by Liza James
“Put your camera down and kiss me, Vibe Girl.”
“I just have to pick up a few things from Hawk’s,” I tell Ruby as we park in front of Pandora’s and climb out of the car. “A couple of memory cards, my computer, more clothes. I promise I’ll be quick.”
“I just don’t understand why you can’t wait until after we train. We can both go together tonight. I don’t like the idea of you going by yourself.” Her voice is strained, the rough sound skating across my skin and sending both excitement at her obvious protective nature towards me and apprehension at the idea of me going alone.
But I know it will be fine. Bethie is at work—I still have her schedule memorized—and Hawk probably isn’t home now that I’m not there constantly. I’m sure he’s with friends, or maybe he picked up another shift.
I hurry forward and pull Ruby’s hand into mine, stepping up to her and pressing a hard kiss against her cheek. “I’ll be fine, Ruby. I promise. I’ll call you as soon as I’m on my way back, okay?”
We halt our steps in front of the main entrance to the club. It’s Monday and we’re closed aside from training. Ruby and I are the only ones here today, and we both know that Dom doesn’t come to the club on off days. Besides, Ruby was able to check with Chad on Dom’s schedule and found out that he was headed out of town this week on “business” as well.
A lingering thought in the back of my mind has me wondering if he’s gone to The Nation, but I refuse to focus on that right now. I just want to be happy for a little while. I want to get lost in what I have with Ruby and forget about the danger of it.
Only for a bit. I just want to be happy for a moment.
“Call me when you get there and when you leave,” she grinds out as she quickly turns her head and slams her lips against mine. Her fingers bite into my ass as she holds me to her, and I can’t help but laugh against her mouth. Only until she shifts her leg between my thighs and I’m panting against her lips, a soft whimper falling loose at her constant heat.
“That was cruel,” I say as I pull away from her. Always fucking teasing me, tempting me with every promise and threat I can imagine.
“Come back soon and I’ll give it to you. Exactly how you fucking like it, Vibe Girl.”
Shivers race up my spine at her words and suddenly I’m rushing to my own car in order to get to Hawk’s apartment and then back.
Hawk’s apartment. Not mine. Fuck, the weight of those words dancing through my mind is amazing. Because it’s gone.
The expectations. The fear. The control. It’s all gone.
I spend the drive to Hawk’s getting lost in my own thoughts. In the freedom I’m experiencing and the pure fucking euphoria that’s been coursing through my body since Ruby and I spent the night together.
I told her I loved her. I knew she was about to say it, I could feel it lingering between us. But I couldn’t hold back, and I felt like if I said it first, it would help her push through that barrier herself and actually say the words as well.
We both knew it was true. Even when we were fighting and possibly splitting up. Fuck, especially then. Because at the end of all of this, we always want to keep each other safe. That’s been the crux of our relationship and the bridge.
When I finally pull into the small lot and up to the familiar parking space, I realize Bethie’s car is parked in the allotted spot. She must be here.
I wait for the wave of betrayal to roll through me. But it never comes. No jealousy, no anger, no surprise. I’m honestly unphased by their obvious relationship because I’m so lost in something that means more than what Hawk and I ever had.
If him and Bethie can experience half of what I have with Ruby, then I’m happy for them. Genuinely.
I jump out of the car with my bag from last night and hurry up the steps, choosing to knock on the door before entering because this isn’t my home anymore.
But I’m surprised when Bethie isn’t the one answering. It’s Hawk’s face I see when he finally pulls the door open and steps aside for me to enter.
His face is ashen, his skin pulled taut against his bones and I’m slightly concerned for his health when I realize the state he’s in. His eyes are twitching, darting back and forth while his lips press into a tight line across his face.
“Aura,” he states flatly. I turn towards him, instinctively reaching out to brush his sweat soaked hair out of his face. My eyes fall down his body, taking in his entire appearance and observing his odd movements.
He isn’t wearing a shirt, and his usually glowing skin is faded and dull. His basketball shorts hang loosely off of his sharp hips and I swear he’s lost a decent amount of weight. Enough to show the hints of his ribs on his sides while he shuts the door behind me.
“Hawk, what’s going on? Are you okay?” Just as my hand is about to reach his shoulder, he jerks back and stumbles away, shaking his head as if he’s trying to clear it.
“I’m fine,” he bites out, dropping his fingers to the inside of his arm while he scratches.
My eyes narrow, honing in on the place that’s now reddened with scratches and small pricks.
Needle pricks. Fuck.
Instinctually, I want to address it. Immediately confront it with him. But an alert sounds in my mind, and I know Ruby will be pissed if I try to tackle this on my own. Truthfully, Hawk is clearly out of his head right now and I’m a little worried about his response to everything while I’m alone.
“Where is Bethie?” I ask instead, hoping she’s here with a clear head.
“Around.”
I nod my head, realizing she probably isn’t home and he simply has her car. “I just came by to grab a few things. Some clothes, memory cards.” I try to sound as casual as possible as I drop my bag by the door and step around him.
“Yeah? Where you staying now?” he calls after me. But he doesn’t follow, thankfully. So, I don’t have to see his face when I answer him.
“With a friend,” I shout back. I want to him to stay calm, avoid feeling threatened by anything while I’m here. I haven’t called Ruby yet to let her know I’ve arrived. But if I just hurry out quickly, I can call her on the way back.
“A friend,” I hear him mumble under his breath. “That slut you’re always fucking around with now?” His voice gains volume, rising with a toxic bite to his tone as he responds.
My skin chills, the icy feeling of something bad is slipping along my spine and freezing my movements. I choose not to answer, maybe he’s so high that he’ll forget he even asked in a few moments.
I hurry to grab a few pairs of pants and a couple shirts, bras and panties as I rush out of the room we used to share and move back to the front door. But my feet slam to a stop as my eyes land on Hawk, his fingers wrapped tightly around the sides of my camera while his eyes are trained on the back LCD screen.
Time stops. My body is paralyzed in apprehension as I realize what he’s looking at.
Suddenly, his eyes snap up to my mine. His body is completely rigid and stiff as he watches me.
“What the fuck is this?” he asks, his voice an evil slither that wraps tightly around my throat.
“It’s none of your business, Hawk,” I respond, intentionally keeping my voice quiet and calm while I scramble to control this impending meltdown.
He scoffs, dropping his hands to his sides while he holds onto my camera. My fucking camera. “None of my fucking business,” he mutters, slipping into a string of words I can’t understand.
Instantly, everything changes as he lifts the hand holding my camera and launches it forward, sending it flying across the room and smashing against the wall to my right. I flinch, dropping the clothes in my hand while I hear the crash of it shattering into pieces beside me.
Tears immediately prick my eyes, but I force them back as I struggle to steady my breaths before lifting my eyes to meet his head on.
“None of my fucking business!” he screams, the veins in his neck bulging as his hands tighten into fists at his sides. I close my o
wn eyes, refusing to watch as he completely unleashes in front of me.
But I snap them open when I hear him stalk towards me, his heavy steps slapping against the floor with each movement. “You’re a fucking joke. Do you know that?” His hand quickly darts forward and wraps around my throat as he lifts me off of my feet and slams my back against the wall. “A perverted fucking waste of space. I had high fucking hopes for you. You know that? Bethie and I both did. You were supposed to be different.” His voice is erratic, jumping in pitch and volume all over the place as he speaks.
My throat is constricted though, and my hands wrap tightly around his wrist as I try to break his hold enough to keep inhaling oxygen.
“The key to the fucking ladder, they told me. Like this was some sort of important fucking mission,” he grinds out between his teeth while spit spackles my face as he speaks.
What? Not again. Not fucking again.
“They said we were doing the right fucking thing, coming here and intervening in your pathetic life.” He twists my face to the side with his other hand and scratches his teeth against my cheek while he talks. His hand trembles around my throat, but not from fear or uncertainty.
From anger. I can feel the heat washing off of his body and infecting my own. He’s on fire in ways that resemble sparking flames quickly overtaking entire forests.
“I was supposed to ascend, you fucking slut.”
He pulls my head forward then slams it back against the wall, the base of my skull bouncing against the hard surface like a tennis ball. Then he pulls back and does it again. My eyes roll to the back of my head briefly while I try to maintain my own consciousness. I need to be present for this, I need to get the fuck out of here.
Suddenly, my phone pings in the background from the space of my bag it rests in. Hawk’s eyes immediately fly back towards the sound as he drops his hold on me and I fall to the floor. I land on my hands and knees, the cold sensation of the tile wracking through my body while I struggle to catch my breath. Just when I’m clear enough to catch Hawk digging through my bag and pulling out my phone, I remember that I haven’t told Ruby I’ve arrived.
Hawk laughs, a low and sadistic sound that sears into my bones and shatters my strength. It terrifies me, truthfully. The way his body is hunched low over my bag while my phone hangs loosely in his trembling hands. His eyes slowly lift, drifting to meet my own gaze as he lift is other hand and swipes his thumb along his lower lip.
“Ruby wants to know if you’ve made it to that fucker’s apartment yet?” he asks, his tone taking on a mockingly innocent tenor. I don’t answer, my eyes drop to the phone and then back to his. But another chime sounds out and his eyes immediately fall to the screen again. “She says she’s in the back of the club, getting your space ready in the prep room for when you get back.”
Another chime. “Love you.”
Fuck. My blood is cold, slowly coursing through my veins while my secrets are quickly revealed. The club, Ruby, how we feel about each other. All of it on a tidy little LCD display of technology for Hawk to ruin and corrupt.
“You love her back? I can let her know, tell her how many times you said those exact fucking words to me you little bitch.” He stands and throws my phone to the ground as I hear it crack against the tile. I flinch back, shifting slightly as he stalks towards me and grips my throat in his tight hold again. He yanks me up and against his chest, pressing his forehead against mine while he continues speaking. “Jokes on you, Aura. I never fucking wanted you. I was disgusted by you the first time I ever fucking saw you. So pathetic, so fucking weak. Hiding behind your camera while Bethie and I had to take care of you. It’s always been Bethie and I, did you know that? Dom sent us on this wasted mission to bring you back, show you how toxic the outside is so you would want to come home again. Bethie has been my intended wife since Malin appointed us to field work when we arrived as teens. Her and I, both from different states but similar pasts. We lived on the streets, our home lives were shit holes and we were fighting to fucking survive until The Nation saved us.”
Suddenly, he pulls away and the back of his hand crashes against the side of my face. A stinging pain shoots through me, throbbing inside of my head while it whips to the side. I taste blood, the metallic flavor seeping into my mouth while I slowly slide my tongue out and instinctually lick to find the damage.
The Nation and Dom. It’s always been them. Now, Bethie and Hawk? How has this even been possible? How have they kept such a tight fucking hold on me even after I had left? My mind is splintering apart when I try to think of every interaction I’ve had with Hawk and Bethie. Every party, every event, every night we’ve spent together and what their true intentions were. Both of them? They are both a part of the fucking Nation?
“How?” I croak out, my voice thick with gravel while I try to speak.
“It’s easy, really. You think Zale or Malin ever really let you leave after your failure of a fucking a ceremony? You’ve always been the key to their ascension. You play a much larger role than you even realize. Don’t you know who you are, Aura? It’s a joke. A fucking ironic joke the Omega is clearly laughing over. The Nation falling apart over the loss of someone so incredibly…ordinary.” He hits me again, this time as a fist to my gut when he drops me to the ground. I lose my breath and roll onto my back, my hands clutching the fabric of the thin T-shirt I’m wearing while I tightly shut my eyes.
How the hell do I get out of this?
Ruby. She’s the only thing flashing in my mind now. No dances, not my mother, or even my stepfather. Not The Nation, even though that’s the only thing Hawk keeps talking about.
I don’t fucking care. Not about any of that.
I only want her.
I roll over again, bracing myself on my hands and knees while I pull all of my strength to stand back up. But just as I have my foot underneath me, Hawk’s heavy hand crashes against the back of my neck as he forces me back to the ground.
“You are so easily played, so easily manipulated. Bethie and I walked into your life and inserted ourselves without one fucking problem. Because you’re so goddamn desperate for attention and love, quickly submitting to whoever will give it to you.” He grips my hair tightly and lifts my head before smashing it back against the tile. Something tears, or cracks, I don’t know which. But I can see the wash of blood as it flows out from underneath my cheek.
My head is ringing with an excruciating pain while my vision starts going hazy, getting dimmer with each hit he lands on me. His words are still spitting against the side of my face, but they sound distant, like their fading into the background as I drift farther away from him.
“…the fucking club…Ruby…sick fuck.”
Those are the only things I hear when I feel his thick arms slide underneath me and he lifts me against his chest. I feel us moving, the swaying of his erratic steps and the slam of the door before I suddenly pass out against him.
I try to pry my eyes open, but everything hurts. My skin feels tight and my limbs feel heavy, as if everything is sitting on my chest, on my arms and legs. I’m being weighed down by hazy fog and weakness. My throat feels parched, sore and constricted where Hawk held me so tightly that I couldn’t breathe.
I lift my hands, gently brushing my fingertips across my eyelids when I feel the thin layer of crusted blood that’s coated over my lashes. I try to open my eyes again, this time using my fingers to help the process when I finally find the strength to do it.
But everything is dark, and I can feel the rhythmic swaying underneath me that reminds me of a vehicle. I can feel the scratch of course fabric against my arm and I instantly realize that I’m tucked in a trunk. Fuck, it must be Bethie’s car. I had to have passed out when Hawk placed me back here, and now he’s taking me somewhere I’m unaware of. He has my phone, my only way to call for help, and now I’m stuck at the mercy of someone who I now realize has been betraying me since day one.
Jesus, him and Bethie are intended mates. I haven’t even though
t of that since I left all those years ago. When you go through your ceremony, when you’re inducted into the cult, they appoint you a future spouse. Someone who will take over your cleansing, your indoctrination sessions, your therapy. That other person works to take over every aspect of your life until you’re under the control of the head. Which is the male, of course. So, Bethie is second to Hawk in everything. He owns her in every way imaginable. Finances, decisions, the clothes she wears, the activities she’s allowed to participate in. I’m genuinely shocked at some of the things I remember Bethie doing in the past, but now it makes sense—whenever Hawk would be angry with her over bringing home another guy. He had to have known that she would play the part accordingly, but I can’t imagine him ever being happy about it. I always thought it was simply because we were all close friends.
What a fucking joke.
Quickly, the car slams to a stop and I roll forward, smashing my back against the trunk door uncontrollably. I groan as the aches wrack through my body again, lighting all of my limbs and injuries on fire while my head continues pounding in sync with my heartbeats.
I lift a hand and drag it across my hair, feeling the dried blood that has matted to the side of my skull. It’s a knotted, disgusting mess and my fingers tremble as I worry how badly I’m injured.
Light suddenly fills the small space as the click of the lifting trunk sounds. I slam my eyes shut, blocking out the painful intrusion as I attempt focusing on what’s happening.
“Get the fuck out,” Hawk’s heavy voice shouts behind me. His hand grips my upper arm as he yanks me out of the back of the trunk and shoves me to my feet. He keeps his hold on me though, his fingers pressing into my flesh, surely leaving bruises with his strong grip.
I narrow my eyes and lift my other hand to shield the sun, struggling to identify exactly where we are until I see the soft glow of the faded red exit sign sitting above familiar iron door I frequently pass through when I leave the club.
