by Nicole Thorn
Bennett barely smiled, but he pulled my face to his, taking my lips in his stride. I pressed my body into his, letting this continue when I knew it probably shouldn’t have. My hands slipped under his shirt, and we pulled it off together. Greedily, I trailed my fingers down his chest on my way to his pants.
I tucked my hair behind my ear, looking down so I could see what I was doing. Bennett maneuvered his hands under my dress, pulling my underwear off. At this point, we were pros at the undressing bit. He had my panties off, and I had his pants pulled down in seconds.
That was when I stopped… sitting on his lap… moments from having sex with him. It was like he knew what was wrong the second I pulled my hands from his face, because he put his on mine and brushed the hair away.
“We can’t do this anymore,” I said, already on the edge of tears. “We keep doing it, and it’s going to start hurting. You know that we’re too broken to do this.”
Bennett shook his head, putting his hands on my hips. “We’re broken, but that doesn’t mean anything. It’s just who we are. It’s not a reason to not be together.”
“It is,” I whispered. “It’ll end, and I don’t know how I’m supposed to get through it, Benny. I don’t want to lose anybody else.”
I figured it out as I spoke. Everything I thought before was true: I was scared for him as well as me. For that day that he’d wake up and realize he didn’t want me. I wanted Bennett to have someone that could take care of him, and he needed someone stable for that. He needed someone else. But I was afraid for more than that. This was for me; this was so that I wouldn’t get hurt because I couldn’t take it. I couldn’t take one more person leaving me, and that would happen if he decided he didn’t love me.
“I’m not going anywhere,” he promised. “I love you, and you love me.”
I shook my head again. “I… I said that because…”
“Stop,” he said, his hands tightening on me. “Please. Please don’t take it back. I know you love me. You didn’t need to say it because I knew before.” With one hand, he titled my chin up before he returned it to my hip. “I see it in the way you look at me and how it feels when we’re together. We’re supposed to be together. We fit.”
“You don’t really love me,” I cried. “You just want someone to love you.”
“Layla… that’s crazy.” He smiled at me. “I love you so damn much that I can’t even understand how a person could be capable of what I’m feeling. I see you, and nothing hurts anymore. I want to be with you for the rest of my life.”
It was everything I wanted to hear, but something in the back of my mind told me it wouldn’t last. That Bennett would move on and leave me in the dust. “I don’t want you to leave me.”
“I won’t,” he whispered. “Please believe me.”
I wasn’t sure if I really could, but I moved up on my knees to adjust myself. I kissed Bennett, and I prayed that he was telling the truth. He wouldn’t lie to me, but things could change over time. One day, he might want to run.
Bennett lowered me onto him, kissing me still. I gasped in response to the pleasure, and my lips broke apart from his. My fingers found his shoulders, and I started slowly moving along with him.
“You love me?” I asked.
Bennett smiled again cupping my face in his hand. “Of course I do. Don’t you feel it? I feel it every time I touch you.”
I tried to feel what he did: that warmth that came when we connected like this. What did I feel right now? I felt safe, and I felt wanted. Bennett watched me like he had from the very first time he opened his door and saw me panting on the porch. Was this what love felt like? I thought it was more complicated than this. Fireworks and epiphanies and lightning. I didn’t know love could be as small as a look in someone’s eyes or the way he held my face when he wanted me to hear him.
“I love you,” I told him, smiling. “I love you.”
Bennett put a hand behind my back, securing me while he changed our position. He put me on my back and lay over me. He told me he loved me over and over again. Between every kiss and every time I dug my nails into his skin. He said it until I believed him.
When it was over, I lay with my head on his shoulder, my arm around his body so that I could claim him. My heart finally slowing down, and I felt calmer than I had in a while. Just Bennett and me, and less to worry about than before.
Bennett smiled as he tickled my shoulder, and he peeked down at me. “I get to call you my girlfriend now, right?”
I laughed. “Yeah, I guess you do.”
He looked victorious as he laid his head back down. “I’ve got a girlfriend,” he said with pure joy.
I patted his chest. “We’ve been together since I felt you up on the party bus, Benny. You were mine, and I claimed you.”
Then he was the one laughing. “I accept that.”
I rolled so that I was on top of him, simply because I was allowed to do that kind of thing. “We’ve got a problem.”
He arched an eyebrow.
“They’ll want you in the guest room.”
“Booo,” Bennett said. “I’ll have to sneak in here at night then. Crawl into your bed and force cuddles upon you.”
“I would enjoy that a lot.”
“I know you would.”
My eyes narrowed, but I grinned. “Cocky. I like it.”
I smiled the entire time we changed our clothes and discussed more ways to sneak him into my room. We came up with some good ones like that he didn’t want to wake up alone, and that he could pretend to “accidentally” fall asleep on the bed when it got too late.
I ordered us a pizza and put on Jessica Jones so that we could relax a little bit. My parents hadn’t called or anything, so I figured they would be gone a while longer. Bennett needed a little time where his life wasn’t all about what happened to him. He needed a break and to feel like a normal person for once.
We were done with the pizza and onto the cookie in no time at all, and I realized that we hadn’t eaten all day long. Like a monster, I ate half the cookie all by myself after we got under the covers. The show was actually pretty good, so I paid attention for the most part. Except when Bennett poked at my shoulder for my attention to switch. We playfully shoved at each other, perfectly ignoring the threat that loomed over our heads.
top pacing,” I said, eyeing the boy wearing a hole in my floor. “You’re freaking me out.”
He didn’t listen to me. Instead, he kept pacing, stopping to look out the window as if someone was coming for us. I blamed my parents for that one. They told us last night that Officer Wigmore wanted to talk to the two of us soon. The whole situation was messy, but he promised he was going to find a way for me to not get in trouble. I think he felt bad for me, but I would take what I could get. This might not work to play it as self-defense since Bennett’s mother didn’t attack me first.
Bennett was afraid to go talk to the officer, and I wasn’t really sure why. He didn’t do a thing wrong, and he was the only one here who couldn’t get in any trouble. It probably had something to do with guilt. He didn’t want to rat out his mother, no matter what she did to him. He didn’t yet see all of her faults.
We were supposed to wait for my parents to get off work to go talk to Wigmore together. Mom pulled a double, and Dad was stuck with another six hours on his shift if he didn’t want to stay for more hours. I doubted he would today. No matter what, we had about ten hours before we were leaving, and the stress was getting to my poor boyfriend.
I hurried over to him and put a hand on his stomach and the other on his back, stilling him. “Love, you need to calm the fuck down.”
I knew that this was how he calmed down when his head was too full of bad things. The other day, when he left me, he went for a walk. He told me after that, he was going to head home and try and talk things out with his parents after it was over, but it obviously never came to that. He also said that he didn’t know what he was going to say to them. It would have probably been an apolog
y. That would have broken my heart.
Bennett sighed and threw his head back. “I can’t. I’m going to have to tell a stranger about what happened to me, and I’m going to get my mother arrested. I feel sick.”
I let go of him and crossed my arms. Gently, I said, “I know. I had to tell a ton of people what happened to me, and I know it sucks. But they need to know what your mom was doing to you. It’s not right if she walks around free. It wasn’t hard spankings or even name calling. She beat the hell out of you since you were a child. I know you love her, but she is not a good person. I’m so sorry, Ben, but this can’t go unpunished.”
He nodded, opening his eyes to see me. “I know. I just don’t feel good about it.”
I gave him a big hug, hoping it would make him feel better. “I’m going to be with you the entire time. You’ll never be alone, and if you need a break, you can take one.”
With a nervous smile, Bennett bent down to give me a peck on my lips and tell me he loved me. It was all that could be done to make it clear that he was going to be fine. I trusted that time would heal this for him.
I was happy that his mother didn’t try and get him so far. It had been only a day, but she was insane. It wouldn’t have shocked me if she came knocking, trying to get her son to come home. I could hear her making promises to not hurt him anymore and saying she was sorry. I hoped he was smart enough to know a lie when he heard it.
“Let me make you breakfast,” I said, taking his hand and leading him out of our room.
I took him down to the kitchen, and he sat at the table while I headed over to the fridge. I wasn’t the best cook, but I could make him something without burning the house down. I went with eggs and all the side stuff. I’d seen my dad make it enough that I knew how to do it.
“I’m taking you clothes shopping,” I informed Bennett as I buttered the pan. My dad gave me a credit card this morning while Bennett was in the shower. He told me to “take care of the boy” so that meant spoiling him rotten. We had a gross amount of money in the bank, so I was able. “We’re gonna get you some nice clothes.” My voice started getting distant as I pushed the butter around the pan. “Some boots maybe… A leather jacket. Mmm. Definitely a leather jacket.”
“Layla… Layla!” Bennett said, snapping his fingers in my face.
I blinked and jumped in surprise. “Oh! Sorry, honey.” I smiled. “I was picturing you in that jacket.” I sighed. Damn, my boyfriend was pretty.
Bennett grinned and slipped his hands into his pockets. “I wouldn’t mind a jacket.”
Mmm.
I shooed him off so I could finish cooking without being distracted by his loveliness. Now that the guilt was gone, I really wanted to jump him. Like… a lot more than before. I would have to do something about that after breakfast.
I put everything on two plates, having to bat Bennett’s hands away when he tried helping me. We agreed that I would cook, and he would clean, but it figured that the hooligan would try and help me more. He was such a sweetie.
We ate together at the table, and Bennett let me put my bare feet on his lap during the meal. He happily ate his egg sandwich, and we smiled at each other through the whole meal. I thought this was that ooey gooey thing that couples had when they first got together. Normally, it would have made me utterly sick. It all felt different when you were on the inside. It wasn’t all lame and stupid when I enjoyed it.
Bennett started the dishes, and I of course helped him. I bumped him with my hip, and he smiled at me as he poured the soap onto the pan. He washed, and I dried, and it was lovely.
“Since I’m staying optimistic about all this,” I started, setting aside a dry plate. “I’m going to go ahead and make plans for the weekend. I say we go see a movie.”
Bennett gave me a sideways look. “You sure this is really going to go well?”
“Of course. We’ll get through this because we get through everything that life throws at us. I was a Barbie doll for seven years, and I came out of it fine. You can handle a talk with a cop.”
Bennett turned the water off and leaned against the sink, his face pensive as he watched the floor. He roughly dragged his fingers through his hair. “I feel really uneasy, like everything is going to be messed up after this. I don’t want to do this today.”
I nodded and breathed out of my nose. “That’s perfectly fine if you want to take a day to gather yourself.”
“Is it?” His voice went up an octave, and he huffed. “What if something goes wrong? What if she comes up with some reason that can get her out of this because we wait? What if she presses charges against you?”
Bennett was nearly pulling his hair out, so I removed his hands from his head and put them on my hips. He squeezed them and took a breath.
“It’s going to be fine,” I said, slowly. “You are the victim here, and Officer Wigmore knows that. If you need time, take it. I’ll be fine. Your mom isn’t going to press charges before we go talk to the cops because then she would be ratting herself out too.”
Bennett nodded as if he understood, so I hoped he actually did. “Then I want to wait. What do we do instead?”
The words fell out of my mouth, and it was like my brain tried to sabotage me because I didn’t know where it came from. I shrugged and said, “We can get married.”
Bennett laughed, but I didn’t have the ability to follow along. “I meant maybe go for a walk.” When I didn’t lose the dead serious look on my face, Bennett’s smile slowly faded, and his dark eyes went wide. “Were you… were you serious?”
Was I? Fuck, why did I say that? I wasn’t even thinking about it for a moment since I met him. Not once did I picture a white dress or a bunch of overpriced flowers and a wedding march. When I was in The Dollhouse, I didn’t think I would have a future, so I hadn’t given much thought to it. I had since I got out. I wanted a family, but I figured that would come down the line. Like when I was in my thirties or something.
Though…
I was the same age my parents were when they got married, and they worked out. That stupid getting married young makes it not work out thing wasn’t real. It mattered who you were marrying. Bennett promised that he loved me and would forever. I believed him now. I wanted to be with him and only him. I could see us having kids and getting a house and a dog. I could have a future now, and I wanted it with him.
“Yeah,” I said, smiling. “I was serious.”
He kept that dopey look on his face, mouth hanging open and eyes bugging out. “I… We… This is nuts. We don’t have a place to live or money, and we’ve known each other a little over a month. Sane people don’t do stuff like this, Layla.”
I still smiled. “Good thing we’re both out of our minds then, huh?”
Bennett stammered, sighed, and stared at the wall, a hand on his side. “Well, I guess we are.”
A scary thought came to mind. “I mean, if you don’t want to marry me, that’s perfectly understandable. I’m crazy and loud and violent sometimes. We really haven’t known each other all that long, and most people would wait like five years to get married. They live together first. We don’t even know what we want, like how many kids or if you would prefer cats instead of a dog. That’s pretty important. Plus, I leave my boots in the middle of the floor—”
Bennett grabbed my face and crushed his lips against mine. I wished I’d given myself time to breathe because I was out of air and I didn’t want to stop kissing Bennett.
When we broke apart and I gasped, Bennett took my hand. “Let’s get married.”
We wanted it done fast, so Vegas it was. We ran upstairs, and I started calling my mom. Since I was nice, I decided to let her know what I was doing. It was a perk that she wouldn’t get the voicemail until her shift was over.
“Hey, Mom,” I said nervously as I shoved some clothes in an overnight bag. “Everything is totally fine. Bennett and I won’t be home when you get back. We’re getting married. Okay! Talk later.” I hung up and threw my phone on the bed as i
f it were about to bite me.
Bennett chuckled as he tossed me a pair of jeans. “Your father is going to murder me, but at least I’ll get to leave you a widow.”
I shook my head and shoved the jeans into my bag. “He’s not going to kill you. He’ll probably be happy you’ve made an honest woman of me.”
I took my bag and left the house with Bennett, intending on heading to the shop. I couldn’t get married without my sisters there. That was a line I refused to cross.
I didn’t forget my biological sister, who was about to go to lunch if I had her school schedule correct. I called her while we were on our way to the girls, and Bennett held the phone for me. I’d already broken enough laws in the last day or so.
“Layla,” Melissa said.
In the background, I heard the loud buzzing of what had to be her classmates as they headed to the lunch room. I never got the high school experience, but I knew what I saw on TV. It sounded like a mess of people all shoving around her.
“Is something wrong?”
“Everything is great,” I promised. “I need you to do a favor for me and make sure that Mom and Dad don’t blow their tops off when they get home. Okay?”
“Uhh,” she said. “Why would they blow their tops? What did you do?”
“Nothing… Yet.” I clicked my tongue. “Me and Bennett are getting married, and we’re heading off right now. I called Mom, but she hasn’t heard the message yet.”
Melissa waited a beat before yelling, “WHAT!”
Bennett smiled and cleared his throat. “Hey, Melissa. I suppose I should have asked someone’s permission for Layla’s hand in marriage, but she was the one to propose to me.”
Huh, I guess I did. So much for doing this traditionally. Ha!
My sister made a sound on the other end. “You’re seriously getting married? Like with rings and everything? You know that’s crazy, right?”
Damn, we did need rings. We could probably pick those up when we got Bennett his clothes. What else did people need to get married? I needed to pick up a magazine or something before this happened. I knew there was a something old, something new thing going on, and I was supposed to get a white dress. That didn’t feel very much like me.
