by Nicole Thorn
The phone rang three times before he picked up, and I finally breathed again when I heard his voice. “Morning.”
“Morning,” I said with a smile. “How are you?”
Something banged in the background wherever he was, and he waited a few seconds to answer. The bang happened again, but softer. “I’m fine.”
“Hmm. Fine almost never means fine. Soup is fine. A car can run fine. A person is too complicated for fine.”
He sighed. “What do you want me to say here? I spend all of last night being mortified that I cried like a baby in front of a stranger and called you at all. I was pathetic, and I don’t understand how you can even keep a straight face when you talk to me.”
All humor was gone from me, and I went back into work mode. “I don’t think you’re pathetic. I think that you’re sad and alone. I can fix at least one of those things. Are you busy today?”
“Umm.” He waited. “Why?”
“Because I’m taking you out. Get your ass ready to go because I’m gonna be there in twenty minutes. And no, you do not get a choice.”
I heard him sputter as he tried to come up with something. He couldn’t get out of this. Not until I believed that he was willing to get better. “Where are you taking me?”
“To meet my friends. You’ll love them. We’re all really fucked up people. One of us burned down a garage.”
That one silenced Bennett for a few more seconds. “They burned it down?”
“Yeah, then she drove off a bridge and died for a few minutes. Long story. Just go put some pants on, and I’ll fill you in later.”
We hung up, and I shoved all the food I could into my mouth without even chewing. It would have made for an ungraceful looking corpse, but I somehow survived. Moulder got my leftovers, and I hurried out of the house to see Bennett.
I didn’t get the chance to call the shop to see if everyone was there. I assumed they would be. Since Riley and Wilson ran it, they had to be there. Adalyn only worked part time, so I wasn’t sure. It might actually be better that way. She needed to have some warning.
We were all healing as best we could, but Adalyn wasn’t… coming along. We all promised that we wouldn’t fold. We wanted to get better. Riley was doing the best. She had a boyfriend, and she had a job. She was trying to get through her days with happiness. We were all fucked up in the head, in very different ways. Riley killed someone, and I saw the weight of that in her eyes. Little things triggered her PTSD, but she was getting better. Adalyn, she was scared of the world. She curled in on herself. Riley and I knew that we couldn’t pull her out of it. She had to figure out that not everything was bad, and not everyone wanted to hurt her. But with what happened after the interview, that would be hard. We were The Paperdolls, and everyone knew it. Pretty to look at, but a touch could tear us to pieces.
I knocked on Bennett’s door, and the boy rushed to get it. He was panting when he opened it, and he leaned most of his body on the wall. “Hey,” he breathed.
I smiled. “Hi, honey. You all good?”
“Yeah.” He smiled back, faking it like a pro, in my opinion. “Come on.”
He closed the door, and I yelped when I was rushed down the walkway again. Past the car in the driveway, and to mine. He went to his side, and started trying to open up the car door. It was locked, so he failed.
“Ben,” I said slowly. “You have to let me unlock it first.”
He swallowed and waited for me, his shoulders tense as he stood staring at his front door. I unlocked the car, and he was in before I could blink. I sat inside, and closed the door.
Okay then. Asked and answered.
I started driving away from the house, and I figured now was as good a time as any. “Soooo…” I didn’t turn to glance at him. “My friends… Riley will be very, very chipper. Her boyfriend Wilson will follow her lead. If she likes you, he’ll like you, but he might be a little cranky, because he’s been trying to quit smoking. Then there’s Adalyn.”
Bennett waited, and his eyebrows twitched. “Umm, is she… why did you say it like that?”
My hands gripped the wheel even harder as I turned the corner. “She doesn’t really like people. Men especially. If she ignores you, don’t take it personally.”
He processed that, lacing his fingers together on his lap. “But it’s nothing I’ll do?”
Not unless you force her into a bed with you, beat her, and groom her against her will. “Nah.” I smiled. “You’re good.”
We got to the shop not long after, and I parked next to Wilson’s truck. Since all the fire damage had been fixed, the place looked a lot less shady than it had been before. I could step inside and not want a hot shower right after. The floors were clean, and there were no random paper piles or messes. Just a very well-run shop.
Riley sat high up on the counter, dangling bare feet over it. She wore her bumblebee dress, all yellow and black stripes. Her short hair was all kinds of new colors. Grey, blue, and white. She hadn’t wanted it to look like the rest of ours.
I saw Adalyn at her desk, working on something laptop-related. She looked the same as she did when we were in The Dollhouse. Still skinny, still rocking the long blonde hair. She was in jeans and a baggy shirt, covered by a jacket.
I wondered if Bennett realized that we all looked so similar. It wasn’t just the hair or the eyes but the bone structure. We all had young faces. Some would call them cherubic. We were picked out for a reason, and anyone who looked at us could tell.
“Layla!” Riley shouted with cheer. She launched off of the counter and skipped over to us, her skirt swaying with the movements. She landed in front of us, bouncing and putting her arms behind her back. “Hello,” she said to Bennett. “Do you need your car fixed? My fella is the best in town.”
I heard a chuckle, and I looked up. Adalyn ignored us, and Wilson appeared from behind an open hood. He nodded at Riley as she turned to him. “Thanks, baby. You spoil me.”
She grinned. “I do.”
“Actually,” I said. “This is my friend, Bennett. I wanted him to meet you guys.”
“Oh!” She turned back to him and held her hand out. “Nice to meet you, Bennett.”
He shook her hand, and I watched him notice her scar that matched mine. So slightly that I almost didn’t see it, his eyes widened, and he tried to look at her other wrist. She had a watch on, so it covered her other scar.
“You too,” he said, a beat too late.
Their hands dropped, and Riley took him in. We were broken, not dumb, so she caught what he noticed. She folded her arms, and looked back to Adalyn. “This is Adalyn.”
We all walked over, and I watched my sister panic when all eyes went to her. Those eyes of hers were so big on her face, and they asked for mercy. I kept Bennett a good few feet away, and he didn’t offer to shake.
“Hi,” Adalyn whispered.
“Nice to meet you,” Bennett told her. His eyes moved down, and I watched him looked at her arms. They were covered completely, so there was that. Adalyn flinched under the scrutiny.
Wilson made his way over to us, and he was filthy. His hands were black, and I was willing to bet his shirt would be too if it weren’t so dark. His jeans were ruined, and he had little smudgy patches on his face that made Riley go all googly-eyed.
“I’d shake your hand, but…” Wilson said, holding his up as he trailed off.
Bennett slid his hands into his pockets. “That’s okay.”
“Wilson,” the man said. “This is my lady.”
He pointed to Riley, and she melted. I knew she would have been all over him if he was clean. Since they had sex, she was extra giddy all the time. I told her that getting off did that to a person. God, it had been a while for me… Should do something about that.
My little buddy looked uncomfortable where he stood, so I took a step to block him off a little from the strangers. This had to be so awkward for him. So I guess I might have made the meeting worse.
“Adalyn.”
> I smiled at my sister. She looked up at me, still fearful as she held her sleeve edge in her hands. “I thought you would get along with Bennett. He likes to comics, but he doesn’t draw that much. Maybe you guys could try and do something together.”
She looked at me like I had her dangling over a pit of snakes, and the button to drop her was in my hand. “Umm, you want me to draw something?”
I nodded. “Maybe. I know you do mostly the kiddie pictures for your books, but I thought you guys might wanna try something.”
We had a few moments of awkward silence before Bennett spoke again. “Has anyone ever told you that you girls all kinda look alike?”
There it was. The three of us all shrank into ourselves, and I regretted bringing him here. Of course he saw through what we were. It was so obvious that there was something wrong with us. We didn’t fit anywhere we went. We were just those girls in the bunker.
Wilson, being the only one of us who was a normal person, stepped in to save our asses. He laughed, and wiped his hands on his pants. “Weird, huh? I guess all the pretty girls like to hang out together.” He put his arm around Riley’s shoulders and pulled her in for some loud cheek kisses. He didn’t stop until she giggled.
I was still unable to say anything. If I kept in contact with Bennett, then he would probably find out who I was. I didn’t intend on cutting him loose just so he didn’t find out. This was my fault. Mine and my sisters’ for letting that woman put us on TV. I knew in my heart that Kylie would still be here if we hadn’t. We could have fixed what was wrong or at least soothed it.
I felt awful for how pissed at her I was—that she chose to leave us all alone in this big world. Together or not at all. That was always the deal, and she went back on it. She put a bullet in her head and made us all watch. Our goodbyes were in the form of screams. It wasn’t fair that she did that to us, but maybe it wasn’t fair that I was angry. It didn’t matter in the end because she was cold in the ground anyway.
“So,” Wilson said, releasing Riley. “How did you guys meet?”
Bennett cut in with the lie for me this time. “On her way home from the call center. We ran into each other and got to talking.”
This time, I really didn’t like the lying. I didn’t lie to my sisters. Not ever. Not about me, or how I felt, or what I did. It was still strange, getting used to our lives being separate. We now had to meet up to tell the others about our day. We didn’t huddle in fear anymore.
I was unsure of how to handle this. I didn’t divulge personal info from the center on my friends, but this wasn’t really the same. They’d never met anyone in person before. It made me feel cold all over.
“Yesterday?” Riley asked, slowly cuddling up to Wilson’s side.
I nodded. “Yeah. I brought him home to meet the ‘rents and Melissa. They like him.”
Bennett smiled at me, seeming genuinely pleased. “Really?”
I smiled back. “Yeah. Melissa thinks you’re hot.”
He blinked, and then his forehead wrinkled in confusion. He didn’t seem to know what to do with that, and Riley hid a laugh between tight lips. Wilson too. Adalyn hid behind a computer.
“Why?” Bennett asked me. Like he seriously didn’t understand.
I took a deep breath. “Because you’re an attractive young man, sweetheart, and my sister is all fulla hormones.”
“And you’re not?” Riley asked. When I glared at her, she smiled. “Just saying.” Her hands went up in defense.
This was going well… How was I more embarrassed now than when I put Bennett’s hands up my shirt? I never got embarrassed. It wasn’t in my DNA. Yeah, Bennett was cute. That was obvious to anyone looking. I already made out with him, so what was the deal?
Ah, another thing I lied about. I didn’t tell my sisters that I had my first kiss. This was all off and messed up. What happened to me? I’d helped out plenty of people before without losing it. Maybe it had something to do with the kissing. I should talk to the Good Doctor about this.
Dr. Hastings had been talking at me once every two weeks since my parents left it up to me how much I saw him. We all talked about it, and we were seeing him separately now. Adalyn was once a week, but I knew she never said anything. Riley and I were every two weeks. Adalyn didn’t like being alone with him at first, but they started playing games instead of talking. That man was clever though. He got all he needed from a single game of Monopoly. What he was for me was someone who listened to me talk at him and didn’t mind when I got bitchy. I thought Riley was only going to make her parents happy. They let up a bit, but they were still difficult people.
I made a mental note to get his opinion on this whole thing. The doctor had a way of speaking in riddles but ones that I eventually understood. He’d get me out of this somehow.
“Oh,” Wilson said. “Hey, you’ve got something.” He pointed to his own upper lip.
Bennett touched his nose, and we all saw crimson. He looked more put out than worried, but I full on panicked like a fucking crazy person. I yelled his name in a squeak and grabbed his face. That frightened him. Some freak was grabbing him and screaming, so I earned it.
Riley handed me a clean rag, and I yanked the poor boy out of the room and into the bathroom at the back of the building. I sat his ass down on the floor and got on my knees behind him. I pulled his head back, and held the rag to his nose.
“Do I have to take you to the hospital?” I almost shrieked.
“Layla,” he deadpanned.
“I WON’T LET YOU DIE LIKE THIS!”
He reached up and put his hand on my arm. The angle was awkward, what with his head being upside down and against my boobs. “Layla,” he said calmly. “I’m fine.” His voice was muffled from the towel, but that didn’t explain his crazy nonchalance about bleeding out.
“LIAR!” I yelled. “You’re bleeding all over the place.”
He pulled the towel back, and it was at least a couple tablespoons of blood. He pressed the clean side back to his nose, and adjusted his legs. They were bent weird, and he planted his feet flat on the ground, knees in the air.
“I get nose bleeds all the time,” he said.
I whimpered. “Are you sick?”
I would have to find him a doctor. Someone good. Hastings probably knew one. I wasn’t sure if Bennett had the money, so I could help him out. I might have to sell a story to the news, but I would do that—
“Layla,” Bennett said as if for the tenth time. “Really.” He rubbed my arm before letting go. “I get them when my anxiety is bad sometimes. I have since I was a kid. I promise, I am fine.”
My chest still pumped against his head, but I attempted to calm the fuck down. “You’re not sick?”
“No.”
I rested my hands on his chest, sinking a little lower to the ground. “So it’s my fault for making you meet three strangers?”
He shrugged noncommittally.
Calmer, I said, “I’m sorry, honey. I just thought that maybe you could have a few friends. They’re really great.” I took his towel and folded to a clean place again. I dabbed the blood away from his face.
“It was very nice of you,” he said. “I just don’t think I’m the kinda guy who should have friends.”
I stared hard at him. “Don’t say stuff like that. You deserve people in your life that love you. I want you to have reasons to stick around.” People to hold you accountable.
He smiled at me before he sat up. He’d stopped bleeding, killing the towel in the process. “I can make a deal with you. If I ever get as bad as I was yesterday, you’re the first one I’ll call.”
“Good,” I stated flatly. “But I want more.” My arms crossed as I thought. It only took a moment. “You and me. We’re going to spend the whole day together. I have to work tomorrow, but we can do it the day after. I’ll pick you up for breakfast, and we can go from there. How’s that?”
Bennett thought it over, and I almost thought he would say no. This wonderful, lanky, sad boy�
�he looked like he was already done trying. I’d never be done with him. I couldn’t lose him. Not another person would die because I wasn’t smart enough or fast enough or better with words. I wouldn’t fail twice.
“Okay,” he agreed, making my heart sputter. “I can do a day.”
spent the morning calling up some of my friends from my notebook. I spoke with four of them, and another I would have to call later after she got off of work. Her name was Stacy, and she called me a month ago. She’d gotten out of a long term and very abusive relationship, and she felt alone. But things were getting better for her. She had a new job, a puppy, and her sister moved up to be with her. It seemed like it was enough.
The day was all planned out for Bennett and me, and I was hoping that too would be enough. The boy needed to see the world wasn’t as bad as he thought it was. Whatever hurt him so much that he thought death was the only way out, it would pass. Everything passed. He needed to know there was a light at the end of the tunnel.
I dressed up pretty today and not at all like me. I put on a dress that my sister and mother bought me right after I got home, and they had still been walking on eggshells. They thought that if they bought me a little of everything, it would be easier to figure out what I liked. They could have asked me, but I guess I was hard to talk to. Anyway… the dress was black, and it hit the middle of my thighs. The top was a little low cut, but I didn’t think Bennett would mind it. My hair went up in a ponytail, and I completed the look with knee high boots.
I texted Bennett to let him know I was on my way, and I loaded up what I needed into the back of my car. He was in the dark until I decided otherwise. That was part of the fun, and I intended on making this day amazing for him.
I drove over to his house and parked beside the van in the driveway. I skipped merrily up to the door and knocked before I put my hands behind my back to wait.
The door opened up, and a tall woman stood on the other side. Her hair was salt and pepper graying, and she had it tied up in a bun. I couldn’t imagine the woman was older than mid-forties, but the wrinkles around her eyes gave her an aged look. She dressed very nice but casual. Her top was royal purple, and she had on black slacks.
