by Nhys Glover
“That... That isn’t possible. Zem...” I heard the pleading note in my voice.
“Zem feels like that too. Do you not understand? The Goddess did not make this happen. It was always meant to happen. We were always parts of something bigger. I believe we were split at birth, the five of us. The Goddess simply chose to put us back together for Her purpose.”
My blood was pumping with arousal, so I couldn’t properly process what he was saying. How could one soul be split into five pieces?
“If this is true, why don’t more people feel like this?” I demanded, fighting the urge to get close to him again. His warmth, his scent, his strength called to me in a way that no other did.
“Because they do not meet all the pieces at the same time. Or, if they do, life sends them off in different directions. Like Prior was saying. His blood drew him to you, and yet he chose another path. I think split souls rarely get an opportunity to come together like this. For one purpose. It does not mean they do not exist though.”
I drew in a few more shaky breaths. I looked down to see my pale pink nipples standing erect and rosy. Gods, this was hard. But I couldn’t betray Zem. He had to be the one to say yes to this.
“I know you think that. And I feel equally as conflicted. But it is not up to Zem. He is only one part of this whole. One part that is clinging on to what he knows is not his alone.”
“It will tear him apart!” I cried in anguish. “I can’t do that to him. Not now. He has to be the one to come to this decision, not me. Not us.”
Landor drew back and straightened his clothes. “I understand. I do not agree, but I understand. And I said I would wait until you were ready. I am more impatient than I thought myself to be. I am sorry.”
I almost relented then. I was hurting him now. Whatever I decided, I would hurt someone. Prior and Laric were the only safe men I could be around. One because he couldn’t touch me with passion, and the other because I hated him.
That pulled me up. Did I hate him? I had learned things about him just before the second attack that put into question all my assumptions. Yet was it possible to stop hating someone just like that? It had been so ingrained into my being, along with my own guilt, that it was hard to extract. And who said what he told us was true? Of course he would make excuses for his actions.
“What time is it? What have I missed?” I said, pulling the sheet up over my naked breasts and looking around for my clothes. My trunk sat in the corner. It had been brought up from the airling trooper’s quarters.
“Nearly dawn. Zem couldn’t sleep so he went to the library. Prior obviously hasn’t slept well either. He came in to check on you. I’ve slept on and off here at your side, making sure you continued to improve.”
I noted now how tired he looked. His pale stubble had grown in; making him look even more delicious, if that was possible.
What was wrong with me? Why did this man arouse such desire in me? Was it as simple as his explanation or was there more to it? And was he listening in to my thoughts, even now?
I had to learn how to shield myself. And fast.
I noted that Landor had only mentioned Zem and Prior. What of Laric?
“He was detained on arrival. Not in the hole or even in a cell. He has a triple guard on him in a very secure part of the palace, so I was informed.”
“Why isn’t he here with us?”
“Because no one trusts being around those hands of his.”
Suddenly I realised I’d initially asked about Laric in my mind. I drew in a shaky breath and scowled at him.
Looking skyward, Landor sighed heavily. “I do not know how I shield my thoughts, and I do not know how to keep your thoughts out. It is unintentional, I assure you. And I think I am the most adept at this form of communication, if that helps. It is patchy for the others.”
“Has Laric talked of the Devourers yet?” I asked, instead of going further with that useless line of communication. It was what it was until I could fix it.
“No. We were all too exhausted for more last night. The Goddess decided it was best to wait until this morning when we could all be there. She has also used the time to validate what Laric has told us so far.”
“About his sisters?” I asked as I scrambled out of bed and headed for my trunk. Landor was gentleman enough to avert his gaze.
“Yes. That seems to be the main factor in the decisions he made. Few would fault him for remaining with the Godling to protect his sister.”
“But she died anyway. It would have been a terrible death, if what he said was true.” I shuddered and pulled my tunic over my head.
“I imagine he would use those hands of his on the Godling if he could.”
“Aye, and I’d let him.” I knew that was harsh, but I had always felt the man had gotten off too easily. Sure, he wasn’t the one who started the war or caused Airsha so much harm, but he was the one to take over and wreak even more bloody retribution on the rebelling kinglunds.
Chapter Twenty-Three
None of us looked our best when we gathered with Airsha, the Airluds and Moyna in the living space of the royal apartments. Airsha had no desire to make the meeting formal, and as Moyna was the only government representative, besides herself, it seemed best that the Chancellor came to us rather than the other way around. It was all a game of power. And I had no time for it.
Laric was led in by the three guards set to ‘keep him safe’ overnight. Was I the only one who noted a few more bruises and cuts than there had been the day before? Or were they from blows he’d received during the second attack of the Devourers?
As soon as he was brought into the room, Laric went to stand before Airsha. Darkin and Rama, who had been sitting on either side of her on cushions, rose instantly, ready to step in.
Taking no notice of the implied threat, Laric dropped to one knee and looked down at the small, pale woman. “I am glad of the opportunity to beg forgiveness for the pain I caused you on the day of the final battle. If I had known my sister was already dead I would never have followed orders that day. Even knowing what I thought I did, I regretted my actions. My gift is more curse. And it was not until that day that I really understood.” He spoke formally, when I knew he could speak as informally as Zem and me when he wanted to.
Airsha nodded, accepting his apology, and Darkin and Rama sat down, though neither relaxed.
“Sit, Laric. This is not a formal gathering. Given the circumstances, I doubt a trial will be forthcoming. We can hardly try you for your war crimes and then send you off to defend us, can we?”
“My fate is in your hands,” he said, sliding into a cross-legged seated position in the centre of the circle we’d created with our cushions. He seemed perfectly relaxed. And I desperately wished I could read him. But he was firmly closed to me.
He hadn’t been closed the first time I met him. Although I hadn’t paid attention to his thoughts, that long ago day, after making sure he was not a threat. How often I’d kicked myself for that decision. If only I’d read him after we’d humiliated him, we might have been forewarned of the trap.
But now the events of that day were under revision. He claimed he didn’t betray us. What if he did, to protect his sister? Maybe the Godling held a knife to her throat and said, “Tell me where Trace is holding his meeting?” Wouldn’t he have told him everything, then?
Yet why deny it, if that were the case? He used his sister as justification for far worse—for condemning Airsha to horrendous nightmares she should not have woken from, and which might have led to the Godling’s victory had she not been strong enough to pull herself free with Calun’s help. No, there was no need to hide his guilt over a much lesser crime.
So who did it then? Probably any one of the men who received a whispered invitation to the meeting. Not any I saw before or during the meeting, but there were likely others. It was a foolish assumption to jump to, blaming Laric.
“We have checked the story you told the rest of the champions,” Airsha said. “I am
very sorry two of your sisters died as they did. But your youngest sister survived to become a good friend to me and a valued fire mage.”
Laric looked startled and a little confused. “Beila? But she’s just... No, I suppose she isn’t just a childling anymore. Until that brief time I saw her in the rebel camp I had not seen her since she was nine, and I still took her for a childling, even then. How is it she was not castrated, if she had magic like Mardri and I?”
“She wasn’t born with magic. I gave it to her so she could fight. As ironic as this might sound, she joined the rebels because of what happened to you. She idolised you. Didn’t you wonder why she was among us?”
Laric’s expression became closed. “I didn’t think much about her being there, to be honest. Other than fearing she’d betray me, of course, and a passing thought that I would need to keep her safe when the Godling won. Women suffer most when their side in a war is defeated. But I expected that my standing with the Godling would save her, as it was doing for Patra.”
He huffed out a cynical laugh, before looking skyward, as if remembering his past.
“People weren’t kind to Beila when she was growing up because she was big for her age and not pretty like her older sisters. I had to defend her on more than one occasion from the cruel taunts and actions of other childings. So, aye, it makes sense that she likely idolised me. But to turn against the rest of the family for my sake. I wouldn’t have expected that. She was always frightened of her own shadow. To turn against father and join the rebels for me? No, I wouldn’t have expected that.”
“You are lucky she didn’t have magic or she might have died too,” Airsha went on gently. It amazed me how compassionate she could be, even to those who caused her harm. “My best friend and sister died during castration. So I know what a terrible and unnecessary death it is. What an unnecessary procedure it is. Even if women survived it, the sharing of sexual pleasure would forever be denied to them. All out of fear of a prophecy that still came to be.”
Airsha’s voice had become harsh by the end, and we could all feel her fury at the fate magical women had been condemned to for millennia. Condemned innocents, branded as mistakes of nature. Abominations.
That would have been my fate too, had I been born into a noble family. I guess there was at least one reason to be grateful to my mother’s family for casting her out. That cruel action had protected me from at least that one irreversible fate.
Laric had sat quietly while Airsha spoke, and I could see a crack in his facade. He seemed suddenly more vulnerable. The good looking, overconfident mask he’d worn since entering the room had slipped, just as it had when he told us what his sisters had suffered.
“So you know what we are facing. You have been told about The Five, and the need for it to be a bond forged of love and respect. A marriage in the full sense of the word. Only when that bond is secure can the power of The Five be activated and used to defeat The Jayger.” She paused for a moment, looking from Laric to me and back again.
“You have your work cut out convincing her. And gaining the respect of the men who will stand at your side. They do not trust you yet. But I Know you can win their love and respect.”
When Airsha used Know that way, we all understood that she was not referring to any kind of intellectual knowledge, but to an instinctual, intuitive knowing that came directly from the Goddess. It had helped us on many occasions and, to my knowledge, had never been wrong. But I found it hard to believe in this instance.
“So tell us what happened to you, from after the final battle up until yesterday. Leave nothing out. You may not think it significant, but small facts often prove the key to a situation.”
Laric looked across at me and seemed to stiffen his spine. In a raw voice I hadn’t heard before, he then started the rest of his tale.
“I watched the battle from the sidelines, because I was supposed to be there to wake you from your nightmare at the end when the Godling won. But when I saw you awake and ready for battle, I knew the Godling was already defeated.
“So I should have gone then. I should have rushed to the palace to rescue my sister. Instead, I stayed to watch. And I wondered at the airling troopers and how they fought. I saw Flame dive from her mount into the fray. I have never seen anything so brave.” He looked down, as if admitting this made him feel less of a man.
Considering how he treated me—how he condemned me, even as recently as yesterday, for making an amateur mistake—this admission couldn’t be true. But I felt no falsehoods had been spoken.
It confused me. So I did what I always did when confused. I fired back.
“I was trying to save Zem. He told me I was an idiot.”
Zem was about to argue back, but Airsha held up her hand.
“Go on.” she told Laric.
“Knowing the Godling defeated, I made my way to the palace. Those left behind had not been told of the outcome yet, so I was let in and informed of my sister’s death a moon before. The guards there thought I knew.
“My father had turned traitor and joined the rebels, I was told, and so the new Godling had given my sister, my father’s daughter, to his favourite general in retribution. And in gratitude for the man’s assistance during the coup. The girl wasn’t strong. The general was known to be overly well-endowed. He took my sister too energetically and with little concern for her willingness. She bled out in his bed after he left her.” He bit out the last words as if each one was a poison he was forcing himself to swallow.
“You need not– ” Airsha began
“You asked what happened after the battle. That was part of it.” He drew in a few deep breaths before going on.
“After that I had two choices. Stay and confess my crimes, as others did. Or run. My special talent was infamous, and those who had watched a loved one die that way would not have let me off easily. Ask your husbands what they would have done to me back then. And you survived.”
“We were told you never extended mercy to anyone. That you enjoyed what you did,” Zem challenged.
“I was a different person back then. I didn’t know what a nightmare was really like until the Devourers had had their way with me. Now I wonder if anyone deserved such nightmares. I’m not even sure the killer of my sister would have deserved that fate. I have never used my power since you, Goddess. You were the last.”
There was a long silence, which was finally broken when Moyna impatiently tutted and said, “Go on.”
“I was the son of a prince of Eastsealund. I had many loyal friends among the fisherfolk along the coastline there. It was easy for me to disappear. And for a sun I did that well enough, spending my days on fishing boats, helping with the catch. Hard, physical work, but I loved it. Because it was clean and honest, and it had been a long time since I had felt either.”
“Then I was plucked from a docking boat by men in dark-blue priestly garb. My friends tried to help. They were killed.
“I was taken to a vineyard. Down below the ground where the vats of grapes were pressed and the juices bled off into barrels, I was imprisoned. I thought it was someone punishing me for what I had done to their loved one. I had expected that end for a long time by then. I felt almost grateful to have it come at last. To have it over.
“But it wasn’t over. I was taken before an old, blind woman. They told me she was a Soothsayer. A prophetess. She had a large dish of water in front of her and her milky eyes cleared as she looked down into it. She saw with those blind eyes. Or so she said.
“The time was at hand. Finally the cycle was complete. Only The Goddess’ Five could stand in the way. They would try to use the circle that had first condemned the Devourer to the depths. The key that had been hidden for millennia. Only The Five could find it and use it to forestall the end. The key must be found and destroyed once and for all. The Five must be stopped at all cost. She lifted her head then, looking right at me as she said, ‘You know where the key is to be found because you are one of The Five. One of the foul Goddess
’ champions!’
“So they tortured me for the location of the ring. For the identity of the rest of The Five. I had never heard of any of it, of course, so no matter what they did to me I couldn’t tell them. They were a stubborn lot. I came close to death a dozen times and their healers brought me back from the brink, moon after moon.
“In the end I escaped from the healing centre, where I’d been sent to recover from the most recent torture. I was considered too close to death to watch carefully. They didn’t realise what desperation could do for a man. I still have no idea how I managed to crawl as far as I did, but I finally stumbled into a neighbouring vineyard and winegrower took me in and hid me with his vats until I was strong enough to move on.
“It took a long time, but I finally did recover and leave. I returned to Eastsealund. But I no longer risked going out on the fishing boats because I did not know who might see me. It worked. I stayed safe. Although that kind of life was hardly a life at all for someone like me. Then the star appeared on my wrist a quarter moon and more ago.
“I have no idea how it managed to draw them to me. And I have spent the time since then running, hiding and getting more and more desperate. Until yesterday when these four came for me. I thought I was done for. I still think I am.” He laughed humourlessly.
“You said you saw a mural on the wall of their temple. Can you describe it, or anything else you know about the Devourer cult or brotherhood?” Landor asked confidently.
It amazed me how fast and how easily he’d been accepted by the Airluds since his arrival. Maybe his age and obvious maturity made him a good fit for Darkin. And the others followed his lead on that, as they did on many things. I don’t know. But his question was put and his right to contribute was respected.
