I’ve had run ins with Miles McQueen before, and let’s just say his disdain for me has always been very obvious. It all seemed so easy until suddenly it wasn’t. I was expecting her to be a spoiled socialite with daddy issues who would fall at my feet. If that were the case, I never would have fallen for her, but it wasn’t. She is wild, untamed, larger than life and yet fragile at the same time. I fell in love with Blake McQueen. I fell in love with my brother’s only hope of freedom, and I was forced to choose between the girl who blindsided me and stole my heart or the brother who would lay down his life for me.
In the end, blood is thicker than water and if I think about it, there never really was a choice. I was an idiot to let myself become so entranced by her. That doesn’t mean it hurts any less though.
Of course, the entire thing is made worse by the fact that I had to ask her to marry me to get her father where I needed him. It was cruel and I hate myself for it. I only hope that she goes straight back to being the girl she was before I ever walked into her life.
My phone rings, vibrating loudly across the glass coffee table. I ignore it, topping off my glass and taking a large gulp. As soon as it rings off the phone buzzes again.
I snatch it off the table and glance at the screen. Duncan, the guy I’m paying to watch Blake. I should have just walked away, but I couldn’t. I have to know how she is, what she’s doing. I have to know that she’s safe.
I answer the call and press the phone to my ear. “Yeah.”
“She’s gone.”
“What do you mean she’s gone?” I snap, leaning forward in my chair.
“I followed her to Heathrow, and she got on a plane to Ireland. One-way ticket.”
I rub a hand over my face. “Did she go alone?”
“Just took the dog. And uh, thought you might want to know, she pawned the ring.”
I hang up the phone and drop it onto the coffee table.
I asked him to watch her because I knew she’d do something stupid. I can only imagine the trouble she’s finding in Ireland. It bothers me, but the fact is, it shouldn’t. She’s no longer my concern. She can’t be, not matter how much I love her.
41
Rhett
Four months later…
Months can pass in the blink of an eye, but it feels like only moments ago that I was with Blake. I can’t move past her, can’t forget her, but yesterday, finally, my sacrifice paid off.
My brother, Luca was released into the custody of the United States Prison Service twelve days ago, and that was all the time the cartel needed to bribe, threaten, and corrupt him out of there. I played my part and I got my brother back on home soil, the cartel will want his loyalty in return, which pisses me off, but what choice does he have? Stay in prison and rot for the rest of his life or stick out a few more years with the Cartel. There’s that saying, you always have a choice, well for people like Luca and I, there isn’t always a choice.
“Rhett. Rhett!” I blink and look up at Luca’s impatient expression. “What is with you?”
“Nothing. What do you need?” I snap.
He sighs and rests his elbows on his knees, clasping his hands together in front of him. “I want to know what’s going on with you, and don’t say nothing because I know you.” He sighs. “So in the manliest, most non-sensitive way possible…spill.”
“I told you...”
“Felix rang me this morning,” he says. My heart stumbles over itself for a couple of beats.
I pick up my coffee and drop my eyes to my phone, scrolling through emails that I don’t actually see. “Oh yeah, what did he want?”
“He asked how I am, the usual. And he asked whether I’d heard from you, and said that when I see you, I’m to ask you if you’ve been in touch with someone called Blake.” I try not to react, and slowly place the coffee on the table in front of me. “Who is she?” he asks quietly.
I lift my gaze to his, clenching my fist tightly. “None of your business.”
He rolls his eyes and slumps back into the sofa cushions. “Shit, that bad?”
“Stop talking.”
He laughs. “Did you break her heart, big brother?”
“Fuck!” I launch to my feet. “I said, shut the fuck up!”
I rub at the spot on my chest that aches whenever I think of her. They say time heals all wounds, but no wound festers quite like betraying someone you love. It is its own brand of torture, self-inflicted and all the more painful for it.
“Sounds messy.” The smirk never leaves his face. “Women always did have a nasty habit of falling in love with you.”
Snapping, I launch across the coffee table, grabbing him by the throat. I pin him into the sofa, squeezing his windpipe with one hand. He gasps for air, his eyes bulging. “I fucking gave her up for you! You do not talk about her.” I release him and stagger backwards, breathing heavily.
He coughs, rubbing at his throat as he tries to sit up. “What the fuck, Rhett?” He chokes.
“She was the daughter of the Minister who signed off on your extradition. That was the price; your freedom if I never saw her again.” I say the words quietly as if giving them volume will make them hurt more.
He says nothing for a long moment. “You loved her?”
“Love.” I clench my jaw. “I love her.”
His eyebrows shoot up and a smile slowly makes its way on his face. “So go and get her.” I shake my head. “If you’re still hung up on her four months later,” he says, “you need to grow a set and fucking go get her.”
42
Rhett
I look up at the front of the hotel and take a deep breath. I have to do this, but it doesn’t mean it’s easy.
Inside the lobby, there’s a sign for the fundraiser, and I follow it. I managed to track her down to Dublin, and then found out she’s enrolled at the University. When I found her on the guest list for this event, I contacted the business office saying I wanted to donate to the University. I wrote them a check and here I am.
I make my way across the room, scanning the crowd for her. People mill around, sipping champagne and talking in small groups.
I go to the bar and the barman looks up, smiling politely. “Scotch, please.” He pours me a drink, and I pick up the glass, swirling the lone ice cube around. It’s then that I hear her, that laugh that sounds like music only…different.
I turn around and there she is, in a knee length dress that’s very un-Blake like. She’s talking to an older couple, and standing next to her, with her hand hooked through his elbow is a guy, about her age. He smiles at her like she’s his whole world, and I know how he feels because she used to be mine.
I watch her laugh and smile. I watch as she charms everyone around her, making them eat from the palm of her hand. I smile because she’s changed. She left London, enrolled in the University—she made something of herself. So why doesn’t she look happy? I told myself that if I came here and she looked happy, I would leave her alone, but I know her, and there’s something not quite right.
Watching, I wait until she moves away from her date and exits the ballroom. I follow her as she walks down the hallway and slips into one of the bathrooms. Pausing outside the door, I steel myself, taking a steadying breath. I’ve never been nervous in my life, but right now, I’m terrified. I push through the door and lock it behind me.
She glances at her reflection in the mirror and freezes, her face washing white as her eyes lock with mine. She swallows heavily and drops her head forward, bracing her hands on the edge of the sink. “Fucking hell,” she whispers.
“Duchess.”
There’s a long beat of silence before she speaks. “What do you want?”
“You.” Shit, I wasn’t supposed to say that, but it’s true.
She huffs a small laugh and slowly lifts her head, turning to face me. When I used to look in Blake’s eyes, I saw this fire in her that ensnared me. Now, it’s dimmed. She looks worn, tired.
“I’m proud of you, Blake, being here, get
ting your degree.”
“Well, that’s great. My life is fucking made because Rhett Torres is proud of me. Rhett Torres, whose picture I’m pretty sure is in the dictionary next to wanker,” she says, glaring at me in the mirror.
I smile. “I get it. You hate me, but I had my reasons for what I did...” They were going to kill my brother. But I can’t tell her that. No matter how good a reason that is for leaving her, I don’t want her touched by the shit that has stained mine and Lucas’ lives.
“That’s nice. I don’t care.”
“I love you,” I blurt because I feel like I’ve been waiting to say that to her for four months, thinking it every day and wishing like fuck that she knew it.
She frowns and clenches her fists. “My father told me everything. Go back to your life, Rhett.” She slowly turns to face to me, those cold eyes meeting mine. “Love is a bullshit fairy tale, you taught me that.”
“I’m sorry.”
“I’m over it. You did me a favour.”
I always knew I would come after Blake eventually. I knew she wouldn’t exactly welcome me with open arms. I pictured a thousand different ways that this might go, but her acceptance, her indifference was not one of them. I would rather she hate me than this because it means she’s moved on. She forgot me when I never forgot her, not for a single minute.
I step closer to her and she presses herself firmly against the edge of the sink. I brush my knuckles down her cheek and she stiffens, slamming her eyes shut again. “Did I? Because like it or not, what we have is real, Blake.”
“Had,” she spits. “You want the fairy tale, here it is. Once upon a time, a girl fell in love with a man, but the man used the girl and fucked her over.” The ice in her eyes shifts just a little, and I see the sadness in them. “So the girl ran away. Apparently five months isn’t long enough, and now here you are, sticking the knife in all over again, reminding me of how little I meant to you.” Her voice breaks slightly.
I wrap my hand around her nape, and press my lips to her hair, inhaling the scent of her shampoo. “You mean the world, you always have.” I place my lips on her forehead and her breath hitches as one hand lightly rests against my chest. When I step away from her, she refuses to look at me.
She pulls away and pushes past me, shoving the bathroom door open.
“I’m glad you got your brother back. I was good for that much, at least,” she throws over her shoulder before she’s gone.
“Blake!” I call after her, but she’s already gone.
43
Blake
I slam the bathroom door closed behind me and stagger out into the hall. Months. I have spent months feeling nothing, being nothing, then he just walks back in and it’s like a tap has been turned on. All these…feelings. Everything, the butterflies in my stomach, the love that feels more like raging obsession, the mind numbing pain, the betrayal. They all swirl like a storm, ravaging everything in its path.
I break into a jog, my heels clicking off the marble floor as I head for the exit. People stare at me as I move past them, but I ignore them. I can’t breathe. I need air. I need to get outside. I burst through the French doors that lead to a small courtyard in the centre of the building and drag in lungfuls of cold air as I lean back against the cool stone wall. A small water fountain sits in the centre of the courtyard, the water trickling gently. Goosebumps prickle my skin and my breath fogs in front of my face, but the cold clears my mind of the infection that is Rhett Torres.
A door clicks open and I slam my eyes shut, bracing myself for round two with him. I’m not sure I can hold this front for a second time.
“Blake.” I open my eyes to find Nathaniel standing in front of me. I release the breath I didn’t even realise I was holding and smile in relief—a genuine smile. Funny that even is my despair, one way or the other Rhett can elicit the first unforced reactions I’ve had in months, even if it is in relief.
Nathaniel is nothing like Rhett. Perhaps that’s why I agreed to go on a date with him when he asked. I’ve been seeing him for a few weeks and he’s a nice guy, good, respectful, decent. If I had met him before all of this ever started, I think I could have loved him. If I had met him before Rhett, then maybe we could have had a future, but after everything, after Rhett…how can anyone compare to him? No one ever will. And now, as I stare at Nathaniel all I can do is compare everything about the two of them.
Nathaniel is half Italian. Dark hair, dark eyes, olive skin, in his own right he’s beautiful, but lacking the savage beauty that Rhett wears so effortlessly. I’m attracted to him, but not with the wild passion that makes me want to tear the clothes from Rhett’s body. He lacks the edge of danger that I can’t help but be drawn to. But that was the old Blake. Rhett had the love of a different girl…or maybe just a girl I keep locked up. Fuck Rhett for coming back! Fuck him for making me even think about these things.
“Blake.” I lift my gaze to meet his and reach out, grabbing a handful of his shirt and pulling him towards me. I slam my lips against his, tracing my tongue along the seam of his mouth. His hands span my waist, but I don’t want them on my waist. I want them in my hair, gripping my jaw, claiming, owning, demanding. I tear my lips from him and clench my fists, slamming my eyes shut.
“I…I need to go home.” He opens his mouth to say something but I push past him. Just as I needed to get away from Rhett because he reminds me of everything I once wanted so badly, Nathaniel reminds me of everything that isn’t Rhett. It’s a cruel irony really.
“Are you okay?”
I plaster a fake smile on my face. “Yeah, I just have a headache. I’ll call you later.” I kiss his cheek and turn away from him before he can say anything else.
I was fine. I was fine, and now, I’m freefalling all over again.
44
Blake
I go back to my dorm and curl up on my bed with Peppy. He nuzzles my face and gets under the duvet with me, patiently tolerating my meltdown. In the privacy of my room, I allow myself to feel for the first time in a very long time.
I scrape back the hardened surface and there it is, lingering closer than I would like, everything I feel for Rhett. And it hurts so much. My eyes prickle with tears and my chest aches. I bury my face in the pillow as the tears slip free, betraying me even to myself. I like to pretend that I’m over him, that I don’t love him, but the truth is I’ll never be over him. He was my first love, the guy that I fell for so hard and fast that I agreed to marry him after six weeks. Who does that? I was naïve and foolish, and that was the only reason he was able to use me the way he did. So why can’t I switch these feeling off, see them for what they are? A lie.
When I left London, I left behind everything that was the old me, everything that reminded me of him. I literally took a suitcase and Peppy. Larry lives with Milly, and Jackie is still free range in the flat. She feeds him for me. I haven’t spoken to Felix since I came here, and I feel bad, but he just reminds me too much of Rhett. Milly and I speak every week, and honestly, she’s all I have now. She’s the only person who really knows me, and she’s the only person I can turn to, especially with this.
I pick up my phone and dial her number.
“Hey.” She picks up.
“Milly,” I choke, the tears coming full force now.
“Blake, what’s wrong? Are you hurt?”
“No! No, I’m fine. But…” I take a deep breath. “Rhett came back.” There’s a long beat of silence. “Milly?”
“Sorry. Why?”
I sniff. “Because he’s an arsehole.” She says nothing. “He said he still loves me,” I whisper.
“Wow.”
“And now I just…it hurts. Seeing him hurts, and now I’m crying and I’m a mess.” I swipe at the tears but they just keep coming. “He’s a fucking shitty arsehole.”
“Because you still love him.”
“I don’t want to!” I snap.
“Well you don’t have a choice, so I think you should hear him out.” Is she se
rious?
“Whose side are you on?”
She sighs. “Yours, which is why you should hear him out. I’ve known you a long time Blake, and I have never seen you as happy as you were with him.”
“He broke me, Milly,” I whisper.
“I know,” she says sympathetically. “And believe me, I hate him for it, but if he came back, there must be a reason why. I mean, why now? It’s been months.” If I hear him out, if I open myself to even a fraction of a possibility—I’m not strong enough for it.
“You’re shit.”
She laughs. “Let me know what happens,” she instructs and hangs up.
I stroke Peppy’s head and remember the day Rhett got him back for me. All the memories I have of him, every good thing he ever did, it’s all tainted. Tainted by the thought that he may have only done those things to buy my trust so that when he asked me to marry him I would say yes. So that he could get the leverage he needed to force my fathers hand.
Everything we had became a lie overnight, everything except my feelings for him. It doesn’t matter how many times I tell myself that I fell in love with a lie, my heart won’t have it.
The next morning, my door pushes open and my roommate, Hattie walks in, still wearing her dress from yesterday. At least someone had a good time. She’s a first year vet student from Cardiff. She has platinum blonde hair, fake eyelashes, and a broad Welsh accent, but I love her.
She eyes my puffy face, frowning, because yes, like the pathetic fuck I am, I cried all night. I’m really starting to loathe that man.
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