by Nicole Thorn
She laughed at me. Laughed! I could hear her joy over my panic, and I would punish her for it later.
“Okay, calm down.”
“I WILL NOT!”
“Layla,” she said, calmly. “How about you try and explain to me what the problem here is?”
“I HAVE A THING FOR BENNETT!”
Silence, then, “And?”
And… and… Well, I wasn’t the kind of person who should go around liking people willy-nilly. I mean, imagine me as someone’s girlfriend. What would I do? Be affectionate? I didn’t know how to do that. I didn’t know how to be in love with anyone. Riley made it look so easy, but I wasn’t Riley. She was brave, and she was so ready to dive into life. I wasn’t there.
I wasn’t there…
“I can’t,” I said. I breathed out, feeling like I should have held onto what precious little I had in my lungs. My heart was trying to break my chest as I stared at the clothes in front of me. “I… I don’t know.”
My sister sighed, and I swore I could hear her nails tapping on something. “With Wilson, I didn’t really stop to think about what would happen if we were together. I liked him, and then I loved him, and I didn’t have time to be scared.”
Lightly, I tapped the wall with my foot, staring at my toes. I shrugged even though she couldn’t see. “I don’t know, Riley. He’s so sweet.” I started picking at the paint chips on my closet then, getting white under my nails. “He’s awkward… lanky.” A smile pulled the corners of my lips up. “He’s adorable, and he tastes like candy.”
“WHAT?!”
Oops. I bit my lip and spilled. “Okay, well I kind of kissed him pretty hard the first time we met. He was sad and…”
I heard her gasp. “You kissed him?” her voice was a whisper.
“And I shoved his hands up my shirt and made him feel me up… Things got out of hand.” I closed my eyes, throwing my head back. “God, it felt good…”
Riley struggled for words before she came up with something. “If it felt good, then you should do it again.”
“What? Why should I do something just because it feels good?”
“Why the heck not? There’s nothing wrong with having feelings for Bennett in any way you do. If you wanna kiss him, kiss him. If you want to be his friend, then be his friend. But don’t do anything because you’re afraid of things you might not need to worry about.”
She knew me too well. It wasn’t the normal stuff I was afraid of. Rejection, incompatibility, a messy break up. I was scared that I didn’t know how to be what I thought he deserved.
“What should I do?” My hand ran over the silk dress I had hanging up in my closet. The one too pretty to wear the places I went. “Because I was about to get all gussied up for him.”
“Then do it. If you wanna do it, then I think you should. You’re not marrying the guy. You’re just getting to know him.”
I sighed and threw my head back, groaning. “Why does this feel so hard? What happened with you and Wilson?”
“Well, he shoved me against the house and kissed me, which was pretty great. Then a little while later he went down on me.”
“HEY!” Wilson shouted, sounding muffled. “What are you saying there?”
“Don’t worry about it, sweetheart,” Riley said. “Just bragging on you.”
“Oh… Carry on.”
I smiled and sighed. “Riles?”
“Sorry,” she said. “Anyway, it just happens. One minute you’re talking, the next his tongue is in your mouth, and you wish he would man up and drag you off to a dark corner.”
“HEY!” he called out again as Riley giggled at her boyfriend.
“I have to do some comforting,” Riley said, mid-giggle.
We hung up, and I was left with another sigh as I tossed my phone on my bed. With a long groan, I yanked the silk dress down from the hanger.
I was a crazy person. My legs were cold as I stood on Bennett’s porch. The dress was midnight blue, and it stopped just past my knees, offsetting my still-too-pale skin. I went all out on my psycho kick, pinning my hair up in loose curls. My ankle boots tapped on the concrete while I waited to be humiliated.
He opened the door, and his eyes widened as his mouth fell open. I wasn’t gonna lie; that felt fucking amazing. I watched his pupils dilate, and my knees got all wobbly.
What the fuck is this? What was happening to me? Why did my stomach feel all icky and good at the same time? This wasn’t right. I needed a doctor or an exorcist to fix me. Or a good bash to the brain.
Okay, brain, what the fuck? Why are you sending me pictures of Bennett on top of me? What did I do to deserve—oh, wait… Hmm. Well, it wasn’t so bad. I bet the view with him on me was pretty.
“You look…” Bennett swallowed, and his hand tightened on the door. “Do you wanna come in?”
I nodded and followed him to his room. I nervously sat on the edge of his bed when he asked me if I wanted something to drink. Still unable to talk, I declined his offer, and he sat at his desk.
Bennett started swaying back and forth in his chair, sticking his foot out. After a few rounds, I put my foot out to catch his. We smiled at each other when it happened, and I pushed him in the other direction. I didn’t keep track of how long we were grinning, but I thought it would have been a number of minutes that made me blush.
Eventually, Bennett wanted to check his email. I pushed him, and he did not push back. While he deleted offers for half off pizza, I daydreamed about what would happen if he got off the chair and straight up nailed me on the floor. I didn’t know what snapped in my brain, but it was concerning.
“Oh,” Bennett said, straightening up from his slumped position. I tried to peek at the screen, but I couldn’t make anything out. He made another sound before he turned around. His eyes wide and unseeing. “I won.”
“Won what?”
He didn’t say anything, so I stood up and went to check out the email. I read it while sitting on his lap because it would seem he had frozen in shock.
Dear Mr. Posey,
We at Green Trinity Press are pleased to inform you that your short, Spooky City, has been selected as the winner of our New Artists contest. Our acquisitions editor fell in love with it and gushed nonstop to the rest of us. After reading, our decision was unanimous. If you’re open to it, we are considering you for our upcoming Halloween anthology.
It went on with details and that kind of thing, but I was too excited to read it. I leapt up and began jumping up and down like crazy. “Oh, my God! YAY!”
Bennett blinked, and I kept jumping. “I won…”
“YOU WON! JUMP WITH ME!”
He did not jump, so I grabbed his hands and pulled him up so I could at least jump around him. And I did, like crazy.
When I settled, he stared at the wall, squinting. “I won.”
“You did,” I laughed. “They loved it. And they wanna put it in a book.”
“Maybe.”
I swatted at his shoulder. “Come on. Don’t be like that.”
He shrugged, sinking his hands into his pockets. “It probably won’t happen. I don’t understand why they picked me. It was probably an error in their system or something, and they got my name mixed up with someone.”
I sighed. “Or you’re good, and they know it.”
His frown made me sad. “I’ve tricked them into thinking that.”
Jeez.
I pulled his face into a direction that faced me so that I could properly scold him. My eyes refused to leave his. “You didn’t trick anyone. You’re good, and they read your story, and now they know that. They have no reason to lie to you, Benny. How many people entered that contest?”
He looked up for half a second. “A few hundred, I think.”
My eyes narrowed. “You kicked the asses of a few hundred people, and you’re upset? What did you win?”
When I let go of him, he twitched his nose. “A gift card, and they feature my story on the site for a month. It’s not that big a d
eal.”
This boy was crazy. “HUGE deal! I’m taking you to dinner tonight,” I decided. “Somewhere fancy where some waiter is gonna have a creepy fake accent.”
His expression went from downcast to a little perked up when he looked at me again. “You think this is a big deal?”
I nodded. “You bet your adorable butt I do. You destroyed your enemies, and that deserves some steak and maybe light fondling under the tablecloth.”
His face turned red as his eyebrows moved up his forehead. Oh, dear, he was very cute in his terror. “Huh?” he squeaked.
I smiled, and patted his cheek. “I was kidding.” Mostly. “But I want to take you to dinner. You can dress up all sexy for me, and we’ll have cake for dessert.”
Bennett took a small step to me, his hands going behind his back. “Thank you,” he said, soft and sincere.
I smiled up at him as my hands found his sides. “No problem, baby. Congratulations.”
He smiled back at me.
A knock broke our eye contact, and I looked over my shoulder as Mrs. Posey walked into the room. She smiled at me. “Oh, hi, sweetheart. I thought I saw your car out front. Were you the one yelling?”
I bit my lip. “Sorry… I was excited.”
Her arms crossed. “Oh?”
I looked up at Bennett, and his expression looked strained. His hands went back into his pockets, and he nodded. “For me.” He left it at that. Was he nuts? This was so huge, and he should be telling everyone.
“He won a contest,” I said, “with one of his stories.”
She looked right to him, her dark eyebrows inching up ever so slightly. “What did you win?”
“Gift card,” he said flatly. “And they put the story up for a month.”
“Ah,” she said. “That it?”
What?
Why was she not screaming too? Why was she not smiling or congratulating her son? Why did she look like she didn’t give a fuck that he got this little piece of happiness? Because this made my day, and it wasn’t even me being gushed over.
“Yeah,” Bennett responded stoically.
“How much is the gift card?”
“Fifty bucks to Barnes & Noble.”
His mother made a face, and my fists clenched at my sides. My body heated and told me to pick up that typewriter on the desk and throw it at her head for all the things she just did. Bennett deflated like a balloon, and that could not be undone.
“Not much,” the bitch commented.
I smiled, and I thought it would have killed a weaker woman. “Fifty bucks is a lot, actually. And the staff praised him. They said that they might put it in a book this fall.”
“Might, I see.” She smiled at Bennett. “I have some shopping to do. Do you need anything?”
“No,” he said in a sigh.
Mrs. Posey smiled again and waved at me. “Nice seeing you, Layla.”
She left. She didn’t ask what the story was about or when he entered the contest, how he felt… She didn’t care, and it literally made my chest hurt.
I turned back to Bennett, and I couldn’t keep the pain out of my face. “Are you okay, honey?”
His forehead wrinkled as he stared in confusion. “What? Why wouldn’t I be?”
Um… “Ben,” I said, so slowly. “That was real rough.”
He shrugged and walked around me to his nightstand. He pulled out a candy, tossed me one that I did not catch and threw one in his mouth. What the fuck was happening? He couldn’t be faking this, trying to save face. He genuinely looked like he didn’t understand what happened.
He leaned against the nightstand and grinned at me, like everything was peachy keen. “So, where do ya wanna go for dinner?”
Oh no.
They seated us in the back of the restaurant, and I hadn’t been able to stop staring at Bennett the entire time we were out. He wore an untucked dress shirt and a black tie over a shade of light blue. When he smiled, it caused my heart to try to kill me. I was just shy of whimpering when he looked my way. When did this happen? God fucking dammit.
The waiter set plates in front of us, and we both got the same thing. Steak was great, and nothing else could compare. I started on my baked potato, needing to have it in my tummy. I loved me some potatoes.
“Good?” I asked when Bennett took a bit of his food.
He chewed, and nodded. “Yeah. My dad’s never let me have meat anything under well done.”
I made a face. “Why?”
Bennett shrugged. “Worried it’ll get me sick I guess. He does the same thing, and so does Mom.”
I suppressed a sigh and shoved a fork full of potato in my mouth. The deliciousness wasn’t enough to wash away the slip-slide feeling in my gut. God, his eyes… he didn’t even notice anything was wrong. This was so damn normal to him that he didn’t see it.
What could I do here? I had to help him somehow. But would it be cruel to wake him up to this if he didn’t notice? Did it even touch him? That felt worse somehow. He deserved so much more than he got. Bennett was so full of potential to have an amazing life, if he only would wake up and realize he deserved it.
“You look really pretty,” he said, making me look up. His eyes traveled the parts of me he could see. “I should have told you this morning. I didn’t want to sound creepy.”
My smile was genuine. “Thank you. And you look lovely. That tie suits you.”
He looked down, and yanked on it, not offering an opinion.
We finished our food with minimal talking, speaking only when one of us had to say how amazing it was. It was comfortable silence as it always was with him. I liked sitting with him and not feeling alone. He made wonderful company.
Then the cake came, and we scooted our chairs together so we could share. Normally I would murder a person for suggesting I split a cake, but this one was the size of my head. So I figured I could be nice this time.
“Holy monkeys,” I said, licking the frosting off of my spoon. “That is perfect.”
Bennett let out a husky whisper as his eyes widened. “Oh… the sugar hits you fast.”
And it did. I started seeing all new colors as I shoved the triple chocolate cake into my mouth like I would never eat again. Was it safe to drive after this? Probably not.
“Thank you,” Bennett said as he gathered more cake onto his fork. “For taking me out and for making a big deal out of something so small.”
I did not sigh. “Benny, this was a very big deal. These people like you, and maybe they’ll wanna read more of what you have. You can get signed. Be a big fancy-pants author.” I smiled. “This could be the start of everything. This day, and that email.”
His eyes turned distant for a few moments. “You think I can make this my job?”
I smiled, big and proud. “Yeah, I think you can go on to do really great things. I love that story you sent me yesterday.”
The joy and shock in his face hit me like a kick to the teeth. “You did?”
I had texted him, absolutely fawning over it once I was done, yet he still doubted me. Why did he think so little of himself? “It was amazing. Funny and sad and scary. I wish you had more with those characters.”
It was like I told him he stood on a literal goldmine. “Really? Because I was thinking about something I want to do with the girl…”
I got the bliss of listening to him tell me about a little idea and then hear it as it grew slowly. Every second he came up with something new, and it was like magic. Like seeing a flower bloom. I didn’t know it was as easy as thinking something up and putting it on paper.
We sat in the restaurant until it closed, and I had to tell the waiter that I was a woman of the twenty first century, and that he shouldn’t automatically hand the man the check. I paid, and I watched the waiter as I put down my card. He left with his head down.
Once we were free, I took Bennett to the park by his house, and we talked until sunlight bled over the horizon.
hy are you frowning so hard?” I asked my sis
ter as I snapped a picture.
Adalyn narrowed her eyes at me and straightened her top hat. “Because this is heavy. I was promised cake.”
Riley scurried in from my kitchen, plate in hand. She handed it to Adalyn, and the girl lit up. She loved her sugar. We all did. Sugar was life.
She took a few more pictures before Adalyn decided she didn’t like the hat anymore. She removed it and yawned. “Too much for me, I think.”
“Ah,” Riley declared before she went to the drawer we stashed the surprise in.
We knew she wouldn’t like the top hat, but I wanted the pictures for future threats. We got her a different hat that we knew she actually would like. A black and white checkerboard patterned one. A newsboy hat that would look adorable on her.
She gasped with a huge smile when Riley bent over the back of the couch to hand it to her. Adalyn took it, and put it on her head. “It’s so beautiful. Thank you.”
Riley kissed her cheek, missing the subtle flinch from our sister. “Wilson will appreciate your happiness.”
Adalyn wore her hat with pride while I snapped a few more pictures. When she went back to her cake, I decided to take her off guard. “So, about you and Bennett working together…”
She froze mid-bite, and her big eyes were on me. “Huh?”
I waggled my eyebrows. “C’mon. You know you wanna.”
“Wanna what?”
“Wanna help him with his comics. He doesn’t think he draws that well, and you are amazing. It would be a match made in heaven.”
She did her Bewitched nose twitch that she didn’t know she did and chewed on her lip. “What does he want me to do?”
The phone rang, but the three of us ignored it. I heard my mother pick it up in the other room.
“I don’t know exactly,” I said “You should have lunch together or something. We can all go.”
She considered it if nothing other than to get more things to draw. Her room was covered in pictures now. Portraits to doodles, you name it. She saw the whole world like it was a picture for her to keep.
“Maybe we can talk about it,” she said. “I wanted to see if I could work on my GED too. I have so much to catch up on.”
Damn, I forgot about that. Since we only finished sixth grade, we couldn’t hop right into taking the GED. We needed to catch up to high school then go over that. It would take a couple tutors to get us sorted out. I was not looking forward to it. Riley needed to get to it for her job, but Adalyn just wanted to have school done with. All she cared about was making her children’s books, and I was glad she knew what she wanted to do with her life. I still wasn’t there yet.
