My eyes widened in surprise, and I had to force back a giggle at the blatant fury on Britney and Becka’s faces. Luke had been looking straight at them during his little speech, clearly trying to get a rise out of them, and judging by their expressions, it had worked.
He squeezed my hand once and turned slightly toward me, giving me a quick wink. A small thrill went through me as I realized that he cared enough for me to not want me to suffer any more at the hands of those two mean girls.
Clark laughed. “That’s cool, that’s cool. We understand all about ‘other plans.’” He made quotes with his fingers and raised his eyebrow meaningfully at Luke. Danny and Joey caught the joke and snorted in laughter.
Luke smiled, but even though they were clearly teasing, he said, “No, not like that! I’ll tell you about it Monday—if you can keep your minds out of the gutter until then.” He punched Clark lightly on the shoulder.
We turned to leave, and to my surprise Marina came up to me and gave me a hug.
“It was so nice to meet you, Eliza!” she said sincerely. “I hope I’ll see you at school sometime.”
“You can count on it!” I smiled back at her as she pulled away. Marina was a true gem, and I was happy to have made a new friend. We waved good-bye to everyone before heading back to Luke’s Jeep.
Chapter Twenty-Seven
So, what do you think? Is this another good surprise?” Luke chuckled as I bounced excitedly in the seat next to him.
“It’s perfect! I’ve wanted to ride in one of these ever since I was little!” I smiled at him in wonder. From the first visit I could remember to Temple Square, I’d been in love with the horse-drawn carriages that lined up outside the south entrance. Now, sitting beside Luke as the carriage pulled us through the city, I felt like a real princess, living the “happily ever after” before the story had even fully begun.
“I’m glad you like it.” He reached over and held my hand. “I knew the guys were planning on watching a movie after the dance, and I thought that was a pretty lame activity, so I made my own plans. I was going to invite them all to join us, but after the way Britney and Becka treated you, I figured it was better this way.”
I let out a huge sigh. “Thank you! I’m not sure what I did to make them dislike me so much, but I’m glad I don’t have to worry about it anymore tonight.”
“Don’t worry about it again, ever. Those two are always targeting someone new to make miserable. I think they must suffer from some kind of mental problem if they could pick on someone as sweet and friendly as you.” He squeezed my hand, and I wondered briefly if it was possible to die of happiness.
We watched the lights and activity of the city for a few minutes before Luke spoke again. “Eliza, there’s another reason I wanted to be alone with you on this carriage ride.” He looked at me intently for a moment as if gauging how to proceed. “This is something I’ve never told anyone outside my family, but I feel like I can trust you, and it’s something you need to know.”
I nodded encouragingly, my curiosity piqued.
Luke closed his eyes for a second and sighed. “My older brother, Skyler, and I are really close. I’ve looked up to him for as long as I can remember, and he’s one of the greatest people I know.”
I was caught off guard by this unexpected turn in the conversation, but tried to keep my face expressionless so as not to interrupt Luke.
“When Skyler was in high school, he had a serious girlfriend named Marcy. They were completely inseparable, and we all really liked her, but unfortunately, they ended up getting into trouble, and Marcy got pregnant just after they graduated.” Luke stared straight ahead with a pained expression. “I watched Skyler go into a major depression. He’d always talked about serving a mission, and I knew it was something he really wanted to do, but because of his decisions that never happened.
“Fortunately, he really loved Marcy, and they got married. With the help and guidance of their bishop, they were able to go through the repentance process, and they were sealed in the temple after my nephew was born.” Luke’s face brightened at the memory. “I wasn’t able to be there for the ceremony, but when they came out together as a family, I couldn’t help but cry. Skyler was like his old self again, and they were all so happy—and have been ever since.”
He blew out a long breath. “I learned two things from watching my brother go through all of that. First, the Atonement is real and it’s the greatest gift imaginable and it’s available to each of us. Second, I learned there was nothing more important to me than to be able to serve my mission. I vowed that I would never have a serious girlfriend before I left and that I’d do everything I could to stay clean and worthy to serve.”
Luke looked at me, the golden hues of his eyes fairly burned as he spoke. “Up until now, it hasn’t been a problem for me. I’d meet girls and sometimes go on a couple of dates with them, but that was it. No one ever came close to tempting me to ask them to be my girlfriend—until now.”
My heartbeat quickened to a rapid staccato as the implication of his words sunk in. I felt a mixture of joy, confusion, and guilt. What exactly was he trying to say?
Luke chuckled at the expression on my face, and his posture relaxed. “Liza, you look like you’re afraid I’m about to bite you or something! I’m sorry if the idea of being my girlfriend frightens you so much, but let me put your fears at ease.”
I knew he was teasing me and that this was his way of softening whatever blow was coming.
He reached up and brushed my cheek softly with his hand. “I have stronger feelings for you than I’ve ever had for anyone—so strong it almost scares me. That’s one of the reasons I waited so long to tell you how I felt. I’d ask you right here and now to be my girlfriend, but as much as I want to, it just wouldn’t be fair.”
I bit my lip and looked away, trying to hide the hurt and disappointment on my face.
Luke took my chin and gently turned me to face him. “Trust me, I’ve thought a lot about this. I’m getting my mission papers ready, and I’ll be leaving in a few months. It wouldn’t be fair to ask you to be my girlfriend right before I left, as much as my heart begs me to do otherwise. I can’t go back on the promise I made to myself. Not when I’m so close. I know the adversary is going to be working on me harder than ever in these next few weeks and months before I leave, and as attracted as I am to you, I wouldn’t trust myself to be around you too much.”
Luke sighed. “That being said, I’m pretty sure I’ll go crazy if I don’t see you more often than I have been. So here’s what I’m thinking—and you tell me if it works for you—I want to go on more dates with you, but we’ll always go in a group or with a designated chaperone, like one of our sisters. I’ll never do more than hold your hand and maybe hug you good night, and I fully expect you to go out with other guys if they ask you. Just please don’t tell me about it.” Luke’s eyes searched mine. “I’ve been doing all the talking. I want to know what you think about all of this.”
I didn’t know what to say. My mind and heart were in such a state of confusion. Of course I wanted to be Luke’s girlfriend! Now that I knew what it felt like to be with him, I didn’t ever want him to leave my side—I would permanently attach myself to him if I could! But I cared enough for him that I wanted him to be happy, and I knew that serving a mission was the best possible choice he could be making.
It was a lot to take in all at once, but as the carriage turned a corner and the Salt Lake Temple came into view, I knew Luke was right. I committed right then and there to help him prepare for his mission—no matter what!
• • •
It was two o’clock in the morning, and although my body was exhausted, my mind was still reeling over the amazing events of the day. It was so much to process! I knew I could—and probably would—spend days thinking about everything that had happened. It had been a prom date from heaven; the stuff dreams were made of!
I smiled, recalling how happy Luke had been when I told him I fully supporte
d his goal of serving a worthy mission. I was already looking forward to our next date, and it was exciting to think that I’d still get to spend time with him before he left.
I was in the middle of pondering over where he’d be assigned to serve, when an unexpected tapping on my window made me jump. It had been weeks since I’d heard that tap, and there was only one person in the world it could be.
Jill.
I quickly jumped out of bed and rushed to open the window. Jill was perched on the large branch outside of the tree she’d climbed dozens of times since we were kids. Her arms were wrapped tightly around her, and as soon as the window was open, I could hear her muffled sobs.
“Can I come in?” she whispered in a strained voice.
“Of course!” I whispered back as I helped her over the windowsill. “What’s wrong? Is everything okay?” I put my arm around her and guided her toward my bed.
“N-N-Nick and I broke up,” Jill managed before breaking into another round of sobs. I pulled her head into my shoulder and held her while her body shook.
“Jill, I’m so sorry! What happened?” I’d never seen her so distraught before, and I ached for her.
After several minutes of crying, Jill sat back and took a deep breath. I grabbed the box of tissues off my nightstand and handed it to her.
“Thanks.” She smiled at me weakly as she dried her nose and eyes. She took several more deep breaths, working to calm her breathing. I waited patiently, knowing that she would talk when she felt ready.
“It happened tonight, less than an hour ago,” she began timidly. “Nick dropped me off right before curfew. I put on my pajamas and pretended to go to bed, but after my parents were asleep, I snuck out.” She dropped her eyes guiltily to the floor. “For the past few months, I’ve sort of been sneaking out every now and then to go to Nick’s house. We hadn’t talked about my coming over tonight, but I missed him and just sort of assumed he’d be expecting me.”
I tried to keep my expression sympathetic, but the sinking feeling in my stomach warned me that I wasn’t going to like what I was about to hear.
Jill’s face twisted. “One of his blinds was cracked open a bit. When I looked inside, I saw . . . I saw something that made me sick.” She wrapped her arms around her more tightly and struggled to keep her voice calm. “He was sitting at his desk, and I could see the screen on his laptop. Liza, the picture he was looking at was awful! It makes me feel completely nauseated just thinking about it; I know I’ll never be able to erase it from my mind! I was totally stunned; I couldn’t believe he was looking at porn. My first reaction was to turn and run away, but then I got mad.” Jill’s eyebrows narrowed at the memory.
“I tapped on his window, and he hurried and snapped his laptop shut, but when he came to the window and saw my expression, he knew I’d caught him. At first he tried to act like it had just popped up on the screen by accident, but I didn’t buy that for a second. He finally confessed that he’s been struggling with an addiction to pornography, and he told me he needed my help to get over it.” She shook her head sadly. “The thing is, I wanted so badly to believe that I could help him—that my love alone could heal his problem, but I knew that that wasn’t possible. I told him he needed to see his bishop and that he was the only one who could help him through this. And then I told him it was over between us.” Tears poured down Jill’s cheeks again, and she rocked slowly back and forth.
I wrapped my arms more tightly about her, wishing desperately that I could ease her suffering. “Jill, I’m so sorry! I know your heart must be breaking right now, and this probably won’t sound like the most comforting thing to hear, but you did the right thing.”
Jill nodded numbly, and her sobs slowly began to subside. I hoped she was feeling better, but when she finally looked up at me, the pain was still evident in her eyes.
“Liza, the thing is, you haven’t heard the whole story yet, and I don’t know if I can tell you. I’m so ashamed!” She buried her face in her hands, and I rubbed her back. I wasn’t sure what to say, but Jill suddenly lifted her head and began talking as she stared at the floor. “Nick and I have made some mistakes. We’ve been doing things we shouldn’t have for a few months now.” Her voice shook with emotion and remorse. “I kept thinking that if we just stopped that would be good enough for repentance and that I wouldn’t have to tell the bishop about it.
“We would do okay for a little while, and then things would get out of hand again. I felt sick and completely empty inside. A few times, I told Nick I thought we should break up and that I was going to the bishop, but he always found a way to talk me out of it. He told me he couldn’t live without me and that everything was going to work out. He even talked about wanting to marry me after we graduated.
“I was so far gone that I rationalized it was more important to be with him than it was to be in tune with the Spirit, but after tonight it was like a light turned on and I realized that I can’t live like this anymore. I feel like I don’t even know who I am anymore. But I’m worried that . . .” Her face crumpled as she struggled to speak. “I’m worried that I’ve let this go on for so long that it’s too late for me now.” She broke down and unleashed heartrending sobs into her hands.
The conversation I’d had with Grandma last night came back to my mind with perfect clarity, and I felt the Spirit urging me to speak.
Taking both of Jill’s shoulders, I forced her to face me. Looking her squarely in the eyes, I said, “Listen to me, Jill. You are not too far gone for repentance. Don’t you ever believe that! That’s exactly what Satan wants you to believe, but it’s not the truth. Christ atoned for all of us—and that includes you. He loves you so much, and He wants you to be happy. He wants you to go to the bishop to begin the repentance process because that’s the only way you’re going to be able to rid yourself of this burden.”
I smiled at her reassuringly. “Bishop Howard is a good man, and he’s not going to make you feel worse for what you’ve done. He’ll lovingly help you get back on track, and believe me, you won’t be the first person to have stepped into his office for this reason. I know it’s scary, but I’m here to support you. I’ll even help you find the number to call and make the appointment if you want.”
I squeezed her hand. “Jill, you are an amazing daughter of God, and you have so much potential! The repentance process isn’t easy, but that will help you to appreciate Christ’s sacrifice all the more. If you follow the proper steps, you’ll come away from this experience with an even stronger testimony of His atonement and love for you. The beautiful part about putting your life into the Savior’s hands is that He can help you reach beyond your potential and find more joy than you ever thought possible.
“We all make mistakes, and we all need Him. Isn’t it wonderful to know that His precious gift is available to all of us? You don’t have to suffer forever—there is hope.”
The words had flown from my mouth almost effortlessly, and the smile that crept onto Jill’s face told me that this had been what she needed to hear.
“Thank you, Eliza!” She wrapped her arms around me in a tight hug. “I’m so sorry for the awful way I’ve been treating you. I’ve missed you so much!”
I pulled away and shook my head. “Don’t worry about it. I missed you tons too, but I knew you’d come back around sooner or later. We are BFFs after all!”
Jill laughed. “You bet we are!”
Chapter Twenty-Eight
Okay, girls, quiet down!”
I felt complete contentment as I listened to the buzz of chattering voices dying down around me. Jill sat on my right side and Sierra sat on my left; next to her were Courtney and Alexis, and everyone was smiling.
After the opening song and prayer, Mom began with the announcements. I found my mind wandering back to earlier that morning when I’d held Jill’s hand as she called the bishop’s office to make an appointment. Her hand had been shaking as she made the call, but I could already sense her relief. I was so grateful that Bishop How
ard had time to meet with her after church today.
Courtney was back to her old, cheerful self, and her face positively glowed with joy. She was such a beautiful girl; I didn’t envy Mom or Dad’s position when she would turn sixteen and the boys would come knocking on the door!
I was also pleased that Alexis had come for the second week in a row. Her discussions with the missionaries were going well, and she even said that her mom had mentioned a desire to come back to church.
All in all, things were looking up, and it was awesome to see the lives of the people I loved improving so much.
“Sierra, will you come up to the front please?” I snapped back to reality as Sierra rose from the seat beside me and stood beside my mom.
Sierra had changed, too, in these past two weeks. Her hair was soft and shiny, pulled back with a stylish leather headband. Her glasses had been replaced by contacts, allowing her lovely eyes and delicate features to be seen. She held her head high as Mom spoke.
“As you know, we had our Young Women in Excellence program this past month, but unfortunately I didn’t have enough pendants to give out that evening, and Sierra graciously agreed to receive hers later.” Mom opened the box and ceremoniously handed the pendant to Sierra.
I sat on the front row, and my breath caught as I stared at the pendant. I felt as if I were seeing it for the first time—the golden medallion framing the spires of the temple seemed to gleam in the light, and suddenly it all made sense.
The last token. This was what Grandma had intended as my last token, but it wasn’t something I could find. I had to earn it.
A smile slowly spread across my face and tears formed in my eyes. I said a silent prayer of gratitude, and then in my heart I added, Thank you Grandma . . . for everything. A warm feeling rushed over me, and somehow I knew she’d heard me.
Epilogue
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