by J. Sterling
“Courting me?” She rolled her eyes. “Have you been talking to Grant again?”
“No, I haven’t been talking to Grant.” I scowled at her. “That old man wouldn’t know what to do with you if he had the chance.”
“But you do?”
“You know damn well I do. And you deserve to be romanced, okay? I want to court you properly. Like a gentleman. Be a good example for Matson.”
I hoped that last bit would melt whatever hardness was left in her heart when it came to me, although I presumed there was little left. I meant every sappy word that came out of my mouth. I believed in treating a woman well, and I wanted to be more than just a good role model for Matson. I wanted to be a good man for Sofia.
Her soft gaze met mine. “Can’t really argue with that, now can I?”
“No.”
“Didn’t think so.” She let out a sigh as her cell phone rang. Glancing down, a frown replaced her smile. “It’s my mom. Hold that thought.”
She answered the call, her brows pinched together as her tone went from carefree to concerned. My gut reaction as I listened to her side of the conversation was that Derek had done something, and my stomach clenched as I waited for her to get off the phone and tell me what was up.
After telling her mom she’d be right there, she ended the call and looked at me. “Matson doesn’t feel well.”
I pushed out of my chair before gathering the dishes and placing them in the sink. “You’d better go get him.”
“You’re not upset?”
“Why would I be upset?”
A small line appeared between her brows. “Because we barely even got to have our date. And this is the kind of thing that happens in my life.”
This woman was a paradox. She was so secure in some ways, but so insecure when it came to dating, worried about how I’d react to her life.
“What happens? Your son gets sick and you have to take care of him? That’s what you’re supposed to do, Sofia. And one day, we’ll do that together. It won’t matter if he’s sick, or upset, or just wants to hang with us. One day if something like this comes up, we’ll handle it together.”
My certainty about us might have seemed fast, but not to me. I’d been dancing around Sofia for a while now, trying to get her to go out with me, so this didn’t feel like a first date. My feelings for her had already been established before tonight. And once I found out about her son, it was like a switch flipped inside me, and my desire for her only grew.
She swallowed, drawing my attention to her throat, making me want to nip and suck at the delicate skin there. “You’re so certain about everything.”
I took a step toward her. “About you, yes.”
Leaning down, I reached for her and tilted her head toward me before my lips met hers. Our mouths opened instantly, our tongues finding each other in a desperate dance that was anything but sweet.
We wanted each other, that much was clear. But it would have to wait.
Right now, she had a son who needed her way more than my dick did.
Smashed
Sofia
Kissing Ryan was the equivalent of a sex dream, considering that’s all I’d experienced the last few years. His kisses were explosive, erotic, all-consuming, and fulfilling. At least, until you opened your eyes and realized it was all a dream.
Thank God when I opened my eyes after kissing Ryan, he was still there, all six-foot-one of him, ready and willing to do it again if I asked. And I had a feeling I’d be asking often.
As we walked outside to our cars, Ryan dropped my hand. “What the hell?”
Confused, I focused on where he was staring, and my stomach bottomed out at the sight of his smashed front windshield. It looked like someone had taken a baseball bat to it, leaving a hole in the center with a hundred cracked circles spiderwebbing out from it.
I looked up, assuming that something had fallen from the sky or a nearby tree and landed on his car, but there was nothing above it. Glancing in the gutter and along the sidewalk for the culprit, I came up empty as well. “What in the world? How did this happen?”
Ryan gave me a knowing look. “Angel?” he said patiently, willing me to get on the same page as him.
“Oh my God. Do you think Derek did this?”
“It was hit right here.” He pointed at the hole in the center of the glass where the crack originated. “With purpose. Unless a brick fell from the sky and landed on my car, I’d say this was absolutely intentional.”
“Should we call the police?”
“There’s nothing they can do.”
“But he damaged your car. He can’t just get away with damaging your personal property.” I sounded like a lunatic, my words contradicting what my brain already knew. Of course Derek could get away with damaging personal property. I’d just told Ryan earlier that Derek could get away with virtually anything.
“We don’t have any proof it was him.” Ryan sighed, calmer than he should have been under the circumstances. “The police would need proof in order to do their job. We don’t have any.”
“I’m so sorry,” I choked out, shame and embarrassment tightening my throat. I felt like this was all my fault, even though logically none of it was. I didn’t control Derek, but if you took me out of the equation, there would be no Derek in Ryan’s life. And if there were no Derek, Ryan’s windshield would still be intact.
Ryan took my hand, squeezing it to reassure me. “It’s not your fault. You didn’t make this happen.”
“But I’m still sorry. This never would have happened to your car if it wasn’t for me.”
“You didn’t do this,” he said again, this time more forcefully.
“But it’s because of me—”
He placed two fingers on my mouth, immediately quieting me. “It’s not your fault. And it’s just a car. I’ll get it fixed. It’s not a big deal.”
I flung myself into Ryan’s chest, wrapping my arms around him, and he held me tight. He rubbed his hands up and down the length of my back, molding his body to mine.
God, he felt good, and I knew he felt the same way. My hips pressed against his hard-on, and I had to force myself to stop before we got too carried away. I needed to go get Matson, and Ryan was one hell of a distraction.
As I pulled away from his warm, hard body, a stark realization hit me. “I guess he knows where I live.” I tried to sound not bothered by that truth, but I was concerned. The work information I’d easily accepted, but this was something else entirely, a violation of my privacy that took more effort than a couple of clicks on a keyboard.
The bungalow I rented wasn’t in my name, and there was no way of associating me with it on any legal forms that could be found in the courts or online. The only way Derek could have gotten this information was to have me followed.
My stomach churned with the realization that my safe haven was no longer safe.
It was funny the things you became aware of once they were stripped away. Like how I’d never thought twice about my safety here, living here as a single mom—until now. The bungalow had been the perfect home for us, but now it felt exposed. As if its windows and doors had disappeared, and anyone could see in anytime they wanted.
“I think he always has,” Ryan said, his voice calmer than I could stand in the moment.
My body trembled as my mind raced, all my thoughts converging on one overriding question. Are Matson and I safe here, living alone?
“You think he’s always known?” I clutched my stomach, willing it not to empty its contents from dinner onto the sidewalk. “Why would you say that?” I shifted my weight from foot to foot, trying to distract my guts from betraying me.
“Just a hunch.” Ryan stepped closer, placing his hand on my cheek to calm me. “But even you said he has the means to find out whatever he wants to, Sofia. He found out where you worked. Of course he’d want to know where you live.”
“He went to my mom’s first. He thought I still lived there,” I said, remembering my mom tel
ling me about that unsettling encounter. “Then he demanded to know where I was.”
“I assume she didn’t tell him?” His thumb drew patterns on my cheek, an attempt at calming me that clearly wasn’t working.
“Of course not.” Then the realization dawned on me. Derek would never accept simply not knowing.
“So he found out on his own. That seems to fit his personality. Any idea what he wants? He hasn’t told you, right?”
I swallowed around the lump in my throat, speaking numbly without thinking. “Other than him saying that he wanted to see Matson that day at the beach. That was the most we’ve talked in eight years. He keeps showing up places, but he never says anything.”
Ryan stiffened and dropped his hand from my face. In an instant, I realized the mistake I’d made.
“He keeps what? Showing up where?” Ryan took a step back before looking deep into my eyes, questioning me. “Sofia.” He blew out a harsh breath, his jaw ticking. “I knew you were keeping something from me whenever I asked you on the phone, but I thought I was just being paranoid. I thought I was being crazy.”
I had no idea that Ryan had been beating himself up over the questions he asked me. The very questions I’d evaded and then lied about, knowing I could only lie to him on the phone because he knew exactly when I wasn’t telling the truth in person.
“I’m sorry. He showed up in the parking garage at my office the other night. When I left work, he was just standing there by my car. It’s a private garage, Ryan. I don’t know how he even got in. He didn’t say anything, though. He was just . . . just standing there, watching me.”
Ryan reached for my chin and forced me to look up into his eyes, now the darkest blue I’d ever seen them. “You can’t keep this stuff from me. Not anymore. I know what we have between us is new, but if you feel anything like I do, then you know that this,” he waved a finger between us, “isn’t going anywhere. I’m not going anywhere.”
My eyes blurred and I blinked hard. I wanted to believe every single thing that Ryan said to me, but I was scared. Scared that he was too good to be true. Scared that he didn’t really know what he was getting himself into. Scared to give him my heart, just for him to discard it when he realized I wasn’t worth all the drama.
Ryan’s face was stoic, his eyes unblinking. “Whatever I need to do to convince you, I plan on doing it. However long it takes, I’ll wait until you believe me. I’m in it for the long haul, angel.”
He obviously believed the things he was telling me, but for how long? What if a year from now this was all too much, too hard, too much of a hassle, and he wanted to quit?
“I’ve never done this before,” I told him, needing him to understand. “I’ve never had someone like you in my life. I don’t know how to handle someone wanting to take care of me and Matson. I don’t know how to be a teammate. I’ve never had one before.”
“I know,” he said softly. “I get it, and I understand. I haven’t either. But I need you to promise me something.”
“What?”
“That you’ll try. Hard. To let me in. And to let me be there for you.”
I pulled in a deep breath before nodding slowly in agreement. Ryan seemed to know exactly what I needed, and I wondered how in the world I’d gotten so lucky to have this amazing man in my life . . . wanting me.
“I’m going to push at your walls, but I don’t want to push you away in the process. I’m going to test you. You’re not going to like it, angel. But remember, it goes both ways. I have walls too.”
God, he was so sensitive. This tall, gorgeous man with the hard, sexy body was so damn soft underneath. It melted my heart to know him in this way. To know that I was getting the parts of Ryan that no one else saw, aside from his family. The women who came into the bar wanted the tough, flirty exterior he showed them there. They had no idea what was hidden underneath.
“Tell me you understand,” Ryan demanded, the need for my acceptance coursing through him like blood. I sensed it, could feel that need in the air between us.
“I understand.”
“You’ll try to let me in?”
“I’ll try.”
“Thank you,” he said before bringing my hand to his lips and kissing my knuckles.
I stared at him, unable to believe this amazing man was thanking me as if I were the one doing him a favor, like he hadn’t just offered to sweep into my world and save it from falling apart. My heart filled with gratitude, I closed my eyes and lowered my head, blinking hard against threatening tears.
“Thank you, Ryan. For caring and for being there. And for wanting to do this with me.”
He grasped my shoulders and shook me lightly until I lifted my head, then he stared at me like I was insane for even uttering the words. “Don’t thank me for that. Any guy in his right mind would do the same,” he said, then stopped short. “No, wait. Scratch that. No other guy on earth would do this for you, Sofia. Just me. Only me. I’m the only one for you.”
I choked out a laugh, loving when he wasn’t entirely sure of himself and needed confirmation. “Only you,” I repeated, glad when the tension drained from his features.
“I know you need to go, but one last thing.” He looked away and shifted his weight, making we wonder what could possibly come next.
“What is it?”
Ryan’s voice tightened. “I’d be lying if I didn’t tell you that I was a little worried about your safety. Derek could be watching us right now. He could show up wherever you are. He could scare you. Scare Matson.”
I shivered as I glanced around the neighborhood, horrified at the possibility that Derek might be watching us here . . . now. My throat felt like it might close up entirely and rob me of air.
Ryan grasped my chin again, forcing me to focus. “I know this sounds possessive, and I’d never in a million years ask you this if we weren’t in this situation right now, but will you please download that phone tracking app and let me have access to it?”
My heart beat out a conflicting rhythm. Track my cell phone? “Why?”
“My brothers and I all have the app on our phones, and we have access to each other’s. I can also see Jess and Claudia’s phones in an emergency if I need to. It’s just a precaution in case something happens, but I don’t trust Derek, and I don’t put anything past him. He showed up at your work and he came here tonight. What’s next? If something happens to you and I don’t know how to find you, I’ll go out of my fucking mind.”
Ryan was so honest and vulnerable, my heart ached for him a little. His suggestion came from a good-hearted place, that much I knew. He didn’t come off like some sort of jealous boyfriend.
How had I gone from feeling free and happy to feeling like I lived in a prison and under constant watch? I hated that Derek had this kind of impact on my life, but Ryan was right. Derek couldn’t be trusted, and neither of us knew what he was capable of or what he wanted. And his actions tonight really unnerved me.
When I didn’t answer right away, Ryan said, “I promise I’ll only use it if I think you’re in trouble. I know it sounds over the top, but I feel like I need to have some kind of control. I don’t know why the app makes me feel like I’m protecting you somehow, but it does.”
“Okay.”
“Okay?” His tone lightened instantly. “I’ll give you access to mine too.”
“All right. But I really need to go get Matson.”
Ryan’s lips met mine. “Go get your boy, and text me when you get home. Thanks again for dinner.” He turned and opened his car door, and when he was in the driver’s seat, his image all but disappeared behind the cracked glass.
“Can you even see?” I called out, and he gave me a thumbs-up.
I got into my own car, anxious to get my son and torn about whether to tell my parents everything. On the quick drive over, I decided that I wouldn’t tell them yet. The fewer people who worried about me, the less guilty I’d feel.
When I imagined telling my mom, I could see exactly how she
’d react. She’d go out of her mind with worry, constantly calling me, checking in nonstop, stopping by the house unannounced, demanding that I spend more time at her house than usual.
It might sound stupid, but I didn’t want to live my life like that, under the parental microscope again like a teenager, and feeling like I had no say. I also didn’t want to give Derek that kind of control over me, the power to change my life and how I lived it, so I decided to keep his actions to myself.
Now that Ryan was in the picture, I prayed that things wouldn’t get out of hand.
I should have known that Ryan would be the match that started the fire in this scenario instead of the water that extinguished it. I should have known that adding him to the mix was like slipping a bullet into an otherwise empty chamber.
I should have known.
But I didn’t.
Unwanted Guest
Sofia
The next couple of weeks were quiet on the Derek front. When I didn’t see him again for a while, my nerves settled down, even though both my gut instincts and Ryan warned me otherwise. “Don’t get too comfortable,” he kept saying, as if he knew something I didn’t.
Unfortunately, Ryan and I hadn’t been able to see each other due to my request that we hold off for a while, and our conflicting work schedules didn’t help. Before I knew it, the self-imposed break I’d only intended to last a few days had somehow stretched to thirteen.
Ryan respected my wishes, only asking me to lunch four times during the first week. It didn’t take long before he realized that I wasn’t trying to push him away, I was just genuinely worried about my son.
Matson was having issues with his schoolwork, especially math. He hadn’t been turning in his homework, and he’d failed his last two tests. I kept trying to help him with his homework, but I was completely lost. The new math my son was being taught at school wasn’t at all like the math I’d learned, and I ended up confusing him even more rather than helping him.
When he broke out into tears of frustration, I FaceTimed with Sarin, who was a self-proclaimed math wizard. She ended up helping him understand the concepts in less time than I’d taken all week.
