by Joyce Lavene
“Holles.” She returned his lightweight clasp. His hand was cool and dry. “I understand this is hard to accept, but Darmus isn’t dead. And we have to find him.”
“I told him about Darmus,” Sam offered lamely. “I thought he could help look for him, too.”
“I guessed that.” Just what she needed: another unbeliever. “Look, if the two of you need to go, that would be fine.”
“We’ll help.” Sam whispered something to Holles, who shrugged and started back into the crowd.
Peggy and her father found their way to a clearing by the back door. She climbed up on a crate to be able to see over the crowd. There were so many people, but none of them looked like Darmus. A seventy-something black man, probably in a suit and tie, shouldn’t be that hard to find in this crowd. How could he ever expect to blend in here?
Her father shook his head. “There are plenty of black men here, but none who look over thirty.”
“I think I should go home now before my brain explodes from this music,” she said, ready to give up. “This is ridiculous.”
It seemed like they’d wandered aimlessly through the club for hours, but when Peggy looked at her watch, it was only a little after midnight. She should’ve turned the whole thing over to Al instead of being out there half the night looking for Darmus. What the two brothers did was wrong. She could only do so much to help a friend.
Then she saw him. She couldn’t believe it was Darmus Appleby, but she’d know his dear old face anywhere. He was sitting at the bar wearing a dirty, ripped, orange T-shirt and jeans, a Panthers cap slung low on his head. It half covered his forehead, but she knew it was him. He was sneaking furtive looks around the room, probably looking for whoever called him on the cell phone.
“There he is!” She hurried through the crowd, losing her father somewhere along the way. She turned around to look for him, but he was gone. When she looked back, Darmus had moved from his place by the bar. It took a few moments to locate him again. She couldn’t call out to him, couldn’t risk someone else recognizing him.
Determined not to lose Darmus, she rushed after him, keeping her eye on his orange T-shirt. Would he be embarrassed when he saw her? Would he pretend it wasn’t him?
The club had to be exceeding every noise ordinance in the city. People were spilling into the street outside the club. Cars raced, their engines revving, like they did at the speedway. There were plenty of NASCAR fans there, judging from the jackets and caps proclaiming undying love for Dale Jr., Jimmie, and Number 3.
When she found herself out in the alley behind the building, she glanced around and saw couples kissing in the dimly lit recesses. Spilled trash cans made the whole place smell like garbage.
“Darmus!” she called out finally, taking her chances when she saw the orange T-shirt rapidly disappearing. “Wait!”
Peggy skirted the worst of the trash and the couples fondling each other. She jumped over a stream that ran down the alley. She didn’t want to know what that was. Old furniture, wooden crates, and beer bottles littered the space between buildings. The scurry of rats in a corner made her shiver.
“Darmus!” she yelled, catching her purple pleated skirt on the ragged side of a brick building. It tore across when she jerked at it. The orange T-shirt moved on just ahead of her. She pushed her white/red hair out of her eyes and sprinted toward it.
She reached out to grab hold of him. The cotton T-shirt was warm and damp in her hand, but she didn’t see the box in front of her and tripped over it. She went down with her face in the disgusting stench in the alley, skinning the palms of her hands and her knees on the pavement. She didn’t care about any of that, but she swore as she realized she’d let go of the orange T-shirt. She was so close.
But then his crippled hands that would barely open reached down to help her to her feet. She brushed off her face and wet clothes, trying not to think about what was on them.
“Peggy, what are you doing here?” Darmus’s wonderful, familiar voice came from the shadows. She couldn’t see his face. “For God’s sake, can’t you ever leave well enough alone?”
“I came to find you. What are you doing here? Why did you want everyone to think you were dead?”
“I’m here because I am dead. At least to the man I used to be. I fought so hard to be something I wasn’t. I’m tired, Peggy. I don’t want to fight anymore.”
She took a deep breath and almost choked on the stench. “I understand.”
“No. No you don’t. You can’t understand! All of your life you’ve been sure about everything. You had a big family. Parents who loved you and cared for you. You knew you wanted to be a botanist before you went to school. You married John and had the whole storybook family life. You’ve never had to struggle or ask questions that ate at you inside. I’m still struggling, still asking questions. But the one thing I know is my old life isn’t right for me. Not anymore.”
“Okay,” she corrected herself. “I may not understand what that’s like. But you didn’t even give me a chance. You never told me.”
He grunted. “Just as well. This way, Feed America lives on. Luther will take good care of it.”
“What are you saying? Haven’t you read the newspapers or watched TV? Luther is dead! They found him in the Community Garden. They think his body just gave out.” She didn’t bother telling him it might be more than that.
“What do you mean? He can’t be dead!”
“He’s dead, Darmus. Holles and I were at the hospital. I’m sorry.”
“Not Luther, too.” Darmus sobbed brokenly. “Not him, too. How could this happen? He was doing better. We thought he was going to get well again. Why didn’t Holles tell me?”
Holles! Peggy paused. Was he involved? “It was probably what the two of you did to that poor man, Darmus! You both knew it was wrong. Luther left me a letter explaining the whole crazy thing. You have to come back to explain it to the police. Maybe they’ll go easier on you.”
“No one knows.” There was an odd, scary tone in his voice that bordered on eerie. “Except for you, I suppose. But you wouldn’t tell. You wouldn’t let them take me.”
“I’m sorry. I wish I didn’t know. But you can’t let that man be buried without his real name. You say it’s terrible to live your life without being able to tell the world who you really are, without knowing. Isn’t that what you’re doing to him?”
Peggy felt his warm hands on her shoulders but still couldn’t see his face. For a moment, she was frightened. How desperate was he? He didn’t know other people knew the truth, too. He might think she was the only one. She couldn’t believe Darmus would hurt her. But last week, she wouldn’t have believed she’d be having this conversation with him, either.
“You’re right. It was stupid. Desperate. When Luther called me, it seemed like a Godsend. I needed to get away. Luther said he would help.”
“It was a good way for him to take your place as head of Feed America.”
“It was all going to come crashing down anyway. I couldn’t keep going the way things were. I had to do something. But I can see what I did was wrong.”
“Come back with me,” she urged. “Talk to the police. You’ve never done anything wrong in your whole life. They’ll take that into consideration.”
“All right.” He sighed heavily. “Dr. Margaret Lee, purveyor of the right. We’ve had some grand times together, haven’t we? I remember when John was alive. When we were in college. Those were the days, like the song says, right? Those were the days.”
She reached out and put her hand on his cheek. He was still crying, tears slipping silently down his cheeks. “It will be all right, Darmus. I’ll go with you.”
“All right. Let me change clothes. I’m living in the apartment here. I don’t want to meet the police looking like this and smelling like trash. You, either. Come back for me in an hour. We’ll see what we can do to clean up everything else.”
“Okay.” She wasn’t sure if she should insist on going with him
. He sounded rational, like the old Darmus. She knew he probably wasn’t. But she was afraid if she pushed him too hard, he might never go in. “I’ll come back in an hour. Promise me you’ll be here.”
“I will.” He kissed her hand. “Pretty Peggy.” “Oh well. One hour then?”
“One hour.” Peggy heard him leave. He was only a shadow in the alley. She wasn’t sure what to do. Should she follow him to make sure he was going to do what he said? She knew where to find him, if he was telling the truth.
But even if she followed him, what would she do if he decided to leave? She couldn’t stop him. He was small, but he was strong. It was terrible even thinking it could come to something like that between them.
But Darmus wasn’t in his right mind. She realized that now. He wasn’t responsible for what he did. Glancing back at the club, she wished her father, Steve, or Sam was there with her. She couldn’t afford to lose Darmus, either. She followed his shadow as he crept through the alley toward the nightclub.
Peggy tried calling Al, but there was no answer. She dialed 911 on her cell phone and waited to push the Send button. She hid at the side of the building while she watched Darmus disappear up a flight of stairs toward what looked to be an apartment. The music was so loud from the club she didn’t have to worry about him hearing her behind him. Colored lights from the party flashed across the darkness, spotlighting the Dumpsters and pallets behind the building.
She kept her eyes on the stairs. The palms of her hands burned from where she fell. Her head pounded in time to the music. She glanced at the time on her cell phone. Almost twenty minutes had gone by. How long did it take to change clothes?
Pushing her cell phone carefully into her pocket in case she needed to hit 911 quickly, she went slowly up the stairs. She opened the door into a small kitchen that was spotlessly clean. A short hallway led to a living room, bathroom, and bedroom.
“Darmus?” She switched on the hall light and peered into the bedroom. There was no answer. She walked into the bedroom. It was empty. The bed was made up with a clean, white sheet and a pillow. The bedside table held a copy of his favorite book, A Man for All Seasons. The stump of a candle was next to it with a dried piece of mock orange.
“Deceit.” She touched the withered white flower with her fingertip. “Very apt, my friend.”
A small window was open to the night air and the loud music. Peggy looked down and saw a fire escape. Darmus had run away again.
9
Daisy
Botanical: Bellis perennis
Family: Asteraceae
The daisy has been treasured for centuries. It has been used medicinally for mental problems as well as stomach and eye difficulties. They are hardy perennials that are associated with fairies and good feelings.
THE NEXT MORNING Peggy mulled over her problem. They were burying “Darmus” that afternoon. A huge, full-page memoriam, paid for by Feed America, was in the Charlotte Observer that morning. The burial was at Pentecostal Church of Holiness cemetery.
She’d tried calling Al and eventually had gone over to his house. But he wasn’t home. His wife, Mary, told Peggy he was out at their cabin on Badin Lake in Montgomery County trying to prepare for the sad event. He and Darmus were close, and grief was hitting him hard.
With no one else to turn to, Peggy realized she was on her own. As much as she wanted Darmus to turn himself in, she didn’t want him to be with unsympathetic strangers in the police department. The fears from the previous night that nearly prompted her to call 911 were pushed back. Darmus deserved good treatment. She wasn’t sure he’d get it with anyone but Al.
But she couldn’t let Albert Jackson be buried in Darmus’s place. She’d tell anyone the truth before that happened. John always said it was easier not to bury a question than it was to dig one up.
As Peggy considered the problem, she decided her next step should be to talk to Holles. If he knew what was going on, she wanted to know, too. She drove to Holles’s apartment near UNCC. He didn’t live far from where Darmus had lived. Not feeling the least remorse for disturbing him, she pounded on his front door until he answered.
“Dr. Lee! What’s up?”
“Forget the canned speeches.” She pushed past him into the living room. “I need to talk to you about Darmus. I know you were in on it. I talked with him last night. He mentioned your name.”
A resigned sigh followed her words. “Please don’t judge me until I’ve had a chance to explain.”
She couldn’t believe it! He wasn’t even going to bother denying the hoax. “All right. Talk to me.”
He yawned and tried to straighten his hair with his hand. “Thank you. Would you like some coffee or tea?”
“No, thanks.” She realized he was still in his pajamas. She didn’t care. “How did the three of you think you could keep this a secret?”
The answer to that was obvious, she supposed. After all, they’d made it this far. With a sealed coffin, what was left to stop them?
“Well at least come into the kitchen,” he persuaded. “I could use some coffee.”
Peggy went into the kitchen with him, staring out the window at some daisies wilting in the heat. Their pots were too dry. A daisy could put up with almost any abuse, but everything needed a little water. There was some nice border grass edging the sidewalk going past the house, but it needed water, too.
“I know you must have a lot of questions,” Holles began.
“Where is Darmus?”
“I didn’t do anything.” He straightened his robe and poured some coffee into an orange cup that said Miami on the side. “Do you think I wanted to be part of this? I would only do something like this for him!”
“Just answer the question.”
He sat down at the white table. “Please sit down.”
She took a seat opposite him. “Tell me how it happened, Holles. What was your part?”
“I knew it was crazy to be involved with this. I didn’t ask to be. You have to believe that, Dr. Lee. I knew something like this would happen.”
“Calm down. Start from the beginning.”
He sagged back in his chair. “I haven’t heard from him since they faked his death.”
Peggy took a deep breath and prayed for patience. Years ago, her temper would have gotten the best of her. “Tell me what happened.”
Holles gazed at his coffee cup. “I didn’t know what to do when they told me. I overheard them talking one day at the college, and they swore me to secrecy. I didn’t do anything. But I couldn’t talk them out of it, either. I didn’t help them. I just knew about it.”
“Help them do what?”
“Darmus wanted to go away. He wanted to disappear. After Rebecca died, he fell apart. Maybe you didn’t see it. I didn’t either at first. Then he came to me late one night. He said he had to get away. I thought he meant a vacation. But it was something more.”
“What do you mean?”
“He was a frail, flawed man. He wasn’t a God. He was only a man!”
“Stop talking about him like he’s dead, Holles. He’s alive and in terrible trouble.”
“All right.” He sighed and hung his head.
“If Darmus wanted to disappear, why did he go through such an elaborate charade? Why didn’t he just leave?”
“I don’t know.” Holles shook his head. “I think Luther was afraid of losing Feed America. I think he thought if Darmus pretended to be dead, they’d just pass it to him. Which is what they did.”
“Which left Darmus free to disappear.” Peggy couldn’t stand it anymore. She had to get up and pace the kitchen. “But you haven’t talked to him since it happened?”
He shrugged. “He tried to think of everything. He was afraid there might be phone taps or people watching him. Crazy things. This wasn’t a sane decision.”
“Why didn’t you stop him? You could have taken him to a doctor!”
“Not with Luther backing the plan!”
“But Darmus didn’t tell you whe
re he was going? You happened to be at the nightclub that was their meeting place?”
“I didn’t know. I swear they kept it from me. It was an accident that I was there last night.”
She stopped pacing. “We have to find him.”
“Why? This is what he wanted. We don’t have to say anything.”
“This is wrong.” She shook her head. “I can’t let it go.”
“What do you want me to do?” Holles asked her. “If anyone learns the truth now, Feed America, with all its good works, will be destroyed.”
She stared at him knowingly. “Luther left you in charge, didn’t he?”
He straightened his shoulders. “Yes. I’m not ashamed of it. I’ve worked hard to be in this position.”
