She didn’t have a mate nor did she have blood relations, but she’d take what she could.
She’d find her mate one day. She just had to believe.
Chapter Three
“Blow out your candles, Fawkes,” Jamie ordered as she clapped like a teenager, rather than the new mom she was.
Fawkes grinned and did as he was told, blowing out all twenty-one candles from his birthday cake. Thankfully Lily, Jamie’s friend, had made the cake and brought it to the bar Dante’s Circle. He wasn’t sure he’d been able to stomach Jamie’s try at baking.
Not that he’d tell her or her two very protective mates that.
He had more self-preservation than that.
When he pulled back he forced a bigger smile at the crew in front of him. All of Jamie’s friends, their mates’ and Dante, the bar owner stood or sat around the table, some with their babies in their arms. All of them had that same look of tension, fear, and uncertainty.
He might have thought he’d made his choice six months ago when he’d stayed in the human realm to find his mate, but in reality, it would be much harder from here on out.
He wouldn’t be able to just stand back and let the choice be made for him. He’d have to stand and fight against his own instincts. The year long wait from twenty-one to twenty-two would bring out his demon in truth.
His body would war against itself, begging for human souls and taking out almost all his energy before he found his equilibrium and the choice was made permanent.
Fawkes would have to be on alert the entire time and make sure he didn’t give into the temptation of being a true demon. As soon as the year was up, he’d be able to consciously breathe again and know that he’d taken the harder route. He’d then have until his three hundredth birthday to find his true half and mate before he died.
He’d already searched for her within the human realm and had come up short. Though he’d known it wouldn’t have been that easy, some part of him had wished it so.
He might have been younger than everyone in the room, but he still wanted to have that special person and start his future. Watching Balin fall for not only Jamie, but Ambrose too had changed something in him.
Now he just had to find his true half while fighting his inner demon’s right for control.
A walk in the park.
“What did you wish for?” Becca asked as she kissed her baby’s forehead. Hunter had Becca in his lap so he could hold the both of them with ease.
“If he told you that, he’d lose his wish,” Jamie said as she leaned into Ambrose. She too sat in his lap while Balin held their baby.
It was getting really domestic, really fast. Even Lily was holding her child as Shade made funny faces to get them both to laugh.
“So, have you decided what realm you’re visiting next?” Nadie, the quiet blonde in the corner asked.
Fawkes nodded and looked down at his fisted hands. He’d spend the next year going from realm to realm, exploring and looking for his mate. After that year was over, he’d probably continue to do the same, though he’d find a place to live permanently.
“I wish I could take you to the angelic realm,” Ambrose added.
The demon and angelic realms were the only ones with true blockades that he was aware of. Demons couldn’t step foot in the heavens and angels could walk through hell.
That didn’t mean they didn’t try. Ambrose, after all, had made his way through hell with the help of Dante, a dragon, to find Jamie. That’s how Fawkes had met the angel.
“It’s okay, Ambrose,” Fawkes replied. “It’s not as if angels and demons mate daily. You and Balin seem to be the exception.”
Balin grinned. “I like being the exception. Now stop stalling, where are you going next?”
Fawkes let out a breath and shrugged. “I don’t know. I feel like I’m on an endless path with no hope in sight. I don’t like not knowing what will happen. I don’t want to be on anyone’s charity. I want to be my own man, but I don’t know how to do that either.”
Hunter nodded then kissed Becca’s head. “You’ll come with us then,” the wolf ordered, surprising Fawkes.
“What now?”
“You’re twenty-one, you’re not supposed to know what you want to do with the rest of your existence with such firm clarity you don’t feel fear,” Becca answered. “You’re supposed to feel lost. You’ve made a huge decision to stay on a path you weren’t ready for. You save my friends’ and my mate’s life so let us repay you for that by taking care of you as much as you’ll let us.”
Fawkes swallowed the lump in his throat and nodded. “You think I’ll find my mate within the Pack?”
Hunter shrugged. “Who knows, but it’ll be better than staying here feeling sorry for yourself.”
“Thanks for making me feel better,” he said dryly.
“It’s not my job to make you feel like rainbows and unicorn shit,” Hunter replied. “It’s my job to take care of my mate, my child, my Pack and my debts. You need guidance and structure, fine, we’ll help with that. You’ll spend the next century searching for something you might not find, but you’ll spend it with people who care about you. Stop feeling sorry for yourself and find something to live for. If you don’t, then what was the point of making your choice?”
Those were more words than he’d ever heard from the wolf but they were true.
Fawkes let out a breath and nodded. “I’m grateful that you’ll let me come with you. In fact, I’m grateful to all of you. I know I don’t say it enough and I don’t show it, but I am. I’m going to find something I’m good at and prove my worth. Even if I don’t find a bond, I need to have a purpose in life. Once I find that bond, I don’t want to be a parasite. Who would want to mate to a demon who it would seem only needs the bond for life, not for anything else?”
Balin reached out and gripped Fawkes’ shoulder with his free hand. “You’ll find your place and when you do, we’ll be by your side.”
With that they cut the cake, drank, ate, and enjoyed the party that his friends had thrown for him. He needed to get out of his pity parties and get over himself.
After he said his goodbyes, he went back to the triad’s home and picked up his duffle bag. He’d come to their home with nothing but the pants and boots he wore, but had at least collected a few clothes and belongings in the process.
Jamie hugged him hard, but he pulled away, knowing he needed to let the triad find their way as new parents without him. It was odd that he was going to another home with a new baby in the midst, but at least he knew how to change diapers now.
He shuddered at the thought but went to Hunter’s side in the backyard anyway. Babies wouldn’t scare him away, damn it.
Well, maybe.
“Ready?” Hunter asked.
“Yep. Thank you for this.”
“It’s no worries. You’ll be staying in the guest house behind ours. I would have given you the guest room, but Leslie is staying there.”
“Leslie?” Fawkes asked. “She’s Dorian’s sister right?” He’d heard about the male wolf who had almost killed Becca and Hunter and vaguely remembered the submissive sister who was on his friends’ side of the almost-war.
Hunter nodded, a shadow passing over his eyes before he blinked them away. “She’s a good girl.” He let out a snort then shook his head. “I say girl, but she’s only twenty years younger than me.”
Fawkes frowned. “So that would make her around forty then. Still pretty young in the scheme of things.”
Hunter raised a brow. “Still older than you.”
“Most people are in our line of work.”
“Okay, let’s get to the den. Since the den is still in the human realm, we’re not going to open a portal like most people do. It’s more of a gateway to reach beyond our shields. Our den, like most, is located deep within a forest. You can usually make it there by foot, but there’s no point in doing so when we can open the gateway.”
Hunter opened the gateway and Fawkes stepped through. Rather than the normal fire and brimstone portal he was used to, this was almost a breath of fresh air. Soon he found himself standing amongst the trees, the scent of wolf and Pack filling his nostrils.
Becca, who had come back to the den earlier to put Hazel to bed, stood in the doorway of their home and waved.
“Good to see you, Fawkes,” she called. “Hunter will show you where you’re sleeping and in the morning, come right on in and we’ll have breakfast and show you around.”
“Thanks, Becca.”
Hunter stalked toward his mate, that single-focused determination making Fawkes uncomfortable. “Go to sleep, my mate. I will be in to tuck you in soon.”
Fawkes turned away as Becca blushed. Thank the gods he was staying in a different home. The two lovebirds were still newlyweds, despite having a new baby around. They’d need time for each other.
That thought reminded him that Leslie was living with them. He wondered how uncomfortable it was for her to stay there.
“They’re always like that,” a soft voice said from his side and he turned, alarmed that he hadn’t sensed another presence around him. It was as if his demon was comfortable around this stranger.
The voice came from pretty girl to his side. She had big brown eyes and straight long brown hair. On others, the combination of all browns might have been boring or plain, but Fawkes thought she looked beautiful.
She was tiny—at least a foot shorter than his six-foot-one frame. She looked like she could fit right under his arms against his side as he fought the world for her.
He blinked at that thought.
What the hell did that mean?
“Uh, you must be Leslie,” he said, his voice oddly hoarse.
She smiled and it lit up her whole face. Gods, she was beautiful.
He’d never reacted to a woman like this. He sure as hell wasn’t a virgin, he knew women, but this quiet woman with her downcast eyes made him feel like a tongue tied idiot.
“Yes, I’m Leslie. You must be Fawkes, the demon Hunter said would be staying in the guest house.”
Fawkes swallowed hard, not knowing what to say, what to do. He rubbed his palms against his thighs, wiping off the sweat that seemed to pour from him.
Hell, he needed to get a grip on whatever the fuck was going on with him.
“Yeah, that’s me. You’re staying in the main house, right?”
“For now. I think though that I’ll be moving out soon.”
Why? Did she have a mate? That would be horrible.
Wait. Why did he care? He didn’t even know her.
“Why?”
Leslie gave a small smile. “With Hazel here, the house is a bit crowded. Well, there’s tons of room physically, but the couple needs some time to breathe, you know? They’ve never really had the space since they’ve been mated. I’ve always been there.”
Fawkes frowned. “Hunter doesn’t seem like the type to do something he doesn’t want to do. If he didn’t want you there, he’d tell you.”
Leslie snorted. “Sure he would, but he’s also a dominant wolf who can’t help himself. His wolf actually knows how to act around a submissive, meaning he needs to take care of me, even if his human half would rather have time alone with his mate.”
Fawkes didn’t quite understand what it meant to be a submissive wolf, but he wasn’t about to go out and ask her.
He’d just ask Hunter later.
“I feel like I’m intruding too.”
Leslie shrugged. “It sounds like you need it though.”
Fawkes looked at her strangely. “What do you mean?”
“Hunter said you were in your transition, right?” He nodded. “That means you need to be around people you trust to make sure you have a support system. You won’t be yourself until the year is over unless you find your mate first. The fact that Hunter would allow you to be here with his mate and child present tells you how much you mean to his family, Fawkes.”
He blinked as shame wove through him. “I’d never hurt Becca or Hazel.”
She nodded. “I know. Hunter trusts you.”
He swallowed hard. “Do you?”
Her eyes widened then she looked around as if she were suddenly aware she was alone in the forest with a demon who was straddling the line between good and evil.
“I don’t know you.”
“Will you?”
“Will I what?”
“Will you get to know me?”
“If we’re living so near each other, I suppose we will. I don’t think that’s what you’re asking though.” She bit her lip and lowered her eyes, a pretty blush covering her skin.
“I don’t think that’s what I’m asking either.”
“I’m going to go in and let Hunter know you’re ready to see your new home.” She took a step away from him and he fought the urge to move closer so he could feel her skin.
He wanted to know if she was as soft as she looked.
He wanted to rub himself against her so all other males would be able to smell his scent on her and know she was his.
He froze.
Oh shit.
She blinked hard as if she’d heard his thoughts. “I’ll see you tomorrow, Fawkes.”
She turned and ran as if she were being chased.
Well hell.
That wasn’t the best way to meet the woman who could be his true half.
His mate.
His savior.
What the hell was he going to do now?
“Fawkes?” Hunter called, interrupting his thoughts.
“Yeah?” He shook his head, clearing his thoughts. “Sorry, what?”
Hunter followed his gaze to where Leslie had raced off to and frowned. “Be careful with her, Fawkes. She’s been through a lot. Plus she’s a submissive wolf who’s trying to find her way.”
“What does being submissive mean?” He needed to know and this seemed like the best time to ask.
“It means her wolf needs to be taken cared for by a dominant. It’s not that she’s a doormat, far from it. Because of wolves like hers, other wolves are able to have the strength they need to fight for the Pack. Without them, well, I wouldn’t want to think what our Pack would look like. Right now though, the Pack isn’t healthy. We’re working on it, but it’s taking time. Not all the dominants know how to treat submissives. Leslie needs space from people who treat her wrong. She needs to find her footing.”
Well if that wasn’t a warning to stay away from her, Fawkes didn’t know what was. His demon wanted her but he didn’t have his own footing yet, let alone step out of his zone and hurt another.
He gave Hunter a nod but didn’t let his gaze stray from where Leslie had stood.
He’d give her time to find herself then he’d follow her. He’d made his choice and for some reason he had a feeling Leslie would be the one to help him keep it made.
Chapter Four
Why couldn’t she just get the nerve to ask him what he felt? Leslie wondered to herself. It had been two months since she met the demon who made her wolf beg for more and prance around like a show-pup yet she hadn’t made a move.
Neither had he.
Could her wolf be wrong?
Maybe Fawkes wasn’t her true half and mate.
That thought seemed to depress her.
Fawkes had moved into the guest house and immediately entwined himself within the Pack. Liam and Alec loved him—training with the demon daily with not only normal fighting but with swords as well. Hunter would join them and the four of them, along with a few others who came to watch or play, would train for hours.
Fawkes would then walk around the den, learning what he could a
bout how a Pack worked. He learned how the maternal females were stronger than most dominant males. They had to be considering they were the ones that raised the pups into who they would grow up to be.
The maternal females loved him. Apparently they loved his smile and the way he would let the pups climb up his body—sans claws since they were taught at a young age not to use them while in wolf form. He wrestle with the pups on the ground, treating them as if they were his own and precious.
While in the main house he’d walk around holding Hazel to his chest, singing in a low—and damn sexy—baritone. The little girl was in love with him already and she knew Becca trusted him with her heart.
After all, the fiery leprechaun trusted him with her child and mate.
If only Leslie could work up the nerves to make a move.
When she’d seen him behind the house that first night her wolf had howled, pacing around and trying to get out to touch him. Gods, she wanted to feel his hands in her fur…and tangled in her hair.
She might not be a virgin, but it had been way too long since she’d had any form of contact that wasn’t brotherly…or creepy as hell.
Colin and his crew still bothered her but they had seemed to step back a bit since Liam, Alec, and Hunter had warned them off.
She knew it wouldn’t last though.
It never did.
If only that were the worst of her problems though.
Her wolf—and her human half—wanted Fawkes.
Badly.
If only she knew how to make that clear. She knew other species mated with wolves as she’d seen firsthand evidence of it with Becca and Hunter. So that meant that the demon who was currently wrestling with his choice to be good could be her true half.
She just had to ask him.
She let out a snort.
Sure like that was easy.
“What’s so funny?” Fawkes asked as he walked to her side. He came up right beside her but didn’t touch her.
Her wolf whimpered at the lack of contact and it took all in her power not to lean closer and rub herself along his body, scenting him so no other female would dare come near him.
His Choice Page 3
