by Nella Tyler
“Of course,” he insisted. “I was as bad as ever, but it was fun nonetheless.”
“You’ll get there. Practice makes perfect, after all.”
He snorted a laugh. “Yeah, but first you need talent. If that saying was universally true, I’d be playing the US Open and leaving this place to you and your idealism.”
“Maybe it wouldn’t be so bad if you continued to have a little bit of my idealism…both during your rotation and on the green,” I retorted as I poured a cup of what was now stale coffee.
“No, I get it, Jenna. I wish I could maintain that kind of enthusiasm.” At this, his voice turned serious, almost sad.
“I mean, don’t get me wrong, Jenna, you’re a great doctor, but I’ve been a doctor for longer than you’ve been alive. Every year, I find it easier not to get too close to the patients. There’s so much death that surrounds us. If I allow myself to get close to any of them, I have the guilt of not being able to save them when they pass away, but also the feeling of loss that comes with mourning.”
“Yes, but surely, in all of your experience, there has been more lives saved than lost.”
“Of course. Yet, even you have to agree, the guilt and remorse of a life lost at your hands cancels out a hundred lives saved.” He stared at me seriously as his expression hardened, “Or, hasn’t anyone died when you were supposed to save them?”
I didn’t answer. I simply looked away. I knew he took it as the answer he expected, but that didn’t bother me. He didn’t need to know everything about me, especially with this issue. He took my silence for guilt and his expression softened.
“Hey, Jenna, I’m sorry. I hope you never have to deal with something like that. I didn’t mean anything by it. We were just having a discussion. and I was explaining my position.”
I found it strange that he felt the need to apologize. That was certainly a first. So, in an effort to keep him from feeling guilty, I returned a solid gaze to him and grinned.
“I know. I’m not upset by what you said, but I still must disagree. I think that having compassion helps both the doctor and the patient. Sure, there are parts of our job that are devastating, but that comes with the territory, in my opinion. It still doesn’t serve anyone to be cold and distant. People live and die every day, and I believe that if it is their time, it doesn’t matter who is trying to help them – their life is going to end. We can’t play God. We can only do our best to help our fellow humans.”
“All right…all right. You’ve made your point. Get off your soapbox,” he teased. “We have fellow humans to help.”
One of my first stops of the day was to check on Phil Meck. “How are you doing today, Phil?” I inquired, grinning as I walked into the room.
“Great!” he replied, beaming when he saw it was me.
“Phil, you have four broken bones and a fractured tibia. You wouldn’t be telling me that just so you could go home, would you?”
“No, ma’am!” Phil insisted. “Just the opposite, actually.”
“Is that right?” I teased. “What’s with the change of heart? From what I’ve heard, the night before last you tried to bribe the night nurse to sneak you out of here in a laundry cart.”
“She told you about that? Damn traitor!” he laughed, continuing his explanation after a moment of silence. “Naw, I was fighting it in the beginning. I like my freedom, but once I realized there ain’t nowhere I was goin’ with this damn thing on anyway, I figured it was better to be here.
“It’s not all that bad! I’ve got three square meals a day, everyone does whatever I need ‘em to do for me…and, I have no responsibilities whatsoever. Hell, even my son came to see me – and he fixed the toilet!” He laughed. “Sad I have to nearly die for him to fix a goddamn toilet, but I suppose it’s better than him not coming at all.”
“Well, I’m sure your son would do more if he were closer,” I answered, trying to be assuring.
“Then, you obviously didn’t know him in high school,” Phil retorted, shaking his head. “If it didn’t have a motherboard and connect to something that took him into the world of technology, he wanted nothing to do with it!”
“Well, please don’t think I’m defending him, but he did make a good life for himself.”
“Yes, ma’am. He sure did. But you and I both know that there is far more to having a good life than the amount of zeros in your bank account.”
I smiled kindly at him, knowing he wished more had come of his and Tim’s relationship. I wondered if it was what could have easily been a near-death experience for him, or if was simply his age. After all, he had told me many times that he was a burly man, but I’d never seen that side of him once in all the time he’d been here.
“Well, hopefully when your son takes you home tomorrow, the two of you can have a long talk and even work some things out between you,” I replied softly, trying to break the news that he was going to be left in his son’s care to him gently.
“Tomorrow?” His eyes grew large with surprise. “I just got done tellin’ you how much I was starting to like it here. I ain’t never leaving!”
I chuckled and shook my head. “As happy as I am that you are so pleased with your care, I still think it would be more comfortable for you if you went home.”
“Trying to get rid of me already, huh?” he joked.
“No, Sir! It’s definitely not that. I enjoy your company, but you don’t want to go home?”
“Sure! If I was twenty years younger and without this damn cast, but right now, I kind of just want to hang out. It’s been nice not having to think about anything.” He grinned.
“You know what they say about an idle mind.”
“Yeah, well, I don’t need to worry about that. I’ve been runnin’ so fast for so long, a little idleness is a reward.”
I chuckled. “I believe that.”
“Damn straight!” He turned quickly as he realized something else. “So, when you all kick me out of here, am I going to be left in the care of my son?”
“Yes. He’s going to care for you until your broken bones heal.”
“Good Lord. This is going to be the worst…what? Month of my life?”
“Maybe he’ll surprise you?” I offered, trying to be reassuring.
“Hey, can you do me a favor? Can you not cut me loose until after lunch tomorrow? We’re having meatloaf and I’m sure that’s the last decent meal I’ll have until I can make my own or get down to the Waffle House. My son and his California foo-foo crap. It’s supposed to be healthy, but I’m sure it’ll kill me faster than all the lard I can stomach.”
“Well, when you put it that way, I think staying with your son and getting some vegetables in you might not be such a bad thing.”
He huffed and carefully crossed his arms over his chest. “It’s bullshit, is what it is.”
I shook my head, snickering at him. He looked as though he was about to retort when his eyes rose to meet someone.
“Awww, hell…did you hear that, too?”
“That you can go home tomorrow? Sure did.” Tim answered, grinning slightly. “I also heard that you think everything I eat in California is foo-foo…or bullshit, whichever you prefer.” He chuckled and I couldn’t help but notice that he was far more attractive when he was happy.
However, I shoved the thought out of my head almost as swiftly as it arose, physically shaking my head from side to side to get it to leave.
“Although, I’ll have you know, Father, that I eat blowfish. It’s a delicacy, sure, but it is anything but foo-foo. Every time I eat it, I’m facing the possibility of death, if it isn’t prepared just right.”
“Well, that’s plain stupid,” Phil grumbled.
I could tell that Tim’s attempt to have a conversation with his father was failing, so I interjected. After all, I wanted to help as best I could to see that the two of them didn’t kill one another before Phil even left his hospital bed.
“Mr. Meck, please come with me. I have some instructions for
you.”
Tim seemed relieved to have an opportunity to leave, and as I walked down the hall, he kept up with me while I explained the details of his father’s care.
I was surprised that he didn’t seem as put off by the idea of taking care of his father as he had the other day. I wondered what had changed, but knew that I shouldn’t be invested in this family enough to wonder if it was anything I said.
Nonetheless, I was pleased that Tim at least listened and asked questions with what seemed to be genuine intent to understand. When I was finished, we had made it to the nurse’s station.
I noticed that Dr. Pierce was standing there, probably with an ear on our conversation, to ensure I didn’t miss anything crucial. Therefore, when Dr. Pierce had nothing to add as Tim started to walk away, I mentally took a relaxing breath. It was nice a compliment in and of itself.
However, right at the end of my exhale, I watched Tim turn around and I hoped to God he only had a question about his father’s wellbeing. Although, for one reason or another, before he even said a word, I doubted that would be his intent.
“Hey, I was wondering…” he started, sounding a bit hesitant. Already, I felt my cheeks get red. If he was about to ask what I dreaded him asking, again, I thought I might lose it. “Would you like to go out to dinner with me on Thursday night? You know, after I get my dad all settled?”
His words propelled a lump in my throat and caused my stomach to drop. I opened my mouth to speak, trying not to obsess over the fact that it seemed everyone at the nurses’ station had quieted, awaiting my answer.
Yet, before I could even cultivate a professional response, I heard Dr. Pierce speak up from behind me. “She would love to,” he exclaimed. “You can pick her up at…what? Six?”
A large grin spread across Tim’s face that I couldn’t help but hope was genuine. “Six sounds perfect!” he said and turned around, taking the chance to leave before I had the ability to turn him down.
I watched him walk away, my mouth agape with shock, horror, and infinite outrage. When he was finally gone, I wheeled around on my heels, my jaw still hanging open and my eyes narrowed. “Why did you do that?”
“All work and no play will make even the most dedicated doctors go absolutely crazy.”
I continued to glare at him with warning, unsure of how to approach this situation. Part of me was furious, but part of me was glad. After all, I would have never agreed to go had I not been forced, and besides, it couldn’t be all that bad.
It was only dinner, after all.
So, finally, I grinned. “I guess I should thank you.”
“No need to thank me, but you do look tired. You can’t go on a date looking worse than most of your patients. I want you to take the rest of the week and the weekend off. Relax. Enjoy yourself.”
Even though he was grinning and seemed to be genuine, I couldn’t quite believe what he was saying. “Excuse me, Doctor?” I lowered my voice and stepped toward him, even though I was well aware that the rest of the nurses could still hear me. “Did I do something wrong?”
“No!” Raymond burst out laughing. “Of course, not. Wait…do you think I’m trying to get rid of you?”
“Well…” I shrugged my shoulder, allowing the motion to fill in the blanks of what I would rather have not said.
He shook his head in a reassuring manner and placed a firm hand on my shoulder.
“Jenna, you’re doing great work here. I trust you and your judgment, which is something that I can’t say for many of the doctors that start their rotations here. However, you have been running around like crazy, and I don’t want you to get burnt out. I would rather make do for a few days without you than see you reach a breaking point that you might even be too busy to see coming.”
Even though he seemed genuine enough, it was still hard to accept that he was telling me the truth. After all, every boss that I had ever had would only push harder if I was doing a good job and in the medical profession, that was no less the norm.
“Are you sure? I mean, I’m okay. Thursday will be a nice break, but…do I really look worse than some of the patients?” I asked, subconsciously running my fingers through my hair, trying to fix it, but likely only making my messy bun worse.
Raymond chuckled. “Don’t worry about it. The hospital somehow managed to keep its doors open without you; we can manage for a few days. It’s okay.”
“Thank you,” I replied, finally inclined to believe that he was telling me the truth.
“Of course. Enjoy it!” He patted my shoulder in a friendly, reassuring manner.
As I walked away, I was still slightly confused, but a few days off was a few days off. As long as I still had a job when I returned, I figured I shouldn’t question my good fortune. After all, I couldn’t disagree with him. Now that I had the chance, I did notice that I was running myself a little ragged.
By the time I left the hospital, I was thinking about what Michelle had said, combining it with what Dr. Pierce had done. Am I that desperate? I wondered, but eventually decided to take it as a sign that I should be dating and leave it at that.
Chapter 13
Tim
Today’s the day, I thought begrudgingly, taking a moment to myself before I entered my father’s room. I knew that I should be more excited about his quick recovery and the ability to take him home, but I was dreading the next few weeks.
I knew that it wasn’t going to be fun, but I had tried and failed to convince myself that this might be good for both of us…or either of us. Eventually, I decided that the positivity I longed for was impossible. There was no helping this situation. The two of us were so different that there was no amount of fatherly bonding time or Prodigal Son moment to be had.
This situation was simply going to be miserable…for both of us. At least you have one thing in common, I thought, finally being honest with myself as I rolled my eyes.
Knowing that I couldn’t wait out here too much longer, I drew in a deep breath and walked into the room.
“Hi, Dad. How are you feeling today?” I asked, taking in the sight of him in the wheelchair.
“You have to wheel me out in this damn thing! Can you believe it?” he complained. I knew for sure that today was going to be interesting.
“Yeah, Dad. If you haven’t noticed, your leg and your hip are still broken. You can’t go hobbling around.”
“Why not?” he snapped cantankerously.
“Because they’re afraid you’ll hurt yourself,” I sighed, slipping behind the wheelchair. “Are you all ready to go?”
“If I have to…” He looked back at me with a wide-eyed expression. “Are you going to be manning this hunk of cheap metal?”
“Yes. I’m going to wheel you out.”
“Well, if I happen to fall down the stairs, just remember, boy…there’re witnesses.”
I rolled my eyes and started to push the wheelchair forward. “Don’t tempt me…” I grumbled under my breath, but my father either didn’t hear it, or chose to ignore it, because he didn’t respond.
It seemed to take forever to get out of the hospital and back to my car. It was a relief to see it there, even though I knew going back to the house wasn’t going to be any better.
“That’s a pretty fancy car, especially for a rental. Did you have that brought here from home as a constant reminder of how much better you are than everyone else in this town?”
Immediately, I knew it was best to bite my tongue after hearing a comment like that. I knew it was a cheap shot and hoped that he had gotten it out of his system. I doubted it, but didn’t want to start arguing before we got out of the parking lot, so I said nothing.
I helped my father into the car, returned the wheelchair to the front desk, and got into the driver’s side.
Instantly, a suffocating silence erupted between us. My father continued to purposefully stare out the window while I started the car and drove off. Even though the hospital wasn’t too far from the house, the ride seemed to take ages
.
The silence thickened the atmosphere in a sickening and relentless surge. What seemed to make the situation continuously worse was the fact that I hit every single red light. The town didn’t have many, but it seemed that on the way back, every one of them made the trip significantly more grueling.
Finally, the car pulled into the driveway of my father’s house and his stubborn ass actually tried to open the door. “Dad! Wait for me!” I snapped and received an eye-roll that made me feel as though the father and son roles had somehow reversed. I hated that feeling – especially since I had no intention of having children of my own.
“I ain’t dead, Tim!” my father snapped, but I ignored him, rushing to the passenger’s side to help him out of the car. He muttered and complained, but ultimately, he allowed me to provide my assistance.
It took a lot longer than normal to get up the large, Southern-plantation-style wrap-around porch that was severely in need of some TLC. Yet, as a combined effort of brute determination and the small amount of planning that my father agreed to, we finally made it through the door.
“Do you have to go to the bathroom?” I asked and only received a grumble in reply, so I helped my father to the bathroom.
“This is disgusting.”
“Trust me, if it wasn’t necessary, I certainly wouldn’t be doing it. If it’s weird for you, imagine how weird it is for me,” I retorted.
“I don’t remember asking you, boy,” my father answered seriously, gazing into my eyes with a cold bluntness that made me feel both angry and guilty.
“Come on, Dad. We can have this conversation later.” I continued to help him use the bathroom.
When he was finally finished, we headed toward the living room and I helped him into his easy-chair. It was one I remembered from years past. He’d had it for as long as I could remember.
Though, the majority of the house’s contents were things that had been there for as long as I could remember. My parents never were ones for the newest gadgets. I had been shocked to hear that they bought a computer.
I was sure my mother had something to do with it. She had admitted that she wanted to keep up with me better. Though, without internet, they never figured out how to use the thing for more than Solitaire and now it simply sits in the corner collecting dust.
