“Do I have a choice?”
“Of course!” Why did the question bother him? “It’s up to you if I look.”
“What if I say no?” Ryan finally looked over. “Will you do it anyway?”
“Ryan.” He couldn’t keep the disappointment out of his voice. He knew he was a monster. What else would Ryan think? “No, I wouldn’t. How could I be with you if I did that? You’d never trust me again.”
“But you said I wouldn’t notice. Hell, Will, even if I did feel it, it’s doubtful I’d know what was happening.”
“Is that how you think I am?” Maybe it was how he seemed. He’d never been shy about reading other people’s minds when he needed to. “Don’t answer that. You have every right to think that way, but no, I wouldn’t do it unless you said I could or you were unconscious and I needed to so I could help you.”
The small cabin was quiet, so still Will could hear Ryan’s heartbeat without trying. He counted five beats before Ryan leaned over and planted a quick kiss on his cheek. Sniffing, Ryan brushed the back of his hand over his face.
“Sorry, I shouldn’t have asked that.”
“I once said you could ask whatever you want. That’s still a good offer.” He spared a moment to wink at Ryan.
“No, I meant, I shouldn’t have doubted you. You treat me like I’m the most special person in the world….”
“You are to me.”
“I know. You show me all the time.” He reached across and put his hand on Will’s leg. “Yes.”
“Yes?”
“You can check inside my head for the answers.” He gave a quick squeeze with his fingers. “Just not while you’re driving.”
Covering Ryan’s hand with his, he couldn’t stop the smile. “Deal.”
16
ALMOST forty years. Will stared at the gate blocking their way. The house looked the same, the ground a bit different, but it had the same shape and layout. At least it hadn’t been neglected.
“You grew up here?” Wide-eyed, Ryan switched between Will and the house.
“Yes. My brother and his wife own it now.” He rolled down the window and pressed the intercom. The scrambler had been turned off since they reached the Bryn Mawr township line. Maybe they’d recognize the car, but he disappeared thirty-nine years ago. Maybe they wouldn’t.
“Yes? May I help you?” Older, much older, and tired sounding, but the voice was still his brother’s.
“Tom, it’s me, Will.” How long had it been since he’d said that? This time, however, the words scared him.
Will’s nervous, edgy anticipation was mirrored on Ryan’s face.
“Will? It’s really you?” The voice sounded shaky, unsure.
“Of course it’s me. Tom, we talked earlier today.” The hint of annoyance escaped before he could hold it back.
Ryan patted Will’s hand that rested on the stick shift. “Will, don’t get mad. He’s probably still in shock.”
The heavy wrought-iron gate slowly pulled back. This is it. He waited until the gate opened all the way and edged the gear into first. The drive to the main house felt longer. Each bush seemed larger, fuller, hiding more of his past.
“Nervous?”
Had he been that obvious? Probably. He wasn’t letting Gar control him. “A bit. I’m not sure how to react to them.”
“Just be yourself.” Ryan had a glint in his eye, like he was enjoying this trip.
“I’m planning on it. That’s the problem. I’m still twenty-six.” He almost turned to the car barn, where he used to park when he lived here. Before he let old habits kick in, he swung left and stopped in front of the portico. The half-expected welcoming committee wasn’t there, but he noted movement by the window.
“They’re watching us.” Ryan followed his eyes to the window by the door.
Will opened the car door but didn’t swing it wide. Why was he so afraid to talk to his family?
“Probably want to know who I am and why I’m here.” When Ryan didn’t move to open his door, Will wondered again if it was a mistake asking him along.
“Did you want to stay in the car?” Hopefully you don’t.
Ryan shook his head quickly. “N-no .” He quickly opened the door. “Don’t leave me here.”
“I wasn’t leaving you, just giving you the option to back out.” After stepping onto the gravel path, Will froze, staring at his feet. So little had changed since the last time. Same driveway, same crunching under his feet, same white columns waiting for him to pass.
Over the hood of the car, Ryan stared at him, looking unsure. No, a lot had changed. Crossing to the front, he held out his hand. The smile he received calmed him. Definitely not the same as last time.
Halfway to the house, he stopped.
Ryan took another step but couldn’t pull Will along with him. “Will? What’s wrong?”
“I can hear them talking.” He knew it was a bad idea not changing his appearance. “They think this is a setup.”
“Oh no.”
Ryan had suggested coming. It didn’t take a super brain to know he felt responsible. “This is not your fault, Ryan. It’s been over thirty years since they’ve seen me, and I haven’t changed.”
“Should we go?”
“No.” Shaking his head, he focused his hearing inside the house. “They’re coming to the door now.”
With a gentle squeeze on Ryan’s hand, he started walking. If his brother didn’t open the door first, he’d knock, but he doubted it’d get that far. Halfway up the eight steps, the door creaked open, revealing his brother and sister-in-law, standing taut, side by side.
God, he looks so like Dad. Even the hair had turned gray the same way. Abby hadn’t let age rob her of her grace, poise, or beauty. She’d managed to keep trim and looked far younger than her almost seventy years.
He and Ryan stopped two steps from the top. “Hello, Tom, Abby.”
The grip on his hand tightened, forcing him to turn his head. “This is my friend, boyfriend, Ryan.”
“Who are you? And what sick game are you playing?” Tom directed his words at Will. His older brother hadn’t changed, still blunt and to the point. “You can’t really be him, no matter how close a resemblance. I lost my brother decades ago.”
“Tom, listen to me, hear my voice. Could someone fake that too? It’s me, Will.” Tom reacted, his face going from anger to surprise. “Right before David died, something happened to me. This happened to me. It’s why I disappeared. Look at me, hear me, touch me, ask me anything you want, but it’s me. Remember all the questions you asked me when I called? Could an impostor fake all that?”
Tom kept running his gaze up and down. Finally, his shoulders slumped and he exhaled. “Will?”
“It’s me, Tom.” He nodded, hoping to convince his brother he was real. “Want me to show you the spot we buried Herman? Or the branch you pushed me off and I broke my arm? Or anything else you can think of.”
Tears welled up in Tom’s eyes. “It’s just impossible. How can this be?” His brother’s voice was barely a whisper.
“Tom, I told you when I called, you needed to believe the impossible.” Spreading his arms out, he stepped away from Ryan. “Mr. Impossible.”
Snorting, Tom rolled his eyes. “Well, that’d certainly be something ol’ Will would say.” His brother’s tense composure slackened, and Will released a pent-up breath. He was beginning to believe.
Maybe coming was too much too soon. “I can come back another day if you need time to think this over. I know it’s a lot to digest.”
Tom shook his head and stepped back from the door. After mouthing his brother’s name, he said, “Come inside. Let’s talk there.”
DRAINING the last of his water, Will watched the emotions play across his brother’s face. It was a fantastic tale, and he knew just how crazy it sounded, but it was close enough to the truth that he knew he could sell it to them.
“You work for the government?” There was just enough disbelief in his brother
’s voice for Will to work with. Ryan knew the story they were peddling if anyone asked him.
“No, Tom. I don’t work for anyone.” The problem was trying to explain it without telling them the whole truth.
“But, you said….” His brother shook his head, looking confused.
“Here, let me show you something.” Standing, he nodded to Ryan. “Stay still.”
A hand on either side of the large overstuffed couch, he hoisted it, and Ryan, chest high. The open mouths told him he’d made his point. But he had more. He reset the furniture and took the knife from the cheese board.
“Will….” Ryan’s cry didn’t stop him. In a fluid motion, he slammed the tip into his left pectoral muscle. The knife bent and broke, clattering on the hardwood floor, drawing all eyes to it.
“Like I said, I’ve changed.” Will stared at the remains of the knife and shrugged. “I owe you a new knife, brother.”
Quicker than Will expected, Ryan was standing in front of him, hand running over the fabric of his shirt.
“Why do you do that?” Anger flared behind the soft brown eyes. “You know I hate that.”
“Sorry.” Gently, he ran his hand over Ryan’s. “It’s easier to show than to explain.”
Silence continued for nearly a minute. “So when you said someone recruited you and changed you, does that….”
“Don’t ask for specifics, Tom. It’s better you don’t know.” Meeting his brother’s stare, he shook his head. “What you don’t know, you can’t tell.”
“You just don’t want me to know the truth.” The accusation was expected, but still hurt.
“No, I don’t. But it’s better for you both if you don’t know, as well.”
“Bloody hell, Will!” Tom stood and moved around his wife’s chair. Roughly, he ran his hand through his hair, grimacing with the effort. “You’re some secret agent?”
“I never said that.”
He pointed his finger at his brother. “Don’t use that lawyer mumbo jumbo on me. I’m not stupid.”
“Tom, maybe we’d better let you make sense of what I’ve told you so far. Ryan and I can go and come back tomorrow.” He nodded to Ryan
“No, don’t.” Abby’s voice reminded him she was in the room. “There’s still a lot to talk about.”
“Abby, there are nearly forty years of things to talk about. We can’t do it all in an afternoon.” He knelt and took her hands and squeezed them gently. “I’m not going to disappear again. I promise. But maybe a bit of time will help make things easier.”
“Why?”
Will looked up. “Why, what, Tom?”
“Why now?” Tom’s eyes were narrow and his face tight. “What possessed you to come back into our lives now? I mean, you let Mom and Dad die thinking they did something horrible to you. Their deaths didn’t bring you back. So why now? Do you need money or something?”
The words stung, as he knew they would. The part that doubted the merits of this idea told him it was a mistake. They didn’t need or want him back. No, that part was wrong. They might not need him or even want him back, but they deserved to know. They were his family; it was their right. He wouldn’t shove them aside again. Will rose and stepped back to where Ryan stood. “No, I don’t need money.”
“So what is it? You know you tore them up, us too.” The fiery glint in his eyes told Will how mad his brother was at him. “We had to watch them blame themselves, had to see Mom cry because she missed you. Dad tried to hide it too, but he would ask me what he could have done different to help you.”
“Tom….” He forced down the lump in his throat. A part of him, small, hidden, suppressed, knew all along how much he had hurt them. “You wouldn’t understand.”
“Bullshit!”
Will flinched. The word, with all the anger and hurt behind it, cut Will like no blade could.
“You don’t get to disappear for forty years, then waltz in and say it’s too complicated to explain.”
From the corner of his eye, Will saw Ryan shake his head. If he didn’t do it now, Will knew he’d never get another chance. “You’re right. Sit down and I’ll explain everything.”
“THIS was your old room?” Ryan ran his hand over the dresser, avoiding the thin white lace covering the center.
The old black-and-white picture of him and his siblings still sat on the nightstand. He didn’t need to pick it up to remember when and where it was taken. Same with the one of him and Tom after Will won the fencing medal for his prep school. Tom was a senior, but his freshman brother trounced the field, including the elder Morgan.
“Can’t you tell?” Sweeping the room, he took in every detail. “I can’t believe it’s still the same as when I left.”
“It was your room.” Tom stood, hand on the doorframe. “Until we knew where you were, Mom and Dad refused to change it.”
Slowly, he inhaled, tightening his lips in a frown. “That was a lifetime ago. I can’t believe Abby never made you redo this.”
“I wanted to, but she refused. Said Mom wanted us to keep it in case you came back.”
Picking up an old throw pillow, he smirked. “She really thought I’d want this stuff?”
The laugh was short, almost forced, but it softened Tom’s face. “I… I need to go out for a bit. It’s good… I’ll be back later.”
He left before Will could say they weren’t staying. They couldn’t. Already, the pull of three innocent victims played at the edge of his consciousness.
“It was a mistake agreeing to stay here.” He turned toward Ryan, who refused to meet his gaze. “You shouldn’t have accepted.”
Ryan continued to examine the pictures around the room. “We had to stay.”
“Had to? I know you felt the tug. I saw it in your face. Are you aware it was three instead of just one?” Harsh, but he was upset. Staying only made it worse.
“I feel all three, Will. But I also know this is your family.” When he turned, tears slowly trickled down his cheeks. “They want you. They want us. That’s more than I have.”
A calloused thumb on each cheek cleared the drops away. When the soft brown eyes met his, Will pulled him closer. Combing his fingers through Ryan’s hair, he felt the arms around him tighten. “I understand.”
Standing in his room, holding Ryan, it didn’t feel real. Two weeks ago, he was content being Gar, his feelings locked away. Before they went back to DC, he needed to figure out what had happened to change him.
“What are you going to do?” The voice drew him from his introspection.
“I’m going to help the three innocent victims find peace.” What else could he do? “We can’t leave until I do.”
The blank look required an explanation.
“Once a soul connects to the Purpose, I have to handle it.”
“But, three? Has that happened before?”
He’d avoided this, but there was no choice if Ryan felt the connections. “If It isn’t close, most souls will move on. Some refuse, almost as if they know eventually I’ll cross the path of their killer and act. That’s what these three are. Every new city I visit generally has one or two stubborn victims.”
“So coming here….” Ryan shook his head, trying to pull back.
Will kept his hold, keeping them close. “Yes, but it’s fine. Eventually, I would have come here.”
“How come you don’t tell me things?” Anger flashed briefly in his eyes.
“I’ve been alone so long, I didn’t think of it at the time.” He shrugged, letting go. “And things have been so different since I met you. I can’t be sure the old rules still apply.”
Free, Ryan sat on the bed, staring at a picture on the nightstand. Will knew his words hadn’t helped.
“When I get back, we need to figure this out.”
“Back?”
Why did he ask questions he knew the answers to? “This needs to be taken care of or we can’t leave.”
“How come you didn’t feel it before we left? I mean, can’t you tell
what’s waiting here?”
If only. Shaking his head, he sat next to Ryan. “I think the range is about twenty-five miles, give or take a bit. Like so much with this thing, I don’t know why. But going by the others’ memories and my own experience, that’s how far It can feel the call.”
“Must be a bitch to take a vacation.” Ryan’s smirk made him smile.
Cute. “Did I tell you how adorable you are?”
Red crept into his cheeks, but the smile was real. “No one’s ever told me that. At least, no one that meant it.”
Winking first, he leaned over and kissed Ryan’s cheek. “Glad to see you know I mean it.”
They sat in silence for a bit, rubbing each other’s hand. Much as he tried, Ryan couldn’t keep calm forever. Eventually, Ryan’s smile faded, and he stared at the floor.
“You need to go now, don’t you?”
He drew the hand to his lips and gently kissed each finger. “The longer I wait, the less chance I have of getting back before dawn.”
“Are you….” Another question Will didn’t need to answer.
“Yes.” He met Ryan’s stare but didn’t waver. “There’s no other way. I don’t have any contacts here. And with three to finish in one night, I don’t have time.”
Looking like he sucked a lemon, Ryan stood up. “That’s not a good reason, Will.”
“Sometimes it is.” He gave Ryan a moment to think. “Don’t waste your sympathy on them. They’re not good people.”
Staring at the window, he didn’t respond. Will was about to go when Ryan sat next to him again. Their lips met, stayed together for more than a heartbeat, then parted. “Come back safe.”
17
April 3-4, 2010: Journal Entry 39-27
NO INNOCENT died tonight, but I was busy. Three victims demanded vengeance, refused to move on, hoping I’d find them before the guilty died of natural causes. They got their wish.
The first two were easy. Drug dealers. The victims were an elderly grandmother of two and a fourteen-year-old honor student. Their families suffered from the loss. That’s why they wouldn’t let go. Two different families, two different killings, same pain.
Purpose Page 13
