“No, that would be because I’m an ass. I’m sorry, Morgan. More than I can say.”
Morgan walked into the foyer and up the stairs to her condo on the second floor. It was as she’d left it—messy and slightly sour smelling from garbage that needed to be taken out. She was embarrassed to have Laura see it, until she remembered that she was mad at her. Who cared what she thought?
Morgan put her bag down and went straight to the refrigerator for a beer. She didn’t offer one to Laura. “I don’t understand why you didn’t once call me back, especially when I found out what had happened to your software.”
“I certainly don’t blame you for being mad,” Laura said. “I would be furious if I were you. But I’m not. I’m not even a little bit like you.”
“There are plenty of people who would say that’s a good thing.”
“I’m not one of them.” Laura stood in front of Morgan. “What you did for me was extraordinary. I’m thrilled to know the project can be saved. I wasn’t so happy to learn so much about myself.”
Morgan moved over to her kitchen table and sat. She pointed to the chair across from her with her beer bottle and Laura took a seat and removed her hat. She seemed tentative about the coat, as if unsure whether she was welcome.
“What did you learn about yourself, then?” Morgan said.
“I was so devastated after Thursday’s meeting that I couldn’t think of anything to do but run. You saw me. I was practically catatonic.”
Morgan took a pull on her beer. “You make it pretty hard to love you when you’re always running away.”
“That’s the thing! That’s the whole, big, fucked-up perfectionist thing. I’ve just started realizing that some part of me thinks that I’m unlovable if I’m not perfect, or the things I’m supposed to control aren’t perfect.”
“Then it would follow,” Morgan said, “that you can’t love me, because I’m definitely not perfect.”
“It’s only myself I can’t love,” Laura said, staring down at her hands folded on the table. “I love you with all my heart. I don’t want you to be perfect. Even more, I no longer want myself to be perfect. I realize what a trap that is. I never thought I was stupid, but right now I’m feeling pretty thick.”
Morgan put her beer down and leaned toward Laura. She was trying to hold out, but she was helpless when it came to this woman. She said she loved her, with all her heart. She wasn’t stone.
“What do you want, Laura? Tell me, so I can love you. I’ve been going crazy thinking I’d lost you.”
Laura came over to Morgan’s side. Morgan pulled her onto her lap. She freed Morgan’s hair from its rubber band and ran her fingers through the thick waves. “I want you to love me. I want to give to you what you’ve given to me. I want to have you trust me as much as I trust you. I want you to help me spend the money I’m about to make, and—”
“And what?” Morgan was in a near trance from the head massage Laura was giving her.
“And I want you to take me to bed.”
“All right,” she said lazily.
“I really don’t deserve you, but I’m going to practice believing I do,” Laura said.
“Don’t worry. I’ll have a meltdown at some point and the tables will turn. I’m told that’s how this works.” She pulled Laura’s face close and kissed her. “May I have the sex now, please?”
Laura laughed. “Absolutely.”
*
Allison was back in the hotel room with Peg by mid-afternoon. She found Peg dozing on the couch, remote in hand, a basketball game on the television. A coffee service sat untouched on the table. The pills Peg was taking kept knocking her out, but Allison shook her awake. There was too much to tell her.
“What time is it?” Peg said. Her hair was a mess, and she looked like she was in pain as she resettled herself against the arm of the couch. Allison sat down and pulled Peg’s legs onto her lap.
“Can you hold off a few minutes on the pain pill? I have a lot to tell you, and I don’t want you nodding off.”
Peg smiled. “Lay it on me.”
Allison took her time telling the story of what had happened since she’d been unable to reach Braddock about their appointment that morning. By the time she was done, Peg looked a little sweaty. Allison got her a pain pill and patted her face with a cool cloth.
“That’s something, huh?” Allison asked.
Peg sipped some more water before putting her glass down. “You’re saying Camille was behind Braddock’s blackmail and the problems Laura was having with her software?” She sounded almost impressed.
“I feel terrible. If I hadn’t dated that crazy woman this whole thing about your past wouldn’t have come up. I’m so sorry, Peg.”
“You can’t take that on yourself. I’m the one who broke the law. No one would have predicted how far Camille would go. You must have really gotten under her skin, sweetheart.”
“This is serious. You’re most likely going to lose your law license because of me.”
“That’s crap, and you know it.” Peg grabbed Allison’s hand and squeezed it. “I did something very wrong, and I should have paid for it a long time ago. I hope the statute of limitations applies and I won’t go to jail, because then I’d have to be away from you.” She smiled. “But not being able to practice law might be the best thing for me. It might force me to find something that’s more meaningful. Or whatever.” She laughed outright. “The thing is, I finally feel free of something I didn’t realize was still bothering me on a deep level. You’ve done me a favor by bringing that nasty woman into our lives.”
Allison looked doubtful.
“I mean it, Allison.” Peg pulled Allison by the shirt collar until she was within kissing distance and kissed her for a long time. “Believe me.”
Allison’s lips were millimeters from Peg’s. “I do.”
They settled back on the couch and Allison poured them each a cup of coffee. “So they’ve put an APB out for Camille. It’s hard to imagine her under arrest, having to do what someone else tells her to do. Kind of makes you laugh, doesn’t it?”
“I wouldn’t count on anything until they have her in custody. My guess is Camille’s slippery as an eel.”
They were quiet for a while, listening to the sounds of New York outside the window.
“When should we go home?” Peg asked.
“Let’s go tomorrow. You’re well enough, right?”
“I am. And as soon as I’ve confessed my sins to the FBI and they’ve freed me for travel, we can take off. Now that I think of it, I wouldn’t count on tomorrow.”
Allison stared at the disheveled, pale, gorgeous woman sitting next to her. “I’ll count on you instead.”
Epilogue
Camille sat in the Red Carpet Lounge in New York’s JFK airport, waiting for her flight to London to board. The last-minute ticket had cost a small fortune and so had the eight other flights that she was booked on. Hopefully, the diversion would be worth the expense and the authorities would be chasing her all over the country.
Her identity on the London flight was Emily Nowicki, and she wore the standard tradecraft costume of wig and makeup. Short, shaggy blond hair couldn’t be more different from Camille’s sleek black bob. The heavy and very feminine makeup was the opposite of Camille’s understated touches. The tinted glasses hid her eyes. This was all very well and good, but she knew the FBI could burst into the lounge at any second and arrest her. She’d rather be dead than go to prison.
Camille had always known the possibility existed for one of her projects to blow up on her. She was realistic about the risks of her business. The risks were part of what made it all exciting. But she’d taken care to fully establish a false identity, complete with bulletproof passport, offshore accounts she could get to under her new name, and her own property in London. Even with the insanely short notice she was given, she was able to slip away. Just five more minutes until the boarding call.
Tim had called her to say Sam, Henr
y, and Braddock weren’t responding to his calls and texts, and he was worried they’d gotten arrested. To have all three out of touch was too much of a coincidence. He knew that Morgan was in New York, and he’d worried all along that she’d stumble on something that would tip her off to the sabotage scheme. Allison and Ryan were out there too. It was naïve not to prepare for the worst.
She’d cleared out quickly, but now she was curious for details. She dialed Tim’s number.
“Tim McNally’s line,” a female voice said. Camille disconnected and swore. She wiped down the burn phone and dropped it in a trash bin. The authorities had Tim, she was sure of it, and that meant that either Sam or that squirrely Henry kid gave up his name. And undoubtedly hers as well. She knew Sam wouldn’t hesitate to talk if it meant he could make some kind of deal on his sentence. He was a mercenary. She had no illusions about that.
The flight was called, and Camille walked on with the other first class passengers. She knew she was in a kind of shock. Everything she’d built was now to be left behind. She’d somehow have to find the energy to create a new life, a new business to feel passionate about. It seemed impossible at the moment. Her energy had drained right out of her as soon as the adrenaline had faded and she saw she was going to make it out. She settled into her seat. She didn’t have a book, a phone, a tablet, or even pen and paper. She felt blank.
She’d felt blank ever since Allison dumped her that day in the Thai restaurant. She never recovered from the loss. Was there still a way to get Allison back? To punish Peg Ryan for turning her life into a misery? She now had plenty of time to figure it out. She hated to leave a project unfinished.
About the Author
Anne Laughlin is a three-time Goldie Award winner and has twice been shortlisted for a Lammy Award. Her previous novels with Bold Strokes Books are Veritas, Runaway, and The Acquittal. Her short story, “It Only Occurred To Me Later,” was a finalist in the Saints and Sinners Short Fiction Contest.
Anne was named an Emerging Writer Fellow by the Lambda Literary Foundation in 2008 and 2014. She has attended residencies at Ragdale, Vermont Studio Center, and Vermont College of Fine Arts. She lives in Chicago with Linda Braasch.
Books Available From Bold Strokes Books
One Last Thing by Kim Baldwin & Xenia Alexiou. Blood is thicker than pride. The final book in the Elite Operative Series brings together foes, family, and friends to start a new order. (978-1-62639-230-4)
Songs Unfinished by Holly Stratimore. Two aspiring rock stars learn that falling in love while pursuing their dreams can be harmonious—if they can only keep their pasts from throwing them out of tune. (978-1-62639-231-1)
Beyond the Ridge by L.T. Marie. Will a contractor and a horse rancher overcome their family differences and find common ground to build a life together? (978-1-62639-232-8)
Swordfish by Andrea Bramhall. Four women battle the demons from their pasts. Will they learn to let go, or will happiness be forever beyond their grasp? (978-1-62639-233-5)
The Fiend Queen by Barbara Ann Wright. Princess Katya and her consort Starbride must turn evil against evil in order to banish Fiendish power from their kingdom, and only love will pull them back from the brink. (978-1-62639-234-2)
Up the Ante by PJ Trebelhorn. When Jordan Stryker and Ashley Noble meet again fifteen years after a short-lived affair, are either of them prepared to gamble on a chance at love? (978-1-62639-237-3)
Speakeasy by MJ Williamz. When mob leader Helen Byrne sets her sights on the girlfriend of Al Capone’s right-hand man, passion and tempers flare on the streets of Chicago. (978-1-62639-238-0)
Venus in Love by Tina Michele. Morgan Blake can’t afford any distractions and Ainsley Dencourt can’t afford to lose control—but the beauty of life and art usually lies in the unpredictable strokes of the artist’s brush. (978-1-62639-220-5)
Rules of Revenge by AJ Quinn. When a lethal operative on a collision course with her past agrees to help a CIA analyst on a critical assignment, the encounter proves explosive in ways neither woman anticipated. (978-1-62639-221-2)
The Romance Vote by Ali Vali. Chili Alexander is a sought-after campaign consultant who isn’t prepared when her boss’s daughter, Samantha Pellegrin, comes to work at the firm and shakes up Chili’s life from the first day. (978-1-62639-222-9)
Advance: Exodus Book One by Gun Brooke. Admiral Dael Caydoc’s mission to find a new homeworld for the Oconodian people is hazardous, but working with the infuriating Commander Aniwyn “Spinner” Seclan endangers her heart and soul. (978-1-62639-224-3)
UnCatholic Conduct by Stevie Mikayne. Jil Kidd goes undercover to investigate fraud at St. Marguerite’s Catholic School, but life gets complicated when her student is killed—and she begins to fall for her prime target. (978-1-62639-304-2)
Season’s Meetings by Amy Dunne. Catherine Birch reluctantly ventures on the festive road trip from hell with beautiful stranger Holly Daniels only to discover the road to true love has its own obstacles to maneuver. (978-1-62639-227-4)
Myth and Magic: Queer Fairy Tales edited by Radclyffe and Stacia Seaman. Myth, magic, and monsters—the stuff of childhood dreams (or nightmares) and adult fantasies. (978-1-62639-225-0)
Nine Nights on the Windy Tree by Martha Miller. Recovering drug addict, Bertha Brannon, is an attorney who is trying to stay clean when a murder sends her back to the bad end of town. (978-1-62639-179-6)
Driving Lessons by Annameekee Hesik. Dive into Abbey Brooks’s sophomore year as she attempts to figure out the amazing, but sometimes complicated, life of a you-know-who girl at Gila High School. (978-1-62639-228-1)
Asher’s Shot by Elizabeth Wheeler. Asher Price’s candid photographs capture the truth, but when his success requires exposing an enemy, Asher discovers his only shot at happiness involves revealing secrets of his own. (978-1-62639-229-8)
Courtship by Carsen Taite. Love and justice—a lethal mix or a perfect match? (978-1-62639-210-6)
Against Doctor's Orders by Radclyffe. Corporate financier Presley Worth wants to shut down Argyle Community Hospital, but Dr. Harper Rivers will fight her every step of the way, if she can also fight their growing attraction. (978-1-62639-211-3)
A Spark of Heavenly Fire by Kathleen Knowles. Kerry and Beth are building their life together, but unexpected circumstances could destroy their happiness. (978-1-62639-212-0)
Never Too Late by Julie Blair. When Dr. Jamie Hammond is forced to hire a new office manager, she’s shocked to come face to face with Carla Grant and memories from her past. (978-1-62639-213-7)
Widow by Martha Miller. Judge Bertha Brannon must solve the murder of her lover, a policewoman she thought she’d grow old with. As more bodies pile up, the murderer starts coming for her. (978-1-62639-214-4)
Twisted Echoes by Sheri Lewis Wohl. What’s a woman to do when she realizes the voices in her head are real? (978-1-62639-215-1)
Criminal Gold by Ann Aptaker. Through a dangerous night in New York in 1949, Cantor Gold, dapper dyke-about-town, smuggler of fine art, is forced by a crime lord to be his instrument of vengeance. (978-1-62639-216-8)
The Melody of Light by M.L. Rice. After surviving abuse and loss, will Riley Gordon be able to navigate her first year of college and accept true love and family? (978-1-62639-219-9)
Because of You by Julie Cannon. What would you do for the woman you were forced to leave behind? (978-1-62639-199-4)
The Job by Jove Belle. Sera always dreamed that she would one day reunite with Tor. She just didn’t think it would involve terrorists, firearms, and hostages. (978-1-62639-200-7)
Making Time by C.J. Harte. Two women going in different directions meet after fifteen years and struggle to reconnect in spite of the past that separated them. (978-1-62639-201-4)
Once The Clouds Have Gone by KE Payne. Overwhelmed by the dark clouds of her past, Tag Grainger is lost until the intriguing and spirited Freddie Metcalfe unexpectedly forces her to reevaluate her life. (978-1-62639-202-1)
The Acquittal by Anne Laughlin. Chi
cago private investigator Josie Harper searches for the real killer of a woman whose lover has been acquitted of the crime. (978-1-62639-203-8)
An American Queer: The Amazon Trail by Lee Lynch. Lee Lynch’s heartening and heart-rending history of gay life from the turbulence of the late 1900s to the triumphs of the early 2000s are recorded in this selection of her columns. (978-1-62639-204-5)
Stick McLaughlin : The Prohibition Years by CF Frizzell. Corruption in 1918 cost Stick her lover, her freedom, and her identity, but a very special flapper and the family bond of her own gang could help win them back—even if it means outwitting the Boston Mob. (978-1-62639-205-2)
Edge of Awareness by C.A. Popovich. When Maria, a woman in the middle of her third divorce, meets Dana, an out lesbian, awareness of her feelings brings up reservations about the teachings of her church. (978-1-62639-188-8)
Taken by Storm by Kim Baldwin. Lives depend on two women when a train derails high in the remote Alps, but an unforgiving mountain, avalanches, crevasses, and other perils stand between them and safety. (978-1-62639-189-5)
The Common Thread by Jaime Maddox. Dr. Nicole Coussart’s life is falling apart, but fortunately, DEA Attorney Rae Rhodes is there to pick up the pieces and help Nic put them back together. (978-1-62639-190-1)
Jolt by Kris Bryant. Mystery writer Bethany Lange wasn’t prepared for the twisting emotions that left her breathless the moment she laid eyes on folk singer sensation Ali Hart. (978-1-62639-191-8)
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