“So, it’s your turn.” She pointed at the screen.
“Fine.” I twisted my free hand into the sheets. “Never have I ever been skydiving.”
“I have.”
“No shit?” I grinned and rested the phone on my stomach, holding it at the base.
She nodded. “Yep. Spring break in college. Me, Addie, and a couple of girls went down to Jamaica. It was scary as hell, and I’d never do it again. But it was a bucket-list thing. Plus, it pissed my mom off when she saw I’d charged her credit card to do it.”
“Jesus, you’re trouble.”
She winked. “I’m surprised you never did anything like that in the marines. Like, jump from a helicopter.”
“That’s not skydiving; it’s called fast roping. We didn’t wear parachutes, and we climbed down ropes. It wasn’t fun.” My stomach dropped as one of those memories came barreling back at me. A dust storm. Enemy fire coming from all directions. Blindly making my way to safety and not having a goddamn clue where anyone was…
It was a fucked-up time, something I didn’t wanna think about, though I knew I’d never forget it either.
Movement caught my eye. Her phone shifted. I could see her adjusting, but I couldn’t see her face. Seconds later, she popped up into the view, her head buried under her blanket.
“What’re you doing?” I laughed, thankful for the distraction.
“I’m cold. Hanna likes the temperature to stay around sixty-seven during the nights when she actually sleeps, and I feel like I’m living in an igloo.” She scrunched her nose up like a rabbit.
“I’d like to meet her.”
Kenna grinned brightly. “She said the same thing about you today.”
A few seconds later, I asked the stupidest question I could. Not thinking, just…going with my gut. “How’s the baby…? Everything still good?”
She lost her smile but nodded, her eyes sad. “Yes. Everything is good.”
Still, she wasn’t hanging up on me. That had to be a good sign. “And you’re feeling okay? Sick at all anymore?”
“A little.” She shrugged, and a strand of her hair fell over her forehead. She blew it away, but it came back down over her eye again. “I’m also exhausted all the time.”
I wanted to know everything about this pregnancy, yeah, but at the same time, even though I had adjusted to the idea of fatherhood, I knew Kenna wasn’t there yet. Which is why I said what I did. “I’m here whenever you want to talk about it.” I bit the inside of my cheek, nervous.
She smiled. “Thank you.”
“For?”
“Not pushing me yet. I just… I’m scared.”
“Me too.” I ran my fingers through my hair, frustrated with my inability to comfort her.
“What are you scared of the most?” she asked, chewing on her thumbnail.
That was a loaded question. “I’ve got nothing to offer a kid except a little bit of money and a roof over its head. No family, just our friends—people who I have no doubt would be there for us if we needed them. I worry I’m not enough, even though I want to be.”
She sighed. “It’s not about what you have to offer, right? It’s about what you want.”
“What do you want?” I asked, hoping I wasn’t pushing too hard.
“Well, I can tell you what I don’t want.” She thought for a second, her eyes narrowing slightly. “I don’t want to be a messed-up mom like mine was. And I sure as hell don’t want to abandon a child when things get tough.”
“How do you know you’d be that kind of parent?”
“Because it’s in my blood to screw things up.” She sighed. “To walk away. To push stuff away. To not care…”
“Not true.” I shook my head. “Did you walk away from Addie when she needed you?”
“No, but I walked away from my sister. Plus, my mom sent Hanna here so she didn’t have to deal with her issues. I had no idea she was going through the hell she was, Gavin.” She told me about Hanna’s ex, about what had happened. To think a guy could ever be like that with a woman fucking disgusted me.
“Did your sister call you? Keep in touch with you?”
Her shoulders dropped. “No, not exactly, but I don’t think she was in the right frame of mind to call me. All I’m saying is I could’ve done better.”
“I get that. But you’re not her mother.”
“I would be to this child…” She paused. “My own mother didn’t have a clue what was going on with Hanna. What if we have a daughter and the same thing happens, and I miss the signs, then can’t deal with them in the end?”
“Fuck your mom, Kenna. You are not her. At all.” I grumbled, angry that we even had to have this conversation. McKenna did not give herself enough credit. “And you seem to be missing the fact that I’m not your dad either. We are two different people who have learned from the mistakes of others.”
“But what about you?” she continued, not really listening to me. “I walked away from you after our night together in your river house. I run. I don’t follow through with things. I make stupid, impulsive decisions that will no doubt affect everyone I care about in my life. And that includes you and this baby.”
“For one, you had a damn good reason for running.” If anything, I think we both needed the space apart to work through this. “I wasn’t exactly running in to save the day either, was I?”
She cringed and looked down at the bed. I wished I were there, holding her face between my hands. But this would have to be enough for now.
“Look where we are though,” I said.
She bit her bottom lip. “I’ve been dicked over so many times in my life. Not just by my family, but by men in general.” She laughed humorlessly but was losing the excuses. “I’ve got a shoebox to prove it, actually.”
“Let me show you what it’s like to not to be dicked over then.” I touched the phone screen and trailed my finger down over her face. She looked up, as if knowing what I was doing. “Let me show you what it’s like to be loved.”
Tears dripped down her cheek, but her eyes widened. “Loved?”
I nodded, not ready to admit something I wasn’t even sure I could do. But ready to try, at least.
“I don’t know…”
“Don’t make a decision yet.” My throat burned when I swallowed. “Let’s just be together. See where it goes.”
“Like…a relationship?”
“Yeah.” I grinned at the idea of being able to take her out, kiss her, hold her hand. I may not have had a lot of experience when it came to women, but I knew I’d be a damn good scholar.
“But the baby, Gavin. I don’t know if I even want it.”
“What if we pretend you’re not pregnant?”
She snorted. “Yeah. Not gonna happen.”
“Fine. So how do we do this? You tell me.”
She wiped at her face and sniffed. “I-I don’t know.”
“We could pick up where we left off,” I suggested. “How does that sound?”
Her nose scrunched up. I loved it when she did that. “Is it really that easy, do you think?”
I nodded fast, not a doubt in my mind. “Yeah. I think it is.”
Chapter 23
McKenna
It was five in the morning before I finally fell asleep—the head-to-the-pillow, deep kind of sleep. Talking with Gavin for a straight four hours on FaceTime had pretty much worn me down and picked me up at the same time.
The guy wasn’t just charming and sweet, but incredibly funny too. Not the kind of funny that had me laughing out loud, but the kind that was abrupt and so unexpected that when I did laugh, it was genuine and hard to contain. The last remaining walls around me were being stripped away every second we spoke. In their place were feelings I wasn’t quite sure what to do with but knew I didn’t want to ignore anymore either.
We didn’t discuss the baby again. But I knew the truth—saw it in his eyes. Gavin wanted a happily ever after, and he wanted it with me. But how could that happen when I didn’t believe in fairy tales?
With a sigh, I rolled over and glanced at the clock. It was three in the afternoon, a glorious time to behold. I had nowhere important to be today other than right where I was. My sister and I could hang out the rest of the afternoon, watch a little TV, and order some takeout. It would be nice to just be.
Then tonight, Gav and I could do it all over again.
“Sweet Jesus, am I screwed.” I tossed an arm over my eyes and groaned.
Even though I should’ve been slamming my head against the wall, that sense of real happiness I had always tried to avoid was gripping its claws in deep. Thoughts of Penis-Head Paul, and all the idiots before him were there in the back of my head as always, but the memory of Gavin’s words from last night—Let me show you what it’s like to be loved—had grown in place of all the bad crap from the exes.
A knock sounded at my door. Followed by a very unexpected voice.
“Kenna?”
I jerked up in bed at the noise, scrambling for my pants on the floor. “Uh, just a minute.”
Oh my God.
Oh. My. God.
Gavin? He was here? In my house?
Just outside my freaking bedroom door, at that.
“Breathe, Kenna,” I reminded myself as I looked in the mirror to check for possible drool lines.
Once assured that my condition was, well, semi-presentable, I inhaled through my nose once more and opened the door, blinking quickly at what I saw.
Gavin, just like I thought, but with Stargazer lilies in hand.
“Hi,” he said shyly, those dark lashes of his batting lazily against his cheeks.
“You…me…flowers?” I’m pretty sure I was speaking gibberish. Apparently, swoon-sucker me didn’t have the ability to say coherent sentences. Never had I been incapable of words to the point where I stuttered like an idiot. But, there again, never had I been wooed by Gavin St. James.
“They’re lilies.”
He cleared his throat, his green eyes as bright as the leaves with the flowers. I died a little inside at the sight. And believe me when I say, it was the best way to go.
“They’re beautiful.”
“The, um, florist said they mean I missed you. I asked her.”
Heart? Meet belly.
I smiled widely at the gesture and urged him inside. When it came to romance, a man asking for the meaning of flowers before purchasing them was pretty much a woman’s dream. Or at least mine.
The door clicked shut behind me as I turned to face my new guest. There was something incredibly intimate about having him in my room. A step in a direction I wasn’t sure I was meant to take…until that moment.
“Did I wake you?” he asked. “Your sister let me in. Said you were in here.”
Hand in his shorts pockets, chin to his chest, Gavin looked downright adorable. His cheeks were pink, barely visible under his beard, and beneath his dark lashes, he stared back at me as though I was a certified goddess.
“No, I, um… I’ve been awake for a while.” I ran my hand over the front of my shirt, then winced at the tiny bulge there. When I looked up, I found him at my dresser, his eyes flitting over the framed pictures of me and my sister, and me and Addie.
“Um, so, wanna do a late lunch or early dinner?” He turned to face me, his back to my mirror and dresser. One of his hands was on the nape of his neck, rubbing feverishly, the other still held the flowers.
Feeling like an idiot for not taking them earlier, I stepped forward and pulled the bouquet from his hands. He smiled as I settled them against my chest, and I heard him chuckle when I pressed them to my nose and inhaled.
“Lunch, huh?” I tipped my head back to look up at him when I was done, licking my lips.
He nodded, eyes twinkling as he stared at my mouth. For a big, bearded, muscular marine, this guy had a secret, softy heart when you got to know him.
“I’m pretty tired.” I teased, setting the bouquet on the dresser. “Kind of had a long night.”
“Someone keep you up late?” His brows lifted in suspicion, but I saw the twitch of his lips all the same.
“Maybe I kept that person up late instead.” I closed the distance between us, our chests just a foot apart.
His lips pulled up in an easy grin. Gavin had the type of presence that always managed to suck me in, no matter what kind of mood he displayed. It was engaging, the way he spoke to others. Short, brief, to the point. And it turned me on in more ways than I could count. I’m pretty sure his lack of communication bothered him more than it did anyone else. But the fact of the matter was, I liked how he was. How he acted. Gavin knew what he wanted, though it took him some time to get what he wanted. In a way, he reminded me of a tiger: slow to pounce, but all claws and bite once he took his prey. That occasional shyness he exhibited only complemented—not to mention complicated—his ways, making him more intriguing.
I’m not sure if I’d ever figure him out completely, but I was going to have a damn good time trying.
“Where do you want to go eat?” I asked, pressing my palms to his chest, loving how his heart picked up speed under my hands.
“I, uh…” He cleared his throat, blushing even more.
“I’ll give you a moment to think about it.” With a wink, I walked to my dresser, keeping my movements slow and deliberate. I pulled a new bra and panty set out of my drawer to take a shower, nonchalant as I turned to face him again.
Gavin didn’t need to know that having him here in my space like this, asking to take me out, was pretty much a seal-the-deal thing when it came to getting laid. I might not have been completely sold on giving him my heart, but my body? Yeah, that was all his.
“I was thinking the bar and grill along the river. Spencer’s. Then we could take a Channel Cat boat ride after.” He cleared his throat. “I gotta work the night shift tonight, so I can’t be out late.”
A public boat ride with Gavin on my arm? I liked the sound of that more than I had a right to. “Sure.” I smiled widely, ignoring my bitchy inner voice that said I didn’t deserve so much happiness.
My throat grew dry as I watched him move closer. His hands were balled against his sides as though maybe, just maybe, he was fighting against the same urge I was.
To reach out. To touch me. Kiss me. Maybe more…
Please let there be more.
“I’ve always wanted to do that boat ride with someone,” he said, voice cracking a little.
“Like, a girl someone?”
He nodded, his body inches from mine.
My chest rose quickly with my breaths. I tipped my head back to meet his gaze once again, hating to think of myself as someone who just happened to come along and fill his to-do list. Yet at the same time, there I stood, praying I was the only girl he’d ever want to ask again. Those were dangerous thoughts with a possible dangerous outcome. Yet did that deter me?
“Then I guess it’s your lucky day.”
Absolutely not.
Gone were his pink cheeks and unsure gaze. In their place was a sure, confident man who needed something from me—something I was suddenly ready to give. Gavin said he was an inexperienced lover. But I didn’t see that in his stature. Didn’t feel that when his hands were on my body, when he was driving inside me.
“You better get in the shower, then.” He nodded toward the hall.
My face grew hot. Suddenly, the last thing I wanted to do was leave this room.
“I better…” The words trailed off, my heart racing at the possibility of him joining me.
He nodded slowly, moving in even closer, until his chest was flush with mine. “Unless you don’t want to.” He licked his lips.
I licked mine
.
“I do want to. Really, really bad.”
He lifted his brows in question.
“Wanna shower, I mean.” I cleared my throat, knees shaking now.
Warm, calloused hands brushed against my waistline and my shirt slid upward beneath. I shivered, automatically leaning closer. Fingers grasped tenderly at my bare flesh, and I sucked in a breath as he drew circles with his thumbs.
Screw the damn shower. There were at least half a dozen things I wanted to do in that moment other than getting clean. And every one of them required Gavin and me naked in the bed.
“Stop making those noises.” He shut his eyes, looking pained as he lowered his forehead to mine.
“What noises?” I asked, drunk on his touches.
“Noises that have me thinking you want me to touch you more. Like you don’t care what happens, as long as you’re touching me too.”
Fingertips grazed my spine as he wrapped his hands around my back. My skin erupted in goose bumps, the need for pleasure the reason. The air-conditioning flipped on at the same time and a low hum filled the room, acting as noise deflection.
My sister was down the hall. She wouldn’t be able to hear us…
I licked my lips again, shutting my eyes at the same time. “Maybe I do want to.”
A low growl erupted in his throat. “You’ve gotta be more specific with me than that. I need your words, Kenna.”
I opened my eyes, slowly, as if I was taking in a new world, needing to savor it in case it all disappeared—which I knew it could, but no longer seemed to care. In a way, Gavin was that new world, filling me with all things peace and man, breathing life into me when I didn’t know I was so desperate for it. As ridiculous as it sounded, I’d been lost before I knew Gavin, and now, standing there, I knew without a doubt in my mind that I’d been found. Who knew “Amazing Grace” was going to become my new theme song?
Wordless, I dropped to my knees, my hands trailing down his hard thighs, running up beneath his shorts in the back. “I need you…”
Tortured eyes met mine from above. Lips pressed together, throat bobbing, he whispered back, “You have me, beautiful. You’ve always had me.”
Recklessly Ever After Page 18
