Her little brother grabbed her in a gentle headlock and kissed her temple. “Gonna miss you, sis.”
She pretended to try to wrestle out of his grip in their usual play. “I’ll only be gone a week. Then you can come over and we’ll watch an NCIS marathon some weekend and eat until we can’t move.”
“You’re on,” Kevin said and pushed her away. Something happened on the TV, and he was off on a rant, yelling and jumping around.
Tori glanced at the screen, but she only saw a bunch of uniformed men wandering around hitting each other on the head or the back or the butt. She shook her head. She had never understood the draw of this game. She couldn’t wait till spring. Baseball, that was a sport she enjoyed.
Back in the kitchen, she helped cut and serve pie while Lexie passed out coffee and other drinks to the family in the living room. When everyone had a plate of dessert, Dixie urged her sister to go relax. Tori took her slice of chocolate cream pie in an Oreo crust and headed for the living room.
“Tori, just a minute,” Dixie said.
Aunt Flo raised her eyebrows at Tori and sauntered from the room.
Great.
Tori waited for her mom to speak. She tried as hard as she could not to have a combative look on her face, but she suspected she looked defensive, at best.
“I apologize for some of the things I said earlier.” Dixie’s gaze dropped to the kitchen towel in her hands, one finger tracing over the holly berries. “It’s hard not to get carried away agreeing with everything your older sister says. Sometimes you say things or let her say things that you later regret.”
Dixie looked up from the towel, and Tori could see she meant it.
“You have an older sister, and you are an older sister. You must know what I mean.”
Tori nodded. Though personally, she didn’t think she agreed with everything that came out of Lexie’s mouth the way Dixie seemed to always agree with Flo. Something to be aware of in the future.
Dixie took a deep breath. “I’m trying to protect you. I love you, and I don’t want to see you get hurt. You don’t—”
“Mom, I don’t need protecting anymore,” Tori interrupted as gently as she could. “I’ve seen a lot more of life’s dark side than almost any other 27-year-old I know. I can—”
“Youdon’tknow how bad it can be,” Dixie insisted. She tried to keep her voice down. “You’ve seen a lot, but you have no idea what I’ve protected you from. You don’t know what’s out there in the world, how quickly things can go horribly wrong,especially with a new husband and—”
“But that’s true for anyone, anywhere.” Tori waved her arm toward the street. “Any of our neighbors could have their house burn down from a few sparks on their Christmas tree. Any of our friends could go to the doctor tomorrow and find out they have cancer. I appreciate that you want to take care of me, but you must know you can’t keep me safe from every bad thing that can happen.”
Dixie shook her head. “That’s not what I mean.”
“Then whatdo you mean?” Tori asked in exasperation, her stomach feeling queasy from arguing. “Tell me!”
Her mother’s expression froze for a moment. Then she said, “Your father was a very bad man.” Her voice had a dead quality to it, almost without emotion.
“You’ve said that before. But just because you had a bad marriage the first time doesn’t mean—”
Dixie frowned, pulling her arms around herself and rubbing one shoulder. “Tori!” she snapped. “Are you still taking your medicine? Dr. Huntington’s office told me you’ve missed two appointments this month. I know you’ve been busy planning the wedding, but you can’t stop going to the doctor just because you’re busy.”
Tori closed her eyes and took a deep breath. Should she lie or tell the truth and have an even bigger fight?
“Everything is fine,” she said. That was true. She felt great. Maybe a little weird sometimes, but that was no doubt what happened as drugs left your system.
“I want you to call the receptionist tomorrow and get an emergency appointment—”
“Mom—”
“—for tomorrow or Tuesday, before you leave town.”
Tori opened her mouth but her mother interrupted.
“Promise me,” she insisted. She moved her hand as though to touch Tori’s shoulder, then she pulled back. “Promise me you’ll take care of this.”
Tori sighed. She would take care of herself, but in her own way. She was an intelligent adult. She’d researched the pros and cons of the medicines Dr. Huntington had prescribed. She’d researched the various disorders the shrink insisted she had. And she had been writing how she felt in her diary every day to track the changes.
One thing she could promise her mother was that she would take care of herself. “I promise,” she said. It wasn’t really a lie so much as it was sidestepping the specifics of Dixie’s demand.
“When you have children of your own…” Dixie paused and shook her head. “Go eat your pie.”
Dixie turned back to where she’d left a plate for herself. Tori watched her for a moment. When her mother picked up her fork, her hand shook so badly Tori could see it from across the room.
Feeling like she’d once again not only let down her mother but somehow done something worse that she didn’t understand, Tori picked up her plate and looked for a quiet corner.
She ended up in the window seat in her old room, now Sam’s room. She pulled her feet up and stared out the window at the falling snow. She’d always fallen short of her mother’s expectations and she’d never understood why.
Would she end up being a disappointment to Joe as well?
Maybe the rules she and Lexie had drawn up when Lex was pregnant with Ben were something to reconsider. No men. Keep everyone out. Protect themselves at all costs.
Fourteen years ago, when Lexie got pregnant at fifteen, their parents had insisted she give the baby up for adoption. It had nearly destroyed her. She’d been arrested several times for stalking the adoptive parents, and eventually she ended up living on the streets using who-knows-what to try to choke off her emotions. It had taken years for her to get her life together again. And it had scared Tori and Kevin and Samantha into trying to be perfectly well-behaved overachievers.
Well, Kevin and Sam were overachievers. Tori had been trying to help Lexie save herself since Tori was barely thirteen. She hadn’t had much of a life outside of that mission. When Lexie got pregnant with Ben, Tori moved in. Add to that their pact not to date, and Tori had been focused on her sister and nephew most of her adult life.
But then she’d met Joe. He was practically a fairy tale hero. Tall and strong and good-looking with a big heart and an easy smile. The only “weird” thing about him, and she wished she could think of a different word, was how strong and courageous she felt around him. She not only felt safe, which is what she’d yearned for her whole life, but she felt like she was strong enough to keep other people safe, too.
She ate a bite of the chocolate pie. Her eyes closed for a moment. Her mom made the best pies.
Maybe that’s part of why she wanted to be with him, to use that strength for the good of others. Tori had enjoyed helping Lexie build a new life. She liked taking care of Ben. She simply liked helping people. Period. Maybe that’s why she enjoyed her temp jobs — she knew she was helping people who needed it. Maybe how she felt with Joe made her want more of the same.
She sighed. Or maybe she didn’t know thewhy of anything in her life.
She savored her pie while she watched the snow fall. She’d think about it later. She wanted to be in a good mood today. Her dad would call everyone in after the football game and they’d exchange presents since Tori and Joe would be in Florida on Christmas Day.
Tori smiled. That was a thought to put her back in a good mood. Disney World at Christmas as a bride.
Wow.
She finished her pie and watched the snow for another minute. Finally. She was beginning to wonder if they weren’t going to
have a white Christmas after all. The way it was piling up this afternoon, the kids might even have a snowman built in Joe’s parents’ yard by the time Joe and Tori arrived later.
Before Tori knew Joe or any of his family, she’d admired the various snowman scenes in Owen and Hannah’s front yard each winter. She always wondered if the family who lived there was as fun as the silly snow statues suggested.
God, help me not to compare my family to someone else’s, but to love them for who they are. And please let Joe and his family be truly as wonderful as they seem.
Tori took a big breath and left the room, determined to love each one of her family members the best she could.
At least for Christmas.
RUNNING and running. Monsters in the darkness. Chasing her. Running.
Mom screaming. Monsters in the dark.
A dark corner with a mirror. Hiding from the monsters. Looking in the mirror.
Monsters in the mirror.
She was the monster.
Tori fought against the monsters in the dream, fought to wake up, fought the darkness and the fear. She kicked and kicked, finally realizing only blankets trapped her legs.
She fumbled for the bedside lamp. Breathing heavily and blinking against the light, she told herself it was just a dream. There were no monsters in her room. No monster under the bed.
She began to cry and rolled into a ball on her side. She hadn’t had that dream in years. What brought it back? Shivers ran down her spine.
Still crying, she reached for her phone. She texted Hayley,you awake?
Beginning to shiver, she pulled the covers back up and wrapped them tightly around her. She hated feeling so alone after a nightmare. She wanted to go get in bed with Lexie like they used to in bad times past, but Lexie had to go to work today. She shouldn’t wake her.
God, help me not to feel so alone.
She opened the texting feature on her phone again. No reply from Hayley. Probably asleep at 3:49 a.m.
She stared at the list of names on the list of recent texts. She shouldn’t wake him. Did he turn his phone to vibrate at night? Everyone did, right?
This is what Aunt Flo meant — she didn’t know Joe well enough to know if he slept with his phone nearby, if he turned the ringer off at night or not, if he was a light enough sleeper to wake up at the ding of an incoming text.
Tori buried her new sobs in her pillow. She didn’t want to wake her sister. Though she also hoped Lexie would miraculously hear her and come in and hold her until the fear left and the tears stopped.
She stopped crying enough to type a text to Joe,you awake?
Please be awake, she begged him from three-quarters of a mile away.
But no one answered. No one came. And she lay alone in her bed until she cried herself back to sleep.
When Tori awoke again, it was 8:52 a.m. She couldn’t believe she’d slept so long. Thankfully, the last few hours held weird dreams, but not nightmares.
Her eyes felt gritty and her mouth was dry. She reached for the glass of water she always kept by the bed. As she drank, she heard the light whirring sound of her phone vibrating on a soft surface. It took a minute to figure out where it was coming from — under the covers. She’d fallen asleep with it in her hand.
She pressed the middle button and saw that she’d received texts from Hayley, Lexie, and Joe. She flopped against her pillow and read them, rubbing her sore eyes gently.
Lexie teased her for still being asleep, and wanted to know if Tori would be eating there tonight.
Joe apologized for being asleep when she texted him, asked if she was all right, and said he missed her and loved her.
Tori ran her finger over the words. She loved him, too. So much.
Another text from Hayley flashed in and Tori read four from her. The last one said,Wake up sleepyhead, I’m walking to your door.
A knock on the front door made her jump and then chuckle a little. She got up, pulled on her warm fluffy robe and sheepskin slippers, and let Hayley in.
“Aren’t you supposed to be at work?”
“I called and asked Brie to hold down the fort. She is turning out to be the best employee I’ve ever hired.”
Hayley stomped fresh snow from her boots, took off her outerwear and followed Tori into the kitchen.
“Hot chocolate?” Tori asked.
“Sure, or we could go out to breakfast, my treat,” Hayley said.
Tori thought about it for a moment. It was the sort of fun, carefree activity she should be enjoying two days before her wedding. “If you don’t mind,” she started to say, and then she started crying.
“Oh, Tori,” Hayley said in the exact right tone of voice. She came over and wrapped Tori in a big hug. “What’s wrong, sweetie?”
Tori tried to talk, but she couldn’t. Images from her nightmare scuttered through her head. She shivered and hugged Hayley harder.
It took a minute for her to get hold of herself enough to tell Hayley about her nightmare. She couldn’t say any more. She didn’t want to tell herwhy she sometimes dreamed she was a monster. There were some secrets she kept close, even from Hayley, her best friend since elementary school.
It was only Dixie’s lies and shaming that kept the truth of the shrink and meds from Hayley when she lived with Tori’s family during their senior year of high school. The last thing Tori needed now was for Hayley to decide she was a freak and no longer worthy of friendship.
Hayley looked around and pulled a paper towel off the roll. She handed it to Tori and pushed her into a kitchen chair. Then she got another paper towel, wet it with warm water, and handed that to Tori as well.
“I’m sure this is perfectly normal nerves,” Hayley assured her. “Remember how Sarah cried before she got married? And Margie told us that funny story of how she cried so hard the night before, she still had hiccups the next day at the wedding?”
Tori nodded and tried to chuckle. It came out more like a grunt. She gently wiped her face with the wet paper towel. That felt better.
“It was just a bad dream,” Hayley continued. “Let me guess. You had a fight with your mom yesterday, and you ate way,way too much at both parents’ houses.”
Tori nodded.
Hayley got up and put some water in the electric kettle. “I told Bull to get you one of these for a wedding present,” she said with a smile. She turned it on and rummaged through the tea canister. “Then I told him if they were on sale, he could get me one for Christmas. I love this thing.”
Tori smiled at her friend and patted her face with the dry paper towel. Hayley always made things seem not so bad. Of course, Tori’s troubles weren’t nearly as awful as the things Hayley had gone through, but Hayley hardly ever talked about her past and rarely complained.
Usually Tori did the same, but it seemed like everyone was stressing her out. “No hot chocolate?” she asked. It occurred to her that Hayley was heating water not milk.
Hayley turned, hand on hip, and raised her eyebrows. “You really think you need more sugar in your system right now?”
Tori giggled for real this time. Ah, that felt better.
“Aunt Flo said some terrible things yesterday and Mom didn’t stop her.”
Hayley shook her head and muttered something under her breath.
“Not just about me, but Lexie, too. Even about my cousin, Jessie.”
The kettle button popped and Hayley poured hot water into both mugs. Then she covered each mug with a small plate.
“If I’d been there, I’m sure she wouldn’t have left me out.” Hayley pulled two eggs from the fridge, and got out a frying pan.
Tori raised an eyebrow wryly and nodded. Hayley became one of the family in more ways than one when she came to live with them. Aunt Flo had decided she was fair game, too.
Hayley cut holes in the middle of two pieces of bread, buttered both sides, and lay them in the frying pan. She cracked an egg into each hole, then checked the tea.
“I’m not really hungry,” Tori s
aid. All the bad dreams and crying had made her feel a little sick to her stomach. That reminded her of the queasy feeling she had arguing with her mom. She got up and took the mug of English Breakfast tea, and doctored it with milk and honey before sitting back down at the table.
“Your long silence is making me uncomfortable,” she told Hayley.
“Sorry.” Hayley sent her a quick smile. “Just trying to figure out what to say that doesn’t make things worse.”
“Worse as in trying not to call my family members a-holes,” Tori half-laughed, “or worse as in trying not to agree with everyone that I shouldn’t get married right now?”
Hayley flipped the eggs and toast, and pulled two plates from the cabinet. She didn’t smile.
Tori felt her stomach drop. Hayley didn’t think she should get married either?
“Eggy in a basket for two,” Hayley said, setting the plates down. She got two forks out of the drawer behind her and sat next to Tori. She took a bite of her breakfast, chewed, smiled, and swallowed. “I was so hungry. You know I can say the wrong thing when I’m cranky, and I was getting close to cranky-hungry.”
Tori just stared at her, waiting for the bad news.
Hayley gestured. “Eat.”
Tori sighed. “Talk.”
Hayley looked down at her plate. “Okay, if you eat. You’ll feel better.”
Tori took a bite and closed her eyes for a moment. No one made eggy in a basket like Hayley. She took another bite. Maybe she did feel a little better.
“Pinky-swear honesty?”
Tori nodded. If her best friend couldn’t be honest with her, how could she figure things out?
“Ever since you introduced me to Joe, I haven’t stopped being shocked. I meanshocked, Tori,” Hayley said. “How in the world did you two find each other? To only live a few blocks apart for years and then suddenly run into each other? And then,bam, you fall in love just like that. And then you decide to get married a few weeks later?”
Hayley shook her head and chewed another bite. “You two are like a romantic comedy. I kept waiting for the other shoe to fall, but it hasn’t. And I’m beginning to think it won’t.”
Tori looked up, feeling hope wash away the sick feeling. “But Mom is positive things will be easier if we wait to get married. Do you think so?”
A Very Merry Superhero Wedding (Adventures of Lewis and Clarke) Page 8
