"Jordan, please."
"Go away."
When his hand moved to her shoulder, she closed her eyes. How could she go on never to know his touch again? To never taste his lips on hers again, or to experience the joy of his lovemaking. As the tears slid down her face, she squeezed her lids even tighter. "Please, go," she whispered, unable to look at him, because if she did, she was afraid she'd lose what little pride and dignity she had left and beg him not to leave her.
His hand fell away and as she heard him leave, her heart shattered into a million pieces.
OPENING HER eyes to the first rays of a new day, Jordan sat up instantly in bed. Realization came fast, and with it, a sense of dread. Gray Hawk was gone.
He had left her.
The loss tore at her insides, choking her throat with tears that until now she'd been unwilling to shed. But with the dawning of a new day, her ache was so deep, she let the tears slip down her cheeks.
She cried silently. Not wanting to wake Kari, Jordan dressed and went downstairs. The rest of the household was still asleep, even Shane who was usually the first one up was still in bed. Not wasting any time on starting her chores, Jordan grabbed her basket and headed for the chicken coop. She needed to keep herself busy. She would not spend another minute thinking about Gray Hawk, or what her life would be like without him.
Yet as she stepped out into the cool morning, her gaze shifted to the bunkhouse. A sharp pain of regret lanced through her. He was gone, and oh, how her heart ached. Why did he have to come here, give her hope, only to leave again?
"Stop it," she said to herself. He didn't want her. It was obvious now. He had taken her virginity and used her, blaming the townspeople's bigotry for his excuse to leave. She'd given herself to him with all the love and trust in her heart. He took her most cherished prize for granted, then returned to his village--and Running Deer.
Though he had told her he hadn't been with the other woman, she didn't know if she could believe him or not. She shook her head. Why should she trust him?
But then again maybe there was nothing between he and the pretty Indian. Maybe his reasons for leaving the ranch were justified. Perhaps he realized how different they truly were, and knew a future together would not be easy. Perhaps he missed his home and his people, just as she had missed hers. Methodically she shooed away the chickens and picked up the eggs, wondering how and when, she would get over him.
It would do her no good to dwell on it. In fact, maybe it was for the best--she had been distracted since he'd come, not thinking about her ranch or her future. But not anymore. It was time to get refocused on her goals...starting now.
She was headed toward the house when a ranch hand stepped out of the bunkhouse. She glanced up, ready with a forced smile, then dropped the basket at her feet.
"Gray Hawk?"
The sight of her tall, dark lover was so unexpected, Jordan had to keep herself from running into his arms. But she held back, not sure why he was still here, or if he was just getting a late start. "I thought you were leaving?"
He walked toward her in long strides. Reaching out to her, he took her hand and brought it to his lips, kissing each knuckle.
Her blood warmed as she stared into his eyes that were so warm--with what? Love? Her pulse skittered. Was she seeing only what she wanted to see?
The backs of his fingers slid along her jaw. "I realized you were right. I was afraid I had ruined everything for you, but I know now that you took those risks for me. You stood up to everyone for me, and in return I almost walked away from you...the one person who means everything to me." His thumb moved gently over her bottom lip. "I'm sorry if I hurt you. I never meant to."
Her heart beat rapidly, not only from his declaration that he cared for her, but because he was staying. "Promise that you'll never leave me again."
He smiled softly. "I never left."
Chapter 21
"GIVE ME another."
With an uplifted brow, the bartender looked at Shane, and then at the nine empty glasses in front of him. "Ya' sure, Partner?"
Shane nodded in the bartender's direction. He used to be able to drink with the best of them, but now he wondered if he wasn't losing his touch when his vision blurred for a second.
Ignoring the beer the bartender sat before him, Shane turned to the room, meeting the stare of his ranch hands as they grinned at him. Very seldom did he come into town, and usually it was for one of two reasons; he needed some equipment, or he needed a woman. This time it was the latter.
The last few weeks had taken its toll on him. Between threats on his ranch, on Gray Hawk and Jordan's lives, and his attraction to Kari, he was in need of forgetting, if only for a little while.
The last of the threats came in the form of a note nailed on the wall of the horse stables, making him wonder if it was one of his own who plotted against Gray Hawk in order to carry out a vendetta against him.
Sure, he had enemies like the next man, but it seemed things had taken a turn for the worse when the women and Gray Hawk came to the Triple T. He considered talking to them about it, but every time he looked into Kari's innocent eyes, he remembered the hell she and Jordan had endured. And Gray Hawk--the man had been shot just because he was part Indian. Plus, he knew if he were to mention it, they would all leave and he didn't want that.
But what did he want?
He ran his hands down his face, feeling older than his thirty-six years. His gaze skid to a halt on a barmaid who was watching him from across the room. It wasn't China, his usual woman, who was already occupied upstairs. This gal was blonde, though it was obvious she wasn't born that way by the two slashing dark brows above her eyes. He sat mesmerized as she moved across the room toward him, her hips swaying provocatively in a tight, pink satin gown. Her breasts weren't large, but they looked enticing enough, the nipples barely covered by the faded pink lace of the bodice.
Her cheap perfume filled the air around him, and when she smiled, she displayed a row of tiny, slightly crooked, white teeth. She leaned forward, licking her lips, then made a great show of sitting on the stool beside him, making sure to bend over to give him a full view of her breasts.
"Hi there, cowboy," she said, her accent foreign. Her green eyes were painted with blue shadow, false eyelashes, and she wore too much rouge on her cheeks, but he didn't care. He needed a woman, and he needed one now. It had been a long time since he'd given into his body's urges.
Her pink tongue darted out to moisten her painted red lips. She put her hands on his thighs, leaning over to breathe a sexual innuendo in his ear that was rather lewd, even for a whore.
As she pulled him to his feet, he heard a couple of his boys whistle and yell suggestive remarks. "Give her a good one," Hank called from his place at the bar where he was busy fondling a voluptuous brunette.
Taking Shane by the hand, the woman led him to her room that was taken up mostly by a four-poster bed. The satin sheets were folded back invitingly, and for a minute Shane longed for the comfort of his own bed. Despite being the middle of the day, the room was cast in shadows, the window open, the breeze fluttering the heavy curtain. The smell of smoke, cheap perfume, and sex lingered heavily in the air. Even with nearly a dozen beers in him, misgivings began to plague Shane. After visiting China, he usually felt guilt, but it was always associated with Lily's memory and nothing else. Now he saw Kari's smiling face, even as the woman stripped her clothes off, leaving nothing but her black stockings on. She had a body ripe for loving, which bothered him because he waited for the stirring to come--the heaviness in his crotch that ached for a woman...one certain woman.
Shane moved toward her, determined to bring himself to life if it killed him. He was only a few steps away from the prostitute when he heard a familiar laugh come from the street below. He turned abruptly from the whore and went to the window. Pulling the curtain aside, he looked down at the street beneath him. There, like he knew she would be, was Kari. Her laughter reached him again, her beauty astounding
as she talked with an old woman on the street below. The butter yellow dress was modest and simple, yet fit her innocence perfectly. Her hair was held up with pearl combs, and those gorgeous silky tresses hung down her back in soft, silky waves. She was so breathtaking, so angelic. What he wouldn't give to have her with him right now. Instantly blood raced to his groin, bringing that part of him to life.
He was quickly reminded of the woman with him when her breasts smashed against his back, and her hands cupped his now swollen manhood. She pulled the shirt from his pants, nearly tearing it in her haste. "Mmmm, you're a big one, aren't ya love?" she said in a husky whisper, while pulling his shirt off him.
As he looked down at Kari, the woman he truly wanted, he became instantly remorseful. This was wrong. He should leave. "I have to go," he said, pushing bills into the whore's hands.
When he turned abruptly, the plant on the windowsill fell from its perch and fell to the sidewalk below with a crash. He couldn't move fast enough, and he watched in slow motion as Kari turned at the sound of the shattering pottery directly behind her. Her gaze shifted from the broken bits of clay, dirt, and plant, to the window where Shane stood as still as a statue, too drunk to move.
The smile that had been on her beautiful mouth an instant before was quickly wiped clean as she spotted him. He knew the cause when he glanced beside him to see the naked whore had stepped out from behind him, in clear view of the street below, her hand possessively wrapped around his waist.
Infuriated gasps filled the air, and finally he found the sense to move away.
KARI WAS livid.
How dare the man publicly humiliate himself that way? It was bad enough to be caught with a whore, but in the middle of the afternoon, in plain sight of everyone, was downright disgusting.
Seeing the whore with her arm around Shane's waist haunted her as she made her way down the boardwalk. They were probably at that moment rolling around on that slut's bed, doing....
that. Tears burned the backs of her eyes, which only added to her fury.
Why did it hurt so bad to know he was with another woman? A whore at that! Her steps slowed. And why did she care so much? Shane Catalono was nothing to her except a landlord--a man who had taken them from an Indian village and given them a chance at building their lives. A man she truly did care about.
Kari swallowed the lump in her throat. The truth of the matter was the sight of Shane with that strumpet tore at her insides until she felt physically ill. She would have never imagined Shane the kind of man to pay a woman for sex. She shook her head of the horrible images that would no doubt stay with her forever.
Why did it have to hurt so bad?
Climbing into the wagon, Kari wondered how she could possibly face him again, knowing what she did now. Here he'd been acting as though he truly cared for her, and maybe even one day their friendship could become more. But not now. She would never forget the lustful look in his eyes, or the smirk on the whore's face, her naked body pressed wantonly against him as they looked down at her.
To think that all along he had only been kind to her, thinking she was a poor destitute widow who'd been captured by Indians. Perhaps that's why this was happening to her. She knew nothing good could come out of lying.
Thankful the kids were at home and she didn't have to pick them up at school, Kari headed out of town, her mind racing. Never had she wanted to leave a place so badly as she wanted to leave Brogan. She knew it had been a good step for both she and Jordan, but now it was simply time to move on. The problem was they didn't have enough money saved to pay the taxes on the ranch, and it would be at least another month or two before they had it all. But what if they got a loan? Who would she ask? The only person with that kind of money was Shane, and she absolutely refused to ask him for anything. Her fingers clenched the leather reins until her knuckles turned white.
Of course they could always just move out of the house. Mrs. Craven had offered to rent them the apartment above her shop, but that wouldn't help Jordan. She was happy working at the ranch, and it wouldn't be convenient for her to move into town. Plus, the kids depended on her to take them to school.
There was no choice...she would have to deal with it, no matter how difficult it proved to be.
Her thoughts were interrupted by the pounding of hooves against hard-packed ground. Sitting up straighter, she glanced over her shoulder to find Shane coming toward her like he was being chased by the devil himself. Her pulse skittered. She brought the reins down on the horses back, urging them to go faster.
But there was no way to outrun him, and she slowed as he came up along side her. Refusing to look at him, she kept her chin lifted high and her focus ahead. A moment later the wagon swayed under his weight, and he was sitting beside her, his hands moving to hers on the reins to stop the horses.
She dropped the reins as though the touch of his fingers burned her flesh. He brought the horses to a complete stop.
"What in the world do you think you're doing?" she hissed, hating him for the sole fact that despite the knowledge he'd been with another woman, she still wanted him.
"Kari, I know what it looked like, but I swear to you nothing happened." The smell of alcohol on his breath was so overpowering, it nearly knocked her from the seat.
He grasped her hand. When she tried to pull away, he held it firm. Glancing down, she was reminded that those same hands had been on a whore just moments before. "Please remove your hands."
"Kari--please, I want you to know nothing happened up there in that room. I mean I obviously went up there to--" He closed his eyes for a moment, and she stared at him, realizing how drawn his face was. Dark circles appeared like bruises beneath his eyes. He hadn't shaved for a few days, and to her dismay she found the growth of beard only added to his masculine appeal.
Long dark lashes framed his blue eyes that pleaded with her. It took Kari back for a moment. Always they'd been sarcastic with each other, but now there was no humor, just hope. "What I'm trying to say is that I made a mistake. Ever since I met you, I've been attracted to you, but I haven't wanted to do anything about it. I guess I became a little jealous when you started talking about the sheriff, and well--"
"I never had lunch with the sheriff. He knows how I feel about him, especially after he shot Gray Hawk. And even if I had gone to lunch with the sheriff, how can you justify that with visiting a whore? Having sex is quite different than having lunch, wouldn't you say!" She turned from him, and lifting her chin a notch, she continued, "I really don't want to hear anymore. Now, if you will please get out of the wagon, I would like to get hom--back to the ranch."
His gaze was surprisingly focused as he stared at her with what appeared regret. "All right," he said, his voice low and resigned before he stepped out of the wagon.
His horse had run ahead, but she didn't care if he had to walk a hundred miles as long as she didn't have to look at him. A whistle tore through the air and the horse spun and went running past her to his master. Kari rolled her eyes, distressed by how much power Shane Catalono had over so many people--and things.
GRAY HAWK woke to find a rifle pointed at his temple. Every muscle in his body tensed as he met Sheriff Kincaide's steely gaze.
"Care to tell me what you're doing?" Gray Hawk asked, knowing from his past experience with the man, that the words may well be his last.
"I'm taking you in, boy. We found the Karlson cattle on Triple T land with the brands switched. You're a sneaky one, now aren't you?"
When Gray Hawk tried to sit up, Kincaide tried to push him back down, but Gray Hawk grabbed his wrist and threw it back at him. "I have no idea what you're talking about. I haven't stolen any cattle, and the only cows I've branded have been those on Triple T land, so I suggest you get that gun out of my face."
The sound of a rifle being cocked behind the sheriff made Gray Hawk pause. A second later he heard Shane's voice, "Drop the gun, Kincaide--now!"
The sheriff did as Shane asked, his mouth lifted into a sinister s
mile as he turned to face him. "We found Karlson's cattle on your land. I can arrest the breed here for the stealing or I can arrest you, though I know it wasn't you, Catalono, since you're such an upstandin' citizen and all."
The nerve in Shane's jaw ticked double time as he lowered his gun. "Show me these cattle."
"All right, but just in case the breed gets any ideas of escape, I've enlisted one of my men to watch over him."
"Gray can come with us. After all, he's the one you're accusing--"
Following them, Gray Hawk knew he was being setup. The difficult part was that he was helpless to do anything about it. He could tell everyone around him that he was innocent of any wrong doing, but would they really believe him? After all, they had only known him for a short time.
As they stepped out into the daylight, he glanced up to see Jordan coming his way. He held up his hand telling her to stop, and tried to smile reassuringly, though he knew he failed by the concern on her face.
"See, right here's the proof," the sheriff said, pointing to a makeshift pen where five cows stood, each displaying a Triple T brand burnt over the brand of Karlson's K within a circle.
Shane lifted a brow. "Well now, looks like someone branded right over Karlson's brand. If a person went to all the trouble of stealing the cattle, why in the world would they do such a shoddy job of branding?"
The sheriff met Shane's accusing stare, then looked past him to Gray Hawk. "Probably cause the breed don't know better. Who knows, Catalono, he was probably staking you out, too. Within days he could have been gone, that is after cleaning you out."
Shane took the step that separated him from the sheriff. "I think he was set up. In fact, I bet you know who it is that did this."
Gray Hawk watched the sheriff intently, noticing how the man's beady eyes narrowed and his face turned red. With chest puffed out, he took a step back. "All I know is that Karlson wants retribution by way of having this man arrested, and I'm meaning to do that."
Surrender to Love Page 18
