Sebastian suddenly had the feeling he was being watched. He sat there for a second letting his senses come to him, not wanting to reveal the fact that he was aware of the attention. Sensing there wasn’t anyone else around, he looked up.
Standing there was a girl staring at him. Sebastian’s eyes met Jessica’s in a long moment of curiosity. What a moment they were having! Sebastian’s face was serene but with a sense of wonder. How long had it been since there had been any visitors, especially a visitor that sparked his curiosity and held his attention continuously?
Jessica felt a little embarrassed, realizing that she had been caught staring, but she could not help it. When Sebastian looked up to meet her eyes she took a small breath; how beautiful this one was! She remained standing there a while longer, not sure what to do. He was fair with dark brown hair. His eyes were piercing, even from across the yard. Her brother’s voice brought her back to reality. She turned to see him and Father Lemoine coming to claim her.
“Are we daydreaming then?” Jacob asked.
“No, just got a little lost in my thoughts and didn’t know where you went,” Jessica lied.
“Oh, I see what’s distracted you.”
Father Lemoine came up and looked, taking note of whom they were talking about. He thought for a second and realized it was inevitable.
“I see you have spotted our other resident.”
Jessica looked to Father Lemoine, the question on her face evident. Father Lemoine obliged her.
“That’s Sebastian.”
Jessica’s eyes lit up at the sound of the name, knowing she had heard it before. It was the name Father Donovan had spoken—someone living there who was their age.
“I’m afraid he is a little shy at first. Living with monks, one learns to be alone a lot, and that doesn’t always make for good people skills.”
“Come on, Sis. We have to get ready for dinner. I’ll introduce you to him if you want,” said Jacob, intentionally riling her.
“Why would I need you to introduce me?” she said with disdain and started to walk off. Father Lemoine put his hand on Jacob’s shoulder and patted him a couple of times.
“Ah, brothers and sisters: they are always good for theatre.”
Jacob nodded in agreement and headed off to catch up with his sister.
Sebastian sat there as they walked off, still looking in their direction. The image ran over and over in his mind, the subtle description he couldn’t stop: soft sandy hair, the intent facial expression that was only punctuated by the searching blue eyes. He did not know what to expect, but it wasn’t this. There was something there he didn’t anticipate. Completely distracted from what he had been working on, he got up and started walking.
chapter NINE
DINNER WAS UNEVENTFUL, except for the delights that had been served again by Father Dagrun. Even though there was conversation, Jessica seemed to be aware only of people talking but not the particulars of the conversation.
Her gaze hardly left what to her was the most interesting aspect in the room. She was mesmerized by something she could not understand—Sebastian. She thought herself foolish and too old for schoolgirl crushes; her mind told her all would change once she spoke to him.
Jessica caught herself wondering if anyone might be noticing her stare and felt a little embarrassed when she did catch a glimpse from Father Donovan. He just smiled at her and continued his chat with her father.
As she went back to scanning the room she made her way back to Sebastian, who caught her eyes. She looked down, knowing that she had been caught again. Or was it she who had caught him? Looking back up, she noticed the object of her curiosity was getting up from the table.
Without a second thought, she asked to be excused from the table. She wandered down the hallways trying to determine where he might be going by process of elimination. She heard footsteps here and there, a door, some movement; it was a hunt.
She made her way to a room she had not explored. The doors in the arched entryway were open, and she slowed her pace as she entered a small sanctuary. It was lined with pews and columns winding up to the ceiling. There were statues here and there, all carved from dark wood matching the woodwork covering the walls. The chapel was cozy and was probably meant for small family devotions. The only light given was by candles.
“Did you come here to pray?” Sebastian asked. Jessica whirled around, startled by the voice that came from behind her.
“No.”
“Then you came to admire the shrine’s artwork?” Sebastian asked.
“No.”
“Then you must be lost?” Sebastian asked as he walked towards Jessica.
“No,” she said as she stepped backward. Sebastian stopped.
“Well, I shall leave you to whatever it is you came here for.”
“No,” was all Jessica could say. Sebastian stopped and turned his head.
“You live here?” Jessica finally mustered up the courage to ask.
“Yes. I saw you outside earlier today.”
“Yes, Father Lemoine was taking us on a tour of the castle. He’s really very interesting to listen to.”
“Did you enjoy the tour?” Sebastian asked.
“I think my brother enjoyed it more than me, but it was interesting. Father Lemoine is supposed to show us more of it sometime,” Jessica stated, then hesitated and asked. “Has he given you a tour of it as well, or do you know it all?”
“I know most of it,” Sebastian said. “Maybe even some Father Lemoine does not,” he added with a smile.
“Maybe sometime you could show me … us … sometime,” Jessica stumbled.
“Jessica!” Jacob’s call echoed down the halls; his timing was quite annoying. She turned to look at the door of the chapel as Jacob entered.
“I was just taking a walk and talking to …” Jessica said as she turned to notice that she was now alone.
“Just who were you talking to? The statues don’t look very interested. Or did you come here to pray?” Jacob laughed.
“No,” Jessica looked around in confusion. “I was just … never mind.”
***
Sebastian came to the door of his chamber and walked in to find Father Matthew.
“I didn’t think you would be back so early,” Father Matthew said.
“That’s fine. I just didn’t expect anyone,” Sebastian said with some distance in his voice. He wondered if he was speaking about his friend. Or was he referring to his encounter in the chapel?
“Do you want me to leave?” asked Matthew.
“No. I won’t be staying, I’m going out. I just came to pick up a few things before I …” Sebastian drifted.
Sebastian was looking around like he wanted something but couldn’t quite place it. Father Matthew knew something was up; Sebastian was somewhere else. It was always hard to read him, but Father Matthew had spent enough time with Sebastian that he considered himself a friend.
“Is everything ok?”
Sebastian looked up, knowing his friend had noticed something. He didn’t know exactly what to say. He needed to think and walk; that’s when his mind was the clearest.
“I am fine, I think,” Sebastian smiled. Just the thought of a friend who truly cared for him was enough to warm and reassure him. “All things in good time. For now the night air is calling me.”
Sebastian went to the next room. Father Matthew strained his neck to get a glimpse. He had never been in there, nor had any of the other monks as far as he knew. Sebastian came out with his jacket. Father Matthew relaxed back into his chair, pretending not to be interested.
“You still reading that one?” Sebastian asked.
“Yeah, it’s one of my favorites so far. Don’t want to rush it,” Matthew smiled, looking at the book Sebastian gave him a month ago, a 200-year-old equivalent to a twentieth century mystery. He knew all the good ones. Sebastian clapped him on the shoulder and headed out of the room.
“Be careful,” Father Matthew called out.
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***
The twins approached their room with trepidation, knowing what they would find.
“You ready?” Jessica asked her brother.
“I don’t really think so.”
They opened the door and walked in to find a mess on the floor; papers were strewn everywhere, with their father in the middle. By now they were used to how their father thought; this was his method of organization.
“Finally come to help me?” their father asked.
“Not a chance. I wouldn’t get near that mess if you paid me. When are you going to come into the twenty-first century and buy a computer?” asked Jacob.
“Well, I do pay you, or at least pay for you, unless you want to start buying your own food and clothes …” Thomas Ridgeway looked up to find the amused faces of his kids. “And computers only mess things up. Much better without them.”
“Mess things up! I think you should look at the floor, Dad,” Jessica snickered.
“Right. Oh, well,” Ridgeway acknowledged.
“I have found a lot in the little time I have been here; there are so many different authors, though. I’m not sure who to focus on.”
“Why don’t you start with the ones that are here now and work your way backwards?” Jessica said.
“That’s not a bad idea; maybe you are mine after all. I was never quite sure; that’s just what they told me,” her father teased.
“Oh, I think she just wants to do some research on one author here, Dad.”
Jessica slapped her brother hard on the arm as he recoiled, pretending to be hurt. Her father looked up with a raised eyebrow, now taken away from his thoughts.
“Well, we do work quickly, something like your mother, I think.”
“My wonderful brother is imagining things I’m afraid. It’s the lack of TV,” Jessica scowled.
“Well, who is this nonexistent curiosity?” their father asked.
“Sebastian,” Jacob responded, jumping out of the way before his sister could hit him again.
“What is he like?”
“Well, we didn’t really get to meet him,” Jessica said.
“No, there was just a long stare from across the yard,” Jacob could not resist adding.
Ridgeway turned to smile at his daughter. His children were growing up. Every day was a treat, and he knew it would only be a matter of time before they were on their own.
“Well, we shall have to do what we can to have a formal introduction with … what is his name again?”
“Sebastian,” Jessica said the name aloud for the first time.
She thought of her meeting with Sebastian, her little secret that her nosy brother didn’t know about. She briefly wondered about his disappearance, but that was overtaken by a warm feeling and that made her smile.
“Isn’t he one of the monks Father Donovan spoke of?”
“No, he’s not a monk, Dad. He’s only seventeen,” Jacob reminded him.
Jacob sifted through his father’s mess trying to organize the papers, a vain attempt to create some semblance of order. As he did so, his father was reorganizing what he had just moved. Jessica wandered the room, lost in her own thoughts, when she came to a window. She was looking out at the snow when she noticed a figure leaving the castle. He looked familiar even from here. She wondered where Sebastian would be going at this hour and why.
“Anything interesting?” Jacob inquired.
“No. Just enjoying the view,” Jessica answered truthfully. Her curiosity was piqued but so was her exhaustion, and right now her bed was calling louder than the dark woods. There would be another time, she knew; she would make another.
chapter TEN
SEBASTIAN’S MIND WAS CLOUDED, as he had been caught off guard once again with a surprise. Why is it when existence seems set the day throws you something new? Even the night air seemed different as he walked his path. The questions dogged him. What could have done this to him? Would he be overtaken by emotions thought long behind him? A smile returned at a time when the possibility seemed gone forever. A new sensation coursed through his veins like nothing in recent memory.
Though Sebastian smiled, he did not fool himself as to what it meant. It would be foolish to look upon this like a beautiful sunset, where the warm feeling comes over one as the climax of its beauty fills the sky and one’s soul. The thought also came as a surprise; his dreams had surfaced with a sudden clarity he had not experienced in a long time. Sunsets sometimes figured in his dreams, when he bent them to his will; he knew he would have to try to remember ones from his past. Sunrises also appeared in his dreams, but far too many times they came as nightmares because they tortured him so. Sebastian would watch as the dawn approached, and his heart would race, his breathing quickening so that he thought he would burst. But the burning orb is the realization of what he had become: the enemy of the light and the enemy of his own soul.
The only orb he now watched was the forlorn moon. His love affair with the night’s light was forced but not unwelcome. The night’s eye had been much company and had heard many confessions from him without complaint; the light shone so he could see his path and never lose his way in the dark—Sebastian’s own spectral guide when no one else was around to give direction.
That direction led him back to the clearing and this particular bench—time by himself except for the moon, water, and trees. He wiped the new snow off the bench and sat. Lost in his thoughts with a new sense of what it is to exist, he found himself smiling again.
A tingling came over Sebastian, and his brain raced as his senses picked up something. He tried to focus on the ground in front of him to get a sense of the area so as to not appear startled when he finally looked up. Across the clearing he felt a presence, and not one like the owl who usually watched him. Sebastian lifted his head up and stared across the way. His eyes refocused on the ever-present shadows from the trees. He shifted his weight, ready to move if the time came, never knowing what to expect. A shadow across the way moved ever so slightly, and a feeling of dread, disbelief and a fear he was not alone washed over him.
Sebastian rose slowly, not wanting to raise suspicion that he was aware of someone watching. He walked around the edge, caught a small movement out of the corner of his eyes and felt the urge to fight arise. He felt his hands reach for something he soon realized he had left behind. He heard a whisper on the wind calling to him like a lost memory—Sebastian. His skin crawled with anxiety. He looked up suddenly only to see eyes as red as blood staring at him from the woods, and he knew he had been caught unawares.
Sebastian took short slow steps, never leaving those eyes, eyes that terrified him, for he knew the danger they presented. The figure emerged from the woods but was no more than a shadow. The past flashed before Sebastian, reminding him of a horrific time. He pulled himself from the memory, knowing the present danger. The shadow’s eyes bored into him. Sebastian’s voice had not yet found the courage to respond to his new companion in the woods.
“Leave,” the Companion said.
“Where would you have me go?” Sebastian asked.
“To a place far away.”
“I am not from here,” Sebastian said.
“I am very aware of where you are from,” the Companion said.
Sebastian stopped the pacing that mirrored his new nighttime shadow, his Companion, realizing this being knew more about him than he wished. He looked upon the eyes with a new sense of desperation.
“Why should I leave my home?” Sebastian asked.
“Because death awaits you; death searches for you.”
“I am not afraid of death,” Sebastian said with confidence.
“Then the death of others you love.”
“All those I love are dead,” Sebastian added grimly.
“Not all.”
Sebastian started walking again, circling the pond. The eyes narrowed threateningly and the shadow moved. A breeze came in; the shadow stopped and looked around frantically.
“Leave!”
As quickly as it appeared, the shadow was gone, but not the feeling of danger. There was nothing—no sound, no eyes—just a feeling. That was all Sebastian needed. He backed into the woods and stood silently, listening, but there was nothingness.
The walk back was a different experience than the one out. Sebastian was completely aware of everything around him. Worry had overtaken his feeling of joy. He noted how fleeting those good feelings were and promised himself to relish them more.
As he approached the edge of the woods bordering the monastery, he paused. He had done his best to stay in the shadows from tree to tree to avoid being noticed. Of course, this he could not be certain of after the night’s events.
He looked to the moonlit clearing. The monastery resembled one big shadow, similar to his Companion tonight, and he was struck with some foreboding. All the lights were off in the monastery, and he knew he had to get in soon. He took one last look before he made his way to the side entrance.
Once inside, Sebastian locked the door behind him, feeling more secure inside but not more reassured. He looked over his room carefully, not really knowing what he was looking for but feeling better for having done so. Father Donovan would have to be told but it was almost daylight and Sebastian was tired; he knew it was time to sleep.
***
Father Donovan stood, sentry-like, while Father Andrew and Father Jacques walked right by, deeply embroiled in their debate and never noticing their mentor. Father Dagrun was also immersed in some list, and others were busy doing the morning chores. As Thomas Ridgeway witnessed all of this, he realized Father Donovan was firmly centered in the ordered chaos, his presence alone keeping everything from flying apart. The two men came toward one another, each aware of the other but cautiously relaxed as they met each other’s eyes.
“A good beginning to the day,” said Ridgeway.
“Always more glorious than the last,” Father Donovan said. He paused, then added, “I hope your research goes well.”
saint Sebastian the Rose Page 5
