by Maya Banks
Full of excitement and hope, she grabbed the file and dashed out to the family room to the enormous flat-screen television. It took her a few minutes just to figure out how to turn everything on, and which remote went with which piece of equipment. When the disk was in and loaded she sat on the couch and hit Play … and discovered in the first two seconds that this was no ordinary birthday party. At least, not the kind they would invite other people to. For starters, they were in bed … and in their underwear. Those didn’t stay on for long though.
This was obviously one of those videos that Ash had mentioned. Although, at the time, she had half believed he was joking. She felt like a voyeur, peeking through a window at another woman’s private life. The things she was doing to him, the words coming out of her mouth, made her blush furiously, but she was too captivated to look away. Was this the kind of thing Ash was going to expect when they made love? Because she wasn’t sure if she even knew how to be that woman anymore. She was so blatantly sexy and confident.
Melody hated her for it, and desperately wanted to be her.
When the DVD ended she grabbed one of the unmarked DVDs and put it in the player. It was similar to the first one, starting out with the two of them in bed together. But this time after a bit of foreplay she reached over somewhere out of the camera’s view, and came back with four crimson silk scarves that she used to tie a very willing Ash to the head and footboard.
Watching this DVD she discovered just how flexible she actually was. Physically and sexually. It was sexy and adventurous, and in a lot of ways fun, but it occurred to her as it ended that she wasn’t particularly turned on. More curious than aroused. Not that she didn’t enjoy seeing Ash naked. His body was truly a work of art. Long and lean and perfect in every way. It was the sex itself that was, she hated to admit, a little … boring.
She grabbed a third disk and put it in, and as it began to play she could tell right away that it was different. This one was set in Ash’s bathroom, and he was filming her through the clear glass shower door. She was soaping herself up, seemingly lost in thought. He said her name, and when she turned she looked genuinely surprised to see him standing there holding the camera. After that he must have put the camera on a tripod because he came from behind it, already beautifully naked, and climbed in the stall with her, leaving the door open.
The tone of this video was completely different from the others. They soaped each other up, touching and stroking, as if they had all the time in the world. And unlike the others there was a lot of kissing in this one. Deep, slow, tender kisses that had Melody’s attention transfixed to screen, actually licking her lips, wishing she could taste Ash there.
Missing was the sense of urgency, as if it were a race to see who could get who off first. Instead they took their time exploring and caressing, their arousal gradually escalating, until they both seemed to lose themselves. It was like watching a totally different couple, and this was a woman she could definitely imagine being. A woman she wanted to be.
The first two DVDs had been sexy, but they were just sex. There didn’t seem to be much emotion involved. In this one it was clear, by the way they touched, the way they looked in each other’s eyes, that they had a deep emotional connection. She could see that they loved each other.
On the screen Ash lifted her off her feet and pressed her against the shower wall. Their eyes locked and held, and the ecstasy on their faces, the look of total rapture as he sank inside her made Melody shiver.
She wanted that. She wanted Ash to kiss her and touch her and make love to her. She was breathing heavily, feeling so warm and tingly between her thighs that she wished she could climb through the screen and take the other Melody’s place. They were making love in the purest sense, and she couldn’t help thinking that if he were here right now she would—
“This one is my favorite,” someone said from behind her.
Melody shrieked in surprise and flew off the couch so fast that the remote went flying and landed with a sharp crack on the hardwood floor several feet away. She spun around and found Ash standing behind the couch, a couple of plastic grocery bags hanging from his fingers and a wry grin on his face.
“You scared me half to death!” she admonished, her anger a flimsy veil to hide her embarrassment. But it was useless because her face was already turning twenty different shades of pink. He’d caught her watching porn. Porn that he was in. What could be more embarrassing? “You shouldn’t sneak up on people.”
“I wasn’t sneaking. In fact, I wasn’t being particularly quiet at all. You just didn’t hear me. I guess I see why.”
On the television her evil counterpart was moaning and panting as Ash rocked into her, water sluicing down their wet, soapy bodies. Melody scrambled for the remote, but it took her a few seconds of jabbing random buttons before the DVD stopped and the screen went black. When she looked back at Ash he was still wearing that wry smile.
“What are you doing home? It’s only—” she looked at the clock and could hardly believe it was after three “—three-fifteen.”
Had she really been watching sex videos for almost two hours?
He held up the bags. “There’s nothing here to eat but pizza so I stopped at the store after a lunch meeting. So you wouldn’t have to go out.”
“Oh. Thank you.”
She waited for a comment about her watching the video, waited for him to tease her, but instead he walked past her and carried the bags to the kitchen. It was the first time she had seen him in a suit since the day he showed up at the hospital to claim her, and, oh, man, did he look delicious. There was something undeniably sexy about an executive who shopped for groceries. Of course, as turned on as she was right now, he would look sexy in plaid polyester floods and a polka-dot argyle sweater.
“I found the DVDs in my file cabinet,” she said, following him, even though he hadn’t asked for an explanation, or even looked as though he expected or required one.
He set the bags on the island countertop and started unpacking them. It looked as though he had picked up the basics. Milk, eggs, bread, a gallon of orange juice, as well as two bags full of fresh fruits and vegetables.
“I didn’t know what they were when I found them,” she said, stepping around to put the perishables in the fridge. “I was pretty surprised when I put the first one in.”
One brow rose. “The first one?”
God, she made it sound as if she had been sitting there watching them all day.
“The only one,” she lied, but it was obvious he wasn’t buying it. Probably because he’d seen the DVDs strewn out on the coffee table.
“Okay, maybe I watched two …”
Up the brow went again.
“… and a half. It would have been three if I’d finished the one I was watching when you walked in.”
He seemed to find her discomfort amusing. “Mel, watch as many as you like.”
She wondered if he really meant that. “It doesn’t. bother you?”
“Why would it?” he asked, looking very unbothered.
“Because you’re in them, and they’re very. personal.”
He gave her a weird look. “You’re in them, too.”
“Yeah, but … it doesn’t seem like me. It’s like I’m watching someone else do all those things.”
“Take my word for it, it was definitely you.” He emptied the last of the bags so she balled them up, shoving one inside the other, and tossed them in the recycling bin under the sink.
“So,” she said, turning to him. “The shower one is your favorite?”
He grinned and nodded, and she wondered if she could talk him into re-creating it someday soon. It only seemed fair, seeing as how she could no longer remember doing it.
“It was mine, too,” she said.
“Why do you suppose that is?”
“I guess because it seemed more … real.”
That brow rose again. “Are you suggesting that in the others you were faking it?”
“N
o! Of course not,” she said, but realized, maybe she had been. The first two had been lacking something. They seemed almost … staged. As if she had been putting on a show for the camera. And there was no denying that, now at least, the hot sex and dirty talk didn’t do half as much for her as watching them make love.
Had she been faking it in those first two?
“You look as though you’re working something through,” Ash said. He was standing with his arms folded, hip wedged against the counter. He narrowed his eyes at her. “Were you faking it?”
She hoped not. What was the point of even having sex if she wasn’t going to enjoy it? “Even if I was, I wouldn’t remember. Would I?”
“That’s awfully convenient.”
She frowned. “No. It isn’t. Not for me.”
“Sorry.” He reached out and touched her arm. “I didn’t mean it like that.”
She knew that. He was only teasing and she was being too touchy. She forced a smile. “I know you didn’t. Don’t worry about it.” She grabbed the last of the items on the counter, opened the pantry and put them away.
Ask looked at his watch. “Damn, it’s getting late, I have to get back. Thanks for helping put away—” He frowned and said, “Wait a minute.”
He walked to the fridge and opened it, scanning the inside, all the drawers and compartments, as if he’d forgotten something, then he closed the refrigerator door and looked in the cabinet under the kitchen sink. He did the same thing to the pantry, then he turned to her and asked, “Do you realize what you just did?”
Considering the look on his face, it couldn’t have been good. “No. Did I put everything in the wrong place or something?”
“No. Mel, you put everything in the right place.”
“I did?” She wanted to believe it was significant, but at the same time she didn’t want to get her hopes up. “Maybe it was a coincidence?”
“I don’t think so. When it comes to your kitchen you’re almost fanatical about keeping things tidy and organized. Everything in there is on the correct shelf, or in the right drawer. You even put the bags in the recycling bin when we were done and I don’t recall telling you it was even there.”
He was right. She hadn’t even thought about putting them there, she just did it. Just like the law stuff. It just came to her naturally, by doing and not thinking.
Her heart started to beat faster and happiness welled up, putting a huge lump in her throat. “You think I’m remembering?”
“I think you are.”
She squealed and threw herself into his arms, hugging him tight, feeling so happy she could burst. She realized, especially after watching those DVDs, just how many things she wanted to remember.
She laid her head on his shoulder and closed her eyes, breathing in the scent of his aftershave. It felt so good to be close to him. Even if he wasn’t hugging her back as hard as she was hugging him. “Do you think it was the DVDs? Maybe watching them made me remember the other things?”
“Maybe.”
She smiled up at him. “Well, then, maybe the real thing would work even better.”
He got that stern look and she quickly backpedaled. “I know, I know. I’m not ready. Yet. It was just … an observation. For when I am ready.” Which she was thinking might be sooner than they both expected.
He smoothed her hair back from her face and pressed a kiss to her forehead. “I think, when your brain is ready to remember things, it will. I don’t think you can rush it. Every time you’ve remembered something it’s been when you weren’t thinking about it. Right?”
She nodded.
“So just relax and let it happen naturally.” He looked at his watch, gave her one last kiss on the forehead, and said, “Now I really have to go.”
She was disappointed, but didn’t let it show. “Thanks for bringing the groceries. I suppose I should think about making something for dinner.”
“Don’t worry about feeding me. I’ll probably be home late. I have a lot of work to catch up on.”
Which was her fault, so she couldn’t exactly complain. She walked him to the elevator instead, watching until he stepped inside and the doors closed.
This time it was definitely not her imagination. Knowing that she was remembering things troubled him for some reason, and the only reason she could come up with was that there was something that he didn’t want her to remember. But she had no clue why, or what it could be. She thought about the money that she’d stashed in the pocket of one of the jackets in her closet. Was that the key to all of this?
She decided that if she had any more epiphanies or memory breakthroughs it would be best, for the time being anyway, to keep them to herself.
Nine
Ash took Friday morning off so he could take Mel to her appointment with her new neurologist. She had offered to have Ash drop her off and pick her up when she was finished, so he wouldn’t miss more work, but the truth was he wanted to be there to hear what the doctor had to say.
It had been eerie the other day, watching her put the groceries away, only to realize that, right before his eyes, she was becoming herself again. She was remembering, no matter how small and insignificant a memory it had been. The point was, it was happening, and he wasn’t sure he was ready.
Although since then, she hadn’t mentioned remembering anything new. Not that he’d been around to witness it himself. Work had kept him at the office until almost midnight the past three days so he and Mel had barely seen each other.
The doctor gave her a thorough neurological exam asked a couple dozen questions, and seemed impressed by her progress. He suggested that she slowly begin adding more physical activities back to her daily regimen. Mel glanced over at Ash, and he knew exactly the sort of physical activities she was thinking of. And he knew, the second she opened her mouth, what she was going to say.
“What about sex?” she asked.
The doctor looked down at the chart, a slight frown crinkling his brow, and for one terrifying instant Ash thought he was going to mention the miscarriage. Had Dr. Nelson warned him not to say anything? Finding out about the baby now would ruin everything.
“I see no reason why you shouldn’t engage in sexual activity,” he said, then added with a smile. “I would caution against anything too vigorous at first. Just take it slow and do what you’re comfortable with. I also suggest walking.”
“I’ve been doing that. We live right by the water so I’ve been taking walks on the shore.”
“That’s good. Just don’t overdo it. Start at ten or fifteen minutes a day and gradually work your way up.” He closed her file. “Well, everything looks good. If you have any problems, call me. Otherwise, I won’t need to see you back for three months.”
“That’s it?” Mel asked. “We’re really done?”
The doctor smiled. “At this point there isn’t much I can do. But only because Dr. Nelson took very good care of you.”
He shook hers and then Ash’s hand, and then he left. From the time they stepped into the waiting room, the entire appointment hadn’t taken more than twenty minutes.
“That sure was quick,” Mel said as they walked to the reception desk to make her next appointment. “I was expecting CAT scans and EEGs and all sorts of tests. I’d thought I’d be trapped here all day.”
So had he. Now that it was out of the way he was anxious to get back to work.
He drove her home and went up with her to grab his briefcase. He planned to say a quick goodbye and head out, but he could see by her expression that she wanted to “talk” and he knew exactly what about. Honestly, he was surprised she hadn’t brought it up the second they got out of the doctor’s office.
“Okay, let’s have it,” he said, dropping his briefcase beside the couch and perching on the arm.
She smiled shyly, which was weird because Mel didn’t have a shy bone in her body. Or didn’t used to. He couldn’t deny that he liked it a little. “So, you heard what the doctor said, about it being okay to make love.�
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“When you’re ready,” he added, hoping she didn’t think they were going to throw down right here on the living-room rug. Not that he hadn’t been thinking about it either, after walking in to find her watching their home movies.
She had been so transfixed by the image of the two of them in the shower that she hadn’t heard him come in. He’d taken his keys from the lock and gave them an extra jingle to alert her to his presence. When that didn’t work he’d shut the door with more force than necessary, but she hadn’t even flinched. He’d tried rustling the plastic bags he was holding, and determined at that point that it was a lost cause. She had been so captivated, it was as if the rest of the world had ceased to exist. Then he’d stepped closer to the couch, seen the rapid rise and fall of her chest as she breathed, the blush of arousal in her cheeks. She’d clenched the edge of the couch, looking as though she were about to climb out of her own skin.
The last time he’d seen her that turned on was when they had made that DVD.
In that instant he knew he wanted her, and it was just a matter of time before he gave in and let her have her way with him. But he’d wanted to wait and make sure everything went all right with her doctor appointment. And now he’d been given a green light.
When she didn’t say anything, he asked, “Do you feel like you’re ready?”
She shrugged. “I don’t know. I guess I won’t be sure until I try.”
He waited for her to suggest that they try right now, but she didn’t. Instead she asked, “Are you working late again?”
“Until at least nine,” he said. “Probably later.”
She sighed. “I’ll be really happy when you’re caught up and we can actually see each other for more than ten minutes in the morning before you walk out the door. And maybe one of these days I’ll actually get to make dinner for you.”
“Soon,” he said, not sure if that was a promise he could, or wanted, to keep. He needed to keep some distance between them.
