by Kilby, Joan
But it wasn’t about Tinman Island versus Summerside. If he truly thought they had a chance he would stay here and find his challenges in another form. No, their problems went deeper. She didn’t trust him. He suspected that nothing he did, no amount of time, would fix that. He had to stop trying to reel her in like a fish on a line. As long as he was around she could blame him for whatever demons she was avoiding.
He’d vowed not to give up, to do whatever it took to bring her into his life. But if that wasn’t what she wanted, he couldn’t keep after her. Maybe he needed to let Katie go. Let her take her own path and hope that she found whatever she was seeking.
Having come to that conclusion, an ache started deep inside. She’d been part of his life since he was a child. Knowing it was over for good was like ripping out his heart.
Life went on. Look at Tuti. She’d shown resilience in the face of grief. Her mother had passed away but she’d soldiered on. He would, too. Somehow.
But when he thought about never holding Katie again, never seeing her eyes open to his in the morning, never hearing her laugh reverberate through his breastbone, never feel her move against him in the night. Never see her hold their newborn baby…
He knuckled away the moisture in his eyes and tried to suck air past the huge lump lodged in his chest. It would be all the worse seeing her on the streets of Summerside knowing his last chance had come and gone.
But he had to do it. He had to let Katie go. Ironically he needed to talk to her about it, needed her to know she didn’t have to be torn anymore.
He pulled out his phone from his backpack and punched in her number. She answered and the sound of her voice lifted his spirits, as always, until he remembered why he was calling. “Would you have dinner with me tonight?” She started to demure and he quickly added, “Don’t worry, I’m not going to pressure you about the move. I just want to talk.”
She said yes. He put his phone away.
The wind had shifted. John scanned the horizon. Waves were rolling in with an east-west break. He had time for a few more sets before he had to leave to meet Katie. First he made another quick call to check in with his mother. She was delighted to have Tuti a little longer.
He hoped Katie would find love someday.
He hoped he could bear to watch and be happy for her. It should be easier from the distance of the Tinman Island.
* * *
JOHN ARRIVED AT the exclusive waterfront restaurant first to make sure he got the table he’d reserved, next to the window with the best view of the bay. This goodbye celebration would be bittersweet. It was a new beginning for both of them. But it was also the end of a very long chapter in their lives.
Hearing footsteps behind him, he got to his feet.
Katie looked beautiful in a cherry-red dress that suited her dark coloring so well and highlighted her curves. He took both her hands and kissed her on the cheek, inhaling her special fragrance. “Thanks for coming.”
She smiled up at him and turned her face to kiss him on the lips. Now he saw the shadows beneath her eyes and the tired lines at the corners of her mouth. She glanced around at the white linen, the bottle of champagne chilling in the ice bucket. “Are we celebrating something?”
He signaled to the waiter, who came over and popped the cork. John and Katie sat in silence while he poured. Somehow the gaiety associated with champagne now seemed wrong.
John raised his fizzing glass to Katie’s. “To good times. And…good memories.”
She set down her glass without drinking. “Did you hear something?”
“I got the job.”
She froze.
“Plus the funding for the Summerside station expansion came through. Work can start next month.”
“What are you going to do?”
He hadn’t been one hundred percent certain until that very moment. Now he knew. For years he’d stayed in Summerside for her sake, not marrying, not moving on. He couldn’t do it any longer. Nor could he accept a halfhearted love that always second-guessed his motives. If they were going to have a future together she had to make that leap of faith. For him to trust in her love it was time for her to compromise. And he couldn’t ask her again. She had to offer.
“I’m going to Tinman Island.” He searched her face. “It’s really happening.”
Katie opened her mouth. For one heart-stopping moment he thought she was going to say she’d changed her mind and wanted to come with him. Then she made a choking sound, burst into tears and ran from the dining room.
He found her on the beach below the restaurant. Her heeled sandals dangled from her hands as she waded through the shallows near the pier. Tear tracks streaked her cheeks.
“Katie.” He folded her in his arms. “My love.”
“I’m so sorry, John. I don’t know what’s wrong with me.”
“Shh. There’s nothing wrong with you.” He stroked her hair. He was pretty sure the rending in his ears was the sound of his heart breaking. “I’m not pressuring you, or trying to force a love that wasn’t meant to be. We gave it our best shot. This past month with you has been amazing. We’ll part friends. Someday when we both have other partners and families we’ll be able to look back on this time with affection and maybe relief at a narrow escape.”
She turned in his arms. “Is that what saying goodbye to me is, a relief?”
He hadn’t thought about it but now that he did.... “Not relief, exactly. But I’m at peace with our decision.”
“Our decision,” she murmured.
“Well, you decided first. I just caught up with you.”
“Did I decide? I’m so tired. I can’t think straight. I don’t know what I feel.”
“Don’t feel. Don’t think.” He wiped the moisture from beneath her eyes with the pads of his thumbs. “Come back into the restaurant. Have something to eat. I’ll bet you haven’t been eating properly this week as well as not sleeping enough. Am I right? That rabbit food you subsist on wouldn’t keep body and soul together.”
“Rabbit food—” she began in outrage. Then seeing he was teasing she swatted his shoulder. “Oh, you. I am hungry.”
“Come on then. Before the champagne goes flat.”
Dinner was hardly a joyous occasion but John thought it went as well as could be expected. They spoke about keeping in touch. At least he did. Katie said very little and seemed fragile, her smile forced.
Afterward he walked her to her car. “You don’t look too well. Would you like me to drive you home? I can pick you up tomorrow morning to retrieve your car.”
“No, I’ll be fine. Sorry I wasn’t better company.” She blinked and glanced away. When she looked back, her voice was steadier. “When do you leave?”
“The District Commissioner for Queensland is keen to get me up there as soon as possible. I’m going next week.”
Her face dropped. “That soon.”
“It makes sense to get Tuti started in her new school at the beginning of the term.”
“How does she feel about it?”
John shrugged and scraped the toe of his shoe on the pavement. “I told her she could get a puppy.”
“Typical parental response to cushion a child from a traumatic situation,” Katie said drily.
He bristled. “I suppose you think it’s a mistake?”
Katie smiled wanly. “I think she’ll love having a puppy.”
Well, he was glad she’d finally conceded he could do something right wi
th regard to Tuti’s upbringing.
“I’d like to see her before you go,” she added.
“Of course. She would be devastated if she didn’t get to say goodbye.” A lump filled his throat. “I want to thank you for everything you’ve done for her—”
“Don’t.” Katie held up a hand. “I would have done it for any child in my class but especially for…” her voice broke “…a child of yours.”
He was struck mute after that, awash in pain. He kissed her forehead and helped her into her car. Then he waited in the parking spot until her Honda had climbed the hill and disappeared around the bend.
He walked slowly across the pavement to his car. At least he no longer had to wonder where he and Katie were going. The answer was, nowhere.
* * *
KATIE DROVE HOME on autopilot. She was numb from her hair right down to her toes.
This was for the best. Being free of John was what she’d wanted all along. She no longer had to worry about his feelings or whether he was teasing her or flirting.
She could get on with her life.
He could get on with his.
So why did she feel so awful?
She was losing Tuti. That thought brought forth a wail from deep inside. If she could have banged her head on the steering wheel without going off the road, she would have.
She thumped the wheel with her fist instead. She was going to miss that little cutie-pie. John was making a mistake taking Tuti away from her new home and everyone who’d come to love her. Of course Tuti would still have him. And she thought he was a good father, despite some of the things she’d said. Why hadn’t she ever told him that?
She parked in her carport and went inside. The house felt empty and way too quiet. Funny, she’d never noticed that before. She was used to living alone and the quiet didn’t usually bother her. In fact she liked silence. At least she used to—until John and Tuti had filled her life with laughter.
She changed out of her dress and into her track pants, at a loose end now that her book was finished. The next book was hanging over her head but she didn’t have to start on it today, not when the bottom had just dropped out of her world.
Maybe she should get a puppy. Something warm to come home to, to cuddle her and give her unconditional love. The kind of love she’d wanted from John.
She slumped onto the couch. The beautiful dinner John had treated her to sat heavily in her stomach.
He was at peace. Well, that was nice for him. She was all churned up inside.
You wanted him to leave you alone.
She jumped to her feet, clutching a cushion to her stomach. If that was true, why didn’t it make her happy? She’d been happy, briefly, when she thought she had a second chance at the love of her life.
That second chance had just imploded in front of her eyes.
He’d asked her to marry him. She’d turned him down. Was she crazy?
No! Crazy would be giving up a great job, her own home, family and friends to go to a remote island with a man who let her down so badly she still hadn’t recovered seven years later.
But she loved him, even more now than she did back then. She had to get to the bottom of what was holding her back.
Her conversation with Riley and Paula had raised a few issues. Maybe she had more baggage than she’d thought. Maybe she was stuck, not just in regards to John, but further back. There was only one person who could give her the answers she needed. Katie grabbed her purse and headed back to her car.
Fifteen minutes later she peered inside the open double doors of the Men’s Shed, a meeting place where men of all ages got together to build, repair, chin-wag and do other guy stuff. She scanned the long workbench along one wall, looking for her father.
The whine of a power saw vied with industrious hammering. No one would hear her knock so she walked in, passing a young fellow covered in tattoos nailing pieces of wood together and an elderly man painting a wooden rocking horse in dappled gray.
Her father was bent over the power saw, safety goggles and face mask protecting him from the wood shavings that flew off as the saw bit through the piece of timber. She waited until he’d finished making the cut before touching his shoulder.
“Hey, Dad. Susan told me where I could find you.”
Her father pulled down the mask and pushed the goggles up onto his gray brush cut. “Katie. What brings you here?”
Katie understood why he might be surprised. She got along with her father, she just never sought him out. “I’ve finished my book and I’m at a loose end. What are you making?”
“I’m cutting out pieces for an Adirondack chair.” He nodded to a stack of slats on the concrete floor next to the saw. “Making a set for Riley and Paula’s wedding present.”
“That’s nice.” She glanced at the far side of the shed. An urn was bubbling in the small kitchen and comfy chairs provided a setting for coffee breaks. “Want to grab a cuppa?”
Barry flipped the switch on the saw and covered the blade with the safety shield. Brushing sawdust from his faded navy overalls, he led the way to the coffee area. “Is everything all right?”
“Fine.” She glanced over her shoulder. Some of the guys were looking in their direction. “Is it okay that I’m here? Will the men freak out at a woman in their shed?”
“Nah, no worries.” Barry handed her a mug of steaming brew. “But we can go outside. Get some fresh air.”
A couple of kitchen chairs were parked in a sunny spot between the gravel driveway and a tall hedge. Katie took a seat and stretched out her legs. “Still quite warm for this time of year.”
Her father sat upright, his squared shoulders not touching the chair back. He gave her a shrewd glance over his mug’s thick white rim. “You didn’t come to talk about the weather.”
“No.” But now that she had his attention, she didn’t know how to start. How did she ask personal questions about her dad’s relationship with her mother? There simply wasn’t a precedent for it in their reserved family.
“I hear you and John are back together,” he said, when she didn’t speak.
“Not anymore. He just got a job in Tinman Island.” Trying to explain where she and John were at proved just as difficult as talking about her parents. “He asked me to marry him and go with him.”
Her father’s grizzled eyebrows drew together. “I take it you said no. Don’t you love him?”
“I do, but…” Katie gazed past the road, beyond the fields and the bordering pine trees to the blue water of the bay. “Summerside is my home. I don’t want to leave.”
Her father snorted. “In the army I was stationed all over the country and beyond the borders. Your mother didn’t like that much but as long as we were together, that was home. Of course that was before Riley and you were born. Once you two started school I applied for a desk job so we could settle in one spot.”
“I didn’t know that.” She was surprised, knowing how much he’d loved active soldiering.
“Your mother insisted.” Barry gave a gruff harrumph. “She was right, as she usually was when it came to you kids.”
“You were devoted to her, weren’t you?” Katie leaned forward. “You would have done anything for her. I don’t recall you and her ever fighting.”
Her father gave her another shrewd glance. “Did you and John have a fight?”
She nodded, swirling the dregs of her coffee. “I know it’s unrealistic to expect a couple will always agree, but he argues w
ithout talking it through to a resolution.”
“Talk is cheap,” Barry grunted.
“Maybe, but I can’t imagine you and Mum ever letting an issue go unresolved.”
“I wasn’t much good at flowery words or the finer points of debating. Not much good at apologies either. When we had a fight, after I cooled down I changed the brake pads on her car or fixed the broken step.” Her father twisted on his chair to face Katie directly. “Does he take care of you? Is he there when you need him?”
“That’s rather the point—he wasn’t, not when I had cancer,” Katie said. “But when Mum decided not to have a third round of chemotherapy you supported her. You stayed by her side and held her hand through that whole terrible ordeal. You didn’t argue and fight and then just take off.”
“I stayed because I loved her but I also had no choice. There was you and Riley to look after. Believe me, that was no picnic. Your mum had done most of the parenting till then. I was too much of a hothead, too…regimented…she used to say. As for us not fighting, where did you get that idea? We used to have some doozies—over how to raise you kids, where to live, and yes, even her treatment. I wanted her to have more chemo. I ranted and raved, I yelled and cussed. She wouldn’t listen.” His voice broke. “She was a stubborn, stubborn woman.”
Katie couldn’t speak. She was in shock. “When did this happen? I never heard you guys fighting. Not once. Not a peep.”
“Course you didn’t!” Barry sat up even straighter. “Let the children hear the parents argue?” He harrumphed again. “Bad for discipline. Bad for morale. We ‘discussed’ things while you were at school.”
“I had no idea,” Katie said, shaking her head.
Barry cleared his throat and looked at the sky, his craggy face twisted by grief. “I tried everything I could to keep your mother safe. And then…I couldn’t anymore.” He swallowed hard, his voice gruff. “Feeling helpless isn’t easy for a man.”
“It’s not easy for anyone.” Katie scooted her chair over and put a hand on his shoulder. She hesitated, then laid her head there, as she hadn’t since she was a little girl. A tear rolled down her cheek. “I miss Mum.”
