by Anyta Sunday
“Well…” He fiddled with the handle on the glove box. Click. Click. Click. “You don’t… still have feelings for him, do you?”
“What the hell would make you think that? No!” I crossed my arms in a petulant manner—but I was mad. How could he think that after the few days we’d had together? Why didn’t he know already what he meant to me? That for no one,no one,had I felt this way. I sunk back into the chair knocking my head into the rest.
I closed my eyes, aware somehow that Trey was watching me. “Look,” I started, after replaying the scene in my head. (And coming to see how hiding behind him like that might have added to his insecurities), “I was surprised to see him, that’s all. That first glance had me remembering how he’d hurt—embarrassedme.”
No reply. Just: click-click. I op ned, irsened my eyes, and started the car. Halfway down the street, Trey finally talked. “Shit Shane. I acted like a jerk. I should have been supportive and not—not got all jealous.” He cautiously rested a palm on my knee.
“You were jealous?” The glee in my voice made him smile. “Hell yeah, I even thought about going back in there and challenging him to a fight.” I laughed. “Didn’t anyone ever tell you to pick on people your own size?” And just like that, our little, uh fight? Misunderstanding? was over.
“Um, Trey, what time do you start classes tomorrow?”
“Around lunch.” “Okay,” I said, making a left. “We’re staying at my place then.”
He squeezed my thigh. A clearsounds good. At home, I let us in quietly motioning Trey up the stairs. I didn’t want us to wake Mom. (Whose bedroom was on the ground floor).
Trey smirked as I shut the door. “So this is your room?” “Surely you’ve seen it before.” “Seen yes,” he said. “Been in it, no.” In the blink of an eye he was kicking off his shoes and moving to my very extensive CD wall—yeah wall, one side of my bedroom was all for the music. “I’ve wanted to look in here for ages.” His confession made my stomach twirl.
“Well, go ahead. Take your time.” My underwear drawer is over there,I imagined myself adding.Feel free to nick a pair.“I’ll be back in a tick.”
I ducked out of the room and went to the bathroom. And then after that grabbed some snacks from the kitchen. When I came back Trey laid back on my bed with—oh crap! He slapped the magazine shut (need I describe?), and raised a brow at me. “Well that was educational.”
I dumped the plate of cookies on the end of my desk. Grabbed the magazine and stashed it under my bed. Where I’d kept it before. Along with—what else had he seen?Gulp.
“Oh, cookies!” Trey flashed me a warm smile as he leaped off the bed to eat one.Thankfully. “Have you checked out the view?” I crossed the room to the narrow door leading outside onto a long and narrow balcony. Trey followed behind, looping his arms around my waist. I leaned into him and we both stared, mesmerized by the lights speckling the otherwise darkened town.
“Nice,” he murmured. Yeah. The warm breeze carrying a honey and fall scent. His strong arms embracing me, my fingers lightly pulling the hairs on his arms. Trey’s deep breathing, my own, slightly hitched. Yeah, nice.
“Would you…” I began, my voice low, shaky. I twisted in his arms and looked into his dark eyes so riveted to me, “I’ve always wanted to sleep out here. Do that with me?” One hand slid up from my waist to the back of my head. Tenderly, Trey kissed me. “I’d say,” he said, grinning “‘as you wish’, but I think it might come across as corny.”
“Oh, doling out the cheese time already?” I pecked him on the cheek and moved inside. “Well, when God made you, he must have been showing off.” (But really, truly he must have been!)
I found the single mattress I used for guests under the bed and pulled it out onto the balcony. It fit snug. Trey yanked the blankets off my bed and brought them over. “I think you’re damn fine too, Shane.” The sincerity in his voice threw me off and I bit my lip. He stepped onto the mattress in front of me and dropped the covers. A sneaky smile quirked his lips. “Your eyes they’re like the sea at night.”
I punched him in the arm. “Shit. I can’t think of anything anymore—well, I can, but if you get me started on your butt of steel and magnets and crap, I’m gonna piss myself.”
“Ouch. What a change in tone. Now tell me more about my butt of steel.” He waggled his brows.
I began blushing—I knew it, and was glad for the dark. “Let’s get under the blankets.”
“Sounds good to me,” nsome I shook my head, stilling him. “I want,” I cleared my throat, “ah…I want to undress you.” Leaning in, I followed up my request by running my tongue over his cookie flavored lips.
“Oh, yeah. Please.” This was what I wanted, had thought— picturedtoo many times to keep count. I let my hands drop from his face down the neck to the shoulders. Over his broad chest, feeling the form of his muscles. I held my hand over his heart. Did it beat as fast as mine? Was he just as nervous? Before I hesitated too long, I reached for the hem of his t-shirt and pulled it up. Trey ducked his head out, his gaze rooting back to mine, open, trusting, and yeah, hungry.
His skin dazzled me. Goosebumps prickling him all over. What did they taste like? I leaned forward, and licked his throat. Mmmm. A soft saltiness. Real good.
Trey gasped as I peppered open mouthed kisses across his chest. I looked up at him. Was he okay with what I was doing? Could I go further?
Understanding my thoughts, he pressed my head closer to him, almost demanding I continue. The action gave me confidence and I flicked my tongue over his nipple, before lightly biting on it. A deep groan rumbled through him, possessing me. I wanted my hands, my mouth everywhere and at once.
Forcing myself, I pulled away and stared at Trey. This was hell sexy, sure. But I didn’t want to get carried away. I wanted to learn him first. Admire him. My fingers danced over his upper body, slowly, memorizing his contours, the roughness of skin, and the hairs trailing from his bellybutton. “You’re beautiful.”
Trey’s chest rose and shakily fell. “Thank you,” he whispered. And his response was perfect. He didn’t obligingly reply something nice about me in return. No, he accepted my compliment. And that made this moment, for me, all the more real, sincere. Honest.
“Can I…continue?” I glanced at his jeans. His Adam’s apple bobbed as he swallowed. He opened his mouth, but no words came out, instead he nodded. Shyly, I reached out to the buckle and attempted to undo it. The darn thing was a fiddly contraption with buttons at the side to press to release. Well, how smooth was this? Freaking belt, undo!
Trey rested a hand over mine and helped me remove it. How embarrassing. I rested my forehead on his shoulder. “Shucks.”
His torso quivered as he chuckled. He lifted my chin and kissed me. “Keep going.” Then he brought my hand to his zipper. I felt how he strained against it. Only fair to release him. Carefully I opened his jeans and crouched to pull them to his ankles. He stepped out, and folded down to my level so we both kneeled on the mattress.
“Ah… thanks,” I said, kissing him again, “for letting me… undress you.”
“Hmmm,” he answered mid-kiss. “But you’re not finished yet.” “Um… are you…sure?” “If you want to, then yes.” I lowered my gaze. “I want to. But…” “What is it, babe?” He took me in his arms.
“Well, it’s just that… Ah, I’ve never done this before—with a guy, I mean.” “Neither have I.” “Yes, but you’re more…sexually experienced anyway, and —”
Trey cupped one cheek, brushed a hand through my hair. “I don’t want you to worry about that. Whatever we do and have between us will be great, because we really like each other. And I don’t want to do anything unless we’re both comfortable, okay?” He lay down on the mattress, bringing me with him to his side. “We can just bring out more cheese and comment on the stars.”
Propped on my elbow I shook my head. “No. The thing is I reallyamcomfortable with you. I want to take this a little bit further, if you’ll let me. I just w
anted to prepare you in case…”I’m not that good.“Ah…I guess it was a bit of a disclaimer, you know? ne,t w”
Trey laughed, hard. “Come here Shane, and take off that shirt and pants. I want to hold you close.” Dutifully, I did as I was told, until I was nestled in his arms. Nice. With my stomach doing flips, I looped a leg over his, bringing us closer together. I held my breath as my hard-on pressed into his. Goodness did that feel fine, and if it felt that way through two pairs of boxer briefs…ahhh,my thoughts alone were going to send me over the edge. With a tighter grip around me, Trey rolled onto his back taking me with him. “Is this okay?” he asked, hissing in pleasure as I moved against him.
“More than… okay.” I sat up on him, shuffling down his legs a bit. “I’m taking them off, yeah?” Trey raised his hips in response, and I carefully slid them to his knees, where he expertly took them off with his foot, while tugging at my own briefs.
Off, we were back to kneeling, now fully naked in front of each other. And trembling. How should I touch him? To make it good for him? But before I laid a finger on Trey, he’d made the first move. Brushed my thigh, grazing the palm of his hand lightly over and up.
Then he clasped me, gently stroking. “Oh…good.” The sensation was insane. All and any insecurities faded away, leaving behind a very physical me. I reached out for Trey’s cock, already slickened with pre-cum and reciprocated his efforts.
“Kiss me,” Trey croaked. “Want you…closer.” I guided his hand off me and moved mine too. Gently, I pushed him back onto the mattress and hip to hip, we continued grinding against each other. But—damn, I wasn’t going to last long. I could already—“Trey, I think I’m…” He held me tighter against him. Looked me in the eye. So beautiful. “Wanna…with you.”
We moved more urgently, the intensity spiraling. I groaned, my back arching. Faster. I could feel the start… I sucked hard on Trey’s neck, making him shout out. And I—we came. Hard. Spilling between our stomachs.
Uncaring of the mess, I collapsed on him and we held each other. Trey’s hands lightly running down my back as he ‘Mmmmed’.
Reluctantly, I got up, cleaned myself and fetched a towel, dampening one end. “Lie back,” I said to a sitting Trey. He followed orders with a large smile, and let me mop him up. I spent perhaps too much time cleaning him, but it was something to do, and I, well, wasn’t sure what to say to him now.That was amazing. Hot. Wonderful. Just thinking about it is starting to turn me on again. But it wasn’t just the sexiest thing I’ve done. It was also the most intimate. The way you looked into my eyes…I sighed.
Trey finally took the towel away from me. “Come here.” I snuggled into the crook of his arm and wrapped a blanket around us. “Was, ah,” I swallowed, “that okay for you?”
“Okay? No. Mind-blowing? Abso-fucking-lutely.” He kissed the top of my head. And felt a chuckle in his chest. “What?” “Nothing. Another time. Babe, do you want to go on a camping trip with me one weekend? There’s a great two day round trip not far from here. I have a tent and sleeping bags and equipment, so you would just need to bring warm clothes and food.”
“That sounds like you’ve thought about this before.” “I have. There’s something there, it, ah, means something to me. And I’d really like to show you.”
A wonderful electric buzz passed through my body, leaving me warm. Very, very warm. “Yeah, Trey. I’d love to see it.” Chapter Fifteen “AH, SHIT!” I croaked, coming back from the bathroom to look at the time. How could we have slept so long? I moved to Trey, huddled in the blankets outside. Gripped his shoulders and shook. “Trey? It’s time to get up. I n He lo muct’s quarter past eleven.”
An unseasonably warm breeze lifted his hair when he, groggy as hell, sat up. He stuck his arms behind his head and stretched, grunting deep, his face contorting with it. He wore the largest t-shirt of mine I could find in the middle of the night. The electric green material stretched over him— and well, I don’t know how, but he pulled it off. (I’d given it to him when it had gotten a touch cool, but he’d refused to go to the bed.)
“Hmmm, what time did you say it was?” The words came out mangled in a yawn. His whole waking up process was so…endearing.Without any thinking I kissed him.
“Oh, time for that. Sounds brilliant.” Crushed to his chest, his arms vice-like held me in place, I laughed. “If only. But we kind of have to hurry. We’ve got about forty minutes to get to class.”
Trey released me, pushing himself up out of the makeshift bed. “Ah, shit!”
“My words exactly.” We both jumped into our clothes, and while Trey was in the bathroom, I moved the mattress back inside. In the kitchen, I found a couple of muesli-bars and chucked them both to Trey on our way out the door.
I rolled the car windows down, and let the wind whip some freshness into our appearance. Trey opened and demolished his muesli-bar before I’d even exited my street. He unwrapped the next one.
“Open your mouth.” I looked at him puzzled and held my hand out to take the bar. He swatted it away.
“Just open up.” I gaped my mouth and Trey’s fingers brushed my lip, popping in a little piece of muesli-bar. He continued feeding me until it was gone.
On the drive back we tried to remember what we’d dreamt about. I couldn’t, but Trey said he remembered being able to peel the skin off his face, and that every time he did he looked different. “It was all quite frustrating, because although it was still me, no-one else knew it. Weird.”
His chatting about dreams, flashed me back to Monday night.Didn’t mean...push her.
“…Shane?” “Huh?” I glanced at him. “Shoot, I zoned out. Still waking up.”Liar. You’re just too damn curious.
He grinned. “S’okay. What are you doing for lunch, while I sweat numbers?” “Meeting Syd, actually. Going to have our traditional shake. Hmmm, and then maybe I’ll come to your three o’clock. We can both study together.”
“You’d want to spend fifty minutes listening to my Calculus professor?” His brows rose so high, the almost disappeared.
“Of course not. I promise you I won’t hear a word he says.” I rested my hand on his thigh. “You’ll study the math. I’ll be studying you.”
Trey laughed so loud, I thought I felt it reverberate in the chairs. “I thought cheese was limited to last night?” I poked my tongue out. “You want me to come, or not?”
“At the risk of not being able to concentrate, hell yeah.” At five to twelve we reached the campus. “I’ll drop you off at the King’s street entrance. You’ll get there quicker.” Trey sat up straighter. “Nah, Lotte Road is better.”
I frowned. “But that’s not close. It’s on the other side of the river.”
“It’s better access for me.” What? I didn’t say anything, the sudden tense vibe I felt shut me up completely. I dropped him off where he’d suggested, and Trey dashed out of the car with a casual flick of his hand and alater.
I headed back to the dorm parking lot, driving down King’s street. This was by far closer. The lecture theatre was barely twenty yards from the sidewalk—oh,oh.There was brick everywhere on this side. He’d have had to cross hundred’s of cracks. I slowed down, sighing.I wish he’d tell me what was had happened, why he’s so afraid.I wanted to understand, so I could ma v o understybe help him? Be there for him.
*** I met up with Syd for lunch in the cafeteria. He told me things were going well with Lucas, that he was practically living with him at his apartment. “Which also gets me away from having to talk to crazy roomie.”
“Wow,” I said, spearing some tofu and onion from my green curry. “You guys sound serious.” Syd nodded slowly, biting his lip, and then dug his fork into the rice. “Definitely. Well, sort of… Lucas is a bit insecure about me.”
“How so?” I pushed the curry toward him so he’d have something on the rice. “He’s five years older. He can’t believe I’d want this to be really long term with him. That maybe I’d like to experience and try other things. I guess he’s
worried about investing in something that might not have a future.” Syd chewed and swallowed.
But his concerns had touched a nerve. Go back a year and I’d never have dreamed Ryan and I wouldn’t stay friends. Best of, even. True though in those last few months things changed for me, and if it hadn’t of come out like it had at the side of our backyard pool, it would have eventually. The rejection the same.
A part of me, right now at this moment, a big partfelt hollow. How much we used to have, all gone. So fucking sad. But would I still have put the effort in, knowing it would end up like this? Wasn’t sure.
Then again, what would high school have been without him? Boring as hell. And even if I had befriended someone else, who’s to say it would’ve ended differently. Maybe I wouldn’t have fallen for them, but there were plenty of other things in life that could have pulled us apart.
Or not. Hmmm.
I sunk back into more memories of Ryan and I. We’d had a lot of firsts together. The first time I smoked, both regular and pot, the first time drinking, drunk and hung-over (all the same weekend), the first time we’d snuck into a club, the first time flying (when we went to Canada together for a summer camp). They’d only been all so much fun because of the company. So, that it died? That Ryan and I would never get back what we had? Did it mean it wasn’t worth it? Worth anything anymore? If that was the case, I wouldn’t feel so miserable remembering, right? Obviously they meant something, or else who the fuck would care?
I swiveled closer to Syd, resting an arm on the back of his chair. “You know what I think?” “No, but you’ll tell me.” “I think I understand Lucas’s insecurities.” He frowned. “Do you think I—” “Let me finish.”
“I think I understand them, but I don’t know that I agree with them.” Syd’s tight face relaxed marginally. He was listening. “The thing is,” I paused, still trying to grasp the feeling inside, “that ‘end’ or the possibility of it freaks me out too. But,” I thought of Trey. Of us.Beginning,“it doesn’t mean it’s not worthwhile in the moment. And the thing is,” I looked into his green eyes, “you will change, Syd. He will too.” Same with Trey and I.“That’s life. Some people are only around for just a little bit and others longer. It comes down to attitude and acceptance of those changes if you want to continue to grow together—shit I think that sounded like something my mom would say.”
