by Anne Conley
"Back to the hotel."
He must have sensed her elation, because he stopped and turned to her. "We really need to talk some more. We need to completely understand each other." She nodded again and followed him silently.
Rafe called a cab, and while they waited, he put his arm around her, pulling her close against his side. Grace just fit under his arm, and she inhaled deeply of his spicy smell.
"What is that?"
"What is what?"
"What kind of cologne do you wear? I've never smelled it before, except maybe…" She wrinkled her nose. "It's not patchouli, is it?"
He laughed out loud, the deep rumbling laugh that made Grace weak in the knees.
"It's not cologne. It's just the way we smell. Frankincense."
"Oh."
"Do you like it?"
She blushed, a deep red that she could feel crawling up her chest to her neck. "Yes."
Pulling her closer, he said, "Good. I like the way you smell, too."
A teasing smile graced her lips. "What do I smell like?"
His face turned to her, leaning close so that she could smell his breath, fresh, and clean. "Right now, you smell like vanilla and gardenias, with the ever present underlying scent of sunshine and the sea."
The taxi pulled up in front of them, and when Rafe told the driver where they were going, he raised an eyebrow.
"I know how far it is, we don't have a car. Just take us, please."
A cab that would take them from Galveston to Texas City was an expensive ride, and Grace never would have paid it, but Rafe was adamant, and they didn't really have any other options, except to wait for everybody else and catch a ride with them. Apparently, it was important to Rafe that they get back before the others. The ride was silent, but the energy coursing between them was at an all-time high. Grace could feel the crackle in the air, and looked over at Rafe to see him staring at her.
At the hotel, he led her silently through the lobby to the elevators. In the elevator, Grace was a bundle of nerves, having no idea what to expect. Rafe had held her hand the entire time, and he was still holding it, stroking the pad of her thumb with his, in a soothing gesture. After the scene in the bar, Grace wasn't sure what to make of it.
He led her to a different hotel room than the one she'd been using. Opening the door he said, "I got my own room today. I'd like for you to stay here with me tonight." He said it quietly, as if he was unsure of her response.
"I would like to, but I want to know what to expect, first."
He let go of her hand and walked across the room, shedding his overshirt and tossing it onto the bed before throwing himself down onto the chair facing a sofa. He crossed his ankle over his knee and leaned back in the chair, eyes raking her body from head to toe.
"We need to talk tonight."
"So, talking? That's all I can expect?" The words didn't come out the way she'd intended for them to. The way she said them, it sounded like she was put out that he didn't want to make love to her. But that was far from the truth, sort of.
"I mean…" Grace started to try to take it back, but realized the futility of it when she saw the blatant amusement in Rafe's eyes. They were twinkling, and the wrinkles around the edges implied suppressed laughter.
"I'm turning human, Grace." His eyes cleared of the twinkling laughter, and Grace knew that this was "the talk" he'd been wanting. She sat on the couch, curling her feet underneath her.
"It's not complete, yet. But archangels don't get hungry, or thirsty, or tired. We don't get hurt, or bleed, or…" His voice lowered, "…horny." He ran his hands through his hair, still loose around his shoulders from the club. "I've been feeling things that Uri had to explain to me. "Jealousy, anger, despondence. Uri says these are all dark sides of the light. That you cannot feel love without feeling these emotions too." He leaned forward and reached for her hand. She acquiesced, letting him grasp hers tightly.
He sighed heavily, and his eyes roamed around the room before landing on hers, where she could see that his were watery.
"Are you crying, Rafe?" She asked him softly, unaware the words had left her lips. She hadn't intended to speak at all, just listen to whatever it was he had to say.
He chuckled quietly. "Probably. It's just illustrating my point. I feel it all when it comes to you, Grace. All the pain, all the good.” He swiped at the tears, and his voice changed. It was angry with an edge of desperation, and it sounded strange coming from the usually affable Rafe. “I’ve lost some powers. I can’t head hop anymore with strangers, and my healing powers have faded. I’m so different, but the strangest thing is all the negativity I’ve been feeling. Damien was one thing, I’ve always detested him. But strange men watching you play volleyball? That kills me. But I have to let it go. I didn't realize that I can't have one without the other, don't you see? I have to let go of the bad to focus on the good."
The hand that wasn't clutching hers came up to her face, and cupped it in the palm of his hand. "As do you, Grace. You also need to let go of the bad to focus on the good."
She shook her head, loosening his hold on her face. Releasing his hand, she stood and started pacing the room.
"I don't know what you're talking about, Rafe."
"Your mother."
She spun on him, suddenly angry. "What do you know about my mother?"
"Not much, just what I've gleaned here and there. But your relationship with her has hurt your ability to have relationships of your own."
She turned her back on him again, but the quiet intensity of his voice left her feeling ragged. He was right.
"It's not my relationship with my mother as much as it's the example of her relationship that she's given me." Her voice was barely audible, even to her.
"Tell me about it, Grace." When she didn't say anything, he prodded her. "Please."
"She's been dating Carl for at least ten years, and all he does is use her. She works two jobs to feed him and keep him in beer, while he just lays on the sofa playing video games all day long. Then, he'll go out and cheat on her, and she takes him back. Every God-damned time. When I ask her why she does it, she says it's because she loves him. She just can't help herself. I don't want that kind of love, Rafe."
"I'm not offering that kind, Grace. Have I ever taken a dime from you? Do you truly believe that there's another woman out there for me? It's you. Since the first time I heard your silent pleas, it's been you. It's always been you."
She snorted, stifling the rising jealousy, even as she knew she had to right to feel it. "Yeah, right. Since the beginning of time, out of all the women you could have had, probably have had, it's me. Whatever."
"Grace. I swear, as God is my witness, you are the only one. He's chosen you for me. The trite cliché applies here. We were meant to be together. The sooner you see that and let go of your past, the sooner we can be together. You have to let go of the bad stuff so that you can see the good. What exactly are you holding onto that's keeping you from enjoying a new life?"
"What new life?"
He smiled solemnly. "A life with me."
Rafe didn't know what else he could say or do to convince Grace to trust him with her love. That's what he needed her to do. It was up to her now.
"That's all I wanted to say to you, unless you have something to say." Calm suffused his outward manner, but his insides were roiling with tension. He wanted her to say yes, that she loved him, that she couldn't live without him, she would give herself to him completely.
She was looking at him, with a strange emotion in her eyes. Rafe didn’t know what exactly the emotion was, but it made hope swell in his chest.
Slowly, she began to talk. “I want you Rafe. I can’t deny that I want everything you’ve promised me. A life with you sounds…impossible.” He opened his mouth to say something, but she raised her hand to stop him. He complied. Whatever she wanted to say, he would listen and try to understand. “But I want it more than anything.” She stood and began pacing back and forth in the small
room. “It’s just, I’m having to change my entire way of thinking about guys for you, and it’s hard. I know you’re not Carl, and I’m not my mom, but that doesn’t change the fact that I’ve programmed myself this way, for protection.”
She turned to him, and the look in her eyes made Rafe want to hold her close to him and never let go. He wanted to fill the emptiness inside her, to erase the pain. Still, he stayed silent and let her talk.
“I like you, but what if it’s a mistake? I’m nobody special. I’m a twenty-four-year-old beach bum. I’m a lifeguard, living with three other people. I’m still in college, with no end in sight. I’m nobody, Rafe. How can this be meant to be?”
Again, he opened his mouth, but she wasn’t finished apparently, because she held her hand up to him once more and continued talking and pacing.
“You’ve lost your powers. You’ve lost your…archangelness. For a beach bum. And you haven’t even tried to have sex with me. How do you know we’ll be…”
He had to stop her right there. He just knew. He rose and strode across the room, grabbing her shoulders and turning her towards him, pulling her close, not giving her any room for misunderstanding.
"Because, I don't want to do it in that order." The answer held finality, not leaving room for argument. “I want you Grace. In ways I’ve never thought possible.” He'd never dwelled long in his corporeal form and hadn't seen the images of carnality that kept flashing through his mind when Grace was around. Lord knows he'd pushed his limits with her. He'd almost taken her at the club. He'd stopped himself just by sheer will.
"Oh."
He didn’t let go of her. “Yes, I’ve lost my powers, and I’m not going to lie and tell you it was easy. Uri helped me with that part of it. He explained to me what exactly I was sacrificing for. He showed me his love for Heather and how good it is. How right it is. How it’s everything I’ve ever wanted. And more.”
Rafe lowered his voice to a whisper. “And the Boss doesn’t make mistakes.” He lowered his mouth to hers in a tender kiss. He wanted her to understand his promise, his sacrifice, the rightness of it all. He nibbled at her lips until she opened up to him, and then he thrust his tongue inside her mouth, using every bit of restraint he could to keep the kiss gentle. Her body melted against his, and eventually he pulled himself from the swirling emotions rampaging through his head and ended the kiss, pushing her back gently.
"I'm going to get ready for bed, so if you come up with anything else to say to me, I'll be out of the shower in a little bit, okay?" His voice was roughened with desire, but he knew he needed to put some distance between them.
In the shower, he willed the streams of hot water to ease his tense muscles as he cleared his mind. He had said it all, it was up to her, now. Rafe couldn’t see what else he could do to convince her to take the leap of faith.
Rafe knew that Grace loved him, he could see it in her face when she looked at him. But if she wouldn't let go enough to actually love him, then there wasn't much point, was there. She couldn't stay behind those walls forever, or he would never be able to have her.
It was too late for him, he was human now. Or almost, anyway, and he didn't think the process was going to reverse itself if she didn't love him back. So, now that he was mortal, while she was deciding if she loved him or not, he could get hit by a bus tomorrow, and die without ever knowing what it was like to be in love.
Realizing the futility of using the shower to clear his mind, he twisted the knobs off furiously, stepping out with the towel wrapped around his waist and dressed in clean shorts before going back out into the room.
He stopped short when he saw Grace sitting in his chair, looking at him intently as he left the bathroom.
"Do you want my love or my trust?" Her voice sounded unsure, as if she wondered why she was asking the question.
"I'd like your love, but your trust is a start. I can work with that." His heart leapt in his chest, as he watched her reaction.
She chewed her bottom lip thoughtfully, and Rafe resisted every urge he'd ever had concerning Grace. He held his breath, and when he thought he could hold it no longer, she looked up at him, her crystalline blue eyes full of emotion.
"Okay, Rafe. I'll trust you." Seeming to gain courage with the declaration, she continued. "You haven't given me any reason not to, yet. But if you do anything hinky, we're through."
Rafe stalked over to her, trying not to get angry. She was just so damn stubborn. "It doesn't work that way, Grace. You have to know that I would never do anything hinky. That's trust. What you're talking about his hope. I don't want hope, I want love, but will settle for trust. For now. You have to understand the difference."
She took a deep breath, and expelled it slowly. "Okay, Rafe. I trust you. You will not intentionally hurt me. Promise." The last word could have been a question, but was spoken like a statement. Rafe trembled with anticipation.
"Promise." A thought occurred to him, and a smug smile curved his lips. "You're not just saying that to get me into bed."
She punched him in the gut, laughing, which sent Rafe soaring. "No, but now that you've given me the idea, would it have worked that way? Was that all I had to say to get that to happen?"
He scooped her up and threw her on the bed. "You are in for it, now," he growled.
Crawling up the bed, where Grace lay sprawling and out of breath, Rafe enjoyed the sensation of rapture that filled him. He'd never experienced happiness like he had when she said she trusted him. He had her now.
She was his.
"I'm not going to make love to you tonight, Grace." He whispered into her neck as he pressed soft kisses on her flushed skin. He felt her tense under him.
"Why not?"
"Your trust isn't the same as your love." He continued to kiss her neck, reveling in her response. Her body shuddered underneath his, and he pressed his weight on top of her.
"Then what are you doing?" Her voice was breathless, and it sent a tremor up his spine.
"I'm going to love you, Grace." He stopped kissing her and looked into her eyes. "Until you see that I'll never hurt you. I'll never ask you to change. Until you can see that I don't want your life, I want a life with you, you can't love me back. But I can show you how things could be with me."
He covered her mouth with his in a kiss that reeled his senses. She responded to him hungrily, and he was overcome with emotion. He could tell she was there, she just had to admit it to herself. Her hot little tongue met his, and they swirled together, touching and tasting, until he wanted so much more. But he had to wait. Tonight was to show her how much he would take care of her. She responded to sex, and he would show her through sex, how much he loved her. Would do anything for her.
Slowly, he undressed Grace, caressing and kissing her body where her clothes had been. She lay there, writhing under his touch, moaning encouragement. The soft little noises leaving her throat made Rafe harder than he had ever thought possible, but he was determined to do this right.
Her soft skin tasted wonderful, like sunshine. As his mouth traveled down her stomach, he lowered himself, so his body was between her thighs. He got comfortable with her navel, dipping his tongue in, sucking on the flesh around it. Grace trembled under his touch and pressed her pelvis against him.
"You taste heavenly…" He continued to make love to her navel with his mouth, licking it and nibbling, hearing her gasps. Rafe continued down her body and settled a little lower, taking time with the insides of her creamy smooth thighs. She opened for him, and he licked and suckled at her velvety skin. He knew where she wanted him to touch her, but he didn't. Rafe was saving those places for last. He wanted her to shatter completely under his touch, and in order to do that, he had to prolong her pleasure.
He continued to work his way down her legs, until he got to her toes. He kissed and rubbed her feet each individually, before making his way back up her body.
"You are beautiful, Grace." And she was. Every part of her was beautiful to him. Her creamy tanned
skin, flushed with desire. Her pert breasts, rising and falling with her gasping breaths. Her long, toned legs, open and willing for him. Her glistening hot sex, drawing his gaze. Rafe dipped his head for a small taste of it, and it overwhelmed his senses. Rafe knew he'd fallen for Grace, because as soon as his tongue touched her folds and he tasted her desire, he was lost. Whether it was because all women tasted this way, he had no way of knowing, he'd never been able to taste another. But as he slowly ran his tongue up her folds, she started writhing, and he held her hips down with his hand, needing to keep her still so he could savor this experience. His tongue found her bud, swollen with need, and it encircled it, slowly. As she gasped under him, he flicked the spot, suckling it gently as she breathed his name between ragged gulps of air.
Reluctantly, he worked his way back up to her breasts, promising himself to finish with that spot later and listened to her whimpers before he took a breast in his mouth. Grace arched her back, rising off the bed, as he covered her flushed skin with kisses before taking an erect nipple into his mouth to suck. His hand toyed with the other nipple, until Grace was once again moaning his name. Her hips ground into his pelvis, and Rafe was powerless to control his own hips, thrusting against her thigh, reveling in the delightful friction on his own sex.
Rafe continued exploring her breasts, alternately licking, suckling, and nibbling, until Grace screamed his name in frustration.
"Rafe…Please…"
"Please what, Grace?" He didn't recognize his own voice.
"Make love to me." She grasped his hair and pulled his face up to hers, opening her mouth for a kiss he was all too willing to bestow. They kissed for an impossibly long time, tongues entwining, Grace groaning with frustration with her unfulfilled need. Rafe was happy to comply, as he ended the kiss, and his mouth moved back down to the apex of her thighs.
"You know I won't do that, Grace. Not yet." He dropped open-mouth kisses down her belly, until he reached her sex, the pinnacle of desire, waiting for him.
He took her in his mouth and sucked, as her hips rose off the bed. His hands held her still again as he continued his ministrations, licking and flicking with his tongue until he could feel her on the edge, then sucking her bud into his mouth and feeling her tremors as she fell back a little, before starting all over again.
