by Beth Mikell
Tears gathered in my eyes, piercing my heart. "What are you talking about?" I wailed as fat tears slid down my cheeks.
He let me go, and sank to his knees. "My submission."
Chapter 22
"The very instant that I saw you did my heart fly to Your service; there resides, To make me slave to it; and for Your sake..." - William Shakespeare
Horror filled every cell of my DNA, and I'm reduced to a more atrocious monster than Satan's guise. Noah never promised me more during all our times together. He never broke a sweat over impossibilities--so strong and sure of his every move. He was my no bounds man…my…mine. He sat before me, head down, and eyes averted--a symbol of every wrong he committed and offered up to me under an open suture of torment and I died yet another living death.
Fierce anger tore through my stomach. "Get up. Get up, Noah." I reached down, pulling at his shirt, and yanked so forcefully buttons flew in different directions over the carpeted floor, but he didn't budge an inch. "Dammit, get up! You're not allowed to dump all your grievances at my feet. You always fight, Noah. You always push through. You always exceed beyond every goddamn problem thrown your way."
He sat unmoving.
I sank down to the floor, straddling his thighs. "Please Noah…don't do this," I pleaded.
For long minutes, he breathed deep, inhaling and exhaling in deep gulps…finally he spoke. "She hated me…in the end." Still, he sat motionless and his voice hollow, dry.
I frowned. "What? Who…?"
"Sarah," he croaked, his eyes glazed over. "The doctors gave her…one or two months to live, but I screwed the hell up. I was completely faithful to my wife until I…received the doctor's latest test results." He swallowed hard. "I couldn't look at her anymore and see death coming. How could I say goodbye? How the fuck was I to wake up under the sun, in our bed and never see her again? I would miss her, how would I tell her?"
He shook with anger, his body vibrating with his confession as he continued. "I left her alone. I went to New York…drank myself all the way to hell's gate and…fucked a random pussy while my wife…my sweet wife…" He broke down in tears, his head falling against my shoulder.
"Jesus…" I whispered my heart exploding in a thousand pieces as my resolve shredded.
"Somehow…she knew. She knew, Reyna. She never…allowed me to help her. I never caressed her face or hugged her close again. She never allowed me to carry her to the bath or feed her…nothing. She…even…refused all further medical treatment. She…shutdown and died within two weeks," Noah choked through heavy emotion against my neck, the wetness of his tears soaking my robe. "I…broke her heart. I killed her…I destroyed Sarah's last moments on this earth with my…fuck up."
"Noah, please…" I held him, carrying his deep, racking sobs along with my own--completely immersed within anxiety into the darkest pain…the darkest seduction…and the darkest hell of my life.
This beautiful, rich-hearted man…was in fact human. He wasn't a built up super mogul…not a sensual Dominant…but just a hurting man, who blamed himself for his wife's death. He broke in front of my eyes, a swimming sorrow with only one anchor…me. I was whom he clung too. I was whom he loved, needed, and ached to live with inside his shattered life.
All of our moments coursed through my mind…his no touching rule…how he carried me to his bathtub (my request for him to share it) or how his eyes glazed over when I offered to make dinner--he truly feared companionship in its sincerest form. He was afraid to give one speck of himself to a woman for fear of emotional rupture…until me. The agonizing puzzle pieces of heartache fell into place and only I alone could seal the cracks.
I'm humbled and shredded, but most of all…I love him. I love him more than his darkness, his secrets and twisted Dom persona he created for the sake of withdrawing from human existence.
I leaned back, tilting his face up to peer into the emptiest, torn-filled eyes, soaked and tortured. "Fall into me…" I used the once whispered words from our time on the beach, hoping to break through his strange detachment.
For several stunned moments, Noah blinked, staring through me until the barest hint of a smile touched his perfect lips. God, he looked beautiful with his disheveled hair sticking out in complete disorder, his blue, shard-like eyes dilated and discomposed with stormy lineament.
"I can't," he breathed.
I arched a brow, so ready for full on war at his expense. He opened up--there was no way in hell he was retreating! "Dammit, Noah--"
His finger came up to cover my explosion. "Shh, I meant, I can't because you're on top of me."
I kissed his finger against my lips until he drew it down the line of my throat and pressed against my beating pulse. The skin-to-skin contact burned upon my flesh, teasing my deflated desire into a raging pound of need. My heart thudded strong and my blood whistled through my veins with hot desire. I wanted him so much.
"Reyna, you're the only woman to see through me…to see through the pile of shit and still…" He trailed off, confounded.
I lifted a hand, threading it through the dark strands, and tugged…he groaned. "Still what? Love you?"
He offered a small smile, though it didn't reach his eyes. "Baby, I'm not as hopeful as before and--"
A rapid knock on the door interrupted him.
"It's probably Danny. I should get that."
Noah nodded and took my hand, standing together. We stood for several moments staring into each other's eyes as the knock pounded louder, fate opening a door and questioning our intentions.
"Whatever you decide from this point forward, Reyna, I will accept." He leaned forward to tenderly brush his lips over my forehead.
I passed him, making my decision with the last few steps towards the hotel door, facing my cousin's worried face.
"How are you?" Danny's gaze flicked between Noah and me.
How was I? Shaken, resolved and sure. "Good."
Danny blew out a tuff of air, clearly annoyed. "Is it hurricane relief or my big fat English wedding?"
For the first time after hell rained tonight, I felt like smiling, but I bit my lip. "He's staying."
He rolled his eyes. "Christ, Reyna, your aunt Abigail has had nothing but trouble with her very own power gauntlet. Are you sure about this? About him? One female in the throes of fucked hell is about all I can take."
There wasn't anything to consider. Noah unraveled the chains of my heart…of his and we were interwoven inside a deep love no one could shake. I wasn't naïve to believe all our opposition was finished, but I knew we would face it together.
I placed a reassuring hand on Danny's arm. "I'm more than sure. Thank you, for everything tonight," I said, wishing I could explain my gratitude beyond a few words. "Between you and Liz, I know what kind of family and friends I have waiting inside a crisis."
He rolled his eyes and smiled, though not warmly. “I’m always here for you, carrots. Put me on speed dial if necessary," he stated, snapping his fingers. "That's right! You sank your phone into the pool. Now, I know what to get you for Christmas."
I chuckled. "Quit it." Embarrassment flooded over me remembering what I did with Noah standing not a few feet behind me, his gift destroyed.
"Good night."
Danny left and I turned to face Noah, not knowing what to expect. His expression closed, and his eyes serious and somber. "I wasn't sure what you'd decide," he whispered finally, releasing a pent up breath. "Be sure."
"I won't run," I replied, knowing exactly what lay before me and I accepted--darkness and all.
Pain creased his brow. "You already did…once."
He was right, I had. "Don't you believe in second chances?" I crossed the remaining few steps, looking up into his eyes so struck by the telling emotion twisting deep within his face.
"I used too, now I think--"
I shook my head. "Don't think anymore. Let me heal the last five years," I breathed, flicking open the robe, standing naked and unabashed as his sharp inhale pushed me further
into determination.
"You already have, baby."
"Touch me."
Noah drew a deep, ragged breath. "I can't let you go again, Reyna. Be sure."
"I am."
Chapter 23
No one but a woman in love ever sees the maximum of men's greatness. Anais Nin
Noah pushed the limits of sexual potency as I shattered inside a third orgasm, stretched out over the rumpled hotel bed, my body glistening with sweat and jelly-like from his attentions…and him, still fully clothed. Even as my body floated weightless with contentment, I couldn't imagine a fourth round without truly dying from pleasure--the man was too much.
I pushed him away, groaning in self-defense. "Enough, Noah," I begged.
He popped a salacious grin and I melted from his sexy beauty, my no bounds man. "This is only the beginning of your pleasure, baby."
I frowned. A mega load of anger emptied through my body, making the last hour a mockery in light of our heart-to-heart earlier. He was withholding the one thing I wanted most…himself. He couldn't deceive me. "Is this your version of a punishment fuck?"
He stilled, losing his smile as his brows knitted together. "What do you mean?"
I leaned up on my elbows. "I mean, I love the things you do to me…but you are still clothed," I whispered. "I can feel how hard you are, Noah. Why are you holding back?"
Noah sighed. "I deserve a little orgasm denial after what I put you through, baby. Your pleasure is what I live for…crave. If I want to work off my demerits, it's my choice." He shrugged, caressing my thigh again with familiar, stimulating pressure he used to quicken my body into mind-numbing bliss.
He had to be the sweetest man or the most foolish. "That sounds a bit self-serving. Why bother at all if you are going to deduct points for relationship performance? None of us are perfect, Noah." I sat up in a rush, reaching for his hand on my leg and stared him down. "I told you I love you, what part of that requires separation?"
His eyes narrowed. "I’m here with you."
I shook my head. "No, you're not. You're shouldering your past sins--again, and denying us both."
"Reyna--"
"Strip." I'd had just about enough!
His mouth gaped open, it was priceless to see, but heartbreaking in another sense. His asinine belief in orgasm denial was about as ludicrous as skydiving out of a perfectly good airplane--weird. I dropped his hand and nudged him off the bed, snapping my fingers. "Chop, chop, Mr. Alexander. I want to see some skin." My tongue shot out between my lips for emphasis.
Noah's shard-like blue eyes lingered upon my mouth, his facial expression guarded until I'm not sure he'll comply. "Sexy play, Ms. Lourde? I approve."
He slid from the bed and his eyes never left mine as he undid what few buttons remained, tossing his shirt to the side. I choked on my breath as the wide expanse of his chest rippled under the one lamp lighting the room. The dagger tattoo gleamed fierce over his heart, a somewhat ironic symbol to his past pain. He hadn't covered the whys of the marking, but clearly, his earlier admission characterized his reasoning. He truly was magnificent…and all mine.
"I've got game," I retorted, flashing a smug grin as I tossed my unruly hair over my shoulder.
He flashed a wicked smile. "And a smart mouth…which I love." Noah made quick work of his remaining clothes, standing statue perfect and his erection…undeniable.
"Come closer," I breathed.
His sexy lips turned up at the corners…and his eyes smoldered passed euphoric hot. "I'm only happy to obey."
Noah drew closer to ease onto the bed, but I planted my hand square in his chest, shaking my head. "We've one last hurtle to master and I think you know what I mean."
Pure agony darkened his expression, wrenching torment clouding his handsome face. "Reyna, no…"
I smoothed my hand over his chest and skimmed over the dagger tattoo, tracing the edges, feeling his heart thunder against my touch. I threaded my fingertips through his chest hair lower and lower--my intention obvious and his fear evident. "If not now, when? I love you, Noah. You mastered every part of me. It's time to master you."
His stomach muscles tensed under my hand and his perfect mouth drew into a flat line of grave displeasure--even his jumpy cheek appeared. "You're worth more to me than…the skanky memories of the women…I…used. I won't let you." Noah's hand covered mine, his anger flooding the room and dispelling the erotic atmosphere.
But, I wasn't put off or disinclined to bow to his refusal. He couldn't run from me, I wouldn't let him and a wonderful thought came to mind. "Do you trust me?"
He grunted. "Implicitly." Then, he frowned. "Why do you ask?"
I pushed against his chest until he had no choice but to take a step back and I scooted to the edge of the bed. I stared him down, calling upon every feminine wile in my womanly armory. This would go down hot, I mused.
"The sexiest thing in the world is...never knowing what is going to happen next." I whispered, using his clever words from the first orgasm he ever gave me with an eye mask and chocolate mousse, restoring my belief in a man's ability for a woman's pleasure.
Noah inhaled a sharp breath, plainly shocked. "You can't do this, baby…" Even as the words left his mouth, his erection jumped in readiness and he visibly swallowed hard.
I ignored his objection. "It's all about trust," I exhaled softly, caressing down his hard thighs--he hissed, but didn't hinder my exploration. "It's the anticipation…the desire," I breathed, leaning closer, my mouth almost within distance of his beautiful body. "It's knowing there is nothing you can do about it."
I maneuvered fast, before he had time to react, swirling my tongue over the tip of him, my hands holding him in place.
"Dammit, Reyna!" He cried out, but didn't move to stop me.
Noah was exactly as I fantasized, stunning me…so beautifully hard along with his rich taste I never could had imagined…such utter divinity. A quick flick of my eyes up to his face revealed his equally aroused expression, excited and smoldering with emotion, his shard-like blue eyes half slits, and his pleasure unmistakable. He swayed on his feet, withering against my mouth and he brought his hands up, sinking them in my hair, rotating his hips ever so slowly. I felt so alive, a seductress I never believed to be--all because Noah loved me and truly gave himself over to me.
I used every ounce of luscious game within my soul, sexifying my super hottie with my tongue, sucking deep. I worked him from tip to base with my mouth, milking his pleasure with my hands, while elevating him up through every past, meaningless encounter. In my heart, I knew this would be the defining point in time…the emotional workup beyond all previous, dark moments--I erased them. I bled new light over him…and he shuddered, his body unconsciously twisting with greedy arousal. His scent drugged me by aphrodisiacal heights, his taste smooth and salty…God, he was everything and I consumed him into a slamming rhythm.
"Reyna, baby…" he groaned, trying to pull back, the sound nearly painful.
I whimpered in my throat, unwilling to let go, stripping over him with my frenzied hunger, quick hands and fast mouth.
Noah yanked back ungraciously, dragging me up to stand in front of him, his face inches from mine. He was beautiful, wild, and out of control with his breath heaving across my achy lips. He cascaded over my desire, punching my center with trembling force of a man…my man. He became my deepest exhale, velvet rich, and a haunting stimulant I loved through my spirit.
"Goddammit! You're so fucking beautiful!" He bit out, turning me fast in his arms. "I want to come inside you!"
He pressed me up against the hotel wall, wrapping my legs around his waist. I gasped from the cold barrier at my back touching my heated flesh, but I didn't care. I moaned deep in my throat, my excitement barely contained.
"Yes," I hissed between clenched teeth, my head rolling to the side and my eyes closed waiting with anticipation he would end the torture at long last.
"Watch me, baby," he grunted as his length brushed against me, o
ne hand reaching up to cup my cheek.
My eyes met his, completely locked, chained, and bound. He slid through me perfectly, an emotional awakening close to sweetest death. "Noah…"
"Who gives your pleasure?" He asked his hips moving hard, sinking himself deeper inside.
He felt too perfect and I shivered inside the question, "You…" I held on for erotic life as I pushed out the one simple, meaningful word through a panting breath, my lungs exploding, and every nerve ending on extra sensory meltdown.
Noah's lips grazed over my mouth, sensually nipping my bottom lip, tugging. "Who shares your pleasure?"
I was so close to shattering. "Noah, my love…"
"Come with me, Reyna!"
"Oh God, Noah…"
We shook violently as uninhibited spasms rocketed through us--until all darkness receded, bathing us inside shimmering completion. Shards of heaven burned hot, the grace of ultimate ecstasy beyond the beautiful darkness as we cried out our deliverance.
Noah sank to the floor, gathering me upon his chest, and held me tight. "My sweet, sweet, Reyna...I love you…so much," he murmured, brushing his lips over my damp forehead.
I smoothed my mouth over his heated chest, slick and damp…exactly over his dagger tattoo, "I love you too."
"You're mine, sweet girl--now and always."
I'd never touched a human soul…until now.
~~~
Morning light burned against my eyelids and I stretched languidly, every muscle in my body a complete and euphoric wad of nothingness. Yes, I was floating upon love's lusty river, bare- ass naked and blissfully happy. I reached for Noah, encountering empty bed and cool sheets, frowning…yet his voice penetrated the fog of my brain. Distant. Gruff. Commanding.
"They say men dominating the perfect thing, but I think Noah super cedes that, don't you?"
I sat up in a rush, pulling the sheet as I peered into the face of Jasmine, maneuvering the remote control in her hand, a sly smirk upon her face.
