisses me. Softly at first, just a press of her lips against mine, then more. It's like the first kiss. It's all consuming and I'm so damn hard for her it hurts. But I'm not rushing her. If she isn't ready for the physical part yet, I respect that.
She pulls back and bites my earlobe.
"You're killing me, babe," I groan.
Tera looks me in the eye and without hesitation says, "I want the hotel room, but I don't want to wait another week, Xan. We've waited long enough, don't you think?"
I don't even know what to say. "Tera. You don't have to—"
She presses her index finger against my lips. "I know. I want to. You know me. I never do anything I don't want to do. Not even for you."
I nod. "That's how it should be. Always be you, Tera. You're fucking perfect."
"So, tonight? Since the guys have their own rooms now, I can come sneak into yours," I whisper in his ear.
"Is that really what you want?"
"Mhmm."
I nod. "Then yes."
She looks down, a wave of sadness crashing over her.
"What is it?" I ask.
She hesitates.
"Tell me," I prod.
She runs her finger over the lettering on my t-shirt. "It's just…"
I put my finger under her chin and lift her face up, so I can see her eyes. "It's just what? Talk to me, T."
"I hate the thought of other girls being in your bed. That bed."
"No girl's been in that bed but you. No girl's even been in that room."
Her brow furrows. "But—"
"This is going to sound so fucked up," I confess. She just stares. "The guys and I, we never brought anyone here to the house to screw around with. They had their place and it wasn't here. Besides, they weren't around for long anyway. They knew the score. We were upfront and they were more than willing to give it up anywhere we wanted to fuck."
She flinches and nods. "I guess I'm glad… that if you were screwing around it wasn't here. I don't think I could be with you there if the parade of fucks you've had the last few years had ended in your bed upstairs."
"What about you?" I ask, hating that I did but knowing I need to know.
"What about me? Did I bring anyone to my bed in the guest house?"
I nod. "Yeah."
She snorts. "Are you kidding me? Hell no."
"But I've seen Carter over there a lot."
"Yeah, in the common areas of the house. He wasn't allowed in my bedroom. You remember who I've been living with, right? Carter in my bedroom would have caused blood rain and locust infestations," she teases.
"You're serious?"
"Yep."
I don't say anything. I want to know where they fucked. I'm a masochist and a total fucking idiot for wanting that information.
"You want to know where, right?"
"Only if you want to tell me."
She sighs. "I…"
That one word, that single letter sounds so sad. Regretful.
"Don't do that, T. Don't regret your choices. They were right at the time which means they're the right ones," I reassure her.
"Okay. The first time was at his house. His parents were gone for the weekend."
"So the first time wasn't just once, it was a weekend." Jealousy fills me.
She nods, biting her lip, unsure how much to reveal.
"Go on. It's okay."
"After that, sometimes we were in his room, sometimes in his car, and other times at this spot we had out of the city. There was a cave and it was clean and private. No one was around for miles."
I nod. She had a love nest. We had a fuck shack. How fucked up am I really?
"Hey," she nudges me. "No regrets."
"Repeating my advice isn't very nice, T," I tease.
"Well, then don't be a hypocrite, and practice what you preach, buddy."
I can't help it. The look on her face, the way she crosses her eyes and talks with her tongue hanging out. I burst out laughing. That's the funniest shit I've seen in a long time.
"You're crazy," I say, still laughing.
"No crazier than you," she rebuts, and she's right.
"Dinner's ready!" Mrs. M calls.
"Saved by the dinner bell," I mutter.
"Tonight?" Tera asks, hesitating.
I nod. "If you're sure. There's no need to rush if you're not ready, T. I'll wait forever for you."
"I know. It's surreal and it's wonderful and I am so completely crazy for you, I feel like I'm going to explode and all that will be left of me is glitter confetti floating around—and you know that shit sticks around forever."
I laugh again. "See? Told you you were crazy. You just admitted it."
She nods. "I totally am."
"Me too, baby. Me too."
After a quick kiss it's dinnertime.
Band practice is awesome. We're playing a song we wrote the other day, tweaking it as we go, but it sounds fucking amazing. I pound the last beats and then silence.
"Fuck yeah!" Jesse shouts, fist punching the air.
"Oh, hell yeah," Ethan agrees.
"This is the one," Kennedy nods.
Ben plays a mean riff, grinn
ing like a motherfucker.
"We're going on that show. That's it," I say. "I don't give a fuck if you guys think we're not ready. We. Are. Ready. That song right there, that proves it. We're gonna go on there, we're going to rock our asses off, and they're gonna love every second of it."
Everyone looks to Jesse. We always look to Jesse for the final say. It's always been that way and I have a feeling it's always going to be that way. I'm cool with that. He's never steered us wrong.
"Let's do it. We need a video of us playing something. I don't think we should use this song…" he trails off, thinking. I can see his wheels turning.
"That gerbil's getting a workout," Ben teases.
"It's a hamster, fucker," Jesse mocks.
I laugh.
"We do a cover. Metallica or something heavy. Something that shows off our talents—not just one of us, all of us," Jesse adds.
"This is it," I tell them, standing up from behind the drums, sticks in hand. I start pacing across the garage floor, spinning the sticks in between my fingers. All the guys are watching me closely. I'm fucking inspired. I need to share that. "I know this is it. We're going to take this thing. The winner gets a contract with one of the top labels in the business. I'm not sure which one. I didn't read the fine print, but who the fuck cares who it is? It's a contract. If we don't like it with that company, we decline a second contract, and move on to someone else."
The guys are nodding in agreement.
"We can get someone from the camera club or video or some shit to help us. They'd be down, I know it. They'd get credit, you know? Then we need to make sure the audio is killer. The commercial said they don't want professional quality. They want it raw and real. We can do that," I declare, then tap my sticks together.
"It might take a ton of takes to get it, but we can do this," Kennedy agrees.
"Let's do it," Jesse says again, this time with a shit-eating grin.
"Dude, we're gonna be big time," Ben proclaims, and damn if I don't think he's right.
"Let's find a song," Ethan instructs.
A couple hours later we've got the song and we've found a cameraman. We just need a location and I can't think of a better place than in the school auditorium. The acoustics are killer. All in agreement, we call it a night.
