by K. Langston
He drops another kiss to the back of my hand.
“No, I mean, what is happening between us?”
I look down at my lap. “I’ve never been one to be insecure but I have a daughter to think about, I need to know where this is going and while the sex is great—”
“Just great?”
“Okay, amazing.”
“Babe, it’s better than amazing. It’s the kind of fucking that leaves our souls soaked in the afterglow.”
I don’t know what to think when he says things like this. I want to believe I’m who he wants, who he needs, but I’m afraid to put too much trust in it but something tells me he’s scared, too.
He doesn’t say another word until we arrive back at my place and puts the truck in park. Leaning over, he presses the button to release the seatbelt then guides me over the seat to straddle his lap.
One hand moves to the side of my face, his rough calloused fingers grazing my skin and causing a shiver to ripple through my body. “From the second I walked into your office that day, I knew I had to have you. I won’t lie, at first it was physical, but after those first couple of sessions and revealing my past and all the bullshit I’ve carried around for so fucking long, I knew I wanted more. And once I had you, I knew I couldn’t let you go because I finally realized why I felt so empty before with all of those other women.”
“Why?”
“Because none of them were you.” He takes my hand and places it over his chest, right over his beating heart. “Whether we’re apart or you’re right fucking here, this beats the same way every time. Hard. Fast. Strong. And I’m slowly but surely finding that it only beats for you.” His lips latch onto mine in the possessive way I love. His hands roam my body, kneading the skin beneath my workout clothes, and it makes me squirm against him, desperate to be closer.
“Need to get you inside,” he says between kisses.
I somehow manage to open the door and climb out as he follows me inside. Lyla won’t be back from her dad’s until tomorrow night so we have the next twenty-four hours to ourselves, and I don’t plan on wasting a single second of it.
We crash through my door in a tangled mess of hands and feet. Me trying to get his shirt off his head and him trying to peel my yoga pants down my legs.
“Jesus, did you paint these motherfuckers on or what?”
I finally step away to push them down myself, kicking them off to the side. Then I reach up to take off my tank top and sports bra. Asher stands in front of me, looking at me like his cock is already inside of me, branding me, the hunger in his eyes blatant and thrilling.
He moves slowly, circling me. My skin tingles with excitement, nipples drawing tight as the cool air of his movement kisses my skin. I shiver as he comes back around to face me, my flesh begging for his touch.
“On your knees.” The deep command of his voice has me complying with the request without hesitation, his burning eyes holding mine as an understanding passes between us.
I know why he has to have control.
It’s the same reason I need to let mine go.
I fall to my knees, desperate for whatever it is he’s about to give me. His athletic shorts are tented with his erection and my mouth waters in anticipation as his strong tattooed fingers reach inside to pull himself free.
He rubs the tip across my bottom lip. “Open.”
I do as he says, opening for him, welcoming him into my mouth. I hollow my cheeks as he thrusts in and out against my tongue.
“Fuck,” he hisses. “All the way back,” he says, giving a gentle thrust. I take him as far in as he will go, the head of his cock brushing the back of my throat. “Yes, fuck, that’s it. Just like that, baby.”
I bathe in his praise, anxious to give him more, so I grip his thighs with my hands, opening wider, making sure to keep my eyes on him just the way he likes it. “You filthy girl. I love how dirty you are for me.”
His thumb strokes my cheek affectionately, a contrast to the savage way he’s starting to fuck my mouth.
Excess saliva dribbles down my chin and onto my chest every time he pulls out completely only to bury himself all over again. The rational side of my brain tells me I should feel ashamed, embarrassed even, but I don’t. Because nothing has ever felt so right. I love the dark parts of me that only he’s been able to uncover, and I can’t wait to explore more of myself with him.
With a grunt, he pulls out of my mouth and helps me to my feet, leading me over to the refrigerator. “Grip the handles behind you,” he orders, placing a kiss to my cheek as he puts my hands exactly where he wants them. He reaches for the dishtowel neatly folded on the counter then secures each wrist to both handles of the fridge.
My adrenaline kicks up, flooding my body with excitement.
He kicks my feet farther apart then he squats down in front of me, using his thumbs to spread me open as he begins working my clit with his tongue.
“Oh God,” I cry out in pleasure.
He buries two fingers inside of me while his hot, wet tongue continues its assault. My mind is lost to all of the sensations invading my body at once. His fingers inside of me, the cool stainless steel pressed against my heated skin, his mouth sucking my clit.
My body convulses, the orgasm completely obliterating my body and mind.
Asher grins as he kisses his way up my belly, latching onto my right nipple before giving it a hard suck then scraping his teeth across the sensitive bud.
“That’s one,” he declares, reaching over to grab a bag of Doritos from the counter.
“You’re picking a hell of a time for a snack,” I tell him, still breathless from the orgasm he just delivered.
He releases the clip keeping the bag closed then, with a wicked smile, he sets the bag aside and cups my left breast in his hand, bringing my nipple to his mouth once more. He sucks.
Hard.
He releases it only to pinch the clip open and close it over my nipple.
“Fuck,” I grit, but not because it hurts.
Because it feels so damn good.
“I need another one,” he says.
I nod to the island behind him. “Middle drawer.”
He spins around and opens the drawer, retrieving one similar, and clamps it down on my other nipple. Then he takes a step back to admire his work.
“You look so damn beautiful like this. What can I do to you next?”
“Fucking me would be a great start,” I say on a heated breath.
“Nah, too easy. I still owe you for that smart mouth of yours.”
He takes my lips in a brutal kiss. Then I hear the ice dispenser behind me. Asher tears his lips from mine, bringing the crescent shape ice cube to rub along my bottom lip. He trails the tip down my chin, my neck, between the swells of my clamped tits. My body rages with heat, slowly melting the ice touching my skin. Then he’s kneeling down in front of me again, slowly running the cube up and down my quivering thighs, then I feel it between my legs.
“Wha—what are you doing?” I ask when he runs it along the dark crevice of my backside.
“Torturing you.”
“Asher, please.”
Pulling away, he pops the half melted cube into his mouth, crunching it up with a look of pure satisfaction as he unties my hands and releases the chip clips from my breasts.
I gasp as the blood rushes back to my nipples, my pussy aching with a need I’ve never felt before.
Asher reaches for the backs of my thighs to lift me up then he slams me against the refrigerator door. Cereal boxes tumble down around us as he enters me.
Hard.
Fast.
Without warning or remorse.
The scream that rips from my throat is just as primal as the hoarse grunts coming from his own. His intense blue eyes burn into mine.
“Your cunt is so fucking perfect. Tight. Hot. Gonna stay buried in it all goddamn night.”
With every dark promise he makes, I’m one step closer to tumbling over the edge but it’s when one of his fingers br
each my ass that I completely fall apart.
My nails dig into the skin of his back while he buries his head in my neck, emptying himself inside of me, and that’s when I realize the mistake we just made.
“Asher,” I somehow manage to breathe. “No condom.”
He lifts his head to find my eyes. “I’m clean. And I can’t have kids. So we’re good.”
I blink up at him, shocked by this revelation. “I’ve never had unprotected sex before,” he says. “I can prove it to you if you like.”
“No, I trust you. It’s not that. What do you mean you can’t have kids?”
His jaw ticks. “Got it taken care of a few years back.” He pulls out and the loss of him is greater than I expected when I feel his cum trickle down my inner thigh as he lowers me to the floor and takes a step back.
“And I’ve never regretted that decision until now.”
I’m still in shock by what he just said. I can’t believe he went as far as to get himself fixed to ensure that he would never be emotionally attached to anyone. I’m not sure what to say or how to respond and that’s so unlike me. I don’t know if I’m more saddened by the fact that he was so traumatized by his past that he felt compelled to do it or that there is no hope that we will ever have a child together.
And that thought alone stuns me. That I am even considering a future with him, but when I close my eyes at night, he’s all I see.
We shower in relative silence. The confession hanging between us like a thick curtain as I run a soapy cloth between my legs, washing away the last remaining remnants of our earlier lovemaking.
“Say something,” he urges as I rinse off.
“I—I’m not really sure what to say.”
“Are you disappointed?”
I shut off the shower and step out, reaching for a towel to wrap around my body. “Yes, more than I thought I would be. Even though we’re nowhere near ready to discuss the possibility, I’m sad that it never will be one.”
“I can always get it reversed.” He wraps a towel around his waist, pushing his hair back with both of his hands.
“It’s not that easy. A reversal is far more complicated, not to mention there’s a greater risk involved. My question is, why would you do it in the first place?”
His mouth presses into a thin line, brows bunching together with frustration before he finally answers. “Because I never believed there was anyone out there I wanted to share that part of myself with. Not after everything that happened in my past.” Reaching for my elbow, he pulls me to his damp chest. I gaze up into his fierce blue eyes. “But that was until I met you. Now I fucking regret ever making such a stupid, impulsive decision.” He presses his forehead to mine. “I’m sorry.”
I can feel the tension rolling off of his body and I can practically hear his mind racing with worry.
“You don’t have to be sorry. It doesn’t change the way I feel about you.”
He exhales a relieved breath, his fingers brushing my cheeks softly before he takes my mouth in a slow, sensual kiss.
“What the hell did I ever do to deserve you?”
“You deserve all the happiness and love in the world, Asher Cunningham, and I’m going to make sure to remind you of that every single day.” I wrap my arms around his neck, holding him close, matching the thrust of his warm tongue with my own, silently reassuring him that no matter where we go from here, we will figure it out together.
Chapter 17
Asher
One month later...
“How’s therapy going?” my brother Justin asks as I put my squad car in park in front of the station.
“Doc says I’m cured.” I turn off my engine but stay in the car.
“Really?” He doesn’t sound convinced. If anyone knew how I was before it was my brother Justin. Out of all of my brothers, he and I have always been the closest and he’s the only one who knew about my so-called sex addiction. At least that’s what I thought it was at the time, but the truth of the matter is, I simply hadn’t found the right woman to tame me.
Until now.
“I thought you said there was no cure for sex addiction.”
“There’s not, but this doctor had some unusual therapy methods so it seems I won’t need further treatment.”
“You fucked her, didn’t you?” Justin asks.
I laugh.
I’ve done a hell of a lot more than that.
“Jesus Christ, and just when I thought there was hope for you.”
“If it makes you feel any better, I’m crazy about her. Hell, I think I might even love her.”
I’m lying.
There’s no might. I know I’m in love with her. I’m just too fucking scared to admit it out loud to anyone yet.
Not even her.
“Well, if anyone were to find love in the most unconventional way imaginable it would be you.”
“She’s got a little girl, too. Fucking crazy about them both. Thinking about bringing them home to meet Mom and Dad soon.”
“I’m happy for you, man. I can’t wait to meet ’em. I personally want to shake the hand of the woman who was able to reel your wild ass in.”
I laugh again, grabbing the keys and stepping out of my car. “You will soon. I promise. How’s Pop doing? Selena and the baby doing okay?”
“Pop’s good. Still ornery as ever. Selena will be six months next week.”
“Shit, I can’t believe you’re going to be a dad.”
I know he’ll be a great father. But I can’t stop the jealousy from nipping at my gut, knowing that I might never have that with Marley.
I’ll never see her belly grow round with my child.
There will be no late night craving runs or getting to hold my baby for the first time.
I won’t get to see Lyla become the perfect big sister I know she would be.
I’ll never forgive myself for making such an impulsive decision. And I guess that’s why I fear telling her that I love her.
Will I be enough for her?
“I know, me neither,” Justin says, and I can hear the pride in his voice. “It’s the best feeling in the world and the most terrifying.”
“I bet. You’ll be fine. We had a good one so there’s not a doubt in my mind you’ll be the best, too.”
“Thanks, man. Means a lot.”
My phone beeps with an incoming call, and I look at my screen to see it’s Marley. “Listen, I gotta run. I’ll call to catch up later. Give Selena a kiss for me.”
“Will do. Later, brother.”
I tap the screen to answer Marley’s call. “Hey, babe, how’s your day going?”
“Not so good. I have a patient who tried to commit suicide last night.”
“Shit, is she okay?”
“I think she will be. I need to go up to the hospital though. Is there any way you can pick up Lyla from daycare for me today? There’s no way I’ll be able to make it there in time. I tried to call Peter but he’s not picking up and I hate to call and ask Steven for anything.”
“Babe, relax. I’d love to go pick her up. Just tell me where.”
I climb back into my squad car as she gives me the address. I quickly punch it into my GPS.
“Thank you, Asher. You don’t know how much I appreciate this. I’ll call Lyndsey now and give her your information so she knows you’re coming. Oh, and you’ll have to run to my place and get her extra car seat. There is a key hidden in my plant outside the door.”
“Key. Car seat. Kid. Got it.”
“You sure you can handle this?” she asks, still sounding unsure.
“Babe, I’m a cop. I’ve handled worse situations than this.”
She chuckles. “You’re right. You’ll be fine. I’m just being a crazy mom right now.”
“Okay, crazy mom. Go do what you need to do. We’ll see you when you get home.”
“Thanks again, Asher.”
Half an hour later, I arrive at the daycare to pick her up. “Asher!” Lyla squeals as she runs up
to me.
I gather her in my arms and hoist her up. Her tiny arms circle my neck, giving me a tight hug. “What’s up, kid? You have a good day?”
“I had a great day. Where’s Mommy?”
“She had to work a little late tonight so I thought we could go for some ice cream. What do you say?”
“I say yes!”
Lyndsey instructs me on how to sign her out while Lyla gathers her lunch box and small backpack. As we head outside, she squeals again with excitement. “I get to ride in your police car?”
Opening the back passenger side door, I bow, extending my hand.
“Your chariot awaits, madam.”
Lyla giggles as she climbs into her seat, strapping herself in. I make sure the belt is secure then close the door. Being that I’m a lieutenant, my car doesn’t have the normal metal barricade so I’m able to have an unobstructed view of my tiny passenger.
Her face is lit with excitement as she gazes out the window. We arrive at Rollin’ Sweets and I help her out of the car, holding her hand as we make our way inside.
“What kind of ice cream do you want?”
“Can I have chocolate with sprinkles?” she asks hopefully.
I chuckle. “Of course you can. You want it in a cup or a cone?”
“Cup.”
I place our orders, then once we get our ice cream we find an empty table near the front so we can look out the window.
Her pretty green eyes, eyes like her mother’s, are dancing with delight as she shoves the chocolate covered spoon in her mouth. Then she kicks her feet under the table as she dives in for another bite.
“Good?” I ask, chuckling.
She nods with enthusiasm.
After a few more bites, she looks at me curiously. “Why do you have all of those drawings on you?”
“They’re called tattoos.”
“They’re very pretty.”
That’s not something I hear every day.
“Thanks, kid.”
“Why doesn’t Mommy have any tattoos?”
I shrug, scooping some more chocolate onto my spoon. “I don’t know. You would have to ask her that.”
“My daddy doesn’t have any tattoos either.”
“No?”
She shakes her head.
