by CJ East
Volkov broke his stare and surveyed the colonists, ready to speak again, and the portal disappeared. Volkov continued, “The leadership believes at this time it is best for all colonists to return to their cells at his time and wait for instruction from their team leaders.” He signaled with nod to Hong Li and Arjun who were arranged beside him waiting for their queues. They nodded in approval and started to direct people to their residential sections of the colony.
Kinch caught the perplexed expression on Doug’s face as martial law was executed. He must have missed the invitation to the decision meeting. Kinch bent down to Sashenka and whispered, “Let’s go.” He leaned on her small frame as they walked slowly in the direction of their cells.
Confessions
Sashenka helped Kinch through the hallway to his cell. She remained quiet, waiting for him to speak as he labored through each step. She could see he was hurting, his limping gait and rigid movements testified to his stiffness, but his face betrayed the hurt of shame for not standing up to Volkov.
She focused on the door to his cell a few steps away. Would he ask her in? She had to stop him from doing anything rash, acting out of emotion. The loss of Colonel Sullivan and Jeff Curtis would devastate the American team. They couldn’t stand against Volkov. It would be suicide. Volkov had won, but why did she have the feeling Kinch didn’t come to the same conclusion?
She held his arm as she swung open the door, studying his face as he shuffled into his cell. She helped him to bed where he scooted back against the wall. He appeared small to her for the first time - exhausted and defeated. She nervously rubbed her palms on her hips as she scanned the room. “I am truly sorry about the death of your friends. They were good people and did not deserve that end.”
She watched him dig for the towel beneath his sheet. He opened it and ran his fingers along the blade. An anxious tremble gripped her throat. “Venkat, Chang, Doug, Ron, Kindred, and Alexa. They are all out of danger now. You put others before yourself, there is no greater act than this,”she said.
Kinch caught her eyes and managed a tight smile, a bad one, she thought. She felt horrible for making him appear a coward, for stripping him of his natural bravery and honor and telling him to lower his eyes from Volkov. He would be safe now. Volkov gave his word to spare him. This one chance gave her comfort.
He looked to the red stone of his cell wall. “It isn’t safe here. You’ll have to leave soon. They’ll be coming for me, Sashenka.”
“No. No they won’t, Kinch. You have done what Colonel Volkov has asked of you. You have purchased a peace for all of us.”
“I have purchased slavery for you and an execution for myself,” his eyes flashed at Sashenka. The brutal truth of his statement hit her hard, she turned and put her hands on the dresser, “You cannot know this to be true. There is always hope. God works in the affairs of men.” She struggled for any argument to change his mind, to alter the trajectory of his course.
“Perhaps He does work in our affairs. Perhaps He did for Sully and Curtis - and me. We all have our bit part in the drama of life. I ask only for the physical ability to fight when my time comes and honor my Guild, not hobble around like a civilian. Pray for that, Sashenka, because they will come for me.”
Sashenka turned her head. Volkov could not be trusted to honor his deal with her. He would see Kinch as a future threat, always kicking against the goad. His rebellion would be a constant struggle for them both. It was a possibility, but how could Kinch be so definitive Volkov would come?
A puzzle piece was missing. She walked to the bed and sat on the corner, watching him from the corner of her eye.
“Kinch, show me how you do that trick. Show me how you guessed the numbers from Venkat and Chang?” She watched as his face softened.
He paused for a long time, “When Pushpa put me under, something strange happened. It seemed like only moments passed, and I didn’t advance through the staging area. I didn’t go into my dream.” He flipped the blade to the side with the inscription. “I can’t explain it, at least not in a way you will believe.”
Sashenka sensed his reluctance, felt him pulling away from her. “Go on, Kinch, I want to know what happened to you,” she said. Nightmarish flashes of her Neuromorphine experience fought for her attention. She pushed them away and concentrated on his face.
“I had a dream in the staging area, or maybe it was real. I heard voices, and a woman’s voice. We had a conversation in the staging area as I tried to focus on my totem and go through the exercises.” He stopped. She saw him struggle to find the words. “She said she was a native. A Martian.”
She searched his face - sincere and vulnerable, no hint of sarcasm or one of his bad jokes. He believed the woman was real. Her Neuromorphine experience was so devastating she understood how he believed it was reality. The drug and the process steps were designed to manufacture a controlled experience the mind would accept as reality.
She kept her voice calm and encouraging, “Go on. What did this woman want?”
Kinch balanced the dagger flat on his palms, “She said I was in danger. She said her people were telepathic and could read my mind because of the drug.”
He turned the dagger over, examining his reflection in the polished blade. She watched how he played with the knife in his hands like a self-conscious boy. He had to doubt his story as well.
“The woman warned of an evil approaching and I needed to protect myself. I did what she asked me to do. I woke up and found this.” He held the edge straight up by the handle as if to validate his story.
“What does it mean, Kinch? How did it get here?”
“The telepath. She came to me later when I was awake. She said it was a gift.” She watched his eyes steal a glance at her before they dropped to his lap.
“You are sure you talked with her after you came out of the coma? You were awake?”
“Yes, I’m sure. She said we had made a bond and now it was easier for us to communicate.”
Sashenka’s face flushed with anger. She slowed her thoughts, bent her head down, and smiled to herself for being jealous of a dream.
When she lifted her head, he was staring at her with a strange and tender look. “This woman taught me how to focus on other’s thoughts. To link to their minds.”
The smile faded from Sashenka’s lips. “And you entered my mind when you asked to hold my hand.” She remembered the feeling of intimacy between them, Venkat proclaiming he could hear Kinch in his thoughts, and the sad, strange game with Chang.
Her mind began to race, terror gripped her chest like a clenched fist. She felt exposed, violated, betrayed. She knew he could do it. She didn’t know how, but he was telling her the truth.
Her eyes widened at him with her realization. She spoke slowly, trying to get the words out before she started to cry. “What did you see, Kinch, in my mind?” Her tone hardened.
“Sashenka, I didn’t know what to expect. Everything was so crazy - the war, Volkov. Then your distrust of Sully…”
“Tell me what you saw, Kinch!” the tears flooded her eyes when she stood and heard herself yell at him. She felt a shame and nakedness descend upon her as she buried her head in her hands and backed away.
Kinch lowered his voice, “Sashenka. I’m sorry, please, come here.”
Sashenka raised her head and peered through puffy, tear-filled eyes. She knew the answer to her question. He had seen everything. She had nothing left now, even her own mind could be defiled by these men and their violence. Nothing was sacred to them, nothing was pure or good. He was no different from the rest. Different only in the manner of his violation was far worse, he had broken through the wall she had built. She dropped her hands to her side and glared at him with a cold and aloof detachment. His eyes pleaded with her.
“Please,” he said again. She turned her back to him, and stared to the ceiling as she composed herself to consider his offer. She held her head high, like a Russian princess, and moved toward the bed, sitting with her bac
k to him on the edge, gazing into the distance.
“Listen to me Sashenka. What I did was wrong and I am sincerely sorry.” She didn’t move or say a word. “What I saw was the life of an amazing person, Sashenka. You have triumphed over tragic obstacles and found hope. You are not embittered, but encouraged. You are strong Sashenka, much stronger than anyone I know, and yet humble and gentle.”
Her lips quivered as she began to cry again. No person had ever said words to her so kind. No one had been close enough to know those things.
“And I saw your sacrifice; the dealings with Volkov to save my life. Sashenka that was the most incredible thing anyone has ever done for me.”
Sashenka could hold back her emotions no longer, the pain, fear and love all gushed out of her in a spasm of tears. It was too much for her to bare, she covered her eyes hoping all this madness would fade away and she would be alone and safe. She wanted to run, but didn’t know where to. Her mind raced in a hundred directions until she felt his arms around her. They wrapped around her in a firm, soft grip, pulling her in tight as she collapsed backwards in complete surrender. Her sobbing stopped, her breathing calmed and her mind relaxed into complete peace and security in his arms.
Kinch whispered softly into her ear, “You taught me something that changed my life.”
“What did I teach you,” she said apprehensively.
“To lower yourself before another, such as Volkov, is not weakness. You put my life before your own. Like you said, ‘There is no greater act than this.’”
She gave a short laugh at him turning her encouraging words back on her. A sudden thought clouded her mind and she pulled away from him, “But how can I ever look you in the eye, Kinch? You know every horrible deed I’ve ever done, correct?”
“No, Sashenka. It doesn’t work that way, at least not for me. I couldn’t walk through someone’s mind without understanding the context of what they have been through - why they have become the person they are. I now understand you. I know you. You are a very special and amazing person.”
His words reassured her in a way foreign to her. She had been walled-off her entire life, afraid to trust anyone and let them into her life. She had been one of the walking wounded - well-ordered on the outside and a mess inside. Now, with this sudden and unforeseen event, his words placed a healing salve on a heart long torn apart.
She leaned into him considering what he offered her; he presented a picture of herself she was too terrified to claim. He said she was more valuable than her self-image. She knew there were no secrets from him now, and there were no longer any secrets she could keep from herself. She could choose to see what he saw in her, or she could continue to see her own ugliness, impurity and brokenness.
Sashenka pulled away and sat upright on the bed, “Thank you, Kinch. I have never received such kindness. And… and I believe I am worthy of your compliments, though it is hard for me to admit it.”
“I know it is hard for you, because you lived through horrible experiences and people telling you what you are. It is easy for me to see this with fresh eyes who you really are, but you are too close to your own struggle. You have become something better than all those people who defined you. You went a different path, Sashenka.”
She wiped a remaining tear from her cheek and stood to smooth her jumpsuit, blinking back more tears and composing herself. Talking about herself made her uncomfortable. She tilted her chin up and turned to Kinch, “So tell me more of this woman. Do you believe she is real or is she something else?” After she changed the subject, she realized in horror she sounded like jealous school girl.
“I’m not sure. I think she is some kind of subconscious warning. Like a premonition. I’ve started getting more of them. It is as if my subconscious is warning me I’m in danger.”
“Warning you?”
“Yes, with Volkov. Warnings of the intensity I’ve never felt before when I’m around him. I almost was able to enter his mind from a distance in the Commons just now.”
“You asked to hold our hands. You are saying you didn’t need to touch him?”
“Right, so I think I’m getting stronger, or better, at telepathy. I know this ability is real. What I don’t get is this.”
He raised the dagger. She was scared by it when it first appeared, but now it seemed oddly comforting. “It is beautiful, for a knife,” Sashenka admitted.
“I should thank you since I created the design. Somehow my imagination became reality, accurate to the smallest detail - even the font of the inscription. It is impossible.”
“You have no idea how it appeared by your bed?” she asked. “Maybe someone is playing a prank or it is a warning from Volkov. Perhaps Colonel Sullivan put it there?”
“I hadn’t considered those, but how could this dagger get approved to be transported to Mars and why?”
“Well, either someone brought it here from Earth or your newfound abilities created it out of the ether, no one could have manufactured it here.” She dropped a playful hand on his ankle and said, “Perhaps your Martian friend slipped down the chimney like your St. Nicholas to bring such a good little boy a fine gift.”
He squinted at her and asked, “Were you always this facetious or is this a new Sashenka?”
“I’m sorry, this is so fascinatingly impossible. All of it.” She said as she plopped down on the bed. She smiled and then turned serious, thinking of what would come next.
“Kinch, you said earlier they would come for you. You know this for certain?”
He took a deep breath. “Yes, I am certain.”
“But how can you know if you didn’t read Volkov’s mind, if you only had a powerful feeling of danger? This is not conclusive,” she nodded, happy there was still hope.
“It will be Chang,” he said as he thumbed the edge of his dagger.
“Chang? You saw this? It was the reason for your sadness, correct? They are sending Chang to kill you? How could he do this?”
“He couldn’t do it, Sashenka. Hong Li and Tai beat him, but he resisted. Those are the bruises on his face. They worked him by calling him a coward. They said he disgraced his family and all of China. They found his weak spot and broke him. He agreed to bring me to a room at nine o’clock this morning where they will be waiting for me.”
Sashenka sat staring a Kinch in disbelief. Volkov had lied to her. He had made arrangements to kill Kinch all along, and played her for the fool. Her fists pulled together into tiny, hard balls of tension.
“Your closest friend is going to betray you,” she hissed, “he is going to hand you over to those dogs? He is a treacherous coward.”
“Sashenka, it was not an easy decision for him. I walked that mile with him. He is sick about this, it is an impossible choice - faithfulness to his friends or shame his family and country. I struggle with his decision myself.”
Her anger welled up and she lashed out, “How can you defend him, even now, as the time approaches when he will walk you to the slaughter?”
“I told you how,” his eyes met hers. “I share his memories, his hopes, his fears - they belong to me now as much as they belong to him. It is impossible to ignore every thought which led to this decision and focus only on the act of betrayal. I know why he is going to do it, Sashenka. He doesn’t want to. He has to. I know him, like I know you and I know Venkat.”
She looked down at her fists. They had deflated and opened like wilted white flowers. Shame replaced her fury. Kinch had just finished saying how amazing she was, and now she was full of hate and spite towards Chang. She opened her mouth to apologize when she jumped at the sound of series of rapid, sharp knocks.
An urgent whisper came through door, “Kinch! Kinch! Are you in there?”
It was Grace Chen from the Chinese team.
PART THREE
Release
Kinch pulled the dagger under the bed sheet into position, the handle held tight against his leg. He gestured an unspoken plan to Sashenka, nodding to the far side of the door.
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“Grace? Is that you?” he answered as Sashenka walked towards the door.
“Open the door, hurry, something horrible has happened!”
Sashenka positioned herself behind the opening door, keeping herself hidden. She reached across the door’s width and grabbed the handle, waiting for his signal. Kinch nodded and she jerked open the door, exposing him to the open doorway. Grace’s tiny figure burst through and ran towards his bed. Sashenka slammed the door shut and locked it. Grace spun around, shocked at the noise behind her.
“Sashenka!” the surprised Grace screamed. “You almost made my heart stop. Both of you, come quickly! Chang has hurt himself. He had a rope and tried to -” Her face lost composure as she attempted to say the words for the first time. “Hang himself. Hong Li found him, he is hurt. He is asking for you Kinch. He made me promise to come get you.”
Kinch searched Grace’s expression. She was sincere. He knew it was true. Chang was too good to be given a choice so vile. His buddy needed him.
“Give me a minute,” he said wrestling himself to the edge of the bed. Sashenka put a gentle hand on his shoulder. The touch was so soft and profound Kinch paused to meet her concerned expression. “It’s OK, Sashenka. It’s not a trap.”
He stood with more strength and stability. His legs were solid beneath him after the short rest, but the constant stiffness made him pause to stretch. He leaned down and forward at the waist, putting his forehead on his knees, touching his toes and pulling his knotted muscles. He winced out a sentence as he straightened his back, “Grace, did Chang tell you what happened? How did you find out about this?”
“Hong Li brought him from Chang’s cell.”
“Hong Li? No one else?”
Her eyebrows pushed together in a concerned and shocked expression, “You don’t think Hong Li had anything to do with this?”
