She blushed, but not nearly as much as he did.
“You know,” he stammered, “to test out the view before I go through the trouble of hiring a construction crew to tear out my roof.”
Kacy turned away, allowing Gulliver to recover.
“Yes, that does sound like the best thing to do.” She busied herself with pouring coffee.
She closed her eyes and tried to imagine him in her bed. He was handsome enough to stare at that she wouldn’t need to look at the skylight at all. He charmed her with the adorable way he blushed.
“I understand it’ll be clear tonight with lots of stars,” she said, working her way into inviting him to see the skylight. “If you’d like to come then and look, you’re welcome to.”
“I’m not in a rush. Maybe another night, I’ve got a lot of unpacking to do.”
“Would you like cream or sugar?”
His fingers brushed hers and removed the hot cup from her hand. The idea of him leaving pushed her to step toward him.
“No, black is fine,” he answered
He sipped from the rim of the ceramic mug, looking at her through the steam. The expression on his face excited her and she had to work at controlling her breathing.
“It’s early yet. You could unpack and then come over.”
“I don’t want to intrude if you’re expecting company.” He glanced at the package of steaks on the counter.
“I couldn’t find a decent cut in the single packs,” she explained. “I could make a late dinner. I’ve just had pizza and it’s only four o’clock.”
She heard the desperation in her voice. Did he? Her face heated and her skin tingled. She opened her mouth to add to the offer. Dessert, more coffee? They sounded lame, so she didn’t say anything.
“How can I refuse? I’m a fast food guy so a home-cooked meal would be nice.”
He combed back his wavy black hair with his fingers. It exposed more of the scar above his right eyebrow. The thin white line went into his hairline. She wouldn’t ask about it, since she didn’t like talking about her own scars.
“Is steak all right?” She picked up the package. “I could cook something else.”
“I love steak. What time?” He walked to the sink and rinsed his coffee cup before setting it down.
“Eight?”
Kacy didn’t know what she was doing inviting Gulliver to her house at night, tempting him to her bed. As innocent as it seemed, or should have sounded, did she push too fast for him and too far for her?
“Then I’ll see you later?” He began walking toward the front door.
She didn’t want to think he was running from her. It would probably be a smart choice though, given her tendency to turn into an unrecognizable creature, even to herself, when she felt threatened.
Kacy followed him through the living room and hoped for the best. Her bare feet padded quietly over the carpet as she shadowed him like a stalker.
She ran her fingers through her shoulder-length blonde hair and took a deep breath. Gulliver’s hand touched the doorknob. Only hours before, she had been terrified of him, now she didn’t want him to go. In her mind, she devised interesting ways to keep him there—each one more extreme then the last. All were manipulative, devious and unnecessary. She had to learn to trust people and she’d passed one goal by feeling comfortable with him in the house. Why think he’d not come back?
“Gulliver?”
He turned, but his hand remained on the knob. “Yes?”
Her gaze darted over his face and she really tried to think of something wonderfully witty to make him laugh. She wanted to take the sedate, pensive look from his mouth and make him smile. She liked his smile. Each time his lips curled up, peace filled her.
“I could come back at seven,” he said, as if he could read her thoughts.
She nodded, glad to hear he wanted to return. Then his hand lifted, and the back of his knuckles hovered over her cheek. She leaned forward with anticipation, but the movement threw her off balance, and she dropped back on her heels. Clearly thinking she’d retreated, he gave her an understanding look.
Kacy wanted to let him know he’d misinterpreted her move. She actually desired physical contact with him and if she wasn’t such a coward, she’d ask him to touch her.
“Seven would be better.” She bowed her head, thinking of the Valium she had taken when she got home, and the possibility of its effects taking over too soon.
“How about six-thirty, just in case there’s a show on at seven we could watch?”
With joy in her heart, Kacy shuffled forward and extended her fingers to within touching distance.
“I like that plan very much.” She stroked his sleeved forearm.
Yearning to stay close to him, she quickly formed a plan. Wetting her dry lips with the tip of her tongue, she took another bold step toward him.
Chapter Four
The phone rang just as Kacy built courage to ask Gulliver if she could help him unpack. It would be such an easy and innocent gesture.
“See you later,” he whispered, and winked at her.
Delightful goose bumps swept up her arms. She pushed the door shut and hurried to grab the persistent phone.
“Hello?”
“Kacy, are you all right?” Virginia’s worried voice rushed out.
“Quite all right.”
“Oh good. Andy and Jim went to get milk for dinner and it just popped into my head I that should call and make sure you haven’t derailed again.”
“My engine is full steam ahead.” Kacy laughed, strolling out of the room to fix dinner. “I’m in the kitchen and I… Well, I sort of have a date tonight.”
She looked at the steak and decided it was too early to begin cooking.
“A date?” Virginia exclaimed.
A long pause followed. Virginia was a big talker—she didn’t know the meaning of silence, especially on a phone.
“Are you sure this is Kacy Carwell?” Virginia finally asked. “My nutty, but lovable sister?”
“It’s me.” Kacy’s grin couldn’t get any bigger.
Virginia, the overactive achiever, had a lot going on in her life. Kacy, the homebody, lived off a disability check because of her mental instability after the attack.
“And you said you had a date?” Virginia asked again.
“Yes, but only sort of.”
“No such thing. ‘Sort of’,” Virginia scoffed. “You either have one or you don’t”
“Can I call you tomorrow? I need to take a bath and get ready.” Kacy traveled through the house, feeling invigorated by the idea her night could be construed as a date.
She touched the furniture and grazed the knickknacks to make them move. Worries weren’t going to interfere with her night. Determined to take a firm grip on her newfound strength, she looked forward to an evening doing the things regular people did.
“Who’s your date?” Virginia continued. “Not Peter? He doesn’t count. You said so yourself, he’s nothing more than a friend. Is that why you’re calling this a ‘sort of date’?”
“No, it’s not Peter. I’m ashamed to admit this, but it’s with the guy I was yelling at today at the pizza place.”
“Shut up,” Virginia gasped. “No way, the man has got to think you’re bonkers.”
“Actually he’s incredibly understanding and very, very, very nice.” She sighed, enjoying the warm tingly sensation she got thinking about Gulliver.
“Not to mention cute,” Virginia added. “And did you catch him from the backside? He’s got a great ass.”
“Ginny, you’re married!”
“Hey, the man has an ass, so be thankful. It’s better than him having none like my Jim.”
“I hope Andy and Jim aren’t back yet to hear you talking about some man’s butt,” Kacy scolded playfully.
She had looked, examined, studied, and scrutinized everything about Gulliver. When his hands had touched hers, she felt on fire. His strong fingers taking the mug had made her fee
l delicate, not fragile. They were long and raked through the mess of black silk waves of his hair with an easy stroke. Wildly, her imagination went to a place it hadn’t been in a long time. She wanted him to caress her in every intimate place on her body.
“I love my husband,” Virginia said. “But, face it. Jim has a flat bottom. I should know, I’ve grabbed it enough times to hang onto during sex and I get nothing.”
Kacy’s mind snapped back to the phone conversation.
“If he’s adorably sweet,” Virginia continued, “he’s a rare find and you should jump that claim right away before his ex-girlfriend finds out.”
“Ex-girlfriend?”
“A man that good-looking has been around the block, a lot. Don’t wait for her to get him to notice her again. What has he said about why he bought the house next door?”
“He moved out of an apartment. I suppose to put his money into equity instead of a landlord’s pocket.”
“Or he left his girlfriend. If that’s the case and he’s on the rebound, he’s as good as yours. Play up the phobias you have and he’ll be begging to take care of you.”
“Ginny!”
“Sorry, that was insensitive of me. I know you have real problems, honey, but the man can help you get over some of them if you give him a chance.”
“Did you miss the part where I said we’re having dinner here tonight?” She smiled to herself.
“Remember what I said. You use what you’ve got to your advantage, except be elusive. It works best when they think you’re unobtainable. Something in the male genes, I reckon. It makes them like to chase things—rather like dogs.”
“I don’t want to be chased, Ginny. I don’t want to hook a man because he’s attractive or has a nice ass. I just want…I want normal, not that I even pretend to know what that is anymore.”
“Where’s he taking you after dinner?”
“I said I ‘sort of’ had a date. He’s coming here at six-thirty and I’m cooking steak. I asked because he’s my neighbor, not because I want to jump his bones.” She smiled at the thought.
“Well if you do, take a lick of that yummy hunk for me.”
“Nothing will be going as far as that and you know it. I still have a problem with men touching me.” She exhaled the tension when she thought of what she might do if Gulliver even tried. “Peter touched…”
She stopped talking, wondering if she wanted to get into her daring feat of kissing Peter. Details of how she felt about one man, when getting ready for another, seemed a betrayal to Gulliver.
“What did Peter touch?”
“My arm.” She gave a laugh. “At the game, he simply touched my arm and I blindly took a swing at him.”
“Poor man. Did you give him a black eye?”
“No, I missed.”
Kacy went on to tell Virginia about the incident at the ballgame, rather than the one where she kissed Peter in her living room.
“I had to have known he was there next to me, but my mind still reacted with a bizarre hysteria. I started a chain reaction of calamitous events.”
“You don’t lack for drama in your day, that’s for sure.”
“I’d rather have none.”
“I know, and one day things will be much better.”
“I’m hoping I get through the rest of tonight without an incident.”
“Call me tomorrow with all the details. All the juicy particulars, Kacy, I want the nitty-gritty bare-all stuff. I miss that from you. Your dates, and us gossiping afterward was fun.”
“As much as I’d like to say ‘all right, I’ll give you all the intimate facts’, tonight isn’t that kind of date. This is a getting-to-know-you dinner and nothing else.”
“It’s about time you try for more.”
“I did. Before the ballgame, I kissed Peter,” Kacy blurted.
“He’s cute, but I don’t think he’s your type.”
Virginia’s blunt lack of enthusiasm startled Kacy. It was the first time she’d kissed a man in over two years. She had expected a different reaction, something positive, encouraging, or anything other than a dismissive tone, as if the kiss meant nothing at all.
“How do you know that?” she asked, deflated by her sister’s words.
“Because you’ve dated that type before and they aren’t around now, are they? Come on and admit it, Kacy. The dark-haired ones are mysterious, exotic and give a better image in an erotic dream.”
“Sorry, no dreams here,” she admitted sullenly.
“The nightmares are still bothering you?”
“Not as much as they were,” Kacy lied. If anything, the nightmares had become increasingly worse in the past few months.
“Well, I’ll let you go so you can take that long, hot bath and get all gussied up for your hot date.” Virginia teased. “And Kacy, good luck tonight. I know you. The closer you get to the time he comes over, the more you’ll have yourself worked up into a panic attack like this afternoon.”
“I’ve already taken care of that with a couple Valiums.” She held the bottle up, looking at the few remaining pills inside.
They were her saviors and she was hooked. Not like a drug addict, but an escapee from life. When the nightmares came and she couldn’t deal with them, she took two and didn’t bother calling the doctor. He wanted her off them and she had obliged by agreeing. But until the bottle was empty, she didn’t have it in her to stop.
“Well don’t fall asleep on him.”
“Bye, Ginny.” Kacy hung up the phone.
Kacy hadn’t considered that she might fall asleep. The pills allowed her to rest without all the nightmares. She didn’t know how she’d handle it if they returned.
Pulling her T-shirt over her head, she dropped it to the floor. Her white denims glided down with a push. She went to fold them and noticed the tar stains from the parking lot pavement she’d sat on. Carrying them to the bathroom, she tossed the pants into the hamper.
Kacy bound her hair up into a clip on top her head and looked at her naked body. The ugliness she saw made her cringe. She walked back into the bedroom and stared at her reflection in the full-length mirror on her closet door.
The best she could do was close her eyes and pretend she looked different—like one of those young, gorgeous girls in the glamour magazines. She touched her breast, recalling how the first sight of Gulliver excited her. The man had an appeal that simply turned her on, and she imagined what his hands would be like slipping downward from her breasts to another aching place.
She fingered her pussy, finding a surprising wetness. Her clit tingled with eager anticipation and she played with the hooded knot of flesh.
She stopped just shy of an orgasm and returned to the bathroom. There she turned on the water and watched the tub fill. Fantasy time had arrived. She put in bubbles, turned the lights off and lit a few candles. It didn’t matter it was still daylight since the room’s only window looked out into a shady area of the backyard. The ambiance relaxed her.
For her make-believe sexual encounters, she never had a face for the man she imagined while masturbating. This time, Gulliver’s expressive features, burned into her memory, made the perfect fit.
Kacy took out her purple cock-shaped vibrator from the vanity drawer. She looked at the vein-ridged rubber dildo and wondered if Gulliver would be as thick and long as her eight-inch toy. Putting it to her lips, she kissed and licked the side of the shaft. The toy didn’t have the same sensation on her tongue as a real man’s erection.
Once she climbed into the tub, Kacy waited until the bubbles tickled her nipples before turning off the water. Then she eased back against the inflatable pillow. She turned on the waterproof vibrator and leaned her head back on the vinyl cushion.
“Hmmm,” she moaned at the first touch she made to her teased clit with the soft, jelly-like instrument.
For several minutes, she only fondled her clit, liking how she could draw out her orgasm. Her body surged with the stimulation of the vibrator, and slumped wh
en she removed it. Each stroke intensified the sensation to her nerve endings and built toward a stronger climax.
Her breasts swelled beneath her palm. She loved the way her pale pink nipples puckered into a tight ball. She rolled one between her fingers.
“Ah…mmm…oh…” She couldn’t hold back the sounds welling up from her throat.
She pictured Gulliver, smiling, winking and touching her arm. She had so little to go on with respect to his physical attributes beneath the clothing. A face had to do and she had that memorized right down to the scar. She’d never tell her sister she found an odd attraction to what Virginia would consider a flaw.
Kacy let go of the vibrator in favor of using her fingers. She arched her back slightly, pushing forward against her cupped hand, thrusting her fingers deeper between the soft ridges. She stroked her clit with the circling motion of her thumb and her vagina tightened with urgent spasms. The rapid contractions made her whole body convulse with waves of exquisite sensation. Her moans and whimpers echoed in the bathroom, fueling the ecstasy until she was unable to continue touching herself. Gripping the edge of the tub, she let the orgasm run its course.
The tension in her body subsided and Kacy got out of the tub and began drying off with her big, fluffy white towel. She snapped open the cap of a tube of lavender and chamomile lotion, and applied it generously on her legs and arms.
The clock on the wall showed the time had sped by, and she hurried to her bedroom and to the dresser. She never had to make such hard decisions on what to wear. After looking over her undergarments, Kacy finally chose to go with the light blue panties and matching bra. Years had gone by since she had last worn them. They made her feel good.
She put on the bra and ran her fingers around the lace edge. A glance in the mirror almost changed her mind about wearing the sexy silk. But she shook away the urge to change and bent to put on the panties.
A resounding thump made her rise to listen. Her heart pounded quick beats of panic. She waited, and a new noise filtered through the house. She imagined someone ransacking her home. An eerie apprehension traveled up her spine. She reached back, gripping the wood footboard on her bed.
Glancing at her partly-opened bedroom window, she watched the curtains flutter with the light breeze floating through the screen. She liked the fresh air and fought the urge to lock the sash everyday.
A Desperate Longing Page 4
