“No problem.” He winked. “It’s not like that fellow was on the up and up. Think of it as stopping a bad guy from doing a bad thing to some unsuspecting soul. It was our good deed of the day. Now are you going to drive me home or sit here all day? I do believe we may still have chance at beating dinner home.”
“I forgot about dinner.” She smiled and started the car.
Gulliver’s laid-back attitude was comfortably refreshing. He didn’t let things overwhelm him and she hoped it would rub off onto her as they spent more time together. The idea he would continue to spend more time with her definitely gave her something to look forward to.
* * *
The moment they walked into her house, Gulliver picked up his gun and put it in the leather holster under his pant leg.
“Sorry we had to come back. I can’t leave this lying about in case… Well, the dog did get in your house. Some neighbor kid might manage to do the same thing and accidentally shoot himself.”
“It’s good you’re conscientious about keeping track of the thing. It makes me feel safer knowing you don’t take owning a gun lightly, like it was a guy thing. I mean, so many men do things to boost their ego, they forget the risk to life.”
“Wow, am I blushing?” He rubbed his tinted cheek.
“I think we’d best see to the ice.”
Kacy went to the kitchen. From the icemaker, she dropped two cubes in her hand and wrapped them in a clean dishtowel. Gulliver stayed in the living room and when she returned, she saw him picking up more of the shredded packaging the dog had left chewed-up on the floor.
“Here, you take this and I’ll take the garbage.” She exchanged the ice for the trash in his hands.
“Cook, chauffeur, nurse—a guy could get really used to this. Why isn’t there one?”
“A guy?” She dropped the torn bits of Styrofoam and plastic wrap in the trash can, and rejoined him in living room. “There was once, before the attack,” she answered sadly.
“And after?” Gulliver tapped the place on the sofa cushion next to him.
“I went off the deep end and he couldn’t handle it. Something about a woman that doesn’t like to be touched turned him off. After that, I became unapproachable. I couldn’t handle men, any of them. It didn’t matter if a long-time friend or my sister’s husband came close to me. I was—I still am—that afraid of the male population.”
“Peter Woods doesn’t seem to scare you.”
“He’s been the sweetest friend. I didn’t even know the people that lived in his house before. They weren’t home much and I hardly left the house for a year. Peter came over the first day he moved in and introduced himself. Of course, I’d had a year and a half of therapy to get me to the point I could talk to him.”
“He looks interested in maybe being your guy.”
Though the subject delved deeper into her personal life, Kacy wanted Gulliver to know all he could as soon as possible. If he planned to bolt, then she wanted him to run before she became hopelessly attached.
“I like Peter, but the sparks don’t fly as they should for me to see it as anything more than a friendship.” She fidgeted with her fingers in her lap as silence fell between them.
The doorbell announced the arrival of their Chinese take-out. Saved by the bell.
“I’ll get it.” Gulliver handed her the cold, wet cloth with the ice fragments.
He went to the door, reaching in his back pocket to get his wallet.
“Carwell? That’ll be thirty-eight twenty-nine.” The deliveryman said.
“Here, keep the change.” Gulliver swapped the fifty-dollar bill in his hand for the sacks of steaming, aromatic food.
“Thank you, sir!” No more than a kid, the fellow was obviously pleased by the generous tip.
Gulliver only nodded and closed the door. Handsome, kind, brave and generous—Gulliver had the qualities to seduce any woman. What she liked most was that he seemed not to notice how attractive those attributes were. Then she suddenly wondered the same thing her sister did—why was he single?
“You’ve ordered enough for the whole Little League team.” He followed her to the kitchen.
“I was hungry. Don’t worry, I’ll finish my share.” She took dishes from the cabinet. “Speaking of Little League, I’ve never seen you at a game before.”
“Never was. To tell you the truth, kids scare me. I think Livia is smarter than I am and I’m afraid I won’t measure up.” He spooned some of the rice onto the two plates. “Not only that, I get wrapped up in work and…and other things.” He smiled.
She loved when he smiled. When she first saw him, the blank expression on his face had scared her. She would have never guessed his grin came with cute dimples denting his cheeks. The boyish quality made him appear less serious.
Gulliver reached for the Kung Pao at the same time Kacy did, but he drew his hand back, letting her go first.
Something steady with him would be nice, except it wouldn’t be pleasant for him. Who was she kidding? It would be a wicked torture on his nerves each time she flipped out. He’d grow to hate her.
“I used to be too busy to pay attention to Andy as well. I guess when they say children grow like weeds, they weren’t kidding. I bought him clothes a couple months ago and he’s already outgrown them. Ginny—my sister you saw today—says she has to get school clothes constantly throughout the year because he sprouts so fast.” She took a bite of her egg roll and then put it back on the plate to brush her hands off. “Drinks. We need something to wash this stuff down with. Coffee, tea, water, soda, pick something.”
“Water is good for now.”
Kacy opened one bottle and took out glasses to pour them each a drink.
“Tell me about you.” She lowered into her chair. “You said you were in security. Where?”
“In town.”
“That’s not much of an answer.”
“I’m not so interesting.”
“Okay, so you don’t like to talk about yourself.” She shrugged. “We can eat in total silence.”
“Or you could tell me what you do for a job.” He lifted his gaze from his plate.
“I don’t have one. I live off the government and investments I made before…” Kacy dropped her fork down and stood up. “Everything was before and I don’t do anything,” she said, angry about her pitiful existence.
“Kacy, things take time.” Gulliver got up and walked around the table to her.
“How long? When will I feel like a normal person again?” She slapped her hand flat on the counter. “I’m getting worse.”
It didn’t take more than a tug, and in one efficient motion Gulliver had her in his strong arms. Staring into his clear brown eyes, she felt his heartbeat against hers. Her breath caught as each exhale worked its way out of her lungs. His kind, cautious movements spoke to her fear with gentle understanding and she shivered.
His hand lifted and neared her face. She could have died from the wait for his touch. A spark of static electricity zinged over her skin as he touched her, and she flinched. He didn’t let it stop him and his fingers swirled over her sensitive flesh.
“You’ve a bit of food here.” He thumbed off something on the corner of her mouth.
She turned her cheek toward the warmth of his palm. His thumb swept over her lips in several passes, making her heart crash harder against her ribs. Her dry mouth couldn’t produce enough saliva to wet her throat to speak. Yet she ached so steadily inside, she needed a way to plead with him to hurry and kiss away her nervousness.
“Gulliver.” She scratched at the front of his shirt, anxiously waiting for his pensive assessment to end.
He lowered his head toward hers. She leaned toward him to take the kiss it appeared he was going to offer. His delicious mouth came close. His soft lips met hers tentatively as if he tested his bounds. With the first brush of his breath, a new unease began to sabotage her happiness. She whimpered, afraid she’d not feel the moistness of his tongue or the hunger of his de
sire for her.
“Don’t…” She started to ask he not stop, and found the one word held up the others, and it began to drive him away.
Gulliver didn’t go fast, but it was a retreat nonetheless. Before he could put distance between them, she slid her hand around his head and pulled him forward. His mouth covered hers without any further hesitation.
He stroked her neck and jaw with a soothing caress that permeated her senses. Her restless heart calmed to his skilled movements. His sensuous lips glided over hers, and she wished the moment could be boxed and saved.
His hands didn’t venture far. They were slow, inching along her back, under her hair, holding her head and caressing her with the attention she craved. He fingered her ear and sipped at her lips with a quiet, unhurried motion. Her desire to have him explore her flesh escaped in a small, grateful cry.
She experienced the slow domination of his kiss with growing impatience. Pressing tighter to him, she sought relief from the ache in her breasts.
“You’re beautiful,” he murmured.
“And crazy.”
“I don’t care if you’re the craziest woman on earth.” He trailed kisses to her earlobe.
“That’s good,” she hummed contentedly, “because I probably am.”
Kacy grasped his sides while trying to remember to breathe. He built an intense fire in her.
“Our food’s getting cold.” He pulled away slightly.
“Food?”
His chuckle titillated her nerve endings as he went back to kissing her. He gave her face, her cheeks, her eyelids and even her nose thorough consideration. She didn’t say a word. The little gasps of air he allowed were enough to survive on. She’d enjoy the hardness of his body compressed against her for as long as it throbbed and beat in synch with hers.
She moved forward, wiggling her hips against his until she felt the bulge in his pants. His hands rubbed harder on her back while his mouth moved on hers with fierce passion. She accommodated his hunger by slow dancing against him.
Gulliver abruptly let go and stepped back with a serious, guilt-ridden expression.
Chapter Seven
Kacy couldn’t read his thoughts and prepared herself for his departure. It would be best for him and safe for her if he left. He’d not get sick of her mental problems and she’d not get a broken heart.
“We should finish eating. Chinese food isn’t very good once it gets cold.” He rubbed his hands along her sides in short, nervous strokes.
“What about seeing the stars?”
“I don’t think the skylight will move anytime soon.”
She looked at him, perplexed. She thought he had mentioned the stars to suggest they move to the bedroom, but he confused her by his partial withdrawal. She never thought she’d be ready for intimacy. Gulliver made it easy to believe she’d not freak out as she usually did with a simple touch.
“I understand the stars stay out all night.” He pulled her head to his shoulder and held her. “Don’t rush into something you’re not ready for, Kacy.”
“Oh, Gulliver.” She folded her arms behind him and hugged tight.
A sob escaped, but she wouldn’t release him when he tried to let her go.
“What’s wrong?”
“Nothing. Nothing at all.” She dropped her head back and looked at him with a smile.
His retreat was to give her space, not to abandon her, and his empathy drew her to him. It plunged her deeper into a widening pool of love.
“So, are you hungry?”
“I’m very hungry,” she whispered the double-edged answer with a sultry tone.
“Me too.”
“I didn’t mean…”
His twinkling eyes made her feel sexy and daring, but not enough to ask him directly to make love to her.
Gulliver kissed her forehead and guided her back into her chair. She stared at the food and then up at him, trying to convey her wishes without saying them.
She had known him four or five hours at the most and she was ready to pounce. How far she was willing to go on their first night together alarmed her.
He leaned forward and held her chin. “Kacy, you look about as frightened as a kitten in a puddle.” His thumb swept under her eye. “I think you’re beautiful, passionate, fun and…”
“…and crazy,” she finished.
Her eyes went teary thinking he left off the “but” on purpose.
“You can be as fruity as you’d like. It won’t change the fact I’ll still want to be around you. I just want you to be comfortable around me.” He kissed her and then moved to his chair. “Have you forgotten earlier when you clubbed me with a lamp? Or the scenes at the ballpark and the pizza place?”
“I said I was sorry,” she said defensively.
“And I accepted your apology. Whether you’re crazy or not doesn’t bother me, Kacy. Though I’m pretty sure you’re not.”
“Then why…?”
“Why, what?”
“Nothing.” She lowered her head, staring intensely at her food.
The guy she used to date offered sympathy, yet flat-out declared he didn’t want a girlfriend that weirded him out all the time. She had offered no argument because she didn’t have the strength to deal with his hang-ups while trying to survive her own. She hadn’t known Gulliver long enough to figure out how much of her aggravating apprehensiveness he could handle.
Dinner went quietly. Conversation didn’t lag as much as it didn’t seem necessary. She appreciated that Gulliver didn’t try to fill each minute with talk. Halfway through the meal, she thought of the stereo and put on some music.
“That’s nice, what is it?” he asked when she returned to the table.
“I don’t know.” She laughed. “The CD said ‘Popular Classical Music’ and I bought it. I never read what they were.” She shut her eyes. “It’s calming—like elevator music.”
“It sounds a lot like that stuff you hear on the phone when someone puts you on hold. I don’t think I’ve ever been calmed by the fact someone is too busy to talk to me.”
“They say patience is a virtue.” She spooned the last of the Kung Pao chicken on her plate and folded the Styrofoam container closed.
“Are you a patient woman, Kacy Carwell?” Gulliver’s elbows propped on the table and his hands folded together above his plate as he waited for an answer.
She shoved her plate away as well.
“I’m in the learning stages, but generally no. I’m probably the most impatient person you could ever meet.”
She got up and reached a hand to him. Determined to steal more joy, she led the way to her bedroom.
“And just where are we headed?” Gulliver’s fingers entwined with hers, holding firmly.
“You wanted to see the skylight, remember?” She looked over her shoulder at him. Her intuitive nature could tell he wanted what most men wanted.
He stopped her before they reached the room.
“Have patience tonight, Kacy.”
His hand came free from her fingers to slip around her waist. He pulled her back against his chest and rested his chin on her shoulder so his face was close to hers.
“I don’t want you to rush into anything, okay?”
She nodded and twisted in the circle of his gentle embrace. With her hands behind him, she tilted her head back.
“I feel calm with you, Gulliver. Does that seem strange?”
She wanted to ask if it also sounded like the desperation of a woman who needed to feel loved. No one could be more needy than she was. It was all she could do to maintain some modesty in her pursuit of him.
“No.” He kissed her. “It doesn’t sound any stranger than the odd way I feel as if I’ve known you for a lifetime.”
They went in the bedroom and Kacy let go of Gulliver’s hand. She walked to the window and stared at his house across the short distance of flowerbeds and grass. Then she turned around to look at Gulliver’s downcast eyes. He shuffled his feet.
“I’ll fix th
at curtain rod for you tomorrow.” He rubbed his jaw and pointed to the mangled mess of sheers that once hung over the window.
“That’s all right, I was planning on getting new. It can wait until then.” She picked up the pile of lace and metal to separate the panels from the rod. “You can see into this room from your house. Did you see me before I screamed?”
“Ah…yeah, about that, would it help to say I liked what I saw?”
For a split second, a familiar creepy sensation chilled her. Not because he had spied her undressing, or even that he had observed her fondling herself. She didn’t like he might have judged her on her appearance, and yet, here he stood in her bedroom.
“I usually pull the shade before taking my clothes off.” She carefully folded the curtain panel and sat it on the dresser.
“Kacy, it was wrong of me to watch you and I’m sorry.” He took a step toward her.
She tensed. “It’s starting again.” She pulled her bottom lip between her teeth.
“What’s starting?” He advanced.
She stiffened further and it stopped him.
“Are you all right with me coming near you?”
She nodded and lifted her arms. Once he took her in his secure hold, every muscle in her body relaxed. She really did feel wonderfully safe when he held her.
“Now tell me what’s starting.” He rubbed a hand up and down her back.
“Nothing.”
“Oh, I doubt that. You went very pale.”
“I get panic attacks.”
“So I’ve observed.”
“I just…for a second I thought…”
“You’re doing fine, Kacy.” He cupped her chin in the palm of his hand. “Everything is going well tonight.”
“Does my nervousness show that much?”
“Yes, and I think on you, it’s an adorable characteristic.” He kissed her lightly. “You know, with what I have learned of you, I find it strange your window is partly open.”
“Do I invite trouble or what?” she laughed nervously. “You’d think I would be afraid to leave it open even a crack, especially since I always keep the front door locked. But no, I have it open all the time, and then walk around naked for the world to see.”
A Desperate Longing Page 7
