“Would I joke about something like this?” He clutched the two arms of his chair.
“Gone?” I struggled to accept the words coming out of his mouth. “How could she be gone?” He’d spit it out casually, as if the words wouldn’t destroy the very fabric of my being.
“Shouldn’t I be asking you that question?” He leaned forward. “Isn’t she your life mate?”
“Yes, but she was with me last night. She was fine. I’m sure she didn’t leave on her own free will.” She may have been angry and hurt, but she’d never leave me. Besides, how could she? She knew nothing of space travel. She’d never set foot in a day of training no matter how often she begged my father to allow her.
“She did leave and she was not taken by force, so it is time to push away those delusions.” His deep purple eyes darkened until they were nearly black.
“Alone? Rachel left the planet alone? How is that possible?” I had faith in her abilities, but leaving Andrelexa undetected? That went far beyond the realm of possibility.
“You are the one who encouraged her to play with her androids.” His eyes darkened further. Rachel’s interest in robots had been a source of considerable consternation with my father for years.
“Wait.” I thought over his words. “Are you implying she used her androids to escape?”
“Escape? Interesting choice of words.” There was a gleam in his eyes. He was enjoying this. He was enjoying my suffering.
I pushed aside my anger and my growing hatred. Both emotions would get in the way of the most important goal: bringing her back home to me. “Why would she leave? Where could she possibly go?”
“You know where she went.”
“Earth?” I shook my head. “There’s no way. She thinks it’s gone.” Keeping the truth from her had been painful, but all I needed to do was remember the fate of her parents. Earth wasn’t the place for her at all.
“Evidently not…” my father trailed off.
“The doctor?” It was the only explanation.
“I’ve already questioned him. He’s the one who alerted me to her departure. He admits he told her but accidentally. Evidently you never told him of her knowledge or lack thereof.”
“I specifically told him to tell her nothing of Earth because it might upset her.” Anger surged through me. This wasn’t my fault.
“But did you direct him to hide the Earth’s existence from her?”
No. I hadn’t. I hadn’t wanted to admit what kind of lie I’d gone along with for years. But what choice did I have? By the time I found out it was too late for her to return—and I knew I could never live without her. “I need to go after her.”
“We will bring her back. That is not the issue.”
“Then what is the issue?” How could anything but her absence be the issue? Who knew what kind of danger she was in? There was no time to waste.
“She may have orchestrated her departure with her androids, but I hardly believe there is no one else involved.”
“You said the doctor played no part.” Even though he did. If she hadn’t known the Earth still existed, she’d have never left. It was his fault. And mine. Despite wanting to deny it, I had failed in my instructions. I never explicitly ordered him to stay silent.
“The doctor is of Earth. This other I speak of is one of our own. I can feel it.”
“We will find out once I retrieve her and bring her home.”
“You will not be bringing her home. You are the heir. You must stay here.”
“I’ve been to Earth before!” My voice rose, and I didn’t care. Restraining myself from physically attacking my father was hard enough.
“When there was no danger involved. For all we know this is a trap. They want to lure you off planet to destroy our line.”
“Then who do you suggest? You said yourself you suspect someone inside is involved.”
“Kelby. He is completely loyal, blood, and expertly trained. Do you deny he can be trusted?”
“He can be trusted, but it needs to be me.” I would not have someone else do what was my duty. Rachel was mine. I would go after her. I would convince her it was time to come home and do anything to heal the wounds I’d inadvertently caused.
“You speak as if any of this is your choice. I let you have her. Did I not? I directed Telton to find you what you desired most. To search the planets for a match that could give you what you needed.”
“We shouldn’t have lied to her. None of this would have happened if she’d been told the truth.”
“Oh yes?” He laughed. “She would have loved you just the same knowing she was taken as an offering to you? Knowing that her brother still lived, and she was ripped from her life?”
“Her love for me would never waver.”
“You’re an idiot. I have an idiot for a son.”
Anger surged through me.
“Are you so stupid that you never figured it out?” He laughed loudly. “You are as gullible as she is.”
“What do you mean?”
“Do you truly think I’d leave anything to chance?”
“What are you talking about?” My hands balled into fists at my side.
“You may not need modifiers, son, but everyone else does.”
“Wait.” A frightening reality slammed my hart, nearly knocking me over. “Rachel? She’s been taking modifiers?”
“Taking is the wrong word.” He grinned, his white teeth gleaming in the overhead light.
“You forced them on her? Without her knowing?” Had Rachel been right?
“We never hurt her. A little bit in one’s water can go a very long way.”
“You never told me? You never told me what you were doing to her? You had no right.” Rage surged through me. Rage like I’d never experienced before. This rage included anger at myself. How could I have been so blind?
“Modifiers don’t create feelings, they enhance them, making them the best emotions they can be. Rachel needed them. You would have been destroyed if she didn’t return the intensity of your own feelings. And you wouldn’t have settled for anything less. Don’t lie to yourself.”
“Then why did you stop?” I was numb. I could barely process what was going on, but I needed to know.
“Things changed. The diluted form we gave her stopped working. It was gradual at first, but it was only a matter of time before it ceased completely. Why do you think I sent you for the doctor?”
“She will never forgive me.” The reality was cold, distressing, but nothing like realizing her feelings hadn’t been truly her own. What had been real?
“She will when she starts taking modifiers the traditional way. Your sister tried one on her, and it seemed to do its job.”
“Gardenia knew this. She knew all along.” Brick by brick my entire life was changing. Everything I thought I knew was twisting and turning in horrible ways.
“Not all along. She figured it out long ago. You would have too, if you’d been looking. But you could never see. You were so blinded by her. I’ve never seen anything quite like it. I knew your emotions were strong, but I never imagined you had the capacity of our ancestors. It’s all going to be okay, son. Kelby will bring her home. She will start taking modifiers. I have the doctor working on stronger doses that will work with her system, yet will not affect anything in the womb.”
“In the womb? You think she wants to carry my children? To have anything to do with me after what’s been done to her?”
“She has no choice. The decision has been made.”
“You can take the medallion back. You know how to break the bonds of Narva gold.”
“I can but for what end? Your future was foretold as soon as you were born. You will be the savior of our kind, Caspian. Rachel is what you need, and she is who you will have. Once she starts on the modifiers again, she’ll be the old Rachel you knew. The two of you will have the life you’ve always wanted.”
“I need to find her. I need to explain I had no idea….” I paced the room. �
��I had no idea…”
“Kelby will retrieve her, and you will have all the time you need to speak with her. Perhaps she won’t need the modifiers. I am sure after a few days on that planet she’ll be begging to come home.”
17 Caspian
“I should be the one going.” I couldn’t keep the contempt from my voice as I watched Kelby suit up. Time was doing nothing to lessen my anger. I was angry at my father, and I was angry at myself. How could I have been so stupid? I had wanted to believe what I wanted to believe. There was no other explanation.
“I will have her back here in no time.” Kelby checked his supplies, removing cylinders before replacing them right back in his pack.
“That doesn’t matter. I need to go.”
He set his pack aside. “Your father made himself very clear. Don’t you trust me?”
“Of course I trust you. This has nothing to do with trust. I need to see her.” Every second was agonizing. Was she hurt? Was she scared?
“And you will see her.” He averted his eyes.
Suddenly I doubted my last statement. Could I really trust him? “Did you know?”
“Know what?” He checked his watch. Likely making sure he had everything programed.
“About the modifiers. That she’s been given them since she arrived.”
He opened his pack and began to double check the same things he’d checked off on already. He said nothing.
“And yet you lied to me all these years?” Somehow Kelby’s betrayal cut deeper than my father’s. I’d expected my father’s deception. Not my best friend’s.
He sealed up his pack. “You were so happy… both of you. Why ruin that?”
“Because the love of my life was drugged into thinking she loved me.”
“That’s not true, and you know it. Modifiers can’t make you think you’re in love with someone that you’re not. That’s impossible.”
“You’ve seen how she’s been acting. The shock isn’t shock at all, is it?” I wasn’t really asking. I already knew the truth. “It’s her trying to come to terms with feeling her true feelings for once. I can’t believe you’ve been feeding me lies for years.”
“You can believe it.” Kelby’s expression hardened. “You haven’t wanted to see it. You’re so damn lucky, yet you can’t even see that. You only see what you want to see. Right now you need to stay back so I can fix things for you. I’ll bring her back and you can reset everything. Take the next few days to calm yourself down. All you’re going to do is make things worse.”
“I’m lucky?” Anger bubbled up inside me. “Do you realize the guilt I must now bear?”
“Oh yeah? The guilt over the modifiers is so much worse than the guilt over kidnapping her? Huh. You’ve known all about that for awhile. Oh yes, and of keeping the truth of Earth from her? And all of the other lies. It’s hard to keep track of them now.”
“Earth is a horrible place.” And she was there now. I’d driven her away by keeping the truth from her for far too many years.
“It is.” Kelby put his pack on his back. “I don’t deny she’s been given a far better life here. I don’t deny any of it. You were given your perfect match in every way. She fuels you. She brings you happiness. So what if she needs to take modifiers? Everyone does. Everyone but you.”
“If she needs a drug to want to be with me, she shouldn’t be with me.”
“Then I’ll take her. I’d be more than glad to take on that burden for you.” A darkness crossed his eyes—a darkness I’d never seen in him before.
I didn’t think. My fist connected with his face. He stumbled back, and I took advantage of his surprise, punching him in the abdomen. He gasped and fell to the hard floor.
I leaned over him, took his watch and pack, and jumped in the launch capsule.
I was getting to Rachel before anyone else could.
Part 4
Rachel
18 Rachel
The bar looked like nothing I’d ever seen before. Not that I was surprised. My experiences were so limited—nearly all were either wisps of memories, or days spent as basically a pet inside an expansive palace. It was easy to pretend I knew what I was doing now, but I didn’t. If it weren’t for Noah, his sister, and his friend I’d probably have given up. Not that giving up was a choice. I was never going back to Andrelexa. Not now that I’d finally seen Earth again.
No. There was no way I was giving up. I promised myself I’d find a way as I stood there once again in borrowed clothes—this time a skirt of some sort. If I planned to stay on Earth much longer I’d have to find a way to make currency. Prisoner of the Emperor or not, I’d never had to earn my keep before. I couldn’t expect the same treatment now that I was on Earth.
I could already hear the rich music spilling from inside; my body was aware and humming in response. This was what music was supposed to sound like, a beat, a rhythm that made you want to dance and move. I took in several long, deep breaths. That was one thing I’d never grow tired of. Breathing air. It tasted of nothing, was clear and impossible to touch, yet it sustained me. If there was any question before, I knew the truth now. This was the planet I was from. I was made to exist on its land, and there would be no turning back.
“And we can just walk inside?” I hesitated on the worn grey sidewalk outside the building with large glass windows in front. Bright signs flashed messages I didn’t understand. Evidently knowing English wasn’t going to be enough.
Dale’s brow furrowed. “Yes, of course. It’s a bar. They want you to go in and spend money.”
“Yes. Money.” Once again currency was an issue.
“There’s no cover tonight, and water is free. You’re good.” Angie smiled encouragingly. The smile didn’t have the intended effect. She’d been acting strange since she’d returned to the house. I hadn’t known her for long, but something had changed in the way she was looking at me. Nothing had changed with Noah though, and I clung to that as we walked inside the building they referred to as The Maple Leaf.
Noah led the way further inside through a dense crowd. Without consciously thinking about it, I grabbed onto his hand. He looked down at our entwined hands and smiled. Evidently he didn’t mind, so I didn’t take mine back. I wasn’t getting separated from him in this bustling place. Besides, I enjoyed the warmth emulating from him. His hand felt different from Caspian’s, and it set off a series of reactions through me I didn’t quite understand. It simultaneously gave comfort and something else entirely different. It was like teetering on the edge of a cliff. I didn’t know it was possible to feel such completely different sensations at once.
I held onto his hand tighter as we pushed further into the crowd. I tried to tune out my discomfort at the crowd and instead focused on his hand. Strange sensations or not, it was solid—real. There was no cloudiness to what it was. He stopped suddenly, and I fell into him. He steadied me and smiled. There was something about his smile that broke through levels of me I hadn’t realized I had.
I decided to ignore the crowd and focus on the music. I closed my eyes and listened to each note of the music surrounding me. I was brought back to age five sitting next to Benjamin as our aunt prepared dinner. I could smell the meat and vegetables cooking on the stove as I ran my fingers over the black and white keys of the piano. I relaxed into the memory, pulling up blurred images of faces and laughter. And also fear. My aunt was full of fear. Always sitting close to the radio when the evening broadcast came on.
“Rachel?” Noah pulled me from the memories.
I opened my eyes. “Sorry, yes?”
“We’re going to go outside and try to find a table.”
“Oh. Ok.” I was still holding his hand, and I let him lead me outside.
There were no empty tables, but the fresh air felt good. I could still hear the music—I could still feel the deep vibrations. The open sky above was a comfort and a stark reminder of where I was. I still hadn’t fully accepted I was back on Earth.
“You like jazz, huh?�
� Noah knocked his shoulder into mine.
“Love it.” Funny how that was one of the few memories I’d held onto. Nearly everything else had faded away. Until now. Until the fog cleared. The fog that someone created. I was positive about that now.
“So do I.”
“I’d love to hear you play sometime.” I was sure he’d be brilliant. I had no real evidence to support that theory aside from his long fingers and the way he swayed to the music, but I knew it just as sure as I knew this air was safe to breathe.
“Maybe sometime. After we find your brother and everything.”
“I’m remembering more about him. He played piano. So did I. Although I don’t remember how.”
“Maybe you’d remember if you got in front of one again.” He looked up at the sky.
I looked up too, wondering how I was going to bring up Andrelexa again. I wanted him to know the truth. Not only because he seemed intent on discovering it, but because I knew there was no way to erase those years. My time off Earth was a part of me, and despite barely knowing him, I wanted Noah to know me better. Just as I wished I knew more about him. He had a story too. Maybe it wasn’t quite as crazy as mine, but I felt we had more in common than appeared on the surface. But I wouldn’t demand to know. He would tell me when he was ready.
“That’s actually a good idea.” Angie joined the conversation. For a moment I’d forgotten it wasn’t just Noah and me standing there outside. “Maybe it would bring other memories back too.”
“Actually a good idea?” Noah narrowed his eyes. “You say that as though you’re surprised.”
She laughed. “I’m not used to you being the one to come up with them. You’re always going to be my baby brother.”
Noah shrugged. “I guess so.”
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