Josh didn’t remember his mother. Try as he might, his mind could not conjure a clear image of her face. Vague visions of a woman with long raven hair came to mind. He remembered his mother laughed a lot. He knew she’s been happy while married to his father. His fists clenched at his sides. Her life had been prematurely taken in the most brutal way possible. Staring death in the face, she’d selflessly saved his life when he was barely two years old by throwing him in a nearby huckleberry bush. After finding the dead body of his wife, Josh’s father had found him tangled up amongst the leaves and branches.
Anger raged through him as it always did whenever he thought about how his mother had been violently raped, and then murdered by three white trappers. How often had he killed the men in his mind? His father and uncle had dealt swift justice to the murderers. Josh scoffed. White men were so quick to jump to conclusions about Indians, but it was the white man who committed such unspeakable atrocities.
He’d learned long ago to ignore the suspicious looks he’d endured from white men whenever he visited his father in the city. Fancy, proper society ladies looking down their noses at him and gave him a wide berth, probably wondering if he would come and scalp them, or worse. Sweat beaded on Josh’s forehead as he stared out at the frozen landscape. The first snow flurries drifted through the air outside. An ominous feeling of dread swept over him.
He turned his head in the direction of the bedroom where Dani slept. She was right. Not once since he’d met her over a week ago had she looked on him with disdain. She hadn’t asked or commented about his heritage. Her father was another matter. The man ranked right up there with the worst Indian haters he’d encountered. Why the hell, then, would Jensen force a marriage on her to someone of obvious mixed blood? It would have made more sense if the man had shot him rather than bind his daughter to a filthy red man. What had she done to provoke such deep hatred?
Josh turned away from the window, knelt down by the hearth, and added more wood to the crackling fire. The cabin was slowly warming up, but he’d need a lot more firewood to keep the place heated for the cold night he knew lay ahead. If it had just been him, it wouldn’t matter. Dani’s the one he worried about. She might be a hot-tempered female, but her body had dealt poorly with the freezing temperature outside. His lips curved in a grin. She’d unleashed her anger on him but good before storming off into the spare room he’d offered her.
Josh conceded silently that he deserved every heated word that came out of her mouth. He knew he’d been harsh with her, and she’d been right about everything she said. He had drawn his own conclusions. He had been on the receiving end of unfounded accusations. His words had clearly hurt her. She didn’t strike him as the weepy kind of female, but her tears at that moment had been real. In truth, he knew nothing of her baby’s father. Why had he callously accused her of being a seductress in the first place?
Carrying her into the cabin had ignited the same fire in him as when he stared at her sleeping form three days ago, and neither time she’d done anything deliberate to entice him. With her arms wrapped around his neck, and her face so close to his, it had taken all his willpower not to lean forward and taste her full lips. Her teasing comments about a silly white man’s tradition of carrying a bride over the threshold of their new home had sent reality crashing down on him again.
Josh tossed several more logs on the fire, sending up glowing embers. Anger at his adolescent reaction to her had provoked his comment, he told himself firmly. It was definitely not because of visions of Dani in the arms of another man that seemed to creep into his mind every time he looked at her. Her bulging stomach was a constant reminder of her passionate side, and he found it difficult to ignore.
What was it about Dani Jensen that fueled his desire, and brought about a need to keep her safe? Josh dismissed his question. He didn’t want to know the answer.
What the hell had he been thinking, dragging her through the wilderness with him? Another four days to Helena in this freezing weather might kill her. She was too damn stubborn to tell him when she needed to rest, or that she was cold. At least he could be more prepared when they left in a couple of days. The wool blankets she had up to this point didn’t offer much for warmth. Several buffalo robes would be better.
Dani could make it, he told himself firmly. They had to make it. She couldn’t stay here. Her baby would be born soon. The thought sent a shiver of dread up and down his spine. Looking out at the ominously darkening sky, and the increasing volume of snow fluttering from the heavens, his gut filled with foreboding. Late winter blizzards were common, as was being snowed in for days, possibly weeks. Josh’s heart rate increased, and a cold wave of fear hit him.
*****
Josh opened the door to the cabin and elbowed his way in, a tall stack of firewood cradled in his arms. With the heel of his foot, he kicked the door shut behind him. A blast of icy air followed him into the warm room. He dumped the wood in the near-empty woodbox by the hearth, and shook the snow off his buffalo hide robe. Running his hand through his wet hair, he straightened his back, and slowly turned to the right. Dani stood under the doorframe to her bedroom.
He stared at her from across the room. He swallowed several times even as his mouth went dry. Dammit, Running Wolf. What the hell’s the matter with you? At what point had Dani changed from a simple white woman to the most breathtaking female he’d ever laid eyes on? She stood motionless, not wavering from his gaze. Her long yellow hair framed her delicate face, highlighted by the dancing flames from the fire. Her puffy eyes told him she’d been crying. Had she even slept? It had been a good three hours since he sent her into the bedroom.
She stepped out into the room, firmly clutching a blanket she’d wrapped around her shoulders. Her bare feet didn’t escape his notice, nor her bare ankles. Josh’s heart hammered in his chest. Was she wearing anything under that blanket?
He cleared his throat, and shook his black forelock out of his eyes. The silence between them was deafening. What the hell was he supposed to say to her?
“Did you get any sleep?” He groaned. Couldn’t he think of anything else to say? The heat in the room became unbearable. Josh fumbled with the sleeves of his heavy coat, and pulled it off. His cotton shirt clung to his back. He turned and moved to hang his coat on a peg near the door.
“I slept a little,” she said behind him. “I think three days in the saddle have made my back sore. It feels better to move around.”
Josh slowly pivoted to face her again. She’d moved toward the hearth, a content smile on her face, one hand pressed into her lower back. He realized the bedroom must still be ice cold. When their eyes met again, Dani raised her chin.
“I hope you don’t mind, but I found some cotton shirts in the bedroom. I didn’t know if they belong to you or Kyle, but I’m wearing one right now. It feels good to get out of that buckskin dress.” She pulled the blanket from her shoulder to give him a glimpse of one of his blue cotton shirts. The idea of her dressed in his clothes sent a warm wave of desire through him.
Dani’s eyes narrowed, and before he had a chance to respond, she added, “Don’t worry. I’ll keep the blanket wrapped around me. I wouldn’t want you to think I was acting like a hussy again. Besides,” she laughed, “what man in his right mind would find a heavily pregnant woman attractive? You can stop worrying that I might try and seduce you, Josh.”
Josh groaned, and clenched his jaw. “I want to apologize for that remark,” he said. Dani’s eyes grew wide with surprise. He moved around the table in the center of the room. “I had no call to say what I did.”
She nodded slightly. “I had hoped you weren’t a man who rushed to judge,” she said quietly. She sounded relieved. Time ticked by and they simply stared at each other. Dani had no idea how wrong she was about being undesirable in her present condition. Somehow, her full curves made her more attractive.
Josh finally cleared his throat. “Your bag’s over there by the door.” He motioned with his chin. “I’ll move
it into the bedroom if you want.”
“No need.” Dani’s words stopped him when he was about to retrieve the bag. He needed something to do, to focus his mind on something other than her. “If we’re leaving again tomorrow, there’s really nothing I need from it.”
Josh glanced out the window into the darkness. “We’re not leaving tomorrow,” he said quietly. Or the next day, or the next. If his worst fears came true, the storm raging outside could bring enough snow to keep them locked in this cabin for a week.
Her eyebrows rose. She moved toward the window. Snowflakes streaked the glass pane with ever-increasing ferocity.
“We’ll have to wait out the weather,” he explained. “No telling how much snow will come down through the night.”
“And you don’t think I can make it to Helena?” she asked heatedly. The spark was back in her eyes.
“Now who’s jumping to conclusions?” Josh grinned. “I’m not wanting to go out in a potential blizzard. If we have to stay holed up here for a few days, then that’s what we’ll do.” He tried to sound casual, but his insides churned with dread. A few days could easily turn into a week or longer. He moved to kneel before the hearth, poking at the charred wood with a metal poker. He reached for more logs to keep the fire going. Dani needed the warmth.
“If you have some supplies handy, I’ll fix supper,” she offered. Apparently satisfied that he told the truth about the weather, she waddled back to the warmth of the hearth.
He raised his head to look up at her. He needed to ask the question that burned in his mind. It might as well be now. Slowly, he stood to his full height. She held his gaze as he stood before her. Josh swallowed, and cleared his throat. He ran his hand through his hair, and shifted his weight from one foot to the other. Inhaling deeply, he asked, “Dani, why did you kill your child’s father?”
Her eyes widened. She blinked and then lowered her head. He took a small step toward her. “Tell me I don’t have to sleep with one eye open,” he said, grinning.
Dani looked up at him, and the corners of her eyes twitched. There was no humor in her expression. She set her mouth in a firm line, and took a deep breath.
“Long ago, I swore never to allow a man to hurt me,” she said softly. “I killed the man who fathered my child because he . . .” Her voice wavered. She inhaled a deep shuddering breath. With renewed determination in her eyes, she raised her chin, and said firmly, “I killed him because he took the one thing from me I can never give to another man.”
Josh’s eyebrows furrowed. An ominous sensation of dread washed over him. Did he want to hear her next words? His muscles tensed, coiled and ready to strike something. He fisted his hands at his sides, and prepared for her response.
Dani clutched the ends of the blanket tightly to her chest, as if it would protect her somehow. Her blazing eyes couldn’t conceal the hurt and terror she so obviously tried to hide. Josh swore under his breath.
Her voice was loud and strong, her tone defiant, when she confirmed his worst fears. “He stole my innocence. I killed him because he raped me.”
Chapter 11
The fire crackled loudly in the hearth as it eagerly consumed the fresh logs that Josh had added moments ago, the volume of the sound intensified by the silence that followed Danica’s revelation. She boldly held Josh’s dark stare. His body visibly tensed when she answered his question. Even now, the ferocious look on his face, his obsidian eyes drawn together, and his clenched jaw, reminded her of the warriors who had taken her and Maddie captive last summer. Obviously, her answer wasn’t what he had expected.
Abruptly, he tore his eyes away from her. He ran his hand through his hair and turned toward the fire, muttering something under his breath. His lips curved slightly, exposing white teeth. The light from the flames cast shadows on his bronze face, making him appear fierce and dangerous. He looked ready to murder someone.
Danica stood quietly, waiting for him to say something. She’d dreaded this moment, not sure what she should tell him. She’d never spoken the words out loud, whether to herself or to anyone else. The horrible memories it conjured up were too much to bear. She had firmly pushed the ordeal to the back of her mind, and set her sights on the future. All that mattered was that she had survived, and the man who violated her was dead. She hoped and prayed Josh wouldn’t expect her to give him any more details.
His point blank question had caught her off guard. She could have lied and told him something else, anything other than the shameful truth. Some part of her however, wanted him to know. That he’d thought of her as a woman with loose morals hurt. What did he think of her now? That she was soiled goods? Someone’s discards?
She wanted Josh’s respect, and so much more. She wanted his love, but that had been a young girl’s fantasy. The irony of it didn’t escape her notice. For years, she’d dreamed of him, wondering what had become of him since their one brief encounter, or what sort of man he was. Now, by some twist of fate, she was married to him, and because of what had happened to her he’d become more unattainable than ever. No man wanted a sullied woman. And she had a child on the way that would serve as a constant reminder of her shame.
She’d made a solemn promise to herself that she would hold her head up high, no matter what. An unwed woman with a child was sure to cause speculation. Since her father had completely rejected her, Danica hoped she could make a fresh start in Helena or somewhere else, where no one knew her. No one would need to know that she had been violated in the worst possible way.
What would her father’s reaction have been if he’d allowed her to tell him the truth? Anger welled up in her. Most likely he would have told her that she was to blame, that somehow it was her fault that a man had done such unspeakable things to her.
Danica inhaled deeply, and shifted her weight from her left to her right foot. The warmth from the fire finally helped to thaw her body, and she moved to step away from the heat. Josh’s hand reached out abruptly and settled on her shoulder. Startled, she tried to pull away, but he held firm, and took a step toward her. She raised her head to look up at him, and startled anew at the depth of raw pain in his eyes.
“Dani,” he said quietly, and his hand squeezed her upper arm. “I . . . I’m sorry.”
The sincerity in his voice surprised her. She didn’t comprehend the look of anguish in his eyes.
“You have nothing to be sorry for, Josh,” she replied coldly. “You’re not the man who violated me.”
The muscles in his jaw clenched anew, and he ran his hand through his hair.
“Would you like me to fix supper?” she asked again, taking in a deep breath. She needed to focus on something else. She didn’t want to remember her ordeal from last summer, and she certainly didn’t want to appear weak in Josh’s eyes. She had to remain strong and stand on her own two feet, even while her insides churned and every nerve in her body screamed for her to run into the next room to shed the tears that waited behind her eyes like a raging river ready to burst through a dam. She hadn’t allowed herself to cry last summer after the Indian attack, and she wasn’t going to do so now in front of Josh.
“Are you going to speak to me, or did my answer shock you so severely that you’ve become mute?” Why was he staring at her like that? He looked as if he was trying to reach a decision, but his eyes were filled with uncertainty.
Finally, Josh released his hold on her arm and turned away. He walked to the window across the room, and stared out into the darkness. Snowflakes streaked the window.
“My mother was raped, beaten, and left to die by three white men.” His back was still turned to her, and he spoke so quietly, she thought she misunderstood him.
Danica’s hands went to her stomach when her baby kicked out at that moment. She rubbed at the spot where his limb pushed outward. Slowly, she moved up behind the man standing rigidly, staring out the window. It was she who placed her hand on his shoulder this time. Josh stiffened, then turned his head to look at her.
“I’m s
orry, Josh,” Danica said softly. “I had no idea.” In the blink of an eye, the tables seemed to have turned.
His gaze returned to the darkness outside. Silently, Danica waited for him to say something more. She wanted to ask questions about his mother, since he’d voluntarily brought her up, but thought it wiser to let him speak first, wondering, hoping, that he would say more. Her hand remained on his shoulder, and the tension in his muscles eased.
“You are an extraordinary woman,” Josh finally said, after a prolonged silence. Danica’s heart skipped a beat at those words. He turned to face her fully, and she dropped her arm. “I’m sorry for my accusations.”
Heat crept up her neck and into her cheeks at his words. His intense stare, the fire blazing in those obsidian eyes, unnerved her more than she cared to admit. She took an involuntary step back. The room was suddenly much too warm, and she wished she could unwrap the blanket from around her heated body. It was not a good idea, however, to stand in front of Josh, wearing nothing but his shirt, even if the ends reached halfway down her thighs. If it weren’t for her wide belly, the shirttails would reach her knees.
She smiled tentatively at him. “Well, how about we agree not to make false assumptions anymore?” She held out her hand. He stared at it, his brows furrowing. “Shake on it,” Danica said, hoping her voice didn’t betray her inner turmoil. She thrust her hand at him. “Agree that we’ll ask questions from now on, rather than draw the wrong conclusions,” she prodded.
Josh hesitated, then slid his hand along hers, his large fingers and palm swallowing up her much smaller one. He held her gently, giving a light squeeze. Warmth radiated from Danica’s wrist upward. Her pulse increased. How was it that he held such incredible power over her? After everything she’d experienced at a man’s hand, why did she not feel repulsed or frightened by Josh’s touch? She was in love with him, that’s why, she reasoned. No matter what another man had done to her, she loved Josh, and she would wager her life that he would never hurt her the way she’d been hurt before.
Yellowstone Dawn (Yellowstone Romance Series Book 4) Page 10
