by KD Robichaux
“Neil, please!” she begs, and it breaks through my desperation, slices through the anxiousness to taste her and worship this sweet pussy. “Neil!” she cries, and this time her voice makes me pause. I lift my head, looking up her naked body to meet her eyes that are full of panic, and I immediately loosen my grip on her hips.
“What, baby? What’s wrong?” I whisper, and I take in the way her chest rises and falls in pants, her breasts moving with the action of her lungs.
“I… I’ve never done this before,” she says low, her voice full of worry, and I blink at her, wondering what the fuck she’s talking about.
“I…. What?” I prompt, not understanding.
She swallows thickly. “No one… no one has ever gone down on me before,” she confesses, and I blink up at her like an idiot. This whole time, knowing she’d been raped, knowing she’d been forced to take it everywhere she had to give, it never… not once… occurred to me that she’d never had the pleasure of someone’s mouth on her pussy before.
“Goddess,” I breathe, my face going soft, and she bites her lip innocently. God, she’d been through so much. How could she not have at least been warmed up with oral even once before? Not even that, but in my lifestyle, in my club, there were Doms who got off on forcing their sub to come over and over and over again by eating them until they lost consciousness.
But then I recall, Astrid’s ex was the only man she’d ever been with, and if he wasn’t one to enjoy going down on a woman, then he certainly never would have been the one to put his wants aside in order to bring only her pleasure.
And as infuriating as the thought makes me, as much as it elevates my desires to order up a hit to get Brandon suicided in jail, I’m also… grateful. This is one thing, one fucking thing that will be all mine. She’ll never have another memory of anyone else bringing her the immeasurable pleasure of oral sex. It will only be me. And somehow, it’s even better than if she would’ve been a virgin, untouched by anyone else’s hands but mine, because even that first time brings a woman pain. Oral though, worshipping her with my mouth, there is not one ounce of pain—at least the way I’ll do it for her. Only pleasure to be had.
“I’ve got you, goddess,” I finally say, my voice low and soothing, and I feel her legs relax infinitesimally. “Just lie back. And I’m going to worship you the way you’ve always deserved. You trust me?”
She meets my eyes, and I see her swallow nervously, but then she stretches her arms out so she’s no longer up on her elbows, and I see her nod once and close her eyes.
Now that I know this is her first time, the beast inside me backs down enough that I’m no longer raging to take her as quickly and ferociously as I can. I want to make this perfect for her, and I want to savor every single nuance of her experience. I take the first unhurried swipe of my tongue up from the very bottom of her entrance, not stopping until I circle her clit. Her entire body goes lax as if her bones disintegrated, letting out all the air in her lungs. As I suck her clit between my lips, her hands shoot to my hair. I glance up her still-wet body to find her head lifted, her eyes on mine just as I trace her clit with the tip of my tongue inside my mouth. Her eyes go wide, and her brows furrow as her lips part on a gasp.
I use all gentle strokes, long swipes, slow movements, and my hot breath to ease her into calming the anxiety every woman feels the first time someone eats her out, making a show of breathing her in. “Goddess, you smell like heaven. You’re more than I even dream of,” I murmur against her clit, making her feel my words as she hears them, and she shudders. And soon, there’s the telltale sign that she’s fully into this, her mind finally giving in to the idea of gaining pleasure from being eaten instead of just getting through it.
Her hips start to instinctively rock against my face, and my cock grows hard once again. At forty-two, I’m no teenage boy who can just get a boner right after a woman makes him come. But fuck if my dick remembers that, and I press my erection against the end of the bed to soothe the ache growing there the more she grinds her pussy against my mouth.
When I look at the expression on her face, I recognize it instantly. It’s the face I burst in on right before she screamed in surprise. It’s a look of concentration, desperation to orgasm, as I continue licking, sucking, dragging my teeth gently over her sensitive nub, absorbing the sexy moans and little sighs coming from her as she presses her head back against the mattress.
When I pull back a moment to look at her, seeing that my pleasurable assault and beard against her delicate flesh have turned her red, I involuntarily thrust against the edge of the bed. “You’re a fucking goddess, Astrid. So beautiful here, like a lotus. I have never seen such a pretty pussy,” I whisper, and she whimpers.
“Please, Neil,” she begs, and the desperation in her voice pulls me back in.
I switch modes once again to small, rhythmic circles, tracing with the tip of my tongue around her clit. I drape my arm around the front of her hips and use my thumb to pull back her hood, exposing her even more to me. And while her hips pick up their rhythmic movements, her face grows more and more frustrated, and that’s when I remember her heartbreaking plea when I found her masturbating. “Please, Neil. I need to come.”
It was a cry for help. She wasn’t just asking me to finally give in to our desire for one another. She was begging for me to help her find her release.
She’s unable to come.
At the realization, I pull back once again and stare into her face, seeing the tears pooling near the bridge of her nose. Tears of frustration, of hopelessness to orgasm and find relief.
My poor Astrid. My poor, sweet Astrid who has been through so fucking much. No wonder she hasn’t made much progress over the year she’s lived here. If she hasn’t had any type of physical activity from never leaving the house, added to being unable to make herself come, she’s had absolutely no relief. None of those delicious endorphins to run throughout her beautiful body to chase away any of her pain.
“Goddess,” I prompt, “look at me.” She blinks open her eyes, wiping away the tears pooled here, and she meets my stare. She had been so sassy when I first met her, so argumentative, and that endearing personality still peeps through. Yet she can follow orders so well when she wants to. “Are you able to come by yourself?”
She gulps, her cheeks turning bright pink.
“Astrid, remember who I am, baby. Remember I’m a professional who can help you. This is my expertise.” When she doesn’t respond, her face full of embarrassment, I squeeze her hip. “Look around you, goddess. I didn’t get all this by sucking at what I do.”
She closes her eyes and gives a sad little nod. “I… I can come by myself, but it takes so long and so much concentration that it actually hurts when I finally orgasm. There’s no relief, no pleasure at the end, so why even bother?”
“Ahhh, baby,” I breathe, shutting my eyes and resting my forehead at the top of her bare mound, my heart breaking for her. “God, I wish you would have talked to me, told me about this.”
She lets out a huff of indignation. “Yeah, I’m just going to open up a conversation with the hot guy I live with like ‘So, got any tips on getting me off, bro?’ I think not.”
My grip tightens on her hips to punctuate my words as I lift my head and look her in the eyes. “Astrid. I am literally a sex therapist. Aaaall those letters behind my name… yeah, a few of those certify that I am an actual medical professional who teaches people how to get off.”
“But I’m not one of your patients, Neil,” she argues, shaking her head.
“No, but you are the woman I love.”
It just falls out. It just leaves my lips like it’s the most natural thing in the world, like I’ve been saying it all my life, yet it hovers in the air between us like an elephant on a tightrope.
Her mouth opens and closes like a fish, her eyes wide. My heart thunders in my chest, and I actually feel my face heat with something besides anger for the first time in decades.
I break t
he awkward silence as smoothly as I can.
“Shut your eyes. And think of something that turns you on,” I command gently.
“I can’t—”
“Just trust me,” I cut her off, and she sighs but she does close her eyes.
I pull back her little hood again, and I murmur against her clit, “What are you thinking of, goddess?”
“Uhhh…” She’s nervous. Embarrassed? “You want me to tell you out loud?” Her voice wavers.
“Yes.” I swipe at her clit.
She sighs again, this time in surrender. “The… the shower. Feeling all your muscles while I soaped you up.”
My hips give an involuntary thrust against the bed. “What else?” I breathe against her wet heat, tracing along her inner lips with my tongue and making her squirm.
“Um. When you washed my hair. That… that felt really nice,” she tells me, her voice small.
I reward her with long lick up her slit and she moans. “That’s a good girl, goddess. Keep going,” I murmur, and I feel her muscles clench around my tongue at the praise.
“When… when you call me that,” she admits, but I want her to say it all.
“Call you what?”
She whimpers, her hips getting back into the rhythm from before as I continue to tease her pussy hole. “Mmm… I love it when you call me your good girl,” she says, and she gasps when my tongue plunges inside her. “Oh God.”
“Keep going, baby,” I hiss, my arousal jacking up at hearing all the things that turn her on, and everything she says is about me.
“Your arms. At the gym. When you were gripping the barre. You have like… Thor arms,” she squeaks, and I can’t help but chuckle against her, but the vibration does something for her, as she shudders. And I’m so proud when I don’t have to urge her on. She just adds fuel to her own building fire. “And when I… when I had to get the water out of your bag. And I looked up at you… oooh… yes, right there. Just like that. Mmmm… You’re so much bigger than me. And somehow, it doesn’t scare me. Even when I was on my knees looking up at you, I felt safe. Like you’re my big Viking protector. With your Thor arms… ooh, God!”
“That’s it,” I encourage, more turned on as she speaks what’s inside her mind than I’ve ever been in my life. But this is about her. This is all about teaching her how to get her in a mental place of pure arousal so she can finally reach the state of mind to come. “Keep thinking all those thoughts. Hold on to all those mental images, and I’m going to make you feel good, baby.” She’s absolutely drenched, from her desire and my mouth, so when I slowly slip two fingers inside, the path is easy. She’s tight as fuck, but there’s no resistance to the intrusion, and the moan she lets out is so sexy I almost come against my comforter.
“And… and when I was sucking your cock, and I looked up your body, having to look past all those muscles to get to your beautiful eyes… and then you told me what a good girl I was. That I was doing it just right. And… and then you came. I was able to make you come. Me. Just regular old me. I had power over this Viking of a man with just my hand and my mouth. And you came in my mouth and washed away and replaced everything that had been there in the past. Ohhh, God.” She gasps loudly. “What… what are you doing? What is that?” Her voice is both astonished and a bit panicked.
“That, my goddess, is your G-spot,” I tell her, curling my fingers and stroking my thick fingers in and out against it. I lick her clit, and she clenches around me.
“Ooooh fuck,” she groans her hips jerking, making me plunge deeper.
“That’s it, baby. Just let your body take over,” I urge, keeping up the movement of my fingers inside her.
She presses her head against the mattress, her back arching, pressing her tits upward and changing the angle of her hips, and I follow that special spot at the top of her inner walls.
“I’m—”
Soon, she goes completely silent, and I can see she’s holding her breath, because every so often she exhales sharply then gulps more air. I flatten my tongue against her swollen bud, giving her long strokes before sucking her clit between my lips. Never letting up on the ministrations inside her tight, soaked heat.
“I’m…!”
Her voice is panicked, like she doesn’t understand what’s happening to her body, and I’m suddenly overwhelmed with determination. She’s so close. So fucking close.
I curl my fingers even further, widening her pussy with my knuckles as my fingertips dig against her G-spot just as I take her clit gently between my teeth and use the tip of my tongue to flick at it quickly.
And that’s when she screams, her entire body convulsing as she comes. I cover her with my mouth, creating a suction as I pump my fingers in and out of her, and she cries out toward the ceiling, the taste of her juices making me groan in pleasure.
I pull out of her to lap at her pussy lips, making sure I get every last drop of her as her body shudders. And I feel like that fucking Viking she sees me as. I feel like the warrior who just conquered a new land. I feel like the fucking man for bringing my woman pleasure she’s never felt before.
But then I hear it.
And I look up and see it.
Her hands covering her face as she cries.
Chapter 7
Astrid
Neil crawls onto the bed, and then I’m in his arms, sobbing against his chest as he cradles me to him.
“Astrid, did I hurt you?” he whispers against me.
I shake my head frantically. “No,” I weep. “No, it was perfect, and beautiful, and amazing, and nothing like I’ve ever felt before. I didn’t know anything could feel like that, feel so good.”
“Then why are you crying, goddess?”
And like the orgasm and his question was a bomb that just went off in the dam holding back all of my past and my secrets, it all comes out in a flood through tears and wracking sobs.
I tell him my life story.
“I was always in love with the idea of being in love. My first peck on the lips was when I was in sixth grade. My first french kiss came in the ninth. And I lost my virginity when I was a junior in high school.” He rocks me, just listening, never interrupting.
“I never had an orgasm while having sex. I googled it once, and the internet assured me I wasn’t the only woman on the planet who couldn’t come off intercourse alone. But Brandon didn’t like eating a girl out. The thought disgusted him, putting his mouth down there, even though he had no qualms making me go down on him. And years later, when we moved in together right after high school, when I brought home a vibrator to add to our sex life, he made me watch while he burned it in our fireplace, still in the package, stating he was enough for me and I shouldn’t need anything else. Looking back, he was obviously threatened by the little vibrating egg.” I sneer the last part, rolling my eyes.
“With no more dancing, no school, nothing to fill my days, I then discovered romance novels. And they turned me on enough to actually want to have sex. But still, I never reached completion. He never lasted long enough for me to learn just how to touch my clit with my fingers to get even one.” I sniffle, nuzzling my cheek against Neil’s chest to wipe away the tears.
“And not long after, that’s when he started physically abusing me, when before, it had only been mentally and emotionally. He purposely hurt me during sex, doing things I didn’t want, taking things I wasn’t willing to give. And then outside of sex, he started hitting me.
“When Twyla came and rescued me in the middle of the night, I was black and blue. But even those bruises couldn’t compare to the damage he did to me on the inside. Those scars couldn’t be seen by the naked eye. Not only all the abuse, but what he hadn’t allowed me to learn. He wanted me completely dependent on him for everything. So I never even learned how to pleasure myself.” My voice is quiet at the end, embarrassed. “And now I’m a twenty-seven-year-old woman who doesn’t know anything about her own body.” Neil doesn’t say a word, just nods against the top of my head where he rests hi
s cheek.
“When I finally escaped him, my sister and I got that little apartment, and I still kept up with my reading since I was in hiding. And with my sister working at the sex shop, she got an amazing discount, and I got myself a little vibrator, the one I now keep in a makeup bag in my nightstand drawer.
“But no matter what I did, no matter how hard I tried, I couldn’t. Get. Off. And if I finally did reach that highest peak, there was nothing pleasurable about it. There was no great relief the heroines in my stories always describe. There was no life-altering moment in time where my soul floated above my body as I shuddered and convulsed in ecstasy. There was only a quick tightening of my muscles that made me oversensitive to where I could no longer stand anything touching me down there. That’s it,” I tell him, frustration clear in my tone.
“And when we got home from the gym today, I was so aroused, more aroused than my romance novels ever made me, than I’d been in my whole life. I thought for sure, for sure, if I was going to finally give myself that amazing orgasm everyone talks about, now would be that time. But no matter what I did, no matter the images that filled my head, no matter how hard or soft or in which direction I stroked myself with the bullet. I just. Couldn’t. Come.” My hand grips his bicep, clutching him closer.
“And then there you were. Filling my doorway. Seeing that secret part of me that only one other man had ever seen. Saw me at my most vulnerable. And somehow, I wasn’t mortified. I wasn’t scared of you because you’d caught me with a vibrator, caught me trying to find pleasure.” His arms tighten around me, and he finally does speak then.
