by Sm Donaldson
THE SOUTH:
In order of priority. It’s God, Family & Football. Juke Joints, Cotton Fields, Sweet Tea, Southern Hospitality, Good Ol’ Boys & Fireflies. BBQ & Cold Beer, Front Porches, Fast Cars and ALWAYS BLESSING SOMEBODY’S HEART.
XOXO
SM Donaldson
For every girl who ever felt like she wasn’t enough…
In the words of one of my oldest friends,
“Some will, some won’t. So What, Next!”
~ TRM
Secrets In The Lyrics
All rights reserved. This Book is licensed for your personal enjoyment only. This eBook is copyright material and must not be copied, reproduced, transferred, distributed, leased or publicly performed or used in any form without prior written permission of the publisher.
Thank you for respecting the work of this Author.
Secrets in the Lyrics is a work of fiction. All names, characters, places and events portrayed in this book are either from the author’s imagination or are used fictitiously, with exception to brand names, Artists named, and their song lyrics, and direct quotes from movies whose titles have been named. Any similarity to real persons, living or dead, or events is purely coincidental and not intended by the author.
Copyright © 2014, SM Donaldson
Introduction
· Due to mature subject matter this book is for readers 17+.
· This book is written in a true southern dialect, from a true southern person. Therefore, it is NOT going to have proper grammar.
Now with those two points out of the way. I will say that this is probably one of the darker books I’ve written. Ivie has a lot of problems with self-esteem, self-respect and self-worth, to work through. She’s been dealt a crappy hand in life and she has to learn to work through these things.
To females of all ages self-image is something we all deal with. After life has beat you down, it takes years to learn that beauty comes from the person you are inside.
Trust me on this one, I was always the chunky best friend. I always wondered what was wrong with me. In the end, I figured out that some people are just going to be catty bitches and that people now have way more respect for me than those catty bitches I worried so much about.
I guess I’m saying Love Yourself, treat yourself with Respect and tell the rest of the world to take a flying leap.
Eight Years Old…
I hope my mom made macaroni and cheese tonight. She and my dad have been fighting a lot lately about her going out of town so much. I hear all the girls at school talking about how their moms fix supper and they pack them lunch every day. I’m lucky if my mom remembers what time I get home off the bus. My dad is always in his office talking business.
I walk in from school and start to panic because our living room is a mess. I’m scared someone broke in so I run and hide in my closet. I stay here until I don’t hear anyone but my dad. My tummy is growling. “Daddy? Daddy?”
“What, Ivie? Where have you been?”
“I came in from school and it was a mess. I was scared so I hid. I’m really hungry.”
“Fine, I’ll go fix you something quick, then you need to get ready for bed. I have business partners coming over and I can’t have you in the way.”
When we sit down to the table to eat, I look up. “Where’s mommy?”
“Your mother is nothing but a two-bit whore who just ran-off with a loan shark from Biloxi.”
I stutter. “Is- Is she- c-c-coming back?”
“No, and we are better off without her.”
I nod. “Okay Daddy, but what about Christmas? She said she’d tell Santa that I want a Holiday Barbie.”
He looks at me with sadness. “I’ll make sure he knows. Now eat up.”
Fifteen Years Old…
I sit down on my side of the visitation glass. “Hey, Dad.”
“Hey, sweetheart. How are things going at your Aunt Stella’s?”
I shrug. “They are going. I’m pretty sure she hates me.”
“She doesn’t hate you. You’re her sister’s kid.”
“Well hell, Dad. I mean her sister didn’t stick around for me, so why should she?”
“Ivie, your mother…look, I only have a few minutes to talk to you and I don’t want to waste it talking about Jenna.”
“Fine. So how come you thought criminal life was more important than your only child?”
“Ivie-.” He looks defeated. “I was trying to provide a good life for you. Now do me a favor, get better grades, go to college, and make something of yourself.”
I stand up. I have had wonderful grades, I couldn’t get any higher, but he wouldn’t know that. He’s always been too busy with his ‘business deals’ to pay attention. “You know what, Dad? If you knew me, you’d know that I have colleges already asking about me. You know what would have made me have a good life? Having two parents that gave a shit.” I turn and walk out.
Seventeen Years Old…
“Ivie Butonelli, get your ass in this house! Where have you been all day?”
“I was at school.”
She smacks me across the face. “You’re lying, the school called me. Don’t think I don’t know that you were at that thug boyfriend of your’s house. Smoking your wacky weed and playing on your little guitars.”
Damn, how did she know what I was doing? “What I do is none of your business. The state gives you money to let me stay here.”
“Yeah well, your money is supposed to run out when you turn eighteen in two months, but the school told me today that you are expelled for non-attendance and the drugs they found in your locker, so the state is cutting off your money. So get out. Pack your shit and get out you ungrateful little bitch, you are just like my damn sister.”
I go to the small room that I have and throw my crap in a bag. I wasn’t allowed to keep much from my house since most of it was seized, so I only have a few things to pack. I leave the house without saying goodbye and make my way back to my boyfriend Aaron’s house.
Three weeks later…
Yeah, living with Aaron has lasted all of three weeks. When I came home a couple of hours ago from my shift at McDonald’s, I found some bitch blowing him and another bitch smoking my weed. I grab my shit and my guitar and leave. I walk around for hours trying to figure out where I’m going to go. I remember one of my friends is having a party tonight, so maybe I can go hang there for a little while and maybe crash there.
As I walk into the party, there are people from wall to wall. There is a small band on stage playing that is pretty good. I walk closer to listen to them better. As they finish up, I walk over and talk to the guy that is playing the drums.
I step out in front of him. “Hey, you guys were awesome. I’m Ivie.”
He shakes my hand. “Hey, I’m Stoney, this is my buddy Keeg and our lead, Gable.”
My body quivers as Gable shakes my hand. “Hey, nice to meet you guys. Well I just wanted you to know I love your sound.”
Stoney smiles. “Thanks. I see you carrying a case. Do you play?”
“Yeah, I do a little and I do some vocal stuff.”
He grins. “Come to the garage with us and let’s jam a little. The rest of the crazy people at this party won’t even know we left.”
Unsure about going off with three guys, “I don’t know” must show on my face. Gable steps up. “Hey, we are nice guys and there is generally more people out there than just us. I understand your skepticism about being alone with us, you don’t know us. I hope my kid sister is as smart as you.”
I smile. “Well, as long as there will be more people out there.”
Ten Years Old…
My mom sits down across from Scarlet and me. She’s been crying. I wonder what my mea
n dad has said to her now. He was always saying ugly stuff to her. He’s only here a day or so a week anyway, I wish he would just go away. I just stare at her. I can’t feel sorry for her because she would be fine without him. She should just tell him to get lost.
Scarlet looks at her with a trembling lip. “Mommy, what’s wrong? Where is daddy?”
She clears her throat. “Well, Daddy probably won’t be coming back for a little while. He’s gotten into some trouble. See, it seems Daddy has another family. I guess he has so much love that one family just wasn’t enough and he got into trouble for having two families.”
I look up at her, something she’s saying makes no sense. “So. What do you mean a little while? He’s always gone for a little while.”
“Well, probably a few years. But he’s promised me that as soon as this is all cleared up, he’ll be back and help raise you guys. We are going to go and visit him if it’s close enough.”
Scarlet crawls up in my mom’s lap and starts crying. “I’m going to miss Daddy.”
My mom sighs. “I am, too.”
I look at them. Are they crazy? I stand up and go to my room to do my homework.
Fifteen Years Old…
I look across the dinner table at my mom who is crying, once again, because she’s been trying to find my dad since he was released from prison but she can’t locate him. “I’m sorry Gable, I know you don’t like seeing me cry but I just can’t help it. I still love him.”
“Why? I gave up loving him, or even caring about him, a long time ago.”
“Look, I know you don’t understand.”
“No, to be quite honest I don’t. The man married you and had two kids. This whole time being married to another woman first and having another kid. I think you and that lady should get together, hunt his ass down, and string him up by his balls.”
“Gable, don’t talk about your father that way. He is a loving man, he just loves too much.”
I grit my teeth. “He’s not a father, he’s a sperm donor. That is it. Hell, he’s probably got another family out there already. Hell, two wives and families aren’t enough, he’s probably got like four wives and families by now.”
“Gable!” Scarlet screams at me. “Stop it. Mom is upset.”
I stand up. “Look, you know by now I don’t sugar coat things, and I know in the hippie commune life you grew up in, it’s probably ok, but for me it’s not. Scarlet, quit babying her about him, he’s an asshole, plain and simple.” I grab my guitar case and jacket. “I’ve got band practice. See ya.”
I storm out the door, heading down the street to Stoney’s house where we practice. As I walk in the garage, it’s already filled with people waiting to hear us.
My rage fuels my performance as we finish a couple of hours of practice. I sit my guitar down and turn off my amp. Keeg steps up beside me. “Hey man, don’t know what had you going tonight but you were on flipping fire.”
“Yeah. Just bullshit stuff, you know.”
He laughs. “Well that little chick, Eva, is standing over there looking like she’s just dying to suck your dick, so you should probably go check on that.”
I’ve been with Eva a couple of times and she’s a lot of fun. She’s seventeen, but I’m the youngest member of our band and I don’t think she knows, or maybe she doesn’t care, that I’m fifteen.
I pull her into Stoney’s house and find an empty room. Once I shut the door, she smiles. Pulling herself to me, she licks the salty sweat from my neck. “You did a great job tonight.”
“Thanks.” I’m not much for words and she knows that.
She drops to her knees and pulls my dick out of my pants. Once she slides her mouth over it, I reach around and grab the back of her head. I literally fuck her face until she swallows every last bit of cum I shoot out. She stands up and wipes her mouth as I tuck my dick in my pants. “Thanks, that was good.”
She throws her hands on her hips. “What about me? I need to get off, too.”
I roll my eyes. “Fine. But it won’t be with my dick, he’s down for a little while.”
I push her back on the bed and sink my fingers into her damp folds, rubbing her clit until she cries out. I stand up without saying a word and go to the bathroom to wash up.
Seventeen years old…
What in the hell are we doing jamming in the garage with a girl named Ivie? When she stepped out in front of us in the house I thought she was another groupie, but as it turns out, she’s a bass player. When I shook her hand, I could have snatched her up and fucked her right there on Stoney’s drums.
She doesn’t look like the normal girl who follows us around. She has a rather small waist but big tits and a plump ass.
Keeg pipes up after a few minutes. “Damn girl, you rock that bass.”
She smiles shyly. “Thanks.”
Stoney speaks up. “Hey, let’s hear some vocals. What’s a song you do?”
Her voice almost trembles when she looks up to see my face. “Do you know Underneath it All by No Doubt? I know it’s pretty old but I like the beat.”
Stoney nods and starts to tap out the beat. As we join in, I don’t expect her to even start singing as her fingers tremble playing her bass. But her voice never falters when Gwen Stefani’s lyrics come out of her mouth.
Damn, she’s good. Once we finish jamming, I snatch a regular groupie up and take her to a back bedroom and knock the freakin’ bottom out of her trying to get thick Ivie off my brain. Her freakin’ voice almost did me in, it was like velvet. After I walk back out into the main room, I see Stoney leaving with Ivie and I start to get pissed. I don’t know why I’m getting pissed but I want to know why in the fuck she’s leaving with him.
“Hey, Stone! Where you guys off to?”
“Oh, Ivie got kicked out of her place so she’s gonna crash with me for a little while. I need a roommate to help with expenses, she needs a place to crash, and she’s got a job.” He shrugs.
I jam my hands in my pockets. “Okay. See ya.”
They both throw up a short wave.
Twenty-One Years Old
I have gotten used to blocking out Chad’s yelling at me. “Don’t fucking think for a second that I don’t know that you are fucking one, if not all three, of those guys in your band.”
I shake my head. “Shut the fuck up, Chad. I’m not fucking anyone in my band.”
He’s never understood that those guys pulled me from the depths of Hell. One of the worst places I was in my pathetic existence, I was headed straight to a drug overdose or being homeless. When Stoney let me move in, I got clean and went to work and came home every day. I have to make this relationship work though. I can’t keep running back to Stoney’s place every time I break up with someone. I feel like I’m an inside joke.
What Chad doesn’t get is I’m not those guys’ type and they don’t see me that way. They see a girl with great bass skills and a set of pipes. Keeg and Stoney see me as a little sister they have to protect. Gable has a great little sister, so he doesn’t see me as that. He sees me as a chunky chick side kick.
Look, I know I’m not that fat. I have curves and I’m solid through the middle. I’ve never been one to have my shit hanging out for the world to see, so I’m normally wearing clothes that are a little big for me. Plus, on stage I dress in my Converses, t-shirts and jeans. I’m not a fem-bot and I refuse to have my goods just hanging out. The girls that he takes back from the concerts are thin rails. Blonde little bimbos with their tits and ass hanging out of their clothes.
“Hey Ivie, are you fucking listening to me?”
Shit, I spaced out on him again, he’s going to be pissed. “Sorry,” was all I manage to get out before he spins me around and slaps my ass.
He’s pushed me into our bedroom and I know where this is leading. He likes to pick a fight and then fuck the ever living shit out of me. Normally I’m okay with that, but the last time he choked me until I almost passed out. It really kinda scared me. I’m pretty sure he’s on somethi
ng or roided out because paranoia and anger have taken over most of his life. At first I pushed it off as being a cop and always having to watch out. Now, I just try to get through the days.
As I expect, he shoves me on the bed. “Is this how you imagine those dumbasses taking you?”
“Just stop.”
“No. You are mine, Ivie. Do you understand that?” Suddenly he has my hands over my head. He snaps handcuffs around them. I start to panic realizing that I’m cuffed to the bed.
“Chad, I’m not okay with this. Un-cuff me.”
“No, it’s time you learned some lessons. You do as I say, I let you live in my home.” He rips my shirt open and cuts my bra off. He continues by snatching my shorts and panties down. He looks at my now naked body and laughs. “I shouldn’t be worried, though. Those guys don’t normally go for fatties like you.” He runs his hand up my chest. “You know that, don’t you? I’m the only one who could care for you like that. Those guys will never want you. They like pretty little girls, like trophies. I’m the only person who feels sorry enough for you that I’d be seen with you.”
That remark hurts and I just stop arguing back, letting him do whatever he wants. Spacing out always helps me get through it.
Besides, he’s right. I always say that I know I’m not fat, but the truth is I may not be obese, but compared to other girls, I’m fat. Not to mention what girl of your dreams plays bass in a band? That’s my talent. I should’ve not let my father and aunt get in my head. I should’ve kept my ass at school, doing what I’d done my entire life, excelling, and I could be in medical school now.
Instead, here I am hand cuffed to a bed, letting some little prick bastard fuck me, like a drunk teen on Spring Break.
He pops the side of my face. “Pay attention, Ivie. Get into it or I swear I’ll leave you here cuffed to this fucking bed for a day or two.”
I guess he has trouble concentrating without me so I give it my best fake. I act like what his over-compensating ass is doing turns me on. “Good girl, now call out my name.” He pinches one of my nipples. “I said scream my fucking name, Ivie.” I do and he finally finishes. He leans down and kisses me. “Good girl.” Then he stands up, throwing the condom in the garbage.
