by Anne Mercier
"Xan, you know this won't be okay. If I go to formal with someone else, you're going to be clenching your teeth and fists the entire time. You're also going to be distracted while you're up on stage. I happen to know you have a show that night. I checked," I inform him.
"I never said I'd like it. This isn't about me. This is about you. You're there and you need to live your life, and in this case it means going to formal with someone else. I won't lie, Tera. I hate it. I hate not being able to take you. It pisses me off to no end that some other guy will get to experience this with you, but just because I can't go doesn't mean you shouldn't. That's not something that sits well with me."
"Xan," I whisper, unsure what to do.
"Do this for me, Tera. You already missed homecoming. I don't want you to miss this, too."
"I have no idea who I would even want to go with, babe. I'm not kidding."
He sighs. "It's good to know you don't picture other guys in my place."
I huff. "Do you picture other girls in my place?"
"Never. Not for a minute."
I crouch down resting my forehead on my knees. "You don't ever think of being with other girls?"
"No."
"Not sexually? Like, a quick fuck?"
"Tera. No. I told you…"
"Yeah, yeah, you told me. But now you're there and you’re living that life. I don't know about the rest of the guys, but I know that for sure Jesse's doing hookups. You don't get tempted?" I ask. This is something I've wondered. Does he get tempted?
"Listen, T. I don't even look. If Jesse or any of the guys hookup, they don't bring it around me."
"But they hang on you backstage. I've seen it for myself."
"They don't smell like jasmine."
That's the sweetest thing.
"Now, please, for me, go to formal."
"You're not going to let up, are you?"
"No. I want this for you, T. I know you're not going because I'm not there. Otherwise you'd already be shopping for a gown."
"Maybe. But I have no idea who I'd even consider going with."
"Do you want me to pick one for you?" he asks and I screw up my face.
"I don't know."
"I won't pick anyone you wouldn't want to go with."
"I…"
"It's settled. I'll find someone for you to go with to winter formal. Find a gown, Cinderella. If your Prince Charming can't be there, you'll just have to settle for some guy wrapped in tin foil instead."
I snicker at that. "We'll see who you come up with. Then I'll let you know."
"Fair enough. I have to get going. We have practice in ten minutes."
"Okay." I can't hide my disappointment.
"I'll call you tonight. It'll be late."
"Okay."
"I fucking love you, Tera."
I laugh through tears. "I fucking love you too, Xander."
He hangs up and I let a few tears fall. No pity party for me right now. That's later, in private. I wipe my tears and tilt my head back against the locker, taking a deep breath. I barely stop the squeak of surprise in time when I notice Carter standing across the hall, leaning against the lockers watching me.
"Carter," my hand flies to my chest. "You scared me."
"Sorry. I just wanted to make sure you were okay," he replies, walking over and sitting down next to me.
I nod. "I'm okay. I just miss them."
He nods. "I heard what you were saying, Tera, and if you want to go to formal, I'd love to take you—as friends." He grins a half grin.
"I'm not sure Xander would approve," I admit.
"I think he will." Carter pulls out his phone and dials.
"How did you get his number?" I ask, eyes wide in shock.
"He gave it to me."
What the hell?
"Xan, yeah, it's Carter. No, she's okay. Yeah. Anyway, I heard what you were talking about. Fuck off, I'm not a stalker."
At that I laugh.
"I thought if you wanted someone you could trust to take Tera to formal, I'd do it. Yeah. As friends. No. No, you don't have to worry about that," Carter says, watching me out of the corner of his eye. "Dude, shut up. No fucking way, man. If anything bad happens you can kick my ass. I'll let the others hold my arms."
I watch intently as Carter, one of the kindest boys on the planet, talks to the man I love more than life.
"Good. It's settled. Sure. Have at it. Less work for me," Carter chuckles. "Screw you, drummer boy."
He hangs up.
"He's all for it."
"What was all that?"
"He told me I better not even think of kissing you or touching you in other than a brotherly manner. I told him not to worry, I won't. Truth is, I know you'd punch me in the face if I did, and I don't want to have to get a nose job like Amy."
I snicker. "She had it coming."
"She did." He rests his hand on my wrist as I twirl my phone. "Hey. He wants to plan everything for us down to the corsage and boutonniere."
I sigh and roll my eyes. "That guy."
Carter nods, looking down. "I wanted to kill him when you chose him."
I turn my head and look at his profile. He really is a hottie. He's got that sexy swagger guys get when they're confident in their own skin and know what they want from life. I find that super attractive.
He stands up and I follow suit.
"He's a good guy, Tera. He wants you to have a good time and be happy. He'd be here if he could, but since he can't, I'd really like it if you'd go with me," he asks, watching my reaction.
I smile softly. "Yes, Carter. I'll go with you." I lean over and hug him. He, hesitantly, wraps his arms around me too. "Thank you for this."
He nods. "It'll be one of our last memories."
I grin up at him. "I don't think it'll be the 'last' of anything if you're heading to NYU."
His eyes widen. "You're going to NYU?"
I nod. "It's my first choice. Shea's too."
"That's fucking awesome!" he shouts.
Mr. Perkins peeks his head out the door. "How about you two be… awesome in class?"
I snicker and Carter chuckles.
"Sorry Mr. Perkins."
"Mhmm. I've heard it all before." His tone is stern, but he's smiling.
Chapter Eleven
Xander
"That had to suck," Linc says.
I'm sitting in a chair, elbows resting on my knees, head hanging, as I try to come to grips with the fact I just set my girlfriend up on a date with the guy who took her virginity.
"You have no idea," I mumble. "It damn near killed me, but she deserves better than not going to all of these events because I'm not there. Homecoming wasn't so bad because she came here and we role played."
"Dude. Stop. That's my fucking sister," Linc reminds me.
"Not like that," I laugh. "Just, we dressed up a bit, and I got this fake tiara and crown and we pretended we were homecoming king and queen. I played music and we danced. It was a good night. But winter formal. That's not something I want her to miss—not even for pretend night with me. This is a dance that only so many get invited to and she needs to be there, even if it's not with me."
Jesse shakes his head. "You're a better man than me."
Ethan nods. "I get it, man. It's a good thing you're doing."
"Selfless," Ben agrees.
"It still fucking sucks," I tell them.
"I don't doubt it for a minute," Kennedy chimes in.
"Practice time!" Jerry calls out.
I blow out a frustrated breath.
"It'll all work out, Xan," Jesse tells me, resting his hand on my shoulder.
"It has to."
"Thank you Chicago! You fucking rocked!" Jesse shouts out to the crowd. They scream back. "Until next time…"
With that, we all walk off stage so the headliner can get set up.
"That was kick ass," Ben shouts.
Within seconds we're surrounded backstage. Jerry's waiting.
"We have some
VIPs in the party room," He tells us.
We've been through this before. VIPs in the party room means barely covered chicks throwing themselves at us for a signature… and a fuck. While Linc, Ethan, and I only stick around long enough to sign what they need signed, Jesse, Ben, and Kennedy hang out longer. I can't even imagine the number of chicks they've fucked or gotten blown by. Even if I wasn't committed to Tera, that would not be my scene.
Back on the bus, I grab the shower first. I'm sweaty and smelly and I need to cool off—in more ways than one. My adrenaline is pumping from the high I get on stage. It's a hell of a feeling knowing tens of thousands of people come out to hear us rock. I shake my head as I step under the spray.
"Don't use all the fucking hot water this time!" Ethan yells, pounding on the door.
"Stop doing that!" Every time he bellows and beats on the door, he scares the shit out of me.
"Pussy!" he shouts back with a laugh.
"Fuck off!"
I wash myself and my cock is still hard. Adrenaline and missing my girl. I put some body wash in my hand then wrap my fingers around my cock. I stroke it slowly, wanting the vision of Tera in my head. I smile. There she is. She's so fucking beautiful. I think about the last time we fucked. She ripped my shirt off. She was hot and horny and she fucked me like she was on a mission. I rub faster, harder, gripping tighter.
She always, always grips me so tight, and sometimes it's hard for her to take all of me. When I switch up the angle, she moans and I'm balls deep. She loves it when I hit her deep. It sets her off. One night I got her to come four times in less than thirty minutes. Epic fucking night.
I can't wait to see her again this weekend. I want to touch her and hold her and live inside her as much as I can. I'm going to make love to her and then fuck her until she walks funny. I want her to feel me inside her even when she's home.
I thrust into my fist imagining pounding into her, hard, deep, her crying out as she comes. Fuck yeah. The look on her face… it's beautiful and euphoric. How her pussy squeezes me when she comes. Shit.
A few pumps later and I start to come, thick white jets of semen spiraling down the drain. When the last wave pours out of me, I'm drained and spent—physically and emotionally.
I towel off, wrap a towel around my waist, and find some clean clothes. I don't feel like talking to anyone, so I grab my iPod and earbuds and climb in my bunk. I lie back, closing my eyes, thinking of Tera. It's late on a Thursday but I want to call her. I want to Skype so I can see her face. When we do, I run my finger over her face on my phone, trying to trick my mind into believing I can really feel her. It never works.
John Waite comes on and he starts singing about not missing someone and lying to himself. Why lie? Own it.
She'll be coming here tomorrow, but then the next weekend she'll be going to formal with Carter. I scoff. Carter fucking Winters. The fucker took my girl's virginity and didn't even get her off when he did. Who does that? Guys who don't give two shits or don't have a clue as to what they're doing. Then again, maybe he tried his best but she just couldn't come for him. She said she never came. With all the screwing around they did, she never came. Not once.
Her heart wasn't in it. It was always with me.
I look at the time. It's eleven thirty. She has school, then she'll be on her way to me. I should wait. Instead, I push the Skype button and wait. She answers sleepily. She's disheveled and so fucking beautiful I can't believe she's mine.
"Xan, are you okay?" she asks.
I nod, holding in my emotions. If I let them out, I'll start crying like a bitch.
"Yeah, I'm good. I just needed you," I confess.
Her expression goes soft. "Are you sure you're okay?"
"I am now. I'm missing you, baby. I'm missing you a fuck of a lot and I can't wait to see you tomorrow."
"I miss you too, Xan. So much, all the time. I'll be there early since you're so close to home. Are you sure you don't want to go home overnight?" she asks.
"Nah. Too much running around and it's easier on Dad if I don't come home for a few hours, then leave again. Plus, I want to spend my time with you," I tell her honestly.
"I want that too. I'm so excited to see you. I wish I could have made it to your show, but I had to finish my project for the competition. Mrs. Stark is going to get it ready to transport to Los Angeles where they'll be judging. Shea's piece is so damn good, Xan. She is crazy talented at sculpting."
I can't help but smile at her enthusiasm. My music is equivalent to her art. "Did you take pictures? I want to see them both."
"I did. I wanted to show them off to you and the guys when I get there," she sasses.
"You're so beautiful, Tera. Have I told you that?"
"You have. You do, all the time." Her brow furrows. "What's wrong?"
"I promise, there's nothing wrong. I'm just missing you. Tomorrow can't get here fast enough."
"Oh, Xan. I'm right here, any time you need me. Just the touch of a button away. I'll always be here," she whispers.
"Promise?" I ask, feeling uncertain and insecure.
"I promise. Always. Maybe you need some sleep. You get emotional when you're tired, babe. Besides, you're going to need that rest to keep up with me this weekend," she taunts.
"Baby, I can keep up just fine. It's you who's going to be crying uncle."
"Hell no, I'm not. I'll never admit defeat."
"You're so cute when you're being all bad ass." I touch her face on the screen.
"Sleep, Xan. I'll be there in less than twenty-four hours, and this tour will be over in a month. We've gotten through it this far, we can manage the rest," she assures me.
I nod. "We can. I love you, Tera." My heart bursts and fills.
"I love you too. So much."
I smirk and she grins.
"See you tomorrow."
"See you tomorrow," she replies, and I hang up.
I put my earbuds back in and lie back. I'm calm. The sadness has passed.
All I needed was her.
TERA
Tonight is winter formal. Carter and his friend Dane picked up me and Shea in a limo. It was wonderful. I thought for sure there'd be awkwardness, but there hasn't been. Not during dinner or on the way to the dance.
When we step into the ballroom, I gasp. "This is so beautiful."
"It really is," Shea agrees.
Carter and Dane are standing right behind us. Maybe the awkwardness will begin now?
"There are a lot of people here already," Carter says.
"There really are," I agree.
The room is filled with fairy lights and white garland. There's even fake snow in areas. I look at the stage where the DJ is working his magic, and there are two huge big screens on either side.
"What are the big screens for?" I ask, looking at Carter.
He just shrugs.
I look to Shea. "I don't know. I never pay attention to details. You know this."
"Dane?"
He shrugs. "No idea."
I narrow my eyes. He's a bad liar.
"Would you like to dance?" Carter asks.
"I would love to."
We dance and dance and dance while sharing some gossip then talking about Carter's football. I tell him about the contest Shea and I are entering and he smiles so big.
"That's fantastic, Tera. You're going to win," he says with all the confidence I'm lacking when it comes to my work.
"I'm glad you think so because I'm doubting it."
"Stop. You know your paintings are beautiful. They're so different from anything I've ever seen. Uniquely you," he tells me.
"Unique isn't always good," I remind him.
"In this case it is." He looks down at me. "Trust me."
I nod. "I do. Thanks for being so supportive. Thanks for offering to bring me here. I don't know why you'd want to do that after I broke your heart."
He smiles softly. "I'd do anything for you. You're the nicest girl I know. Sure, you broke my heart, but that does
n't mean we're not friends, right? We were best friends, Tera. I can't stand to see you unhappy."
"This, right here, is how I know you're going to find your girl and when you do, you're going to realize she is your one. She's going to steal your heart with just one kiss," I tell him.
One side of his mouth kicks up in a small grin. "Like you did?"
I give him a look. "Carter."
"It was just that easy."
I nod. I'm not sure what to say, so I rest my head on his chest while we dance.
The song ends and the DJ taps his mic. "Ladies and gentlemen, tonight we have a special surprise for you all!"
There are shouts and hoots of excitement.
"Are you ready?" the DJ asks.
Everyone yells that we are.
"Are you sure?"
A yelled, "Yes!" is the last we hear because when the lights begin to go down, the big screens come on and everyone quiets down.
"Is that Jesse?" I ask, incredulously. "Is that Falling Down?!" I nearly shout.
Carter nods. "He wanted to surprise you."
"Oh wow. Thank you, Carter."
He nods again.
The music is deafening as it comes through the speakers.
"I guess they want it to feel like the real deal," I say with a laugh.
Carter laughs with me. "I guess so. My ears are gonna be ringing for days, but it'll be worth it."
"Hey, Kansas City," Jesse begins, his smile pure and infectious. "You see that camera right there?"
The crowd screams.
"That's giving a live feed to a winter formal back home where Linc's twin sister is. Hell, she's our sister too," Jesse admits.
"Not mine," Xander shouts and I laugh.
"Yeah, she's not Xander's sister. She's his girlfriend!" Jesse teases.
There are boos mixed in with the cheers.
"Hey now," Xander begins. "I've been in love with this girl since I was eight. Be kind to my girl."
Now the cheers are genuine.
"Tera, we'd love to be there with you tonight, but we're a little busy. We thought we'd bring you all with us tonight," Jesse shouts. "What do you all think about that?"
Their crowd screams and shouts as does this room full of people.
