by Beth Rinyu
His eyes said it all, and at that moment, we both answered each other's questions.
"I'm so sorry, Carrie, I was selfish, and I just thought if we were engaged then you would move out there. You were the best girlfriend a guy could ask for. I feel horrible over what I did to you."
I couldn't sit there any longer and let him take the brunt of all of this. Yes, he was wrong for cheating on me, but it was just as wrong of me staying with him when I’d clearly been in love with someone else. “You were right about my feelings for Jason." He raked his hand through his hair and smiled in defeat. "I didn't want to admit it, especially to myself. I thought that maybe I could make myself stop feeling that way if I was with someone else."
"So, when you told me you loved me.....you lied?"
"No. I didn’t lie." I looked away before meeting his gaze again. "It’s just, Jason and me.....I don't know. I just can't explain it. It was like we always had this pull to each other but always tried to fight it because of the circumstances with our family."
"So, are you guys," he stopped himself and cleared his throat. "Are you guys together?"
I felt the tears welling in my eyes, and I was beginning to question my sanity for even talking about this with my ex-boyfriend.
"Umm….yeah.” I wasn’t going to get into my relationship problems that I was having in my current relationship with my ex-boyfriend.
“You deserve to be happy, Carrie.”
“Thanks,” I whispered. “Are you seeing anyone?” I asked. He looked away and I knew the answer right away. “It’s not her, is it?”
“No,” he was quick to answer. “When I told you she meant nothing, I wasn’t lying.” The man I had been seeing for the past year and a half just told me he was dating someone new, and I was feeling somewhat happy for him. I was suddenly beginning to question my sanity, wondering if I should have been feeling some type of jealousy right now. "I hope that one day you can forgive me enough to maybe call me a friend.”
I thought about all the good times we once shared. Now that the pressure was off of trying to be content in a relationship with him, maybe the prospect of being friends wasn't so bad after all. "Yeah, maybe."
He nodded, seeming satisfied with that answer. “Well, I have to get going if I’m gonna make my flight.”
“Oh, okay.” We both got up from the couch. There was a hint of awkwardness once we reached the front door. “Do you think he’d talk to me if I call?”
“Who?” I asked, confused.
“Jason….I miss him, Carrie.”
I smiled and nodded. “Yeah, I do.” I was hoping I was right in my reply. Jason and Brett had always been so close, and I was beginning to feel a little guilty for being the one to come in between their relationship, knowing that if Brett had done this to any other girl, Jason wouldn’t have cared less, and they’d still be best buddies.
He opened up the door, taking me by surprise when he placed a gentle kiss on my cheek. “Thanks for not hating me, Carrie.” I stood in the doorway and watched him walk away, feeling satisfied. I had taken my first course in Forgiveness 101 and passed with flying colors, now I had to prepare for the biggest, most important one of all…..after I ate my dinner that was.
***
Jason
I pulled into Carrie’s apartment complex and took a deep breath. I had my hand on the door handle of my car when I saw it – Brett exiting her apartment followed by a kiss on the cheek. What the fuck? She had the nerve to get pissed at me over Ashley, and she was doing the same thing right now with Brett! My anger that had diminished during the course of the day was now right back to where it had been yesterday. I felt like I’d been kicked in the balls when I watched his lips brush up against her cheek. I couldn’t believe that she went running back to Brett after one little fight between us. I sat in my car long after Brett pulled away, trying to calm down. Part of me wanted to say fuck it and forget that Carrie and I had ever had anything together including a friendship, while the other part of me needed to confront her for being such a hypocrite. Before I knew it, I was on Carrie’s front porch, banging on her door. She swung open the door, and I could see her eyes filling with tears.
“Jason, I don’t want to fight with you anymore.” She looped her arms around my neck as I stepped inside, and I pushed her away, taking her by surprise.
“You know what, Carrie? I came here tonight to tell you that I was sorry, but now I realize just how fuckin’ stupid I was!”
“What are you talking about?”
“I don’t know. Who was just here, Carrie?”
“Oh my god, seriously, Jason? You think that Brett and me – ?”
“Why not? According to you…..Ashley and me have something going on.”
She held up her hand, letting out a sarcastic laugh. “Oh hold up! You out-and-out kept that from me. I had no idea that Brett was coming here tonight.”
"How was it different Carrie?"
"Because I had no clue he was going to show up here tonight. You planned out everything with Ashley and kept it from me!" Her voice grew louder as she stormed off into the kitchen and I followed behind.
"Oh, the same way you kept what Ashley had done to me?" I shouted just as my phone began to ring. "Oh, and I guess you didn't have any clue that he was gonna kiss you either." I got in one more dig before pulling out my phone to see that it was my sergeant calling. Great, I could only imagine what he wanted. He had been bringing his personal problems into work and ragging on all of us guys for the past two weeks, but at the moment, talking to him was probably going to be less intense than talking to Carrie.
She turned around just as I was about to answer my phone, and I could see the same fury that was all over her face yesterday, building up once again.
"You know what Jason? You are such a -"
Her voice began to fade a bit as I walked into the living room. "Hey, what's up?" I answered. Carrie followed me in, just waiting for me to hang up so she could continue with her rant, no doubt.
"Jason." His voice wasn't his normal ‘I’m a prick and I'm in charge’ one that he always used with his subordinates, it was oddly empathetic. “Teigan Holden?"
My stomach dropped, and I took a seat on the couch to prepare myself for what I thought was about to come. "Yeah. What about him?"
"He just got jumped by about five other kids. He's at Community Hospital. His dad asked me to give you a call and let you know."
"Ah, fuck. Is he gonna be okay?"
Carrie took a seat next to me and placed her hand on my thigh. "He's in ....he's in pretty bad shape."
"Alright. I'm gonna head to the hospital now. Thanks for letting me know, man."
“Yeah, no problem." He said just as the phone disconnected. I felt sick to my stomach, thinking about Teigan, thinking about his dad, and wishing I could have done more for the two of them.
"Jason, what happened?" Carrie asked, her wrath from just minutes ago now replaced with concern.
"Umm....Teigan." I stood up.
"Teigan what?" Her voice rose in panic as she stood up next to me with emotion building in her eyes.
“He got beat up by a group of kids.”
She covered her mouth and gasped. “Oh my god! Is he okay?”
“I don’t know. I’m going to the hospital now.”
“I’m coming with you.”
I wasn’t sure what kind of shape he was in, and I didn’t know if Carrie could handle seeing him that way. “Carrie, I don’t know –”
“Jason, I’m coming.” She completely ignored me and slipped on her shoes.
"Do you want me to drive?" Carrie asked when we reached my car.
"No, I'm good."
I drove a little faster than I should have with neither Carrie nor I saying a word to each other. I knew that our silence wasn't out of anger anymore, it was out of fear. I hadn't a clue as to what type of condition Teigan was in, and I immediately thought about the missed call I had from him just a few hours ago while I’d been sleepi
ng. I began to mentally beat myself up for not being awake to answer; maybe I could have prevented this from happening if I had.
Carrie took my hand once we entered the hospital. It was suddenly becoming all too real for me now. What if Teigan didn't recover from his injuries? I would never forgive myself for not being there when he called. I froze when we approached the front desk and was so glad that Carrie was there to find out what room he was in. I swallowed the lump in my throat when the receptionist informed us that he was in the critical care unit which didn't allow visitors. She instead directed us to the waiting area of that unit, where I was hoping Teigan's father would be.
Carrie placed her hand on my arm when we stepped onto the elevator and the doors closed behind us. "It's going to be okay, Jas." I knew she was just as unsure as I was but trying to hold it together a little better than me.
Teigan's dad was the first person I saw the moment we stepped off the elevator. He looked like he’d been to hell and back, and in a way he had. "Jason." He took a deep, relieved breath. "Oh, and Carrie." His voice cracked with emotion as he looked over my shoulder and saw Carrie standing behind me.
"What happened?" I asked, almost afraid of the answer.
"I don't know. No one is telling me anything." He took a seat and raked his hand through his hair.
"Jason." My attention was diverted to Jackie and another police officer who had just entered the waiting area. Jackie motioned for me to follow them. I looked down at Teigan's father and knew he was in good hands when Carrie took a seat next to him, offering comfort.
I followed them out of the waiting area. “What happened?” I asked once we were out of earshot of everyone else.
Jackie shook her head, and I could see she was becoming more emotional. “He was at this party. We got a few calls from some of the neighbors who said there was a ruckus going on all afternoon. We’ve been to that house before and it’s nothing but trouble. When we got there….” She stopped and closed her eyes, looking like she was trying to shake the memory of it. Clearing her throat and pulling it together, she continued on. “There was a group of kids on the front lawn circled around him while watching the five guys beating the crap out of him. It was bad, Jason. We had to administer CPR before the ambulance got there. He was covered in blood. I think his jaw may be broken.”
“Did you get them?” I asked.
“We were able to get three of them. The other two, Tommy Diller and another kid took off, but it’s only a matter of time before we find them.”
Tommy Diller. Why did that not surprise me? I had locked his cousin up just last week for dealing. I felt my anger rise when I thought back to the Fourth of July and how they’d both pretended to be Teigan’s friends and now here Tommy was beating him within an inch of his life. It just confirmed my opinion of him. He was a total scumbag and I was praying for my sake and his that I didn’t run into him anytime soon. “What was this over? Drugs?” I asked. She looked away, trying to avoid the question. “What was it over, Jackie?” I demanded.
“Well, according to one of the witnesses that we talked to, Teigan knew these kids were gunning for him.”
“Why was that?” I furrowed my eyebrows.
“Well, when Josh got arrested last week, he told Tommy that the cop that arrested him was Teigan’s friend.” She paused for a moment and gave me a sympathetic gaze, while I felt my heart drop lower into my stomach. “So Josh got it in his head that Teigan ratted him out to you, and this was their way of getting back at him.”
“Total fuckin’ dirt bags!” I shouted a little louder than I should have. “Teigan didn’t tell me shit. Everyone knows that Josh Diller is the biggest dealer around.”
“Yeah, well, we all know neither him nor his cousin are very bright.” I let out a deep breath, feeling like this whole thing was my fault.
I pulled my phone from my pocket and looked through my call log. “Teigan called me when I was sleeping at 4:03.”
“Well, apparently, Teigan left once Tommy and those other kids got there. He made it to the front yard, tried calling you for a ride, and from there, they jumped him.”
“Fuck! Why didn’t I fuckin’ answer my goddamn phone!”
“Jason, don’t beat yourself up. Even if you’d answered, they still would have gotten to him. We have to head out, but I’ll give you a call if I hear anything else.”
“Thanks.” I pulled it together before heading back into the waiting area.
“Jason, this is Jerilyn. She’s a good friend of mine,” Mr. Holden introduced me to the skinny brunette who looked to be around his age.
“Nice to meet you,” I said shaking her hand.
I took a seat next to Carrie, feeling like I wanted to jump out of my skin. I needed to know that Teigan was going to be alright. I nervously bounced my leg up and down, and as I looked over at Teigan’s dad with his head buried in his hands, I could only imagine the anticipation and dread that he was feeling.
“Do you guys want me to get you any coffee or anything?” Carrie asked.
Mr. Holden and his friend both shook their heads and thanked her anyway.
“Mr. Holden?” We all looked up when a man dressed in scrubs, who I assumed was a doctor, walked out. “I’m Dr. Fields.” He shook Mr. Holden’s hand and gazed at him sympathetically. “Come on out here so I can give you an update on your son.”
“No, it’s okay. They can hear.” The doctor nodded and began to speak slowly and carefully. “Teigan has sustained some swelling on his brain, we’ve put him in a medically-induced coma until that goes down.” I bit my bottom lip when I saw all of the color was gone from Mr. Holden’s face. Carrie must have sensed it to as she rushed over to guide him back to a sitting position. “He has a broken jaw which is going to require surgery and he’s got a few broken ribs. Once this swelling goes down, we’ll know a lot more, but for now that’s what we’re looking at.” Mr. Holden threw his head back and looked up at the ceiling as tears surged from his eyes. His friend hugged him and offered him reassurance while I remained stunned, feeling like this was all my fault. “I know you want to be here for your son right now, but there’s really nothing more you can do for him tonight. Go home, get some rest and we’ll re-evaluate him in the morning.”
“Promise me if anything happens, you’ll call me, Doc?” Mr. Holden asked with his voice cracking.
“Absolutely.” The doctor nodded and patted him on the shoulder before disappearing behind the double doors that he’d come from.
I wished I could think of something to say to make him feel better, but I was emotionally spent.
“Mr. Holden, it’s very common to be put in a medically-induced coma when there’s swelling on the brain. I know it’s hard not to freak out when you hear the word coma, but think of it more as a sedative to relax him until the swelling goes down.” Somehow, it didn’t seem so intense after hearing Carrie put it that way.
He placed his hand on Carrie’s shoulder and set his eyes upon both of us. “I can’t thank you two enough for coming here tonight and for always being here for Teigan.”
Yeah. I was always there for Teigan alright. I was the whole reason he was lying in that hospital bed in a coma.
“No problem. Just please try and get some rest,” Carrie requested.
“I’ll make sure that he does,” his friend responded taking Mr. Holden’s hand in hers.
We said our goodbyes and headed toward the elevator. Carrie went to grab my hand once the doors closed but I pulled away. My heart ached when I saw the pain radiating through her eyes over my rejection, but I just wanted to be alone. I was going over this whole Teigan thing in my head, over and over again. I was the one that told those two dirt bags that we were friends on Fourth of July. I was the one that wasn’t there for Teigan when he needed me today, and if he didn’t get better I would never, ever forgive myself. Carrie looked away and I could tell she was about to get emotional. The elevator finally dinged, and the doors opened, she walked ahead of me, not saying a word. �
��Carrie, I’m sorry.” I went to grab her arm and her legs gave out, then all of a sudden her eyes closed, and her body went limp in my arms.
Chapter 29
Carrie
After the third round of bloodwork, I was ready to go home. I felt like such a fool for passing out and wished that Jason would just take me home and get me food and water, which was the whole reason I passed out in the first place. Instead, I was sitting in the ER with Elvira the blood-sucking nurse coming at me every which way with needles. I hated hospitals. They always freaked me out, ever since I’d been a little kid and had needed to get stitches in my leg after falling from my bike. I was feeling much better once the IV of fluid started reaching my body, but a few glasses of water would have probably done the same thing…..in the luxury of my own home and in my own bed. I rolled my eyes when the nurse informed me that it would be a little longer for the results from my blood work. What did these people not understand? There was nothing wrong with me. My blood sugar dropped as a result of not eating today, and I was dehydrated. End of story.
“I just want to go home. I have to be up early for work tomorrow, and –”
“Carrie, you’re not going to work tomorrow. You just passed out,” Jason said, as he sat by my bed.
“Actually, yes, I am. There’s nothing wrong with me, Jas.” He let out a deep breath, looking like he was too mentally exhausted to even put up a fight. He took my hand and moved it to his lips, looking straight ahead like he was deep in thought. “He’s gonna be okay, Jason….I just have a feeling about it.” His eyes began to glass over. “Jas, I promise. He’ll be fine.”
“This is all my fault.”
“None of this is your fault. I can’t believe you even –”
“Carrie, it is. They jumped him because I arrested the cousin of one of the kids. They thought Teigan was a rat.” He shook his head and continued on. “He tried calling me right before it happened and I was sleeping…..if I had just been around to answer….” His voice trailed off.
