He thought back over that episode, and realized once again how much of a liability the rage could be. He'd been so furious that he didn't even try to defend himself from Allia, didn't understand the danger she posed. He just attacked her wildly, and in that wild, undisciplined flailing, Allia picked him apart and stuck her sword in his neck. He had been so enraged that he couldn't even remember how to use his magical abilities. The only reason he had Druidic magic was because the All connected with him, not the usual system where he reached into the All. And even when he had the power, he could do nothing with it than crude, elemental bashing, flailing about with the magic like it was an extra arm, using nothing but raw, unrefined eruptions of naked power. He had had no control, no finesse, none of the usual exacting precision with which he usually wielded his Druidic magic and his Sorcery both, and his fury severly limited the possible ways he could have used the All. In this case, that was a good thing, since he was too angry to get creative in his destruction, but in any other case it would be a very, very bad thing to have happen. Then with Triana, he was so enraged that he couldn't use his full power, couldn't even use the power he had at hand in a rational manner, and she beat him because of it. Tarrin was glad they'd beaten him, but that competitive part of him still objected to being bested, no matter what the contest. Besides, they were very important lessons for him, lessons in how not to act when facing a powerful foe. He'd learned long ago that rage was an asset to his opponent, not to himself, because it reduced his capacity to think rationally, and now more than ever using his magic required a great deal of rational control. Jegojah had taught him that lesson in the most bitter fashion, when his rage had caused Faalken's death. In a way, it was good to be reminded of that fact. If he was in a rage, all he could do was use heavy-handed, crude magic, relying on power. Now he knew so many spells, so many spells that could protect him or help him win a fight, but he couldn't use any of them if he was so enraged that all he wanted to do was blow things up. It was even more critical with Druidic magic, for in a fury he may try to sink a mountain into the sea or something else like that, and it would end up getting him killed. It was good that he had lost his temper inside, where the confined space also limited the available options for destruction. Since all he had around to destroy were crates and walls and ceilings and floors, he didn't try something that he wasn't capable of accomplishing, like exploding one of the buildings on the Tower grounds or something like that. The restrained nature of the underground passages were actually an asset to him that time, and their simplisitic monotony protected him from himself.
Yes, he realized, if he had lost control anywhere else, there was a very good chance he wouldn't have lived for very long.
He thanked the Goddess for small favors, and continued down the staircase with a new, sober sense of determination. He could never have that happen again. Who he was and what he could do meant that it would most likely be fatal the next time.
Jasana's howls of pain were lost to his ears now, and he was secretly glad of that. Maybe he was a doting father, but he really didn't relish the idea of seeing his child in pain. Any of them. And from the look in Triana's eyes, she was certainly feeling pain right now. Triana could be very heavy-handed when she punished someone, an extension of her dominating nature. She would beat some sense into the child, she would make her see things her way. In her own way, Triana was the best available choice to punish Jasana, for she would show no favoritism, and she would not relent until she was certain that the child had learned her lesson. Triana could be ruthless that way.
"She's that strong?" Jula asked.
Tarrin realized they were still talking, and he shook his head. "It's not her power, cub, it's how she uses it. I think at one time, she was using about six different spells on me. That means she had to be actively concentrating on each and every one. And she was physically struggling to keep me in that strange armlock, and she was using a very delicate spell designed to reach into my mind and shake my conscious mind free of the rage. That's not something I'd try if it was the only thing I was doing. She's a very powerful Druid, cub, I can't say she's not, but I don't think I'll ever see anyone in my life that's not a god that has more control over magic than Triana. I don't think even I could do what she did."
"After a thousand years, I think you'll admit you lied just now," she teased.
"Maybe, but I doubt it," he grunted. He could sense Jenna and Keritanima clearly now; they were coming up the stairs. Jenna was actively searching for him, sending faint magical pulses into the Weave in waves and looking for the responses as they made contact with Sorcerers. It was an old Weavespinner trick called sounding, something she had learned from either Spyder or the Sha'Kar. The modern katzh-dashi knew of a weaker form of the trick they used in the form of a spell, which they used to ferret out untrained Sorcerers, for they would register to the technique, albeit very faintly. Because Tarrin had such a powerful effect on the Weave, he would have the strongest response, and that would tell her exactly where he was. It was a trick that let her get around the nondetection ability in his amulet, which protected him from almost any other form of magical detection. After all, she wasn't looking for him, she was looking for the effect he had on the Weave. That was a very different thing, and it was something that the amulet did not--could not--conceal. "Here comes Jenna and Kerri."
"I can feel them. I can feel Jenna sounding for us."
"I get the feeling I'm in for a scolding," he said ruefully.
They met on the staircase, and if he were human, he would have fallen over when all three of his sisters embraced him on the uneven, dangerous staircase. They all talked at once, quickly, rashly, and he had to call loudly to interrupt them. "I'm alright!" he almost shouted, looking over them at Sapphire, who stood in a dignified manner, though her eyes told him that she wanted to run up to him and hug him too.
"What happened?" all three asked, almost simultaneously.
"Triana broke my rage, somehow," he answered, putting a paw on Jenna's shoulder. "I'll tell you thins, I've never been manhandled like that before. She knew exactly what to do."
"I felt her. I thought she was being rash, but I see she had a good plan," Sapphire said.
"Mother's experienced in handling Were-cats in a rage, Sapphire," he told her calmly. "She calmed me down before I could do any more damage. Sorry, Jenna," he said sincerely. "I hope you're not too mad."
"I understand why, brother," she told him compassionately. "I can't really be that mad. If I were in your place, I probably would have done the same thing."
"I guess I'll have to fix everything," he sighed.
"You're too important to be doing menial labor," she said firmly. "I have a whole Tower full of laborers, brother. Besides, this'll give the Sha'Kar an opportunity to train the katzh-dashi in some of their magic. There's nothing like practical training."
"I guess," he chuckled. "I'm, sorry I attacked you."
"It's no big deal, brother," Keritanima grinned. "Allia managed that."
"I see you haven't forgotten, sister," he said wryly, rubbing the back of his neck.
"I do not forget," she said cooly, but she was smiling.
"The Selani was very impressive," Sapphire complemented.
"I'm just amazed that she could beat you," Jenna admitted.
Tarrin looked at her. "Sister, it was very easy for her to beat me," he told her. "When I'm like that, I can't even think. That means I can't act with any kind of plan or strategy, and I can't use any of the techniques I've learned. When I'm in a rage, I'm actually much easier to kill. That's one reason why I try very hard not to get into them."
"Oh," she said in understanding, nodding her head.
"I've never suffered a rage like that before," he said hesitantly. "I was so far gone, I couldn't even use Sorcery."
"We noticed, and you have no idea how glad we are of that," Jenna said honestly.
"Did you come from Jesmind's apartment?" Keritanima asked.
"I came from where
they are," he nodded grimly. "Me and Jasana had a little chat. Right now, she's being punished by Triana and her mother. I have no doubt that it's very unpleasant."
"She needs it," Keritanima said hotly. "It's time that little brat learned the rules."
"Fine one to be calling her a brat," Tarrin teased.
"At least I knew there was a place I couldn't go," Keritanima said bluntly. "I love her like my own daughter, but I could strangle her right now."
"She is just a child, sister," Allia said in defense of her. "Were she older, she and I would be discussing this as a matter of honor," she said ominously, "but her age protects her."
Tarrin winced inwardly. That would have been a discussion only one of them survived, and he seriously doubted that it would have been Jasana.
"I know she did something terrible, but I don't want everyone to alienate her," Tarrin said imploringly. "Let's give her a little time to understand just how much trouble she's in, but don't shut her out. Remember, she is just a child. She didn't do what she did out of malice."
"True," Allia admitted.
"Sapphire?" Tarrin asked meaningfully.
She sighed. "I won't harm her, little one," she assured him. "She is your daughter, and as you said, there was no malice in her heart. Only misguided need. I can understand why she did it. I will take my own turn in her punishment," she added fiercely, "but I won't kill her, and I won't exile her from the clan."
"I'm glad to hear that, my friend," he said with a sincerely appreciative look.
"I think we can move off these stairs now," Keritanima chuckled. "Let's go find a room somewhere and sit down. And I think the others might be happy if we let them know what was going on."
"That's a good idea. I have some things to tell them anyway," Tarrin nodded.
And he did. He'd initially given himself three days in order to find out who had turned him, but that had been found out, thanks to Allia's keen eyes. Now that that was over, his mind was once again focused on his mission, and right now that mission was to hide. But just hiding wasn't going to be good enough, he realized. He needed a little more to happen in order to make things clean and take some of the pressure off Jenna, and he had a fairly good idea of how to go about that. There were too many eyes watching the Tower, and he didn't want those eyes to stay on the Tower after he left. He needed to dislodge those eyes, and an idea had already started forming in his mind. But before he could set it in stone, he needed to put it in front of the others. He'd need their help in order to pull it off.
"Jenna, talk to Dolanna, and have her assemble everyone in the courtyard," he told her, stressing that word so she'd know just which courtyard he meant. "What I have to say can't be overheard, and that's the one place on the grounds where I'm absolutely sure that it won't happen." He scratched his chin with a claw. "I think we'd better ask Darvon and Ianelle to join us. I may need their help."
Jenna nodded soberly, then put her hand on her amulet.
"Not like that. In person," he warned.
"You have some nerve ordering me around, brother," she teased with a wink.
"Would you rather I made you?" he asked bluntly.
She laughed. "No, I don't need you to beat me into doing your bidding," she grinned. "I'll go take care of it."
"Jula, go with her. It's not seemly for the Keeper to wander around undefended right now."
"As you say, father," she said immdiately, and the two of them split off at the next landing.
"Courtyard?" Sapphire asked.
"You'll see, and please don't ask," Tarrin said.
"That is a good idea," Keritanima nodded in agreement.
Tarrin looked at her. "Where is Binter?" he asked, noticing for the first time that the massive Vendari wasn't with her. He was so used to seeing him standing behind her that he had just accepted the idea of it blindly.
"Binter will let me go out with Allia," Keritanima said with a toothy grin. "He trusts her to look after me, and it gives him and Sisska time to be by themselves for a while."
"I don't think you could be any safer," Tarrin nodded in agreement. "But what about Miranda?"
"She's with Azakar," she answered. "He's the other one they'll let escort us by ourselves."
"Well, we need them. Will they be hard to find?"
"Not hard at all." She touched her amulet lightly. "Binter, I need you and Sisska. Find Miranda and meet me in the kitchens." She gave Tarrin a smile. "I gave Binter an amulet, so I can talk to him when we're separated."
"Good idea," Tarrin complemented.
"I guess we will wait in the kitchens," Allia mused.
"That's fine. I find myself hungry," Sapphire announced.
They waited in the kitchens for only as long as Sapphire could manage to eat a drumstick off a roasted goose before Binter and Sisska appeared with Miranda and Azakar in tow. They looked as serious as ever, but they both did look at Tarrin a long moment when they appeared. Binter stepped up to him boldly and looked him up and down as Miranda gave him a warm hug, wrapping her hands around his chest. "I see you are well, friend Tarrin. Have you punished the guilty one?"
"In a manner of speaking," he said grimly.
"Such a crime deserves death."
"I know, but it was Jasana, Binter. I can't kill her."
Miranda whistled in surprise as Binter simply stared at Tarrin. "Were she a Vendari child, she would be killed."
"Well, I'm not Vendari," he shrugged. "I think she'll be very sorry. Triana and Jesmind are punishing her as we speak."
"Perhaps death isn't necessary," Binter said directly. "Those two could invent a punishment just as severe."
"That's kind of what I'm counting on," Tarrin said with a slight, humorless smile.
"Are you alright now?" Miranda asked. "We heard some of it, and felt the Tower shake. We realized that you were venting down in the cellars."
"That's a good description of it," he said dryly. He wasn't going to admit that he'd attacked Keritanima in front of Binter and Sisska. "Triana managed to snap me out of it."
"It's good to see you up and about, Tarrin," Azakar said to him. "I hope you're feeling well now."
"Well enough, Zak," he answered. "I've already attended to finding out who did this to me, and Jasana's getting her just desserts as we speak. So I'm going back to what I'm supposed to be doing."
"It didn't take you long to find out," Miranda said in appreciation.
"Thank them for that," Tarrin motioned at his sisters and Sapphire. "Between the three of them, they managed to find out it was Jasana after about a half an hour. Don't ever try to hide something from them," he warned with a slight smile.
"I'll keep that in mind," Miranda said with a cheeky grin.
They left the Tower grounds, and then entered the gardens and the maze. Sapphire started looking a little irritated after they'd been within the maze for about twenty minutes, but nobody would tell her where they were going. The four who had just joined them realized where they were going when they left the Tower and started towards the gardens, and they were smart enough not to say anything aloud. The courtyard at the center of the maze was still one of the Tower's most closely guarded secrets, for it held the icon of the Goddess herself, and that made it a place that the katzh-dashi would defend to the death. And defending it was much easier if nobody knew it was there.
The courtyard was exactly as he remembered it; he doubted that the Goddess would allow anything to change. The entrance was still choked off, making them squeeze into the place, and he looked at it with calm, relaxed pleasure. It was all as it should be, with the very large grassy courtyard with the white stone pathway surrounding a large marble fountain surrounded by beautiful rose bushes and stone benches. The two tier fountain was massive, and the sound of its water tinkled merrily throughout the courtyard. And at the center of the top tier, hands held out in a gesture of loving welcome, was the statue of the Goddess, the icon of the Goddess, her link to the physical world and the representation of her power. As always,
the statue was nude, and was so remarkably detailed that every single hair on her head was easily discernable, even from that distance. The others knew now what that statue was, though they had not for a very long time. Not even Keritanima or Allia had known until the planning for the Battle of Suld, when Keritanima figured out the truth. It was one secret that Tarrin had been very careful to keep.
Sapphire, however, was quite a bit more observant than his other friends. She took one look at the fountain and the statue atop it and paled visibly. She gave Tarrin a wild look, but his calm, reassusing gaze and a single nod of his head told her that he knew, and that it was perfectly alright for them to be there.
"Now do you understand why nobody will eavesdrop on us here?" he asked her.
"I do," she said in a reverent voice. "I also understand why you didn't want to say anything. They don't know, do they?"
"Everyone here knows," he told her. "All my closest friends know, as does the Council. It's not the kind of thing we want advertised."
"It's quite an overwhelming presence," she admitted.
"I feel cheated," Keritanima laughed. "I never felt anything. I still don't feel anything."
"You aren't a dragon, little one," Sapphire sniffed arrogantly. "We are much more sensitive to such things than you."
He saw Keritanima draw herself up to respond with a blistering retort, but Tarrin's sudden hard stare quelled that. Aggravating Sapphire was not a good idea. Sapphire was friendly with Allia and Keritanima, but that friendliness only extended so far before she would lose patience with them. He was surprised that she would have forgotten that, since she'd spent a month and more in the dragon's company after they all discovered she was a dragon.
"We may as well get comforatable," Tarrin said. "It may take a while for Jenna to round up the others. I think a few of them won't be easy to find."
"They'll be close," Keritanima said. "We were all waiting to hear word about your condition, and after the earthquake you set loose in the basement, they'll stay where they can be found quickly."
"Good point," Tarrin acceded.
Tarrin Kael Firestaff Collection Book 5 - Weavespinner by Fel © Page 45
