Vibe

by Liza James

  “You don’t want my kind of crazy,” I admit truthfully. Because I hate what I’ve done. Where I’ve come from. No one would want this. Not even Hawk knows the details of what happened.

  “Do you know what I want from you?” she asks, and this time her voice drops a little lower and her lips move down to the space where my jaw meets my neck. I should stop this, whatever it is that might be happening here. I don’t even know her. Fuck, I don’t even know her.

  But at the same time? I feel like I do. I feel connected to her in a way I’ve never felt with anyone else. It’s down to our souls, our energies. It isn’t some shallow attraction of physical aspects. This is different. It’s more.

  “No,” I answer, just as her hand lifts my own and places it over my stomach. Our fingers are still entwined, splayed wide over the thin shirt I’m wearing while she guides my touch.

  “Then maybe hold off on the fucking objections until you figure it out, yeah?” Her lips brush against my neck, and follow the column downwards, slowly grazing to my exposed shoulder. I’m still in the little white tank top I sleep in, with light purple silky shorts that tie in a bow at my waist.

  “We shouldn’t do this,” I whisper, voicing my concern even while I tilt my head to the side so that she has more access to my skin. Her tongue slips out and she trails it across my neck, sliding upwards before her lips meet my flesh and she sucks. Goosebumps ripple across my skin and my nipples harden under the cold fabric of my shirt. Everything begins to light on fire, that unfamiliar burn slowly raging under my skin. I’ve never been like this with a woman. Never been intimate with another woman.

  Malin—My stepfather. He was the one who taught me about sex, about pleasing a man. But never a woman. That was abhorrent, an immediate key to my gateway into Hell. My skin shivers with memories, things I’ve forced myself to bury in the depths of my mind. But slowly, they begin creeping back to the surface and I ache to lose myself, lose my mind in the moments I’m having with Ruby.

  “You’re right, we shouldn’t,” she responds, and her voice is exactly what I need to push Malin back where he belongs. She guides my hand farther down my stomach. She presses our touch harder against my flesh, over my shirt until it’s searing through the reedy fabric and scorching my body. The heat between us, it’s fucking magnetic. I can’t get enough of it and now that she’s touching me, I want to drown in her ocean.

  My hips roll forward absently, seeking more of that pressure, more of her hold on me. Her arms tighten around my waist as she drags me against her, our joined hands barely slip under the hem of my shirt, but it’s enough to have her skin against my own. Her fire burning through my icy body. I can feel her tits pressed against my back and while I would never have thought that would be something erotic—it absolutely is. Fuck, it’s hot and I flex my shoulders and grind against her even more. I’m experiencing her, feeling her body against mine in something so forbidden and dark.

  Her kisses become something dangerous, moving up my neck and across my jaw line until she bites down in a way that has a moan slipping easily from my lips.

  “Shh, Vibe Girl. We don’t want your boyfriend to hear you, do we?” She pushes my hand higher under my shirt, until our thumbs are brushing against the underside of my breast. I arch my back, hoping that she goes higher, breaching this silent barrier that’s being pulled so tightly between us.

  “I don’t like women,” I remind her, just as I decide to lift our hands higher myself. I let my thumb slide across my nipple. Feeling myself, feeling how tight and hot I am under our touch.

  “I know you don’t,” she replies, and then she bites my ear before sucking on it. My heart races, my body heats up even more and the easy whimpers become more frequent as I writhe for more of her touch.

  “Then why do I want this so badly?” I ask her. I want answers, and for some strange reason I feel like she can give them to me.

  “Because this is different. Fuck, it’s different and I don’t know why.” Her hand wraps tightly around my own, taking control as she forces my grip to work on my own breast. She takes my other hand and shifts it down to my thigh, slipping up and towards the center where my pussy is already wet and pulsing. “I’m not fucking good for you. You should have never stepped inside my club tonight.”

  “I don’t care,” I say breathlessly as I pull and tug on my nipple, rolling it between my fingers while she continues controlling my touch.

  “Lift up your shirt,” she demands, her voice an instant dominant control over everything I want to do. “Show me your tits.”

  I do as she says, letting this wave of forbidden lust weave between us. It’s surrounding this small space, electrifying the air with need and fucking destruction. This isn’t good. For so many reasons, this isn’t good.

  I pull out of her hold and lift my shirt up, tucking the hem into the neckline so that my chest is completely exposed. I suck in a harsh breath as her hand darts back out to grab hold of my mine again, to take control again, push us farther into this place we shouldn’t be in.

  “Fuck, Vibe Girl. Touch yourself for me.” Ruby’s words are dark, filthy things that not even Hawk says to me when we’re together. She takes my hand and forces it back on my chest, I push back for a quick moment, trying to fight this, even though I fucking want it. But I shouldn’t, I can’t want this.

  “Don’t even fucking think about it. You’re mine now, Aura.” Her lips drift to my ear as I begin playing with myself again, working on my breasts and pulling on my nipples. Imagining it’s her doing it, it’s her lips sucking me in or her hands exploring my body. “Because you like this, don’t you? Even though you shouldn’t. Even though you have a fucking boyfriend. It’s my hands you’ve wanted on your body all night. Tell me I’m right, Aura.”

  She grazes my other hand down and in between my legs, pressing my fingers against my pussy so that I’m grinding against my own hand. I’m soaked, and even with the cool air brushing across my chest, I’m hot as fuck. My entire body is on fire with her words and touch.

  “Yes,” I moan while I feel her hips roll against my ass. I’m grinding against her and she’s doing the same to me while we both work to get off on this vague line of what we shouldn’t be doing.

  “Yes, what?” she asks as she takes my hand and slips it under the hem of my shorts. Fuck, she wants me to finger myself. She wants to control me fingering myself.

  “I’ve wanted you to touch me,” I admit, just as she guides my fingers to my clit. I touch myself, feeling how wet I am against her. I moan and move, rolling my hips forward again while she holds my hand still, refusing to let me go further. “Please,” I beg her, hoping she gives in and ends up touching me herself.

  “Not yet.” Her voice is quiet as she forces my hand into a slower pace. She lets me slip my fingers through my pussy in slow, intentional movements. Glides that tease me more than satisfy me. She’s working me up, slipping up to run over my clit once before sliding back down and circling around my core, not moving inside me. Not yet.

  “You’re so fucking wet, Aura. God, I want to taste you. Sink my fucking tongue inside your wet cunt. Are you going to come for me when I fuck you?” Just as she says the words, she slips my own fingers inside of me, shoving my own hand so deeply that I cry out in both surprised pain and pleasure, but her other hand is quickly covering my mouth, muffling my moans as she continues fucking me with my own fingers.

  “Quiet, Vibe Girl. Or your sweet boyfriend will come out here and find you coming against my touch.” Her lips land on my neck again, kissing and then sucking, biting and then grazing the tip of her tongue against my skin. It’s so fucking hot, so erotic to have her controlling my movements, tempting and fucking me in a way that somehow makes this more okay than it should be.

  It’s definitely not right, it isn’t. But my mind can somehow masque this into me getting myself off, and Ruby just happening to be in the same room.

  Controlling every action. Speaking filthy words. Stifling my achy cries.


  Suddenly, she pulls my hand away from me and out of my waistband, releasing her hold on both of my hands. She grips the edges of my shorts and yanks them down my legs quicker than I can protest, until I’m completely bare from the waist down with my shirt still tucked up above my breasts.

  She pulls my hands up and over my head, pinning them up while her lips fall to my ear again. “Spread those fucking legs for me, baby.”

  My chest rises and falls in heavy waves, but I do as she says, forcing my legs apart as she watches from behind me.

  “God, see how fucking wet you are?” she says again while she rolls her pussy against my ass and grinds against me. “That’s mine, Aura. Everything you’re feeling right now, every spark of fire that’s licking against your skin. Every moan you make, that orgasm that’s cresting inside of you. It’s all mine, don’t fucking forget that I’m the one who’s making you feel this.”

  This time, she keeps a hold of my wrists with one hand, and then drops her other to brush against my core. Her hand, her fingers, slipping through my pussy and coating my clit in my own cum. I roll my hips forward while she slips her hand down, simultaneously pushing two fingers inside of me at the same time.

  I gasp as she stretches me, knuckle by fucking knuckle until she picks up the pace and I instinctually move to shut my legs.

  “Don’t fucking do it. Or I’ll yell for Hawk and force him to watch while I give you the best orgasm you’ve ever had—with my fucking hand.” She bites the words out until I’m panting and forcing my legs apart both physically and mentally. I can feel the orgasm growing, rolling through my stomach and tightening all the way up to my shoulders. It twists and twists, my moans coming out in sloppier hushed sounds that I can hardly control.

  Suddenly, she releases my wrists and slams her palm over my mouth just as her hand picks up the pace and she slams into me, fucking me harder and rougher with her fingers than I’ve ever experienced.

  I hear it, the wet sounds of my pussy while she works inside of me. They billow out through the silent space and I’m terrified that we’ll wake the others. But she doesn’t let up, doesn’t fucking stop and before I can even try to calm down that orgasm snaps inside of me.

  It crashes, fucking demolishes that barrier and wrecks my body. I arch my back while she continues pumping inside of me, riding the orgasm out while I come around her fingers.

  “So fucking sweet you are, so fucking tight.” Her lips crash against my shoulder while I catch my breath. She does the same, and for a moment, we’re both sitting in silence while I come down from the euphoric high I was riding while she touched me. While she controlled me.

  Regretfully, everything begins shifting back into focus. Why we’re sitting here, what happened earlier with Hawk and Bethie.

  My fucking nightmare.

  Shit. Shit shit shit. Fuck, I was caught up in my own emotions. In my memories and fucked up past, and I let that make me emotionally vulnerable. I was fucking weak and holy shit, I’ve cheated on Hawk.

  I’ve broken one of my rungs. Two of my damn rungs being with a woman.

  Wait, no. I don’t care about the fucking rungs. Or about The Nation. I’m past that.

  You’ve sinned. Your vessel is tainted, wildflower. How could you do that? How will we cleanse you?

  I launch forward and out of Ruby’s hold, gripping my shorts and quickly shuffling my feet back into them as I stand up. I yank my shirt down and over my breasts, refusing to look Ruby in the eye as I move to step away from her.

  “Don’t, don’t fucking do this,” she says, her voice a cold bucket of water dousing my overly sensitive mind.

  “Do what? I don’t even fucking know you,” I reply, quietly shouting the words through clenched teeth. Mother fucker, what have I done? “God, I don’t know you. I have a fucking boyfriend, Ruby. We shouldn’t have done that. I don’t like women. I don’t like you.” I lift my hands and rest them over my head as my heart races in panic.

  Fuck, I’m going to have to tell him. How the hell do I tell him this?

  “Really, you don’t fucking know me?” She stands up, quickly rushing forward until I’m pressed against the edge of our couch. Her hand wraps around the base of my throat as she brings her lips close to mine. “Don’t tell me that bullshit when you know it’s not true. Because you feel it, don’t you? Whatever this is, it’s fucking different. You feel connected to me, in a way that differs from anything you’ve ever had with anyone before. It’s our energies, our souls. I don’t fucking know, but I watched you almost shoot your fucking boyfriend and best friend in the fucking head tonight. I saw that, and I was the one who woke you up after you were crying and begging not to do it.”

  She twists my head to the side in a quick jerk, pressing her lips and teeth against my ear as she continues speaking. Her fingers bite into my flesh, squeezing until I’m barely struggling to pull in full breaths of oxygen. “I’m the one who gave you that fucking orgasm, who made you come like that. I guarantee your boyfriend hasn’t ridden you that hard and that was fucking nothing.”

  She shoves me away with a cruel movement, stepping backward while her eyes stay trained on my own. “Fuck you, Aura. Lie to everyone else except me, because I can see right through it. I’m the one who can taste the lies in your cum, Vibe Girl. Your moans, your touch, your pussy. It’s all stained my hands and tainted my flesh.”

  And with that she turns around, storming out of the room without another word. Leaving me alone, once again. Without any fucking idea of what I’m going to do now.

  I stand there for a moment, brushing my hands through the tangled, sweat soaked strands of my hair. My skin is hot, it’s glistening with my own exhaustion. But it’s also itchy, and the anxious reminders, deliberate rebukes of my past and what I was raised to believe come spiraling through my mind and. wreaking havoc on my pleasure.

  And Hawk. Fuck, my boyfriend. I can’t even believe I let that happen. Hawk and I have been together for two years. Two long—mostly happy—years. He came into my life when I was finally settling down at the studio I work at. It’s a small but beautiful space in the heart of downtown. I photograph couples, families—but I truly love photographing children.

  He walked through my wide French doors one day, claiming he needed headshots for his resume, and we kind of took off from there. He’s always been kind, possessive in a way I’ve loved. He can slip into anger issues every once in a while, but it’s only when he’s stressed and overworked.

  I love photographing people. I love seeing things through the lens of my Nikon. It’s an entirely different world if you can truly dive into it. Most of the time, I can’t even set up a shot properly until I’m actually viewing it through my lens.

  Because the camera captures things differently. It pierces through the veil of time, the invisible construct of life and freezes us. It paralyzes our movements, our emotions, and memorializes them into something perfectly tangible. There isn’t anything like it.

  Images of reciting your vows on your wedding day, tears streaming down your face while you look into the eyes of the person you’re giving the rest of your life too. Or the mother who has been struggling to have a baby for three years, suffering through miscarriage after miscarriage, finally being able to hold her newborn baby against her chest. Or the reunions of families separated by seas and wars and governments and laws.

  Being able to capture those moments? It’s what I love, because I get to experience life on the outside of The Nation. I get to see the aspects of the world that I was taught were evil for so long. There is so much beauty and strength amongst the darkness and having the opportunities to photograph those instances reminds me why running away all those years ago was the right decision.

  I’m free.

  To love who I want, touch who I want, experience who I want.

  I can tell myself that, logically. But it’s getting the rest of my mind to fully understand that. And either way, I can’t cheat on Hawk. What I did tonight was wrong on every single
level because of that one aspect.

  I step forward and walk towards the dark hallway, intentionally avoiding any glance towards the first guest room where Ruby sleeps and continue to the second door on the right—mine and Hawk’s room.

  As quietly as I can, I turn the knob and push the door open, only to find Hawk asleep on his stomach. His back is exposed, the tight muscles pulling to accommodate the way his arm is tucked underneath his head. His other hand is hanging off the side of the bed and my heart lurches at the sight of his unconscious form.

  I betrayed him tonight.

  I slowly step to my side of the bed, realizing my phone is still plugged in and charging on my nightstand. I quickly tap the screen to check the time and realize it’s already four a.m. I have a couple of shoots tomorrow evening, so hopefully I’ll be able to sleep in and Bethie can take Ruby back to the club or her place in the morning. If I can avoid seeing her again all together, then this can become a part of the past. A silly, harmless mistake that won’t affect the grand scheme of things.

  Pulling back the covers and climbing in next to Hawk, I hesitate in wrapping my arms around him. I’m suddenly even more uncomfortable in not knowing exactly how to handle things. Do I tell him and risk everything we have together? Or do I leave it alone because I know it won’t happen again?

  He shifts in bed, making the decision for me as he wraps his arm around my waist and drags me closer to him. The heat of his body is intoxicating. It always has been. His lips press against my ear as he locks me against his large frame.

  Instantly, I’m confused and a little thrown off. I thought he was sound asleep, and he usually doesn’t enjoy sleeping this wrapped up in each other. He runs so hot and I run so cold that it’s uncomfortable for the both of us.

  But I just did something horrible, and if he wants this, of course I’ll give it to him. Shit, I almost shot him for Christ’s sake. And then I fucked around with another woman while he slept.