“Process? Are you using that word as in wanting to forget this happened?”
“No. It means … I just need a little bit of time to think about this.”
“Do you want me to go?”
“Yeah, I think I do.”
He didn’t like that. Not at all. The primal beast inside him wanted to grab her, kiss her, and force her to confront the feelings flowing between them. But this was Church, so it was back to walking on eggshells.
“Okay,” he said. He took off the condom and tied it off before standing and collecting his clothing. “Hey.”
She looked up at him.
“Stay with me. And I’m not talking about right now. I mean stay here with me.” He pointed to his head. “Yes?”
She gave a nod and looked back down, dismissing him. He wished he could read her mind because she was scaring him now. Was their one moment together the last time he’d ever be with her? Letting it all rest on her shoulders terrified the shit out of him, but what else could he do?
So he used the small bathroom off her office to clean himself up before heading out of the garage. The world had changed in an instant, and he now felt even more in limbo than he had when he came back from the army.
****
Church jumped a little when the office door slammed shut down behind Darrell. Part of her had wanted him to fight to stay, but a larger part was glad she had breathing space. The sex they just shared had rocked her to her core, and she didn’t know what to think. She rose and when she grabbed her jeans, her knife fell out of the pocket. She picked it up and absently put it on the stacked crates next to the sofa before rising to dress. Once clothed, she paced back and forth as the past hour played over and over through her mind.
She never thought she’d actually enjoy sex.
And that terrified her.
Not knowing what else to do, she headed into the office and called the one person she knew she could talk to.
“Hello?” Cherry answered.
“It’s me.”
“Church? What’s wrong?”
“I need to talk to you. Please. Can you come over?”
“I’ll be right there.”
Church hung up and hugged herself. She didn’t have to wait long. Cherry’s strong knock came only moments later. After rising, Church opened the door and immediately, Cherry stepped inside, put her arms around her, and hugged tight. At first, Church tried to pull away because that was her natural instinct, but her sister wouldn’t let go. Panic boiled in her belly, trying to claw its way up, and for a second, she thought she was going to throw up, but Cherry hung on and then she felt wetness hit her skin. Church managed to pull back enough to see her sister crying.
For her.
The panic receded and a warmth took over, replacing the coldness that had settled in her soul long ago. She had shunned another’s touch for so long it was shocking how much she liked having Cherry hug her, and from that revelation, Church put her arms around her sister and hugged her back.
For a long time, they stayed locked in an embrace, and Church let the emotions roll through her. Darrell had been the small crack in her wall of glass, but Cherry became the sledgehammer that shattered the entire cell. For the first time in her life, Church cried. Tears ran down her cheeks, soaking the material on Cherry’s shirt, but neither one seemed to care. Cherry cried along with her until they had no more tears left. As they dried up, so did the pain that been Church’s constant companion. She was left drained, weakened from the emotional storm.
“I have to sit,” she managed to say, the words think in her throat.
Both girls collapsed upon the sofa. Church reached for a roll of shop paper towels and they used them to blow their noses and clean up some of the mess the tears had caused.
“What happened?” Cherry asked. “Are you okay?”
“I had sex.”
Cherry blinked. “What?”
“I had sex,” Church repeated. “Consensual sex. For the first time.”
“Oh, sweetheart,” Cherry murmured.
Church shook her head. “No, don’t feel sorry for me. Just … tell me how to feel.”
“I’m not feeling sorry for you. What do you mean, tell you how to feel?”
“You have a good relationship with Heart, right? At least I think you do.”
“I do,” Cherry affirmed.
Church squeezed her hand. “Good. How do you let yourself enjoy that?”
“I take it you were with Darrell?”
“Yeah.”
“And he treated you with respect? He didn’t hit you or—”
“No, he would never do that. And yes, it was consensual and … and wonderful. I just don’t know how I’m supposed to act now. All I’ve ever known is subjugation, but with Darrell, it’s completely different.”
She wrung her hands, something she never had done before, and the motion felt odd. Wrong. As if she were timid, which definitely didn’t describe her at all.
“I’m really confused,” she whispered, curling her hand in a fist in an effort to hide the physical manifestation of her uncertainty.
“Church,” Cherry said. “What happened to you was the worst thing that could happen to a woman. You sacrificed a part of yourself to help me, and that is a debt I will never be able to repay.”
“I don’t want you to repay anything. You’re my sister. I’ll always take care of you.”
“Yes, I know. There’s nothing I wouldn’t do for you, too, and that means being completely honest.”
Church nodded and bowed her head. This was the censor she had been waiting for, the consequences for enjoying her time with Darrell. She’d always known that for Cherry to be spared, she’d have to give up everything, including a future, so she waited for the shoe to drop. For Cherry to remind her that happiness would never, could never, be hers. Over the years, she’d gotten used to the idea that she’d have to go it alone, but ever since she’d struck up a friendship with Darrell, she’d been hoping things could be different.
“It’s okay to be happy.”
Church snapped her head up, not sure if she’d heard her sister correctly.
“Why would you ever think any differently?” Cherry asked softly.
She blinked, not sure how to answer, and gave a one-shoulder shrug because that was the only defense she had left. Yet Cherry blasted right through that last wall when she leaned over to kiss her on the cheek. Church covered the spot that seemed to burn.
“I love you,” Cherry said. “I would do anything for you. And I think Darrell loves you too. And you, Church, deserve to be happy and cared for. You may think you don’t have a family, but you do. Me, and Heart, and Joe-Joe, and most importantly, Darrell. The club, in fact. We would do anything for you because you deserve to be loved.”
The words hit her so deeply that she couldn’t stop the tears from welling up, or the sob that bubbled forth. She cried for many things. The girl she’d once been, for the innocence she’d lost and couldn’t get back, but mainly for the woman who was so unsure about her own worth.
Slowly, she put her arms around Cherry, hugged tightly, and cried until all her tears were gone. After that, she was so emotionally exhausted that she didn’t even object when her sister laid her down. She fell asleep to Cherry humming a lullaby.
Chapter Ten
Wick drummed his fingers as he waited for his call to his sister to be picked up. Abbott puttered around the kitchen, getting dinner ready, humming to herself. For a long time after her ordeal, she didn’t leave their house, and he feared all the years running for her safety might have damaged her psyche too much. He was still waiting for her to find the one thing in her life that gave her the confidence to emerge from the cocoon she had surrounded herself in.
“Hey, brother!” Piper’s happy voice came through the line. “How are you?”
“Hi, Piper. We’re good. Abbott is good. Good to hear your voice.”
“So you’re saying things are … good?” She snickered.
“Come on. You making a social call or do you need Kix?”
“As much as I enjoy listening to your musical voice, I do have a favor to ask your darling husband.”
“I knew it! Well, you and Abbott have to come for a visit soon.”
“Soon. I promise.”
“Good. Here he is.”
There were a few muffled noises and then Kix’s deep baritone greeted him. “How’s it hanging, Wick?”
“To the left, thanks for asking,” Wick replied. “Was wondering if you could ask Mac to snuff out info on a doctor.”
“A doctor? What, didn’t like your medical diagnosis?”
“I think she’s a clever extortionist, actually, and a bitch, but that’s beside the point. She’s in town talking about opening a drug rehab but all she’s managed to do was ask for money, so I wanted to dig up some background on her.”
“A dastardly doctor,” Kix murmured. “Interesting. Give me her name and I’ll talk with Mac.”
“Carleen Brogan. If she’s run a racket before then it’d be nice to know her MO.”
“Give me a day or so and I’ll call you back.”
“Thanks, Kix.”
“Anything for my favorite brother-in-law.”
He hung up without saying goodbye. Wick shook his head in amusement, but as he laid the phone down, a movement out of the corner of his eye had his head turning. Abbott leaned against the door frame, a frown marring her pretty face.
“So the doctor is a con artist?”
He shrugged. “I don’t know. I need to run a background check on her before things go too much further.”
“Does that mean the drug rehab might not happen?”
“Maybe.”
She sighed. “I was looking forward to that. To helping others. Maybe even people like me.”
He opened his arms and she went into them, hugging her close. “Don’t give up on that thought. I would’ve investigated anyone who came to us with this proposition.”
“Yeah,” she said. “Okay. I think this is important, Chadwick.”
He was beginning to think that too and vowed he’d do whatever possible it took to make her feel whole again. “What would you say about you taking charge with the idea?”
“Me?” she squeaked, pulling away a little to stare at him. Her eyebrows practically touched her hairline in shock. “I’m not a doctor. Or a psychiatrist.”
“You’re studying business online, and you have something a lot of people don’t have. Experience.”
“But … but … a rehab center costs money and as far as I know, we don’t have that type of cash flowing in.” She gave him a pointed look.
“There is a type of poetic justice in starting a drug rehab financed by drug money. But you’re right, with our drug-running operations suspended, the cash isn’t there. We’ll have to think of something else, some other way.”
“You really think I could do it?” she asked softly.
It broke his heart to hear her sound so unsure. “Absolutely. If we figure out the logistics, then I’m sure we can find medical staff willing to help out. Hell, I’d even be willing to send Church in to wrangle anyone we need. One glare from her and she’ll have ’em all lining up to volunteer.”
Abbott giggled. “Surely she’s not that bad. Cherry is super sweet.”
“Church is the type of woman that shrinks your dick,” he said dryly. “Darrell may have a sour tooth instead of a sweet tooth.”
“Be nice,” she warned, swatting him playfully. “I may have to spank you.”
He rolled his hips upward, showing her how her words turned him on. “I may take you up on that.”
“Promises, promises,” she murmured. Leaning forward, their lips met.
****
Her nights and days were all screwed up now. After her sister left, Church napped half the day away only to wake up in the middle of the night. Fully rested and unable to fall back asleep, she decided to work on Darrell’s bike. She may be becoming a night owl, but at least she worked undisturbed through the long, quiet hours.
Eventually daylight broke, letting the sun rays filter through the window. Muted at first but gaining brightness as the morning hours rolled along. She opened the garage when it was time, but like so many days before, no clients were lined up to get their vehicles fixed. Lost in welding the new frame together, she was startled when a motion out of the corner of her eye caught her attention. Turning off the welder, she flipped up the safety visor and saw Joe-Joe tapping his foot at the opening of the bay door.
“Yeah?” she asked.
“It’s Tuesday.”
She blew a few hairs out of her eyes. “Shit.”
“Yep. Already have, thanks. I take a stool softener every day because of the pain pills. They back me up something fierce.”
Church pulled off her gloves before taking off the helmet. “You have a habit of sharing things I absolutely don’t want to know.”
He grinned. “Ready to go?”
“I guess so,” she said, puncturing her words with a deep sigh. “Let me lock up.”
The John J. Pershing VA Medical Center was about thirty minutes away and during the entire drive, Joe-Joe kept up a running commentary about every near miss with death he’d experienced, leaving her to wonder how the hell he had survived for so long.
“When I was a kid there was a pond not too far in the woods, close to the farmhouse. Dad used to let his cows meander toward it from time to time.” He wrinkled his nose. “It was more of a dirty swimming hole than anything else and I hated the smell. Good God it was stagnant as hell. But some of the farm kids around didn’t care and used it anyway. Well, one day some kids went swimming and when they didn’t come home, their parents went searching for them. Guess what happened?”
“They drowned?”
He shook his head. “Snakes! Water moccasins decided to nest in the pond and all the little baby snakes came out for a snack.”
“That’s a horrible story!”
“Not too long after the pond was drained and bulldozed over.”
“That’s probably a good thing.”
He nodded. “I hated those motherfucking snakes in that motherfucking pond.”
“Was Samuel L. Jackson there too?”
“Huh?”
She waved a dismissive hand. “Never mind. Just a famous movie quote, is all.”
“Did I tell you about the time I was shot by an arrow? It ended up in my ass.”
“For the love of God, no.”
He chuckled and launched into his story. Church stepped on the gas, wanting to get to the medical center as quickly as possible, and ten minutes later she pulled into the parking lot of the multi-story building, thankful to shut him up. At least for the time being.
While he went to his appointment, she sat in the waiting room on the ground level near the entrance. Many people were on their phones, playing games or doing what-not, and it made her wish she had one. Instead, she picked up a nearby magazine and began to read, and the minutes gave way to an hour.
“Church?”
The feminine voice caused her to snap her head up to see Doctor Brogan standing over her, head tilted to the side and a smile gracing her deep-red lips. Church closed the magazine she was browsing through.
“Uh, hello. Doing some rounds?”
“Oh, no. I had a meeting with hospital administration about the demographics for the rehab center,” Carleen replied. She snapped her fingers. “Joe-Joe, right? I seem to remember he mentioned something about you taking him to his check-up.”
Not liking the slight tactical advantage the doctor had by standing over her, Church rose and crossed her arms over her chest. “That reminds me. I’m glad I ran into you.”
“Oh, really?”
“I know what you tried to do and whatever your motivations were, they didn’t work.”
Carleen’s eyebrows rose upward, giving her a startled, surprised look. “Excuse me?”
“You know,” Church said. “The
wallet.”
The dynamic between them electrified and Carleen’s eyes narrowed. In that instant, Church saw the cunning calculation flash over her face. Whatever the doctor’s motivation was, she didn’t look happy that she was called out on it.
“I have absolutely no idea what you mean.”
Church didn’t believe her for a minute. “Right. In any case, it brought us closer together, so maybe I should thank you.”
Annoyance and anger darkened her eyes, and that was when Church knew for sure that despite her words, Carleen Brogan was playing a game. But to what end was still an unknown.
“I’m sorry if you think I’ve done something wrong,” Carleen said, although there was a bite to the words. “I’m not quite sure what it was I did but I am so grateful for what you’ve done for me, although my car breaking down had to be serendipitous. Because of the meeting I had with Wick, the VA clinic agrees that men from that club are being lost in the system. The info I was able to gather convinced them to make a sizeable contribution to my center.”
“Contribution? Is that the new word for hooking?”
The taunt paid off. Fury erupted and the doctor took a step closer, but Church held her ground, waiting to see what the shorter, older woman would do. Then, as if remembering where she was, Carleen’s demeanor changed. She instantly backed down and stepped away, taking a deep breath. Her features smoothed out and she was back to being the wide-eyed innocent doctor again.
“Well, it was good to see you again, Church,” she said pleasantly. “Very enlightening. If I need my car fixed again, I know who to come to.”
She wiggled her fingers goodbye and out of spite, Church did the same. She watched as the doctor swished her ass down the hallway, catching the eye of several males she passed by. Church rolled her eyes and plopped back down into the seat, grabbing the magazine she’d been browsing through earlier. Instead of reading, however, she glanced over the top and watched the various patients milling about. The crowded waiting room held a variety of people. Men, women, children. Some amputees, like Darrell. Some appeared as if sunlight would break them. The idea of a place veterans could go for help and counseling made more sense. Perhaps there was something solid to Carleen’s idea.
Warrior (Forgotten Rebels MC Book 4) Page 8
