Gavin groaned and lifted his hips. Noelle leaned to tease him with her mouth, flicking his tongue with hers. She slid up and down him, letting her pleasure build, assured by the hunger in his face that he was equally engaged. They rocked together, hurrying toward their pleasure, until they gasped and plummeted headlong into release.
Exhausted and satisfied, Noelle collapsed on his chest.
Gavin ran a hand down her hair and pressed a kiss on the top of her head. Noelle nuzzled his throat. She loved him so much, it frightened her. The protective barrier around her heart had no longer completely shut out the idea of marriage. Then she’d seen the earl and his countess as another example of why marriage wasn’t a grand idea, and she’d pulled back again.
It would be simpler to be Gavin’s lover without having to worry that someday he’d betray their marriage vows and disappoint her. And she enjoyed being his lover very much. Maybe too much.
Gavin played with her hair. “Marry me,” he murmured.
Startled, Noelle lifted her head. “What?”
“Marry me.” Gavin smiled and brushed the strands of hair out of her eyes. “I want you to marry me and bear my children. I want you to spend the rest of your life both engaging and exasperating me.” He looked deep into her eyes. “I love you, Noelle. I don’t want to spend another day without you.”
Shocked, all she could do was stare dumbly. It took a moment to fully grasp what he was saying. He loved her? When had that happened? She hadn’t suspected or expected he’d fall in love with her. Panic welled. “I thought we both agreed marriage wasn’t what we wanted? Now you want to change the rules?”
Inside herself she knew this wasn’t what Gavin wanted to hear from her. Unfortunately, the words just tumbled out.
Gavin pushed her gently off him. He came to his knees. Noelle rose and settled onto her bum. She wanted to reach for him, to tell him she wanted very much to marry him, but the proposal had come as such a surprise, she couldn’t think clearly. The unhappy confrontation between the earl and his betrayed countess was still fresh and raw.
“Rules can be changed, Noelle,” he said tightly, his body visibly tense. “Do you love me?”
She wanted to tell him how deeply she loved him, how fully he’d captured her mind and heart, but all she could do was nod. At the moment, it was impossible to explain the contradictory thoughts running through her head.
“Then we will marry as soon as the arrangements are made.” He grinned and reached for her.
With a quick maneuver she moved out of reach. She slid back on the bed and held up her hands. “Please don’t. You must give me time to consider your proposal, Gavin.”
Noelle knew she was on the edge of ruining what they had and forcing him out of her life forever. However, she couldn’t instantly change everything she’d ever believed and wanted for herself and her future just because she enjoyed his company and had grown to love him. Love alone did not a successful marriage make. He could break her heart. In all likelihood, he would break her heart.
What did she really know about him? She’d known him only a couple of weeks. Would they be compatible in marriage? Could he forgo mistresses and only love her? On which side of the bed did he prefer to sleep? How did he like his tea? She felt a rising flush of panic.
Tension crackled in the room. “I never planned to wed,” she said softly. “You felt the same. This is an unexpected change. We must take time to think with clear minds.”
Disconcerted to be having this discussion naked, she stepped off the bed and reached for her chemise. Oddly, she was unable to meet his eyes.
“I see.” There was an underlying current in his voice that left her feeling he didn’t understand at all. Then, “This is about Bliss and Charles, and all men who take mistresses and hurt their wives. You think I could turn into your father all over again.”
Noelle’s stomach tightened. “No.” Yes.
“That’s exactly what this is about.” Gavin rolled from the bed and rummaged in a heap of clothing on the floor for his shirt. He shoved his arms into the sleeves, then reached for his breeches. “I cannot take away your unhappy childhood, nor can I do anything more than promise to love you and be faithful to you for the rest of my days. Beyond that, you have to trust me.”
There was such bitterness in his voice that Noelle winced. She knew how he’d been hurt in the past by his unfaithful fiancée, but Gavin had chosen to give Noelle his heart anyway. And she’d rebuffed him quite cruelly by actions, if not words.
Desperate to make amends, she walked over to where he stood, his back to her, and placed her hands on his shoulders.
“Gavin, please.” She pressed her cheek against his spine. “I do love you. I have for some time now. But this has nothing to do with love. I’m afraid.”
He turned and took her arms. “That is something I cannot help you with, Noelle. You’ve had years to formulate the notion that all men are cads in expensive clothing, waiting to ruin their marriages.” He briefly closed his eyes, then looked down at her. “You will have your time to decide. Just know I will not wait forever, nor will I marry a woman who spends our marriage anticipating the day when I’ll be unfaithful, just to prove she was right. I’ll not live that way, and neither should you.”
Gavin released her arms and finished dressing. Once his cravat was knotted to his satisfaction, he silently helped her into her gown. There was nothing further to say.
By the time the sun rose and he called for the coach, the strain between them was intense. Noelle had to blink to keep from tears. The remainder of the journey to London was without the affection they’d shared before the proposal. He didn’t speak unless the situation warranted it, and she had no words he wanted to hear.
Once he dropped her at Collingwood House and into her sister’s hands, he left her with nothing more than a curt nod to sustain her. No last affectionate glance, no kiss on the hand. As the coach rolled away with the finality of clopping hooves, Noelle burst into tears and raced up the stairs to her room.
She won’t eat, she won’t bathe, and I haven’t seen a smile since before she left for Bath.” Eva met Nicholas’s eyes and worked her bottom lip between her teeth. “All I know is that the case is closed and the countess banished to some obscure Scottish castle. Otherwise, she will not offer me a single clue to why she is so unhappy.”
“You must not worry so, dearest. It isn’t good for you or the baby.” Nicholas moved to take her hands. “I have learned that your sister received a proposal of marriage that she promptly rejected. I believe that is the reason she’s moping about, and not some unnamed mistreatment.”
Eva stilled. She probed his stare. “And where did you discover this news, husband?”
He lifted her hands to his mouth. “You cannot be privy to all my secrets, my dear wife. Let’s just say I made a visit to a certain gentleman and discovered your sister was not in any way abused. Her unhappiness is all her doing.”
This explained much. Every time Eva cursed the misbehaving American, Noelle was quick to leap to his defense, an odd turn when the man was the cause of her distress.
“Have I ever told you what a darling you are?” Eva glanced out the open parlor door and a slow smile crossed her face. She turned back and pressed a kiss on Nicholas’s mouth. “My stubborn sister has been shut up in her room for far too long. Now, with your help, I have what I need to shake her from her melancholia.”
Noelle jerked upright on the bed when her bedroom door banged open against the wall, shaking the panel on its hinges. Her formidable sister came over to the bed and glared down at her. Noelle winced.
“Get up.” Eva jerked the coverlet to the bottom of the bed, and a flush of cool air skimmed over Noelle’s skin. “It is well past two, and far past the time for coddling.” She walked to the window and pushed open the drapes. Light flooded into the room. “I have never heard of a woman taking to her bed over a proposal of marriage by a man she loves. Of all things!”
Noelle grimaced. He
r secret was out. Somehow Eva had discovered the truth and wasn’t pleased. Her tight face and impatient manner showed that Eva was on Gavin’s side.
“You don’t understand.”
“Oh, I do quite well.” Eva moved a few steps closer. “I was you a year ago. I worried how every choice I made in my life would affect, and possibly hurt, my mother. But you know that. I wasn’t about to let Nicholas, and my love for him, open up our lives to scrutiny and further destroy her fragile mind.” Eva walked to the wardrobe, flung open the doors, and rifled through the gowns. She found a green frock and threw it on the bed. Stockings followed, with an array of other items, until there was a pile on the mattress near Noelle’s feet.
“You have nothing to hold you back from love but your mother’s misery.” Eva returned to Noelle. “Do you ever wonder why your mother is so unhappy? Do you ever remember a time, well before my mother met Father, when she was a happy, loving wife?” Noelle shook her head. “Did she ever exchange loving glances with Father? Did she ever laugh at his jests or caress his hand when she thought no one was looking?”
Not ever. Noelle shook her head again and slid up to position herself against the pillows.
“Now that she is free of him, does she laugh or dance or flirt with men, just for the enjoyment of doing so?” Eva didn’t wait for another head shake. She wagged her finger. “Your mother lives to be miserable and to provoke misery in others. Had she made any sort of effort in her marriage, she could have been happy. I know Father loved her when they wed.”
Taken off guard by the revelation, Noelle gaped. “Who told you he loved my mother?”
“I overheard a conversation once between him and Mother.” Eva sat down on the bed and fluffed out her skirts. “Your mother was a great beauty, and he was smitten, so much so that he didn’t see the unhappiness inside her until after their vows were spoken. It was during an argument on their honeymoon trip when he learned she’d loved a man her father disapproved of, and his suit was rebuffed. She did not want to marry Father, but Grandfather arranged the match against her wishes. In spite of this confession, Papa tried everything to please her, to earn her affection. And as you know, it came to naught.”
The shock of the tale overwhelmed Noelle. Her mother had loved someone once and had been forced to wed Father instead?
“I didn’t know.” All these years her mother had a secret of her own. Thwarted love. No wonder she was so bitter. “Why didn’t you tell me this before now?”
“I thought with Father gone, it didn’t matter anymore. I thought you’d see how happy Margaret and I are and open yourself to finding love.” Eva paused and closed her hand over Noelle’s. “When I heard you’d stubbornly refused Mister Blackwell, I knew I had to do something. It is high time you forget the past and look forward to a happy future.”
Noelle put her hands over her face. All her notions about marriage and men were clouded by misinformation. It wasn’t her father who hadn’t tried in her parents’ marriage. Her mother had pushed him away.
“How stupid I’ve been,” Noelle said miserably. She’d chased Gavin off. Three days had passed without a word. He was probably pleased to be rid of her and her antics.
“Not stupid. Misinformed,” Eva said, as if reading her mind. “You saw only what was placed before you. Your mother and our father never stood a chance in their marriage when your mother loved someone else. That was why he fell in love with my mother.” Eva placed a hand to her head and smiled. “It is a wonder we three sisters are not inmates of Bedlam, with the upbringing we’ve had.”
“Truly,” Noelle agreed. She leaned back and looked at the ceiling. “What a muddle. Gavin will never have me now. He declared his love and I stomped all over it. How he must hate me.” He should hate her. He’d taken a second chance at love and she’d scorned him. What else could he think?
“Nonsense.” Eva stood and pulled her roughly from the bed. Noelle stumbled to gain her footing. “In fact, I am so confident Mister Blackwell will wed you, I have sent Nicholas off to make the arrangements.”
“You’ve done what?” Noelle asked, but her sister had already walked to the wardrobe and stuck her head inside. So Noelle stood, twisting her fingers over the news, unsure of the next step. Eva had taken her future in her hands, and Noelle was left either to accept that a wedding was imminent or to run screaming for some far corner of the world like a coward.
It an instant, she chose the former.
Eva found a pair of gloves and then dug through the pile of undergarments with fervor until she found the two stockings. The items fluttered when she dangled them from one hand. “Don’t just stand there like a stone. We must get you dressed. You have a proposal to accept.”
“Yes, Your Grace.”
Eva’s happy enthusiasm was infectious as she bathed and dressed Noelle, then called for the maid to fix Noelle’s hair in a loose twist at the base of her neck. There was no time for anything grander. Every minute that ticked by pushed Gavin farther away. Noelle had to get to him, and quickly.
Maudlin no more, Noelle felt her heart lighten for the first time in the three days since Gavin had unceremoniously dumped her on the stoop and left her to wallow in her misery. Though she wasn’t certain he’d have her back, or still wish to marry her, she had to try. It was high time she closed her eyes, leapt from the cliff, and trusted Gavin would catch her in his strong arms.
When Noelle was dressed and coiffed to her sister’s satisfaction, she gave Eva a big hug and grinned widely. “Wish me good luck,” she said, and hurried from the room.
Fish smells, salty air, and gulls greeted her when Noelle pulled up in front of Blackwell Shipworks in an open and grand ducal carriage. There was no need to hide from prying eyes anymore. She didn’t care if all of society knew she was visiting an unmarried man with the intention of begging him to wed her. She wasn’t about to leave this shipyard without Gavin knowing that she loved and trusted him wholeheartedly.
She’d be the intended bride of an American-Englishman, Gavin Blackwell, before the day’s end, or expire trying.
The sun was high overhead as she looked at the lovely blue sky and inhaled deeply. If she was to become the wife of a wealthy shipbuilder, she needed to become used to the smells of the sea.
Several men stared as she alighted and scanned the row of ships for Gavin. There was no sign of him, but the beautiful ships took her breath away. The idea of traveling the seas for adventure filled her with excitement. She would have to insist that Gavin take her on a sea journey once they married. She very much wanted to feel the salty air dance across her face.
She looked for a few moments more. No Gavin. As she worried he was elsewhere, a worker in faded clothing pointed toward the office. She nodded her thanks and headed in that direction with a confidence she didn’t quite feel.
There was a very good chance he’d toss her out on her bum and lock the door behind her. He had the right. But if that was his intention, she’d fight him with all her stubborn nature.
The office was cluttered with drawings and stacks of papers on every surface when Noelle opened the door without knocking. Gavin sat at a high table, his back to her, sketching something that looked like ship parts. Only the sound of pen on paper broke the silence.
“I think we should adjust the lines along here just a bit for added speed,” he said, and she instantly realized he thought she was someone else. “If we lengthen the sails as we planned, the ships will be unbeatable in a chase.”
She ran her gaze over his sun-kissed hair, to his broad shoulders, to his narrow waist, and down to his perfect buttocks clad in black trousers. Her throat caught. Lord, how she’d missed him! If only he’d missed her, too!
Collecting herself, she straightened her spine one vertebra at a time until she found real confidence.
“Are you planning to outrace pirates?” Noelle asked, and watched his head jerk up. He spun on the stool, his face stern. “Or have you taken to piracy yourself? If so, you will definitely requi
re added speed to outrun our British navy.”
It took a half second for annoyance to rim his eyes and tighten his jaw. “What are you doing here, Noelle?”
His shirt was open. Dust marked his skin, and there were bits of wood shavings in his hair. Her heart fluttered wildly. He had never looked more desirable.
She wanted to run into his arms and press kisses over his face. But his anger stilled her feet. So she took her cues from her steely determination and stepped into the room.
There was no time to be cowardly. She’d say her piece and let him decide her fate. “I came to ask you to marry me.”
There. Simple and right to the point.
If he found the gesture romantic, it certainly didn’t show. “It took you three days to decide that I was worthy of your hand?” He put the pen in the inkwell and crossed his arms. In doing so, smudges from his ink-stained fingertips soiled his white shirt. He’d send his laundress into fits. “That doesn’t inspire confidence, Noelle.”
There was a touch of hurt in the angry tenor of his voice.
“No. It took me three days to realize that I never wanted to stop loving you. And if I desired any chance to be happy, for both of us to be happy, I needed to rush down here before another second passed and our moment was lost forever.” Noelle felt tears well with the rush of words. “I love you, Gavin.”
He said nothing but just stared at her for what seemed like an eternity before he spoke again. “Do you trust me?”
She nodded vigorously. “I do. Completely.”
“And every time I speak to another woman, or take a turn around a dance floor with someone other than you, you won’t be wondering how long it will take for me to bed her?”
“Not once.” She took another step forward. “I will be confident in your love and know that you would never hurt me or be unfaithful.” Tears streamed down her face. She sniffed and dabbed her face with her sleeve. “Please marry me, Gavin.”
The Accidental Courtesan Page 29
